I Wish I Could’ve Been There

Even after making four major corrections, Frank Girardot still has the most incoherent blog post I’ve ever linked to.

Can anyone make sense of this sentence? "I like him because he’s admitted anonymous source and level-headed moderator, especially when the conspiracy kooks come out."

I’m only publishing this post by Frank because it mentions Mickey Kaus praising my blog.

This program occurred Wednesday night, April 23, 2008.

Here we go:

Last night I attended a meeting of the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ).
The group put together a distinguished panel of experts to discuss the new media, blogging and ethics.

On the panel were:
Attorney Terry Francke, of CalAware.
Writer Mickey Kaus, Kausfiles at Slate.com
Attorney Jack Lerner, a USC expert in intellectual property and technology law
Kevin Roderick, Pulitzer Prize winner and publisher of LA Observed.
**Roderick modestly points out he was editor on two undertakings that won the LA Times news staff Pulitzer Prizes.

There was heavyweight discussion on several issues. Francke suggested Thomas Jefferson would have been a top blogger, if blogs were around back in the 18th and 19th Centruies.
Kaus suggested SPJ’s ethics rules don’t necessarily apply in the digital age.
Lerner discussed recent case law, including the Apple vs Bloggers case.
Roderick talked about his blog, and how it got off the ground as a conservative political destination of choice when he leaked an LA Times editor’s memo on abortion.
Joel Bellman, former Her-Ex opinion page editor, who is now Zev Yaroslavsky’s press deputy, MC’d the deal. I like him because he’s admitted anonymous source and level-headed moderator, especially when the conspiracy kooks come out. (And they did)
***Bellman points out I promoted him above his pay grade at the Examiner.

"You inadvertently promoted me at the Her-Ex. I was an editorial writer and rotating op-ed columnist – I was NOT the opinion-age editor (that distinction belonged to Gary Spiecker, an excellent fellow and longstanding assistant editor of the LA Times Sunday Opinion section.)"

My big question of the night for the panel was what’s your home page? and what web sites do you regularly visit.

Got some interesting responses:
The Arts and Letter Blog is apparently well respected.
The Drudgereport got some notice, especially from Kaus who cited its more even-handed approach in recent years.
NYTimes.com also received kudos, especially from Bellman, who said it’s the best newspaper site out there.
"Loads fast," he said.

Roderick also noted the healthy blog exchange taking place in the San Gabriel Valley. Noting that there are several "political blogs" and anonymous blogs getting a lot of attention.
* Looking at my notebook There were a couple of links I forgot.
* Kaus mentioned he was a fan of lukeford.net An LA area blog.
* Roderick mentioned the FOX 11 LA blogs, noting they are "mostly insipid."

Frank Girardot emails:

Luke, 

Admittedly there were corrections in the post you cite today. There are actually five (not four). None are "major" they are more like clarifications.
Let me clarify for you.
1) The arts and letters blog first cited was actually mentioned by Terry Francke. Kevin Roderick thought Francke was talking about a second blog. During the meeting, Roderick couldn’t remember the name or url of the blog he liked.
2) Kevin was introduced as a Pulitzer Prize winner. He softened the introduction in his remarks. I should have taken his cue.
3) My promotion of Bellman was due to fuzzy memory. I worked with him at the Her-Ex. I was a lowly copy boy and thought he was the editorial pages boss. I was wrong.
4) The quote you cite is missing a single word "an" as in "an admitted anonymous source" Sorry you didn’t pick up on that.
If anything the post is an emptying of my notebook – a stream of consciousness ramble not unlike HST without the profanity or drug references. If there is an actual reporting error other than the Bellman reference, no one has pointed it out. 
Is there anything wrong with correcting a post as you go? Especially if the end result is still the same? What difference does it make?
I don’t believe the post is any more incoherent than the live chat you had going yesterday.
As for the reference to your blog, you probably know it came from Mickey Kaus, who commended you for pointing out the whole Villaraigosa without a wedding ring incidents. To that I say kudos, nice reporting Luke.

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About Last Night

I get mail:

Luke, are you MAD at me? What’s with not looking at me? Have to say that’s the best brushoff I’ve ever seen…a finger wave WHILE LOOKING IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.

Also: I remember at your book party on the roof…such a great party. I was mostly goofing off with Maia. You were mostly being surrounded by women hanging on you. When I wanted to say goodbye I asked Cathy, "What should I do to say goodbye to Luke? I know he won’t touch a woman, so should I just wave or stand there?" She said, "Oh, that’s ok. Just go over there and shake hands with him. That’s fine, he’ll shake hands with you. It’s just ME he won’t touch." There wasn’t any bitterness in her voice, but maybe a faint sadness and a touch of pleasure that she was special in that way.

So I went up to you and you gave me this great hug and held me at your side for a couple of minutes. It felt so good, but I didn’t look at Cathy because I didn’t want her to see that it made me feel good, or that it was more than shaking hands.

Wah, I don’t want to be untouchable. I wish you would hug me when we meet.

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Only One Journalist Has The Complete Wesley Snipes Story

It’s Amy Wallace from Portfolio magazine.

She did the takedown of Peter Bart almost seven years ago.

Here’s the New York Times:

OCALA, Fla. — A federal judge on Thursday sentenced the actor Wesley Snipes to three years in prison for willfully failing to file tax returns.

Mr. Snipes, who was convicted in February, received one year for each count, to be served consecutively, and an additional year of probation. The sentence was handed down by Judge William Terrell Hodges of Federal District Court.

