Emma’s Great California Vacation

From my live cam chat:

Emma:  You know….
Emma:  I think its time for a trim
YourMoralLeader:  trim of what?
Emma:  Of…
Emma:  Your…
Emma:  Beard……..
YourMoralLeader:  charisma?
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  I’d lose my moral strength
YourMoralLeader:  like samson
Emma:  Of course not
Emma:  Hey Lass
QuixoticLass:  hi emma
YourMoralLeader:  M, we’re in a time of the jewish calendar when one is not permitted to shave or cut one’s hair
YourMoralLeader:  so sorry
Emma:  Yeah sure
YourMoralLeader:  you can trim me when you come out
QuixoticLass:  no it’s true emma
YourMoralLeader:  QL, explain the sefira to Emma
Emma:  You cant shave?
YourMoralLeader:  nope
Emma:  Whaaaaaaaaaaat
Emma:  Why?
YourMoralLeader:  boss was married to a rabbi
YourMoralLeader:  she knows why
QuixoticLass:  it’s the counting of the omer.  from the time passover starts until Shavuot (literally "feast of weeks") you are not permitted to cut your hair or get married
guest33:  U PLANK!
Emma:  I see
YourMoralLeader:  hahah
YourMoralLeader:  i’m going wild
YourMoralLeader:  no woman will get me to trim
QuixoticLass:  for 49 days you are in a kind of mourning
YourMoralLeader:  except emma
YourMoralLeader:  and she has to trim me in person
YourMoralLeader:  with kindness
guest33:  TWAT
User guest33 was banned by broadcaster/admin.
User guest33 left the room.
Emma:  What if I cut you
YourMoralLeader:  if you make me bleed, you’re not getting any sex from me.
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  not even when we’re married
Emma:  Fine…
Emma:  Shave yourself
YourMoralLeader:  maybe you can pull the hairs out one by one
QuixoticLass:  if you don’t have sex when you’re married, you won’t really be married
Emma:  Yeah that wont hurt much
YourMoralLeader:  do you shave emma?
Emma:  Of course
QuixoticLass:  omg. 
Emma:  Just not my face Luke….
YourMoralLeader:  moustache?
QuixoticLass:  Emma!
Emma:  Too late
Emma:  What??
Emma:  What i do!
YourMoralLeader:  hehe
QuixoticLass:  you are a lech
QuixoticLass:  Levi, not emma
Emma:  So where is the nearest b&b to you Luke?
QuixoticLass:  Levi, you had more fun than I did last night
YourMoralLeader:  what’s a b&B?
QuixoticLass:  bed and breakfast
Emma:  Right
YourMoralLeader:  I got one right here at the hovel
YourMoralLeader:  then there’s julie’s house
YourMoralLeader:  nearby
Emma:  Julie… where is the nearest b&b?
YourMoralLeader:  but you can stay with me, M
YourMoralLeader:  there are hotels near me
QuixoticLass:  your bed is barely big enough for you
YourMoralLeader:  M’s not fat
QuixoticLass:  don’t they charge by the hour?
Emma:  Exactly
YourMoralLeader:  don’t be a princess Emma, you’ll love the hovel
Emma:  Hotel.. too expensive
YourMoralLeader:  hovel’s free
Emma:  Im not being a princess Luke
QuixoticLass:  everything here is expensive
QuixoticLass:  esp b&b
YourMoralLeader:  no need to fear for your virtue
Emma:  Where exactly do I sleep?
QuixoticLass:  in the fridge
YourMoralLeader:  the hotels are cheap about $50 a night
YourMoralLeader:  you would have my bed Emma
YourMoralLeader:  and I’d sleep at your feet by the computer
YourMoralLeader:  you can trust me
QuixoticLass:  $50/night?  omg  I would have to bring lysol and my own linen
Emma:  Of course I can…
Emma:  But you know.. I’m meeting you for the first time
YourMoralLeader:  bring your dad into the chatroom, we’ll sort this out right now
Emma:  I doubt that will happen
QuixoticLass:  any hotel that costs $50/night is too scuzzy for Emma
YourMoralLeader:  we’ll be on the road most of the time Emma
YourMoralLeader:  sleeping in the back of my van
QuixoticLass:  You’d have to take her to the Tower
YourMoralLeader:  of London?
QuixoticLass:  of Beverwil and Pico
YourMoralLeader:  too expensive
Emma:  Your van….
YourMoralLeader:  too far away
QuixoticLass:  it’s walking distance
YourMoralLeader:  but I’ll be too tired from walking to try anything
QuixoticLass:  exaaaaactly 🙂
QuixoticLass:  I wonder if this light therapy is helping him?
Emma:  lol who knows
guest42:  he does seem cheerier after a stint in the sun
guest42:  he may die of skin cancer though
QuixoticLass:  that’s a gross way to die
QuixoticLass:  not as gross as say, falling into a vat of snot and drowning, but fairly disgusting.
guest42:  not too much sunlight in the hovel
Emma:  Whoa lmao
Emma:  What a thought Lass
guest42:  snot true!
Emma:  No the  most awful way to die?
Emma:  Buried alive
QuixoticLass:  that’s pretty bad
guest42:  Do you think Luke will die young?
