From my chat room:
RabbiG: I’m here to do an audit.
RabbiG: Tzitzit – check.
RabbiG: Keepah – check
RabbiG: Beard – it grows
jonnie: But I like his cheeky smile
RabbiG: Virtuous women in chat room – check
QuixoticLass: ok that’s just scary when he does that
QuixoticLass: kiss my tzit tzit, is that like kiss my grits?
RabbiG: All Luke lacks in mastery of Hebrew and Aramaic.
jonnie: Finally education 😉
RabbiG: QL, I have been hearing rumors of you behavin in an immodest way with a lulav
Emma: I learnt something new today
QuixoticLass: I haven’t touched a lulav since succot
jonnie: Now – shall we give him a shower ?
RabbiG: I will present a lesson from Baba Kamma, Chapter 2
jonnie: I had a Yorkshire Terrier called Baba
Emma: I want one of those Jonnie
jonnie: a neighbour reversed over him 🙁
RabbiG: In the case of a c**k putting its head into an empty utensil of glass where it crowed so that the utensil thereby broke, the whole cost shall be payable.
RabbiG: Read "rooster" for "c**k"
RabbiG: Laugh, but if you look it up you will see it there.
RabbiG: Forced vibrations and resonance within the Talmud.
RabbiG: The question is, why did the Talmud think to include a discussion of the harmful effects of forced resonance?
QuixoticLass: the rabbis in the talmud are always comparing each other, so and so is such and such number of kav long
RabbiG: Suppose, for example, this rooster had crowed into the metal work of a bridge, thereby causing resonance that brings down the bridge. Same result?
QuixoticLass: because it involved property. we’re all very concerned aobut our stuff
jonnie: Or a rooster masturbating perhaps – setting up the resonant frequency?
jonnie: Ignore that
RabbiG: The lesson is that vibrations can do damage. If a cahk (rooster) can cause such harm, imagine the damage that can be the result of a mechanical vibrator such as cat owning women often possess
Emma: What a picture /
RabbiG: These too, can cause much harm, but unlike the rooster, cannot even be eaten.
jonnie: I’m gaining knowledge now
jonnie: Moral knowledge
RabbiG: Hence, the Talmud warns women away from using a vibrator as a replacement for a rooster.
QuixoticLass: What’s the difference between erotic and perverted?
RabbiG: Rabbi Gedoltzev comments, "but what of the rooster that has no voice, but a sharp beak, and the beak pecks at a glass from the outside scratching it?
QuixoticLass: a feather is erotic, the whole chicken is a perversion.
jonnie: Quizo – one involves a rooster
RabbiG: This, Rabbi Baz noted, is not complete damage, therefore the damages are less.
Emma: Farm animals and vibrators.. what will be next
RabbiG: Hence, a small pecker is not as harmful as a vibrator
QuixoticLass: but a vibrator may well be more effective
RabbiG: A vibrator is more effective at vibrating, and a pecker at pecking, but which is more harmful to "shalom bais", household peace?
QuixoticLass: depends on if your husband is gay or not
QuixoticLass: bye everyone!
jonnie: I’m gay !
User jonnie left the room.
User QuixoticLass left the room.
Emma: What a way to come out
RabbiG: I shan’t touch QL’s last comment with a ten foot pole
YourMoralLeader: Keep teaching, rabbi
RabbiG: Intellectuall ambitious students will confirm my quotes here.
YourMoralLeader: Why do we have yom tov sheni?
YourMoralLeader: Why can’t I eat kitniyot?
YourMoralLeader: Am I allowed to go down on my wife?
Emma: Yep I’m lost…
RabbiG: Who here knows the very first mitzvah recorded in the Torah?
YourMoralLeader: be fruitful?
RabbiG: Actually, it is be fruitful AND MULTIPLY.
RabbiG: Simply being a fruit is not enough.
YourMoralLeader: Is it kosher to meet an Irish 18yo in a chat room and fly her to LA, convert her, dip her in the mikveh, chupa, shtuppa?
Emma: chupa shtuppa?
Emma: balla walla
RabbiG: It is permitted to do as you say, but not to say what you will do thusly
YourMoralLeader: chupa = marriage canopy
RabbiG: She is a human being, not a toy, and is entitled to respect.
YourMoralLeader: shtuppa = what happens when a a man and wife love each other and what to demonstrate that love.
RabbiG: Do not be vulgar.
YourMoralLeader: What if your wife is not in the mood, how does one entice her to the mitzvah?
YourMoralLeader: Emma often has headaches
RabbiG: Appeal to the Torah
Emma: I feel one coming on now
RabbiG: A virtuous woman has no such moods, except relating to her period, in which case sex is forbidden.
RabbiG: Luke, chant a prayer.
RabbiG: Yes, but what do those words mean?
RabbiG: Can you utter them in English?
Emma: What did that mean.
Emma: what a mouthful
RabbiG: Emma, Jews have special appendages within our mouths to utter such words.
Emma: I can see that
RabbiG: Which talmud are you using these days, Luke?
RabbiG: Babylonian or Palestinian?
YourMoralLeader: Babylonian, baby
RabbiG: Emma, how many hours / day do you spend here?
Emma: I lost count
Crikey: yep im a gluton for punishment
RabbiG: This worries me.
RabbiG: Do you live alone?
Emma: I live at home with my family
RabbiG: Unless you are getting paid for it, it is not healthy to spend time online
Emma: Well it’s very rewarding…
Emma: Just like getting paid for it
RabbiG: You should be studying, gardening, making new friends in person, going to the malt shop and so forth.
Emma: I do all of that
Emma: During the day
RabbiG: Then at night you should sleep.
RabbiG: What time is it by you now?
Emma: I sleep when im tired
RabbiG: Time for sleep.
Emma: You going to bed?
RabbiG: I am not in Ireland.
RabbiG: What did you typically do at this hour prior to discovering this chat room?
RabbiG: What would you be doing if the internet went down across your village?
Emma: I would be running to l.a
RabbiG: With a stop in New York?
YourMoralLeader: give me my arrows of desire
RabbiG: To refresh yourself.
Emma: no rg
RabbiG: Luke hangs out with a rough crowd in LA.
RabbiG: Bloggers, mostly
RabbiG: They have crucified more innocent people on their blogs than Pontius Pilate did Jews.
RabbiG: I wish you a good and restful night of sleep.
RabbiG: And may tomorrow bring the arrival of the Messiah.