Mr. Snipes, who apologized for his actions before the sentence was announced, showed no immediate reaction to the verdict.

Judge Hodges allowed Mr. Snipes and a co-defendant, Douglas Rosile, to remain free on bond until they were summoned by either the United States Marshals Service or the Federal Bureau of Prisons.

The sentencing came at the end of a daylong hearing in which lawyers for Mr. Snipes argued for leniency while federal prosecutors sought the maximum penalty possible.

The case was the most prominent tax prosecution since the billionaire hotelier Leona Helmsley was convicted of tax fraud in 1989. Mr. Snipes, who has built a worldwide following acting in films like the “Blade” vampire trilogy, must pay up to $17 million in back taxes plus penalties and interest.

In a prepared statement, Mr. Snipes said: “I’m very sorry for my mistakes. I acknowledge that I have failed myself and others.” But in the statement, which ran to nearly 10 minutes, Mr. Snipes never mentioned the words “tax” or “taxes.”

“He never stated he didn’t pay his taxes or show any remorse for it,” said Robert O’Neill, the acting United States attorney for the Middle District of Florida, the lead prosecutor on the case.

Mr. Snipes even tried to make a down payment on his taxes before sentencing; his legal team offered Judge Hodges three checks totaling $5 million.

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Brady Westwater Tells LA Times Editor Russ Stanton He Has A ‘Serial Fabricator’ On Staff

I videotaped the whole evening. It’s available here.

Though Brady Westwater did not say the name of the fabricator (Brady’s word, not mine) publicly, he means reporter Ari B. Bloomekatz who Brady says consistently makes whopping errors and writes from a left-wing agenda.

Stanton was a big hit with the 100-person crowd at the Los Angeles Press Club Thursday night. He arrived early, about 6:15 pm, and I got to chat with him before the program.

When he saw my name tag, Stanton said, "Luke Ford! There’s a familiar name."

At the end of the night, Amy Alkon told him he should hire me to write a gossip column.

Stanton said something about watching out for libel suits.

I’ve only had five, Russ!

The new editor of the TImes has great people skills. People were pushing stuff on him all night and he never let it faze him. This 24yo kid asked him for help getting a sportswriter job and Russ promised to help.

I didn’t hear a negative word about Russ Stanton all night and this is the LA Press Club where we devour our own for fun!

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Camera Of Death Vs. ‘Polanski Unauthorized’ World Premiere

My video interview with director/star Damian Chapa after premiere in Westwood.

PR Photos Getty Images Celebrity Photo

Stills: Tim Myers (former lead singer of One Republic) Tim Myers Dr. Gary Alter Dr. Gary Alter Damian Chapa Tim Myers, Damian Chapa Dr. Marc Mani Maria Conchita Alonso Maria Conchita Alonso Maria Conchita Alonso Phoebe Price Phoebe Price Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Kaitlyn May, Leah Grimmson, Jean Eliades Kaitlyn May, Leah Grimmson, Jean Eliades, Linda Grimmson Kaitlyn May, Leah Grimmson, Jean Eliades, Linda Grimmson Kaitlyn May, Leah Grimmson, Jean Eliades Kaitlyn May, Leah Grimmson, Jean Eliades Jim Grimmson, Kaitlyn May, Leah Grimmson, Jean Eliades, Linda Grimmson Jim Grimmson, Kaitlyn May, Leah Grimmson, Jean Eliades, Linda Grimmson Elena Talan Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Leah Grimmson Jordan Bain Robert Easton Robert Easton Kari Whitman Kari Whitman Kari Whitman, girl, Ion Muj girl, Ion Muj Kari Whitman Bridgetta Tomarchio Bridgetta Tomarchio Bridgetta Tomarchio Bridgetta Tomarchio Bridgetta Tomarchio Bridgetta Tomarchio Bridgetta Tomarchio, Mary Harris Bridgetta Tomarchio, Mary Harris Bridgetta Tomarchio, Mary Harris Saleisha Stowers Saleisha Stowers Saleisha Stowers Saleisha Stowers Saleisha Stowers Saleisha Stowers pic pic David Carradine David Carradine David Carradine David Carradine David Carradine David Carradine Carmen Perez Carmen Perez Leah Grimsson, Damian Chapa, David Carradine Leah Grimsson, Damian Chapa, David Carradine Leah Grimsson, Damian Chapa, David Carradine Leah Grimsson, Damian Chapa, David Carradine Leah Grimsson, Damian Chapa, David Carradine Leah Grimsson, Damian Chapa Maria Ramon, Damian Chapa Maria Ramon, Damian Chapa Maria Ramon, Damian Chapa Maria Ramon Damian Chapa and son Steve Michaels Steve Michaels Steve Michaels Damian Chapa Damian Chapa Christian Serritiello Christian Serritiello Christian Serritiello Michael Love Michael Love Michael Love

While I’m shooting the red carpet, this derelict stands right beside me and keeps calling me rabbi and tells me who to shoot and to make sure I get their names.

I watched the movie. It kept my attention the entire time. It kept me guessing even though I’d already read a book on Polanski’s life.

There’s a great line in the movie where Roman says that Sharon Tate is different. "She’s a lady."

The producer responds: "They’re all ladies, Roman, until you f— them, and then they turn into whores."