Emma:  The conversations we have in this chat room are so inspiring
guest42:  Or live to a ripe old age with Emma at his side
QuixoticLass:  those are the two choices?
Emma:  lol
guest42:  in his / her rocking chairs
guest42:  they inspire me
guest42:  to get a life!
Emma:  Rocking chairs
Emma:  BC
Emma:  Its 2008 now 42
guest42:  Luke can’t afford leather recliners
Emma:  Yet
guest42:  as long as he rocks your world
QuixoticLass:  you are such an optimist!
Emma:  lol
guest42:  realist
QuixoticLass:  one of the chairs in the hovel is leather-like
Emma:  I dont get along with realists very well
Emma:  Im too much of a dreamer
guest42:  a vegetarian thru and thru
guest42:  should I leave?
QuixoticLass:  he has decorated in the style of "early garage sale"
Emma:  Of course not
BorisJohnson:  Travel tip for Emma: Any hotel in LA that is not likely to give you bedbugs is going to cost at least $200/night
BorisJohnson:  Expect it, with taxes, to cost at least 100 Euros / night of sanity
BorisJohnson:  This is a very verdant scene.  Complete with fly
guest42:  SWAT
BorisJohnson:  Emma, instead of LA, visit London!
BorisJohnson:  It’s happening, and it freaks me out!
Emma:  hmmm no
BorisJohnson:  London is where it’s at.
BorisJohnson:  Instead of "bloggers", we’ve got "blokes"
BorisJohnson:  blokes = pokes.; bloggers = buggers or buggurs –  You pick ’em.
BorisJohnson:  A question for the ladies here: do you have sexual thoughts as you gaze upon this scene?
guest42:  Do you Boris?
BorisJohnson:  I have no sexual thoughts, really
BorisJohnson:  They are a distant memory
BorisJohnson:  More like a memory of a memory
guest42:  but you are thinking about the ladies having these thoughts
BorisJohnson:  Yes, but that is a clinical sort of question
guest42:  ask your johnson
guest42:  Luke come back….
guest42:  we’re floundering here
guest14:  Luke, finish your chores!
YourMoralLeader:  96
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  i need sleep
guest14:  There will be time enough for sleep in the grave
guest14:  Rather than sleep, why not do a mitzvah?
guest2:  a youngster like you
guest2:  needs his booty sleep
guest2:  sleeping is a mitzvah
guest2:  mitzvah night
guest2:  Rebbe!
guest2:  Give me a brocha please
guest2:  Help me break my addiction to the room
guest2:  It is taking me away frim doing mitzvot
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi, I need your fundraising guidance to help me bring this vulnerable young shiksa to LA for enlightenment and stuff
guest2:  lotsa "stuff"
guest2:  have her sell a horse
YourMoralLeader:  she did already
YourMoralLeader:  it was half dead
guest64:  Nice chair
YourMoralLeader:  maybe I could my honor on Ebay?
guest2:  sell your backyard tanning salon
zerox:  how is earth today
YourMoralLeader:  hi
YourMoralLeader:  blue
YourMoralLeader:  and there’s nothing i can do
guest2:  fill me up buttercup
guest2:  don’t let me down
guest66:  i’d rather have a reeses penut butter cup
zerox:  no emma
guest2:  she needs her booty sleep
guest66:  emma has left ground control
zerox:  ah sleep
guest66:  mounds or almond joy ??
guest2:  some times you feel like a nut…
guest2:  sometimes you don’t
guest66:  ginger or maryann??
guest2:  mounds
guest66:  large mounds with nuts ???
guest2:  lot of joy
guest2:  Luke, come out come out wherever you are
guest2:  We’ll count to 10
guest2:  thats about how long you should last
guest66:  his green tea makes him last alot longer
guest2:  women can shave their legs and pits to be attractive to their husbands
guest14:  Of course, and they had better
guest14:  Women who fail to make themselves appealing are committing a sin
guest2:  men can remain the pigs they are
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  luke — is she going to convert?
YourMoralLeader:  Yes rabbi
YourMoralLeader:  I’ll need your help there too
YourMoralLeader:  I need you more than anyone
guest66:  convert my ass
guest2:  big job
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i’ll convert her alright
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  once you go feller, you never go back
guest14:  It saddens me that Luke was never able to find himself a proper Jewish bride
guest66:  if she was chinese she would be converted rice
guest14:  But I suppose that Jewish women are too picky these days
guest2:  cuz his nose hair is unappealing
guest66:  mitzvah gedolah leheyot betulah tamid (breslov)
YourMoralLeader:  I captured her during an online war, rabbi, so first I’ll have to shave her head and let her mourn for her family for a month
guest66:  i will sit shivah

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Emma’s Great California Vacation

Orthodox Girls Gone Wild – Hitting Hollywood Saturday Night For A Birthday Party

I wake up Saturday morning with a tickle in my throat.

What’s she doing here?

I contemplate skipping motzei Shabbat karaoke but don’t want to leave the boyfriend in the lurch.

Poor man. Without me, he’d be stuck in a dark place with a dozen hot chix.

I could not do that to a fellow Jew.

I’m gonna try to keep up with the twenty-somethings and party like Evan and Jaron.

At 10 p.m., five of us pile into a cab — Birthday Girl, BF, Rachel*, Jezebel* and myself and head for 6114 Sunset — Amagi Japanese.

"Stay in the middle," I tell Rachel (the nice girl), "so I can stay chaste [and away from Jezebel]."

"What’s chaste?" asks Jezebel.

"Rachel," I say, "explain chastity to our friend."

Then we explain to… that…fling was just physical.

"That makes me feel better," she says.

Our every comment is a new dagger into her heart.

We laugh. She cries (inside).

"What is it that men find attractive about mentally disturbed nymphomaniacs?" I wonder out loud. "I just don’t see it."

Thirty minutes and $25 later, we pile out and find the karaoke room.

There’s a bachelorette party with lots of blondes and Filipinas.

The Filipinas have these nice soft faces and gentle curves.

I’m flooded with memories.

I have Anne Lamott’s book Bird by Bird stuck in the back of my pants in case things get boring (or I need protection from some stranger’s backstage pass).

My throat hurts but what a wonderful opportunity this will be for us to witness for Modern Orthodoxy.

Did I remember to bring the tracts? Soloveitchik on repentance?

Can’t find them anywhere.

The holiness of the Shabbat disappears fast as the plates of non-kosher sushi arrive.

I’m mesmerized by the way these girls move. Their smiles and easy laughter. Their dancing and singing. The tender way they hold the microphone… It’s a sin for me to watch this.

Oy, if Rabbi Union could see me now.

Head in my hands, I’m slack-jawed watching the girls dance while Rachel and Jezebel get their jollies at my innocent wonder.

Nothing in the Talmud prepared me for the sweet agony of watching curvy young women gyrate across the dance floor. Those tight jeans, revealing tops. It’s a sin.

No wonder Seventh-Day Adventists prohibit dancing.

This is very very wrong.

How do these girls let themselves go like that? They seem to have no inhibitions. Their hips grind to the music. They have turned their backs on God’s immutable moral law.

Don’t they know that Maimonides says the Torah can never be superceded?

How do they move so freely? Where is their shame? How do they float with their bodies? Why are they not all tied up in Talmudic knots?

What sweet free breeze did they catch up?

How come I grew up to be so socially retarded? The first time I danced was at my sister’s wedding in January 1982. I was 15. I hated it. I didn’t know what to do. My cousin (mom’s (Gwen Booth) brother’s (Donny Booth) daughter) took me in hand but it was no use. There was no salvation for this son of a preacher man.

Two years later, my cousin died in a car accident.

Later in my teens, I’d sneak away from the house to join my friends dancing but I’ve been able to get comfortable with it.

I’m a lost cause.

I would rather be studying Talmud now.

XXX hates the love songs. She doesn’t want to think about love. It hurts too much.

I Will Survive.

"That’s the song I should be singing," says XXX. "Those are the songs I need tonight."

I make some notes on my tape recorder during the evening. Audio Audio Audio Audio

By midnight, all my friends are drunk.

After 1 a.m., I sing "Space Oddity," first made famous by David Bowie but later memorialized by me on my cam. It’s my theme song for testing the audio quality.

At 2 a.m., we (the five of us plus our new friend Culver City Jeff) close the karaoke room singing "Red, Red Wine."

Then we hit Dennys.

Rabbi Union, I thought it was a kosher Dennys.

I order herbal tea. That’s it, rabbi.

I’m falling asleep.

Through half-closed eyes, I see Brian Pumper walk by.

I come alive. I have something to contribute to the conversation.

I had turned on my tape recorder to document us singing Red, Red Wine and accidentally left it on for the next 90-minutes.