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I’m Live On My Cam

Click here to join the fun.

guest16:  Emma should start searching for a cheap flight now…
guest16:  so she could spend her cash wining  and dining you
guest16:  and buying you little trinkets
YourMoralLeader:  yay
YourMoralLeader:  her sis’s a travel agent
guest16:  matching chamsas
guest16:  matching tatoos
guest16:  Kiss me I’m Jewrish = Jew / Irish
YourMoralLeader:  i love it
guest92:  Fill Emma in Luke
Emma:  Hiya folks
guest92:  Hey Emma our love
guest92:  when Luke is willing to share his love
Emma:  Luke always shares love
guest92:  and willing to share a spot on his futton in the hovel
patrick:  i luke how u today
Emma:  Hello Patrick
patrick:  i like ur flash on ur web site did u make it ur self
YourMoralLeader:  ex GF made it
YourMoralLeader:  Hi emma!
patrick:  o ok sorry 4 asking
Emma:  Hiya
YourMoralLeader:  NP
YourMoralLeader:  no futon, i sleep on the hard floor, it makes me tough!
patrick:  so luke u mind measking some thing
YourMoralLeader:  how are your online ventures patrick?
guest92:  couldn’t you date a domestic housekeeper next?
YourMoralLeader:  ask patrick
YourMoralLeader:  I thought that was what emma was
guest92:  she’s a domestic goddess
Emma:  Gee thanks lol
patrick:  will i have awebsite  but  i have mebers  part but i dont know how to make cash out of it
guest92:  plus being a gr8 horse breeder = gr8 combo
patrick:  www.patrick-loughlin.co.uk
Emma:  I don’t breed horses…..
guest92:  sorry, groomer than?
guest92:  you should being breding the 8
YourMoralLeader:  Patrick, you want to have a paysite where people pay a monthly fee or you want to make money from advertising or both?
guest92:  begin
patrick:  i try any thing
Emma:  Yes groomer
Emma:  So far…
guest16:  bride and groom(er) πŸ™‚
guest16:  or (b)ride and groom(er)
YourMoralLeader:  Patrick, you need to keep reading everything you can on making money online. You need to learn html and work on your design skills. You need to make the text bigger, it is hard to read.
YourMoralLeader:  You need to add more free content that will attract readers/search engines.
YourMoralLeader:  You need to proof your writing and correct typos etc
YourMoralLeader:  You need to think about what things you know, can add to the membership section, stuff that people will be willing to pay for
guest16:  Luke is a mayven on such zachen
Lilithena:  Is anyone else in this chat room a reality TV addict like me?
patrick:  i dont no what to do with it
guest16:  this room is a reality show
Lilithena:  People think these are unscripted, but that isn’t so.
Lilithena:  Sometimes a little scripting is a good thing!
patrick:  im so lost when it come to idears i have not told to meany about it cos i still have lot work to do on it
Lilithena:  God has a script, too.
Lilithena:  It is the Bible!
guest16:  and lots of rewrites
Lilithena:  It says, if you are real with God, he will be real with you.
Emma:  Hey Lilithena
patrick:  i like ur site
YourMoralLeader:  Patrick, you are a newbie. That’s cool. You should learn html. You should be spending hours every day learning and working on developing these skills.
guest16:  really?
Lilithena:  Hi Emma!
Emma:  Hiya lol
YourMoralLeader:  Do you have a video camera? You should start a video blog.
patrick:  i do know how 2 do html 
patrick:  i do
patrick:  i was thinking about that
patrick:  but not sure to vlog about
Lilithena:  Do youknow how I know that He is serious?  Becuase He sent us his son Y’shua (AKA Jesus) to die for all our mistakes, out-takes, and things we wish we could re-take
YourMoralLeader:  Well, use it to interview people. If these people have valuable information, you can put the most valuable videos in a membership section
patrick:  hmmm
YourMoralLeader:  Just plug into things you feel passionate about and when you have stuff to say, just turn on the camera and say it
Lilithena:  And unlike most reality shows, this one won’t end after just a few seasons.
guest16:  Patrick don’t give Luke your address
patrick:  that a very good idear
guest16:  he will bill you
YourMoralLeader:  take it around where you live and work and show people your life
Lilithena:  God doesn’t bill.
YourMoralLeader:  develop a following as I have
guest16:  and he aint cheap
guest16:  its good he doesn’t have a couch in the hovel
YourMoralLeader:  if you go to clubs, smuggle your video camera inside, and go into the bathroom and talk about the club etc
patrick:  wood that be a good i dear
patrick:  im a nurse
Emma:  Luke is aware Patrick
YourMoralLeader:  If you have sex with girls or boys, just hide the camera, videotape your exploits and then put them in the membership section
Emma:  lmao
Lilithena:  THAT’S not part of God’s plan for you!
YourMoralLeader:  you get the idea? capture the most exciting parts of your life that you can share, for me it’s emma
guest16:  video giving enemas
guest16:  to your patients
patrick:  u have kocked  for 6 with that 1
Emma:  lol luke
patrick:  my good lord luke
Lilithena:  I would go for somthing different, like bringing people closer to God.
YourMoralLeader:  do both
guest16:  at the same time