Here’s six minutes of me rhapsodizing over Brian Pumper unaware I’m taping myself. Audio

I introduce two of my friends so they can get their picture taken with Mr. Pumper. Audio

I come back to the table and wail, "What have I done?"

"You’ve corrupted my friends," says…

"I’m sorry."

"You’re out of it now. That was his past. You’re born again."

Culver City Jeff gives us a ride home.

However this requires that I sacrifice my virtue and put Jezebel on my lap.

It’s nearly 4 a.m.

Audio Audio Audio Audio Audio Audio Audio

I blogged all night to get to you…

Jezebel was a hit in the karaoke room. She had two lengthy conversations with strange men.

Luke: "Did you feel objectified?"

Jez: "A little bit. What does that mean?"

From my live cam chat and post-party analysis:

YourMoralLeader:  you came to LA and you did not look me up
YourMoralLeader:  tease
Gina:  How do you know I didn’t?
YourMoralLeader:  oh
YourMoralLeader:  did you?
Gina:  didn’t you feel the connection?
YourMoralLeader:  you could be the mother of teshuvas
Gina:  from a distance
Gina:  building up
Gina:  prefer shailos
Gina:  went to all you old haunts
Gina:  Didn’t you feel stalked?
Gina:  went to every CBTL in the city
YourMoralLeader:  CBTL means what?
Gina:  even the cholov yisroel one
Gina:  Coffee Bean & Teal Leaf
Gina:  I’m glad Emma keeps you on the straight and narrow path
YourMoralLeader:  true
Gina:  she is your salvation
Gina:  I am like guest2
Gina:  visiting LukeFord.net once a day for updates
Gina:  but….
Gina:  I do find joy in masturbating
YourMoralLeader:  what do you think about when?
Gina:  you of course
Gina:  and Emma
YourMoralLeader:  and what are we doing?
Gina:  playing with your tzitzit
Gina:  Luke, have you ever been to Israel?
Gina:  better go before war breaks out
YourMoralLeader:  been twice gina
YourMoralLeader:  once is never enough
Gina:  climb the mount with Emma
Gina:  whats her Dad like?
Gina:  Did you go to Israel BC or AC?
YourMoralLeader:  both
Gina:  different perspectives?
Gina:  take Emma before and after
Gina:  and during
YourMoralLeader:  i was 4 first time
YourMoralLeader:  33 2nd
guest24:  pig
User guest24 left the room.
Gina:  24 really knows how to ham it up….
Gina:  I danc like Elaine f(Seinfeld)
Gina:  Do you think thats my problem in meeting men?
Gina:  Is the way one dances important in the mating game?
Gina:  Is that why frumies don’t dance?
Gina:  Dancing leads to
Gina:  How many songs did you belt out?
Gina:  Were you drinking?
Gina:  You sound so confident
Gina:  and Cool
Gina:  and funny
Gina:  Tease
Gina:  You have them eating out of your hand
Gina:  and kissing your tzitzit no doubt
Gina:  new ball?
Gina:  next week…Emor
BorisJohnson:  Hello old chum.
YourMoralLeader:  no gaffes now
BorisJohnson:  Thank you.  I owe it to my dear circle of friends, broad as it may be
BorisJohnson:  I am proof that the odd man can succede in life, even if he cannot spell
BorisJohnson:  It has been a long time……what are you up to, Luke?
BorisJohnson:  Would you consider perhaps moving to London?
YourMoralLeader:  now yes
YourMoralLeader:  How can I serve you?
BorisJohnson:  Minister of Blogging Affairs
BorisJohnson:  Or perhaps as my "outreach" to the Levantine communities
BorisJohnson:  Who is this "Gina"?  A constituent?
BorisJohnson:  The macrobreasted community is also in need of inclusion
Gina:  looking for a job in the UK as well
BorisJohnson:  What are your qualifications?
Gina:  no reductions / cuts here
BorisJohnson:  And what do you want to do?
Gina:  Luke
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  I want to be of service
Gina:  I’m very supportive and I always keep the community uplifted and abreast
BorisJohnson:  Do you have any photos I might study?
BorisJohnson:  I wish to be inclusive.
User RolfHarris left the room.
User WinstonChurchill left the room.
Gina:  they’ve been nipped in the bud
Gina:  Borris hows your johnson?
Gina:  Any pics?
BorisJohnson:  I need to know your race
BorisJohnson:  You see, mine will be an administration of inclusion
Gina:  JAP
BorisJohnson:  But to know where to include you , I must first see you
BorisJohnson:  Japanese?  We’ve not many Japanese in London.
Gina:  I’m a bomb
Gina:  like Pearl Harbor
BorisJohnson:  Now we don’t want any bombs, either
BorisJohnson:  Why would you leave sunny Los Angeles for oftimes rainy London?
Gina:  rain brings out the rubbers
Gina:  its all about protection
BorisJohnson:  What do you presently do in LA?
Gina:  work in a condom factory
Gina:  quality control
BorisJohnson:  I would hate to take you away from your work
BorisJohnson:  As it is very important
Gina:  yes, least there be a influx of babies
Gina:  children of YML
BorisJohnson:  Oh, that title of his is just a gag I thought up over a pint or two.
Gina:  got me gagging
BorisJohnson:  And he’s not that big to do that
Gina:  small mouth
Gina:  deep thought
BorisJohnson:  Luke, you are looking rather neurasthenic these days.
BorisJohnson:  Pale, sickly
BorisJohnson:  In need of a change of scenery
BorisJohnson:  Such as a move to London would provide.
Gina:  perhaps a bit of backyard hovel sun
BorisJohnson:  A plate of chicken tika massala would do you a world of good
Gina:  or a slab of meat
BorisJohnson:  Gina, why not pop in on Luke and show him the value of flesh?
BorisJohnson:  Put an end to his infatuation with fruits and what nots
Gina:  I would crush him
BorisJohnson:  Strong thighs?
Gina:  with my melons
BorisJohnson:  Yes, do that a bit
BorisJohnson:  He needs it
Gina:  breast or thigh man?
BorisJohnson:  All this blogging and fruit eating
BorisJohnson:  who?
Gina:  either / both
BorisJohnson:  the former
BorisJohnson:  although I am foind of the latter as well
Gina:  aah a breastlover
BorisJohnson:  As are all true men
Gina:  true, true
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.lukeford.net/Images/photos4/audio/debbieparty.wav/B_2008_05_04/majortom.wav
YourMoralLeader:  me singing last night
BorisJohnson:  Is there a photo of Gina there with you?
BorisJohnson:  I’m beginning to think that she is the one who might lift you out of your malaise
Gina:  lift and separate
Gina:  like a good bra
BorisJohnson:  There would be fewer wars if women had larger breasts
zappa:  what you listening to Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  michael cheney
zappa:  no wiser
zappa:  sounds a really lonely bloke does Michael. Is this what you aspire to emulate Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  i wanna be rich
zappa:  no pockets in shrouds
zappa:  rich and lonely – f**k that
zappa:  not to brag or to boast Michael
zappa:  More traffic for YOU Michael – YOU YOU YOU
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi, how are you?
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  may you have as many children as you can sanely handle
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i’m good luke, how are you
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  when are you meeting this little shiksah of yours
guest2:  8 seems to be the lucky number
guest2:  2.5 sanely
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  that poor 1/2 of a kid
guest2:  its the .5 thats usually the problem
User NevilleChamberlin entered the room.
NevilleChamberlin:  alright
NevilleChamberlin:  anyone moral yet?
guest2:  the engineer is playing with his choo choo
NevilleChamberlin:  i camefor guidance
NevilleChamberlin:  spose iltry later
User NevilleChamberlin left the room.
guest2:  you guided him right out the room…nice
YourMoralLeader:  build me up buttercup