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YourMoralLeader:  Patrick, you are a newbie. That’s cool. You should learn html. You should be spending hours every day learning and working on developing these skills.
guest16:  really?
Lilithena:  Hi Emma!
Emma:  Hiya lol
YourMoralLeader:  Do you have a video camera? You should start a video blog.
patrick:  i do know how 2 do html 
User guest95 (96.251.85.206) entered the room.
patrick:  i do
patrick:  i was thinking about that
patrick:  but not sure to vlog about
Lilithena:  Do youknow how I know that He is serious?  Becuase He sent us his son Y’shua (AKA Jesus) to die for all our mistakes, out-takes, and things we wish we could re-take
YourMoralLeader:  Well, use it to interview people. If these people have valuable information, you can put the most valuable videos in a membership section
patrick:  hmmm
YourMoralLeader:  Just plug into things you feel passionate about and when you have stuff to say, just turn on the camera and say it
Lilithena:  And unlike most reality shows, this one won’t end after just a few seasons.
guest16:  Patrick don’t give Luke your address
patrick:  that a very good idear
guest16:  he will bill you
YourMoralLeader:  take it around where you live and work and show people your life
Lilithena:  God doesn’t bill.
YourMoralLeader:  develop a following as I have
guest16:  and he aint cheap
YourMoralLeader:  lol
guest16:  its good he doesn’t have a couch in the hovel
YourMoralLeader:  if you go to clubs, smuggle your video camera inside, and go into the bathroom and talk about the club etc
patrick:  wood that be a good i dear
Emma:  lol
patrick:  im a nurse
Emma:  Luke is aware Patrick
YourMoralLeader:  If you have sex with girls or boys, just hide the camera, videotape your exploits and then put them in the membership section
Emma:  lmao
Lilithena:  THAT’S not part of God’s plan for you!
YourMoralLeader:  you get the idea? capture the most exciting parts of your life that you can share, for me it’s emma
guest16:  video giving enemas
guest16:  to your patients
patrick:  u have kocked  for 6 with that 1
Emma:  lol luke
patrick:  my good lord luke
Lilithena:  I would go for somthing different, like bringing people closer to God.
YourMoralLeader:  do both
guest16:  at the saqme time
guest16:  same
guest16:  πŸ™‚
patrick:  i dont think i have it in me to do that
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Emma:  lol
guest16:  the patient has to have it in them
YourMoralLeader:  just follow emma around with a camera, sure it might seem creepy but it’d be fun to watch
Emma:  lol
guest16:  but get frontal views too
patrick:  she doo me in
Lilithena:  John 3:16
patrick:  if she new i was doing that
patrick:  witha cam
guest16:  tho she is cute from behind
Emma:  Oi!
Emma:  lol
Lilithena:  John 3:16
guest16:  Emma is a good kvetcher!
User guest95 left the room.
User guest96 (96.251.85.206) entered the room.
User guest97 (76.171.185.199) entered the room.
User guest97 left the room.
Emma:  Yeah Patrick start a blog
patrick:  have u been doing the online thing 4 long luke
guest16:  we could sell hamburgers here with all the in n out
YourMoralLeader:  Patrick, been blogging for a living since july 1997]
Emma:  Walk in the footsteps of YML
patrick:  u most be loaded by now
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  lol
guest16:  but tread lightly
Lilithena:  But what sort of a living has this provided?
Lilithena:  Some would say a living death.
YourMoralLeader:  never made more than $50k a year
User FEELtheFORCEluke (86.159.195.136) entered the room.
patrick:  that do me
User guest92 left the room.
Lilithena:  Living in a garage, shunned by his former peers
patrick:  sign me up 4 that will
Lilithena:  Chased out of temples by money changers!
YourMoralLeader:  Patrick, add more pages to your website, more content, just start pumping it up there so long as it is original
User guest16 left the room.
Lilithena:  God wants to you make a success of your life.
YourMoralLeader:  Do a video interview with Emma about her life and loves and how she was bullied at school and cried herself to sleep every night
YourMoralLeader:  Do same with all your sisters – they’re hot.
Lilithena:  Jeremiah 33:3
YourMoralLeader:  Ask them if you can follow them on their dates
patrick:  no thaNK U
patrick:  R U MAD
Emma:  you should be so lucky
patrick:  I BE SICK
Emma:  lol
User FEELtheFORCEluke left the room.
Emma:  Why would you be sick?
patrick:  looking at there parters
YourMoralLeader:  Ask them to dress up in different outfits and act out different characters
Emma:  lol yeah sure Luke
patrick:  o god no way
YourMoralLeader:  Show how they all sleep in the same bed, leave the camera on all night to capture the tossing and turning and awkward moments when Emma snores
Emma:  lmao… Luke you starting to sound wierd
Emma:  I don’t snore actually
YourMoralLeader:  Sell dates with your sisters, auction ’em off over your website
patrick:  o my god luke 
Emma:  lol
User guest98 (74.241.129.219) entered the room.
patrick:  i think u r a bit nunts on it
YourMoralLeader:  go on dates with their friends, use your secret video camera
YourMoralLeader:  Interview your parents
Emma:  I might do that
Emma:  Actually sounds fun….
YourMoralLeader:  Go to a psychiatrist regularly and ask if you can videotape your sessions.
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Patrick you have to understand Lukes humour
patrick:  no joke
patrick:  bit dark 4 me
YourMoralLeader:  you got any darkies in your village? interview them about racism
patrick:  no i dont know any 1
YourMoralLeader:  Go watch Borat and then act it out
Emma:  You live beside some chinese people
patrick:  we live in a city
Emma:  lmao borat
YourMoralLeader:  go interview hookers
Emma:  Outskirts
Emma:  There are no hookers
patrick:  no i just sleep with them
YourMoralLeader:  videotape it!
Emma:  It’s a pleasent place
Emma:  Pure
patrick:  no i wood not only joking i have a good half
YourMoralLeader:  No hookers, doesn’t sound pleasant to me?
YourMoralLeader:  Where does one go for a rub and a tug in your city? Do a guide
Emma:  Belfast red light district
Emma:  looool
patrick:  ammmm belfast red light zone
patrick:  10 pound a go
Emma:  where all Loose women float
patrick:  ior so i hear
patrick:  and thay give u more than a rub
patrick:  give u the clap as well
Emma:  Speaking of ezperience Pat?
Emma:  experience
Emma:  The clap?
YourMoralLeader:  use a rubber, mate
patrick:  an std
Emma:  Patrick is very happy with his lover…arnt you patrick?
patrick:  trust me luke u never see me with a woman of the night in this life time
YourMoralLeader:  Yes, Patrick, I believe you.
patrick:  i hope so too
YourMoralLeader:  Go interview priests about child molesting.
YourMoralLeader:  Which types of kids are the most fun to molest.
Emma:  luke lol
patrick:  will i used to be 1 luke
Emma:  S
patrick:  but never whent the hole way
YourMoralLeader:  a molested kid or a priest?
Emma:  lmao!
YourMoralLeader:  WHERE DID THE BAD MAN TOUCH YOU?
YourMoralLeader:  show us on the doll
Emma:  lol
patrick:  ur sick
patrick:  lol
patrick:  ur so dark 
YourMoralLeader:  I’m glad you didn’t go the hole way.
patrick:  and very fast on the ball
Emma:  He is just winding you up….
RamBam:  Emma’s cute when she’s speaking Hebrew
Nanostep:  Luke has turned over the intellectual inquiry of his blog and his mind… for this??

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I’m Live In My Chat Room With Rabbi Gadol

From my chat room:

RabbiG:  I’m here to do an audit.
RabbiG:  Tzitzit – check.
RabbiG:  Keepah – check
RabbiG:  Beard – it grows
jonnie:  But I like his cheeky smile
RabbiG:  Virtuous women in chat room – check
QuixoticLass:  ok that’s just scary when he does that
QuixoticLass:  kiss my tzit tzit, is that like kiss my grits?
RabbiG:  All Luke lacks in mastery of Hebrew and Aramaic.
jonnie:  Finally education πŸ˜‰
RabbiG:  QL, I have been hearing rumors of you behavin in an immodest way with a lulav
Emma:  I learnt something new today
QuixoticLass:  I haven’t touched a lulav since succot
jonnie:  Now – shall we give him a shower ?
Emma:  Interesting
RabbiG:  I will present a lesson from Baba Kamma, Chapter 2
jonnie:  I had a Yorkshire Terrier called Baba
Emma:  I want one of those Jonnie
jonnie:  a neighbour reversed over him πŸ™
RabbiG:  In the case of a c**k putting its head into an empty utensil of glass where it crowed so that the utensil thereby broke, the  whole cost shall be payable.
RabbiG:  Read "rooster" for "c**k"
jonnie:  haha
RabbiG:  Laugh, but if you look it up you will see it there.
RabbiG:  Forced vibrations and resonance within the Talmud.
jonnie:  circumcised?
RabbiG:  The question is, why did the Talmud think to include a discussion of the harmful effects of forced resonance?
jonnie:  Ahh
QuixoticLass:  the rabbis in the talmud are always comparing each other, so and so is such and such number of kav long
RabbiG:  Suppose, for example, this rooster had crowed into the metal work of a bridge, thereby causing resonance that brings down the bridge. Same result?
QuixoticLass:  because it involved property.  we’re all very concerned aobut our stuff
jonnie:  Or a rooster masturbating perhaps – setting up the resonant frequency?
jonnie:  Ignore that
RabbiG:  The lesson is that vibrations can do damage.  If a cahk (rooster) can cause such harm, imagine the damage that can be the result of a mechanical vibrator such as cat owning women often possess
Emma:  What a picture /
RabbiG:  These too, can cause much harm, but unlike the rooster, cannot even be eaten.
jonnie:  I’m gaining knowledge now
jonnie:  Moral knowledge
RabbiG:  Hence, the Talmud warns women away from using a vibrator as a replacement for a rooster.
QuixoticLass:  What’s the difference between erotic and perverted?
RabbiG:  Rabbi Gedoltzev comments, "but what of the rooster that has no voice, but a sharp beak, and the beak pecks at a glass from the outside scratching it?
QuixoticLass:  a feather is erotic, the whole chicken is a perversion.
jonnie:  Quizo – one involves a rooster
RabbiG:  This, Rabbi Baz noted, is not complete damage, therefore the damages are less. 
Emma:  Farm animals and vibrators.. what will be next
RabbiG:  Hence, a small pecker is not as harmful as a vibrator
QuixoticLass:  but a vibrator may well be more effective
RabbiG:  A vibrator is more effective at vibrating, and a pecker at pecking, but which is more harmful to "shalom bais", household peace?
QuixoticLass:  depends on if your husband is gay or not
jonnie:  Tefillin?
QuixoticLass:  bye everyone!
jonnie:  I’m gay !
Emma:  byeee
jonnie:  HAHA
Emma:  tc
jonnie:  Night
User jonnie left the room.
User QuixoticLass left the room.
Emma:  What a way to come out
RabbiG:  I shan’t touch QL’s last comment with a ten foot pole
YourMoralLeader:  Keep teaching, rabbi
RabbiG:  Intellectuall ambitious students will confirm my quotes here.
YourMoralLeader:  Why do we have yom tov sheni?
YourMoralLeader:  Why can’t I eat kitniyot?
YourMoralLeader:  Am I allowed to go down on my wife?
Emma:  Yep I’m lost…
RabbiG:  Who here knows the very first mitzvah recorded in the Torah?
YourMoralLeader:  be fruitful?
RabbiG:  Yes!
RabbiG:  Actually, it is be fruitful AND MULTIPLY.
RabbiG:  Simply being a fruit is not enough.
YourMoralLeader:  Is it kosher to meet an Irish 18yo in a chat room and fly her to LA, convert her, dip her in the mikveh, chupa, shtuppa?
Emma:  chupa shtuppa?
Emma:  balla walla
RabbiG:  It is permitted to do as you say, but not to say what you will do thusly
YourMoralLeader:  chupa = marriage canopy