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Orthodox Girls Gone Wild – Hitting Hollywood Saturday Night For A Birthday Party

I Want To Be America’s Boris Johnson

From the BBC:

In an age of on-message machine politicians, Boris Johnson – who has just been elected mayor of London – is a one-off.

Often described as a buffoon, even by his admirers, his bumbling, self-deprecating persona has long made him one of the best known politicians through his appearances on TV chat shows.

He has the typical upper class English background of Eton public school, Oxford University and a father who is a Conservative politician.

But he is no stereotypical aristocrat – he was born in New York and was a US citizen until recently, his early schooling was in Brussels, he is descended from a minister in the Ottoman Empire and his children are, as he put it, a quarter Indian.

Nothing about the 43-year-old now given huge powers over one of the world’s great cities is as straightforward as it appears.

His academic records prove him to have powerful intellect, while colleagues and friends attest to an equally powerful sense of ambition.

And yet he has also had an unerring ability to sabotage his own career with his sense of fun – and apparent refusal to take things too seriously – proving his undoing on more than one occasion.

Idyllic childhood

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (he is still known to family members as Al) was born in New York to English parents in 1964 and was, until recently, an American citizen.

He is of Turkish descent. His great-grandfather, Ali Kemal, a Turkish journalist, was briefly interior minister in the government of Ahmed Tevfik Pasha, Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire.

Posted in Boris Johnson | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I Want To Be America’s Boris Johnson

JConnectLA Friday Night

Workmen’s Circle. 6:20 p.m.