RabbiG:  She is a human being, not a toy, and is entitled to respect.
YourMoralLeader:  shtuppa = what happens when a a man and wife love each other and what to demonstrate that love.
RabbiG:  Do not be vulgar.
YourMoralLeader:  What if your wife is not in the mood, how does one entice her to the mitzvah?
YourMoralLeader:  Emma often has headaches
RabbiG:  Appeal to the Torah
Emma:  I feel one coming on now
RabbiG:  A virtuous woman has no such moods, except relating to her period, in which case sex is forbidden.
Emma:  Obviously
RabbiG:  Luke, chant a prayer.
RabbiG:  Yes, but what do those words mean?
RabbiG:  Can you utter them in English?
Emma:  What did that mean.
Emma:  what a mouthful
RabbiG:  Emma, Jews have special appendages within our mouths to utter such words.
Emma:  I can see that
RabbiG:  Which talmud are you using these days, Luke?
RabbiG:  Babylonian or Palestinian?
YourMoralLeader:  Babylonian, baby
RabbiG:  Emma, how many hours / day do you spend here?
Emma:  I lost count
Crikey:  yep im a gluton for punishment
RabbiG:  This worries me.
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Why?
RabbiG:  Do you live alone?
Emma:  No
Emma:  I live at home with my family
RabbiG:  Unless you are getting paid for it, it is not healthy to spend time online
YourMoralLeader:  shush
Emma:  Well it’s very rewarding…
Emma:  Just like getting paid for it
RabbiG:  You should be studying, gardening, making new friends in person, going to the malt shop and so forth.
Emma:  I do all of that
RabbiG:  When?
Emma:  During the day
RabbiG:  Then at night you should sleep.
RabbiG:  What time is it by you now?
Emma:  I sleep when im tired
Emma:  1:17am
RabbiG:  Time for sleep.
Emma:  You going to bed?
Emma:  Goodnight
RabbiG:  I am not in Ireland.
RabbiG:  What did you typically do at this hour prior to discovering this chat room?
RabbiG:  What would you be doing if the internet went down across your village?
Emma:  Read…
Emma:  I would be running to l.a
YourMoralLeader:  yay
RabbiG:  With a stop in New York?
YourMoralLeader:  give me my arrows of desire
RabbiG:  To refresh yourself.
Emma:  no rg
RabbiG:  Luke hangs out with a rough crowd in LA.
RabbiG:  Bloggers, mostly
Emma:  cool
RabbiG:  They have crucified more innocent people on their blogs than Pontius Pilate did Jews.
RabbiG:  I wish you a good and restful night of sleep.
RabbiG:  And may tomorrow bring the arrival of the Messiah.

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Chariots Of Fire

At 4:17 pm today, I got an urge to listen to Vangelis while I worked.

I clicked on to Chariots of Fire.

Suddenly I was back running up the Howell Mountain Road at Pacific Union College (PUC) in the Napa Valley.

It’s one of my rare runs when I feel joy.

I’m young and powerful.

I’m alone and I don’t mind.

I’m running uphill but it’s easy.

I’ve done five miles already and I’m just warming up.

I crest the hill and see people I know.

I wave and run past.

This is my religious community. This is how I was raised — Seventh-Day Adventist.

My dad is a big shot. I’m a preacher’s kid and I don’t mind.

I’m breaking away.

The air is pure and clean like my life and community.

The sun is coming up in front of me.

I pump my arms and increase my stride.

It took me a couple of years, but now I belong at PUC. I found my home.

It’s 1978, four years before Chariots of Fire comes out. By that time, my knees will be shot and I’ll never run again (beyond three miles).

I dream that one day I’m going set a world record for the marathon.

I’m young and free. I’m loved and I love. I feel the sun and the wind on my face.

Fast forward to January 1986. I’m lying on the couch of my friends the Muths at PUC.

I have a nasty cold but an important date that night with Lori Winn (she went on to become a psychologist and marry a Jew!).

I listen to the soundtrack from Chariots of Fire.

Why did I have to be exiled from this paradise along with my father? Sure, I’ve gone out into the world and conquered. I’ve become the sportswriter I’ve always wanted to be. I cover the San Francisco 49ers for KAHI/KHYL raido. I’ve gone into the lockerroom and interviewed my childhood heroes Tom Landry, Danny White, Tony Dorsett, Randy White. I’ve been drunk and I’ve kissed a lot of girls.