I’m the second person to arrive.

It’s my first Shabbat in over eight years without my black undertaker suit.

Instead I’m wearing this striped ill-fitting number I got for $20 from the Jewish thrift store on Pico/La Cienega.

Though heavy and awkward, it will keep me safe from women who don’t look on the heart.

Thank heaven for small favors.

I’m the thinnest I’ve been in months — who needs lithium when you can have love? — yet I can barely button my jacket over my bulging stomach.

Hot!

The boss (JConnectLA) wanders in wearing a stunning dress.

Then comes founder Cheston Mizel in something more orthodox.

By 6:50 p.m., we have a minyan and daven mincha.

It’s a small room and all the men seem to believe what they’re saying.

It affects me. I stop thinking about the blonde in the very short skirt.

I drop my cold cynical pose and open my heart by closing my book.

I meld with the intense Shlomo Carlebach-style davening but keep enough self-awareness to not sing loudly enough for anyone to hear me.

After mincha, out comes the alcohol. A few people take shots.

There’s a brief sermon.

We go into the welcoming of the Sabbath (Kabbalat Shabbat).

It’s weird being around people who believe what they’re saying.

I feel like I’m floating in outer space. And there’s nothing I can do.

Commencing countdown, engines on, check ignition and may God’s love be with me. Whoa, I’ve really made the grade and the papers want to know whose shirts I wear.

This is Major Tom to Ground Control: I’m stepping through the door and I’m floating in a most peculiar way and the stars look very different today for here am I sitting in a tin can far above the world, planet earth is blue and there’s nothing I can do.

O come let us sing unto the Lord, let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.

There’s a Starman waiting in the sky. He’d like to come and meet us but He thinks He’d blow our minds.

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise, unto Him with psalms.

Men get up and dance around the bima. I join them for one round so I can peak into the women’s section. Yay, friends. I’d like to go and see them but I think I’d blow their minds.

I tell them not to blow it because it’s all worthwhile.

Let the children lose it. Let the children use it. Let all the children boogie.

O let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the Lord our maker. For he is our God: and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand. Today if ye will hear His voice, harden not your heart, neither pick up that tasty book you’re reading by Martin Goodman — Rome and Jerusalem: The Clash of Ancient Civilizations.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

While I spin bizarre blog posts in my mind, it seems that everyone around me is getting married having children.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

It’s all worthwhile.

Rabbi Shlomo Seidenfeld rises to speak about the meaning of Jewish suffering. It was Holocaust Remembrance Day Thursday.

He chokes up.

The room goes silent.

"It’s a trick I use to get people’s attention," he jokes.

His father was a survivor.

He tells the famous story about a king wanting a one-word proof for God’s existence and a philosopher said, "Jews."

By all rights we shouldn’t still be around but we are just 60 something years from the Holocaust. Even though it appears God isn’t living up to his end of the covenant by keeping us alive (the divine promise is always to the Jewish people not to all Jewish individuals who get slaughtered like everybody else), we’re still hear praising Him.

Well, He’s a Starman waiting in the sky. He’d like to come and meet us but He thinks He’d blow our minds.

We move into Ma’ariv (Evening service). The loud sound seems to fade, then it comes back like a slow voice on a wave of haze. That weren’t no DJ, that was hazy cosmic jive.

I can’t resist the book on third wave feminism resting on the book shelf next to me. I scan through an essay by a victim incest. She recalls how her grandad the holocaust survivor used to abuse her in the bathtub. Then she transitions to praying Kabbalat Shabbat (Welcoming the Sabbath bride) with her father at shul and how he’d point out racy sections from Shir HaShirim (Song of Songs) while running his hand up her thigh.

Perhaps this isn’t what God intends me to read right now.

Holocaust survivor Eva Brown is the main speaker over dinner. She’s about 80 years old. She’s survived leukemia. Her voice doesn’t carry well but she speaks with clarity and passion.

One girl asks her why the Jews didn’t jump off the trains on the way to the camps and run away.

Eva points out they were heavily guarded.

It’s oneg time. The alcohol comes out. Within a few minutes, a tall Israeli guy has hit on half the women in the room. "You look like this Israeli actress! You should walk around the room showing off your beauty!"

"I have a hotel room nearby. Perhaps you’d like to come with me?"

How could any woman in her right mind refuse? But refuse they do.

Single Jewish men tend to have horrible social skills.

"Jewish men don’t know their level," one beautiful convert explained to me. "Their mothers told them that they could grow up to be president of the United States and they believed it."

There’s something weird about the way one bloke buckles his pants. They’re always a little high on the hips and a little too tight.

"They’re all left-brained," complains my friend Rachel*. "They have no emotional intelligence. There’s a guy who keeps asking me out. I have no interest. Perhaps when he gets the message, we can be friends."

I ask Jezebel* how many guys in the room she’s hooked up with. "Three," she says.

"How does that feel?" I ask.

"I don’t feel anything," she responds. "Sex is not necessarily a big deal for me. I’m like you."

I’m in high spirits and telling tall tales. One girl believes everything I say despite Rachel’s best efforts at deprogramming.

Why is it that some people just focus on the words and not on the meta-message? With Rachel, I can skip effortlessly from humor to heartbreak, from irony to sarcasm to exaggeration, without ever having to use markers to denote my new literary mode.

With most people, things are not that easy.

The alcohol’s flowing and the lights are low.

People start looking better. They sound more charming.

I’m connecting Jewishly.

I’m the life of the party, or at least of my table, which I don’t leave until 12:30 a.m.

Nothing can change us, no one can save us from ourselves.

Posted in JConnect LA, Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on JConnectLA Friday Night

Quit Your Day Job

If you are serious about making money online, there’s a free course I just signed up for — The Black Ink Project.

Take it with me and we’ll get rich together!

I’m feeling very close to you right now.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Quit Your Day Job

I Plan, Rabbi Hirsch Laughes II

Publicist Lauren Levy emails me April 6: "Hi Luke, As I’m working on getting some online PR for Rabbi Sherre Hirsh’s amazing WE PLAN, GOD LAUGHS, I can’t tell you how pleased I was to read your article on it. I would be delighted to send you an advance copy for review, or set up your own interview with Sherre, all to be posted on your site. If you’re interested, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Thanks again, and keep up the great work."

I respond: "Yes, that would be great… If she’s coming to LA, we could do the interview on video and I’ll post it to youtube and other sites…or a phoner is fine too."

Lauren responds: "Hi Luke, What we usually do is arrange e-interviews – interviews via e-mail. In the past, it’s been difficult to coordinate phoners, given different time zones, etc. However, if you would specifically prefer a phone interview, I’m sure it can be arranged."

I respond: "Email is fine. I’ll just send you the questions?"

Lauren responds April 13: "Hi Luke, Yes, please – I’ll get them to Rabbi Hirsh ASAP."

So I read the book. It takes an hour. It’s an easy read. If you like Oprah, you’ll like this book. If you dislike Oprah, you’ll dislike the book. I don’t remember anything from the book except that I liked the author.

I email back:

For Rabbi Hirsch. Please only answer the questions you find interesting.

* So why did you leave Temple Sinai? Do you prefer what you are doing now, being a media superstar et al?

* How has being a wife and mother affected your work as a rabbi, counselor and writer?

* What inspires you and what depresses you about the state of Conservative Judaism today?

* If you could change one or two things about Conservative Judaism, what would you change? Why aren’t you Orthodox? Do you get religiously lonely as a Conservative rabbi (as there aren’t many observant Conservative laity)?

* I suspect that you’re not able to help everyone you counsel etc… How do you deal with that?

* How do you reconcile your desire to be compassionate with your religion’s stringent standards? Do you tell people, ‘You can’t do that. It’s a sin."

* Do you believe in and talk about sin and divine punishment for sins?

* Do you think there’s life after death?

* What are the advantages and disadvantages of having women in the rabbinate?

* What have you learned about the news media from your first-hand experiences?

* How has your interfaith work affected your Judaism? Is it easier or more difficult to spiritually counsel Gentiles? How do you counsel someone who believes Jesus is G-d?

Thank you,

Luke Ford

Lauren responds: "Hi Luke, Sadly, Rabbi Hirsch has decided to indefinitely postpone all interviews pending a family concern. Our apologies that we will not be able to get your Q&A back to you…hopefully we can coordinate something else in the future. Thank you for your understanding – it is appreciated."

Kirk emails:

Luke:

I am certain Rabbi Hirsch would have found time to do an "email" interview with you had you wanted to ask her the right questions. Those you posed required taking a position and an author’s objective is to sell books not be put on the spot. Here are some questions you should consider asking her, and I am sure her publicist will respond that her schedule somehow has opened up;

Rabbi Hirsch:

How is it you wrote such a brilliant book?
What was your inspiration for writing such a brilliant book?
How does it feel to be on the Today Show?
Has David Letterman called yet?
Who does your hair, it is simply marvelous!
What will your next brilliant book be about?
How many thousands of lives have you changed for the better (because of your brilliant book)?
Were you always so brilliant?

Give these a try.