But I’m sad that in a couple of days, I’ll have to leave PUC and go back to my cold home in Auburn, CA.

I don’t realize that I am in the opening stages of mono, and while it goes away after a few months, something very like it returns two years later with a vengeance. This time it never leaves. And I never run again.

From my chat room:

Emma:  When I listen to that song I think of Luke running to me in a field of roses
Crikey:  obrother
YourMoralLeader:  I love that!
QuixoticLass:  a field of roses, could get p**ckly
YourMoralLeader:  Did you see movie BIG FISH?
Emma:  lol yeah
Emma:  I’m in a funny mood tonight
QuixoticLass:  funny haha or funny strange?
Emma:  Funny hahastrange
QuixoticLass:  I’m thinkin funny strange if you are talking about YML running to you through a field of roses
QuixoticLass:  he wouldn’t have to run, he walks fast enough
Emma:  I’m imaginative
QuixoticLass:  like goliath with his stride
Emma:  Theres this new rose everyone is buying
Emma:  Multi coloured
YourMoralLeader:  Remember in Big Fish, he stands in a field of daffodils before his love?
Emma:  I came across it last mothers day
Emma:  Yes Luke lol
YourMoralLeader:  I love that moment and tha tmovie
Emma:  It’s a nice moment
jonnie:  Moral change eh ?
jonnie:  I’ll sit and observe
QuixoticLass:  moral change requires action
jonnie:  fresh socks
QuixoticLass:  he’s a scruffy mr. rogers
jonnie:  smiley face though eh!
jonnie:  Beard could do with a trim
QuixoticLass:  you’re a goof
jonnie:  nice teeth πŸ™‚
jonnie:  I want Luke to wrap Tefillin!
QuixoticLass:  you gotta come by in the morning then
jonnie:  Ahh Oka
jonnie:  ok
jonnie:  I’ll do that and have a peek at Lukeford.net πŸ™‚
QuixoticLass:  my back will be so itchy from my sunburn by the time my date starts it’s going to look like I’ve got fleas
jonnie:  Is it like clingfilm? – the clear plastic stuff we put food in in the UK?
QuixoticLass:  is tefillin like clingfilm?
jonnie:  Cant wait to see"
QuixoticLass:  it’s leather straps attached to leather boxes that hold parchments which have hebrew writing on them
jonnie:  Oh !
jonnie:  Oh dear – wrong site clearly!
QuixoticLass:  for religious, not sexual purposes
jonnie:  I needed some moral guidance!
jonnie:  Think I’m past saving though s.
jonnie:  Oh no
jonnie:  What’s he up to!
Emma:  lol grin and bare it Luke
QuixoticLass:  he’s got bum elbows
QuixoticLass:  he stole them from a bum
Emma:  lol what
jonnie:  I won’t ask!
QuixoticLass:  bum = homeless person
QuixoticLass:  not ass
QuixoticLass:  as far as I know he hasn’t been elbow deep in a bum
jonnie:  The profile pic was gorgeous on camstreams – I wonder what happened!
QuixoticLass:  but then he really doesn’t share that kind of info with me

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Emma’s Posted A New Picture On Her MySpace

It’s a side of her I haven’t seen before — all haughty, proud and punishing.

I like it!

You can talk to Emma — respectfully! — in my chat room.

And no, she’s not available.

YourMoralLeader:  What sorts of things should I do on my reality show?
SimonSmith:  answer questions
SimonSmith:  on important things in life
Emma:  Do the kangaroo workout
Emma:  That will get everyone going
palestine4ever:  How modest!
Emma:  It’s sunbathing time..
palestine4ever:  Look at that, Emma
palestine4ever:  All of that could be yours
Emma:  Yay
palestine4ever:  Okay…
palestine4ever:  This got weird.
Emma:  Where you expecting a different response?
palestine4ever:  No, I mean…
palestine4ever:  It’s one thing to watch Luke at his desk.
palestine4ever:  This is a whole different experience.
palestine4ever:  Hmm.
palestine4ever:  This feels…
palestine4ever:  dirty.
Pana:  I wish I was lying down there
Emma:  lmao
Emma:  Very inspiring
palestine4ever:  Be like Luke and you too can take "lay in the grass breaks" every day at 3:15
Emma:  Inspires me to run to l.a and jump on luke
palestine4ever:  Oh wow
palestine4ever:  Okay, so this freaks me out, makes Emma horny…
palestine4ever:  Carl, Pana, what’s your take?
palestine4ever:  I’m going to go question every moral certainty I had in light of this Luke lying in the sun revelation

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Holly Randall Is Chaim Amalek’s White Whale

I don’t know what I did to my friend but he’s all obsessed:

From my chat room:

palestine4ever:  LUKE WHAT DID YOU DO TO CHAIM
palestine4ever:  He’s heavy on this Holly business, Luke.
palestine4ever:  As a long-time ChaimWatcher, he usually interrupts his orders for what you should do with your life with insults against you
palestine4ever:  this time it was just 100% Holly
Emma:  He obviously likes Holy
palestine4ever:  Holly was his "white whale"
YourMoralLeader:  He’s nuts over her
palestine4ever:  That is, if Captain Ahab’s ambition was to get an aussie jew laid
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.myspace.com/mymidrashicspace
YourMoralLeader:  Would you learn Torah from this woman?
palestine4ever:  In an instant.
YourMoralLeader:  I love the Boondock Saints – great movie.
palestine4ever:  Which is probably how long it’d last.
palestine4ever:  West Lafayette, Indiana…
palestine4ever:  So she goes to Purdue
palestine4ever:  Because I can’t imagine why anyone else would live in that hellhole
palestine4ever:  Emma
Emma:  Yes?
palestine4ever:  What is the Irish view on Michael Flatley?
Emma:  Great dancer
palestine4ever:  You know, "The Lord of the Dance"?
Emma:  In his day
Emma:  I have it on dvd
palestine4ever:  Did you know he used to be a Golden Gloves boxer?
Emma:  Yes
palestine4ever:  He beat the crap out of my best friend
Emma:  lol really?
Emma:  Gee
palestine4ever:  Yes
palestine4ever:  In the ring, though
palestine4ever:  I go every year
Emma:  Of course
palestine4ever:  They treat him like a God there
Emma:  I bet
palestine4ever:  Supposedly he gives them a lot of that Lord of the Dance money
Emma:  I have always wanted to do that
Emma:  River dance thing
Emma:  Looks cool
palestine4ever:  http://www.chicagogoldengloves.com/images/flatley.jpg
palestine4ever:  I don’t know anything about dance, but…
palestine4ever:  the girls have nice hair πŸ™
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Curly
palestine4ever:  Yes, and they wear a lot of make-up.
Emma:  Yes they are on stage
Emma:  Need to be seen
palestine4ever:  The beard is giving Luke a kind of Amish look
palestine4ever:  I really want to tell him to go build me a barn.
YourMoralLeader:  Your MySpace is coming along M
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Is it
Emma:  I havn’t touched it much..
palestine4ever:  Why isn’t Amalek on MySpace?
Emma:  added another pic though…
palestine4ever:  For some reason I imagine him with like all 5 people on Friendster or something
Emma:  Not the best of photos
Emma:  Where you from P?
palestine4ever:  oh me?
Emma:  Yes you..
palestine4ever:  sorry, I was admiring RussianDragon’s soccer hooligan photo below
Emma:  lol
palestine4ever:  I’m usually in the Midwest or Mexico
Emma:  I see
palestine4ever:  Though it appears that it will probably be the Midwest for awhile :-\
Emma:  mm
palestine4ever:  I’d mention something about the job market, but nothing could be more irrelevant in Luke’s chatroom
YourMoralLeader:  I like the new photo M
YourMoralLeader:  It’s a different side to you
YourMoralLeader:  smug and superior and punishing
Emma:  lmao
ElShaddai:  oh I thougfht this was the Chaim Amalek chatroom
YourMoralLeader:  I see some hints of bosom in that photo
palestine4ever:  Luke, call Chaim and tell him to come back
ElShaddai:  I must have clicked the wrong link
palestine4ever:  He’s probably at home weeping over a picture of Holly right now
YourMoralSchvartze:  more caustic jewish humor!
Emma:  Tiny bit
YourMoralLeader:  Oh, what treasures lie beneath, just out of view.
YourMoralLeader:  I believe!
Emma:  lool
palestine4ever:  Luke has no game.
palestine4ever:  Now go build me a barn!
Emma:  All sha’ll be revealed in time..
palestine4ever:  More revealing, please.
palestine4ever:  Luke, what steps have you taken in my absence to improve the Luke Ford brand?
YourMoralSchvartze:  the Lord of the Prances!
YourMoralSchvartze:  my favorite!
YourMoralSchvartze:  Not!
YourMoralSchvartze:  faggotry aplenty!
YourMoralSchvartze:  luke goes to a kibbutz
YourMoralSchvartze:  hilarity ensues
YourMoralLeader:  You will have a pivotal role, P
palestine4ever:  Honestly, my role is better played by Chaim.
palestine4ever:  He’s got that whole "malevolent yoda" thing down
palestine4ever:  I’m just hear to name the Jew, as Tom Metzger says I must
palestine4ever:  tumblr is moving to a subscription add-on model
palestine4ever:  You should sell the "Luke Ford community"
palestine4ever:  because no one I know has this many crazies in their orbit
palestine4ever:  a friend of mine saw your former friend mary carey last week
palestine4ever:  she was falling-down drunk and proclaiming her bisexuality to all and sundry
palestine4ever:  I Fear That We’ve Failed Mary Carey
palestine4ever:  very VERY from the pictures I saw
palestine4ever:  although it looks like she moved up to a Z cup from the perspective of the photos
Emma:  z cup?
Emma:  can she walk?
YourMoralLeader:  Emma’s a D!
YourMoralLeader:  naturally
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  and she’s smart
Emma:  I dunno about D
palestine4ever:  http://www.5chicago.com/blog/042008/0417.jpg
Emma:  But smart
palestine4ever:  that’s my friend’s blog with a photo
palestine4ever:  she doesn’t walk, she staggers
palestine4ever:  just like a shot zombie
Emma:  Well she must give herself bruises when she staggers
User SimonSmith entered the room.
Emma:  Hi Simon
palestine4ever:  SimonSays NOTHING
Emma:  True
Emma:  He is wise
palestine4ever:  "Silence is the friend that never betrays"
palestine4ever:  Although it makes chatrooms much less interesting
SimonSmith:  hello everybody
SimonSmith:  my computer flipped
palestine4ever:  But they didn’t have chatrooms in Confucius’ day

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