Amy Klein writes in the Jewish Journal May 2, 2008:

 



"Remember a time that you felt everything was right. The world just worked. You were in the moment. You felt calm, alive, complete. There was no other place you wanted to be but right there. Everything about that moment worked," Rabbi Sherre Hirsch writes in her new self-help book, "We Plan, God Laughs: 10 Steps to Finding Your Divine Path When Life is Not Turning Out Like You Wanted" (Doubleday).

What Hirsch most wants is for people to find their "sparkle," as she writes in Step 7, "Finding Your Divine Spark."

That’s why she left her job as rabbi at Sinai Temple a year and a half ago. Although she had wanted to be a rabbi since she was 19, after serving at the Conservative synagogue in Westwood under Rabbi David Wolpe for eight years, she decided to move on.

"It was an incredible position for me, and I loved my congregants, I loved teaching and counseling," she said. But "there were other things I wanted to do," including spending time with her husband and three kids, and, it turns out, broadcasting her messages of spirituality and hope to a much broader audience.

On a recent day that meant a morning interview with Sam Rubin at KTLA and an afternoon at CBS, with The Jewish Journal sandwiched between — and there have been appearances on "The Today Show," "Tyra," Naomi Judd’s "Good Morning" and PBS’s "Thirty Minutes."

Which may be because Hirsch does sparkle. In a black satin shell and immaculate ivory pants, the 39-year-old’s blue eyes, framed by purple mascara, shimmer as she talks about her message.

"I want people to take a risk, to believe that life may not have turned out like you planned," she said, leaning forward eagerly on her hands. "I wanted people to have hope more than anything, in an age where people lose hope and get stuck."

Hirsch knows from plans and getting stuck. Her mother was a small-town Midwesterner who met her knight in shining armor when she was 15. She got married at 19 and had two kids by the time she was 24. But her husband lost his job, became depressed and verbally abusive. After Sherre and her brother left for college, her mother, in her early 40s, finally left her husband. Eventually she rebuilt her life and remarried.

"When I officiated at [my mother and stepfather’s] wedding, my mother wore my wedding dress. What I said then under the chuppah was that, at her first wedding, she was waiting for someone to rescue her. But at this wedding she had rescued herself," Hirsch wrote in her book. "She had taught us all that to live the life you want, you have to be willing to leap. You have to be willing to realize that your life is not scripted. The happy ending starts with you."

In recent years many self-help gurus — and rabbis — have taken on the subject of happiness in books and lectures. So what makes this one any different?

"I think that when people say something in a new way, people hear it in a new way," said Hirsch, who lists Rabbi Harold Kushner ("When Bad Things Happen to Good People") and Rabbi Ed Feinstein (of Valley Beth Shalom) as inspirations. She also admires Oprah and Katie Couric as "communicators," which is how she sees herself.

Posted in R. Sherre Hirsch | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I Plan, Rabbi Hirsch Laughes II

Stop The Genocide Of The White Race

Daniel Kofler writes for Jewcy:

Zirkle doesn’t deny a Holocaust:

The personal-injury lawyer says he’s running for Congress to combat "the genocide of the white race" that pornography is causing — an "unholy pornocaust" against white Christian women.

"We now have a small army of male black porn stars that are sifting through five, ten, fifteen thousand women," he said. "One man can now genocide the wombs of thousands of women," infecting them with sexually transmitted diseases that leave them barren.

He calls it "Porn mule womb slaughter… the most effective weapon of mass destruction."…

Porn mules abuse women’s body temples to the maximum degree, infect virtually every single one with at least the HPV, genocidally kill their wombs in a matter of years, and render them all but lifetime unmarriageable in a day.

In case you had to be told, yes, the Jews are the puppet-masters behind the Pornocaust. Zirkle has it from no less an authority than Hitler that "Jews comprised 98% of all pimps in Germany," and therefore he is justifiably concerned about "Jewish involvement in porn which was almost a cartel until recently."

Now, even though saving white women from genocide at the hands (if you will) of black cock is what inspired Zirkle to get into politics, he’s hardly a one-issue candidate. A trip to his campaign website reveals a varied, nuanced platform. If elected, Zirkle will:

  • Address the scourge of drugs by getting to its root cause — "the ever increasing prevalence of the porn-prostitution industry"
  • Put an end to child pornography by enlisting "thousands of ‘private attorney generals’" to "investigate, subpoena and civilly forfeit the proceeds and assets of the child porn industry on their own time" (yes, that means commissioning an amateur army to use against Americans)
  • Encourage states to use "police powers" against women seeking abortions
  • Punishing child-support dodgers by conscripting them into the army (this falls under the "immigration" heading on the website)
  • Bring jobs to Indiana by doing "what Socrates would do and cease promoting to our children examples of murder, adultery and vice…If a man has nothing more to live for than a few moments in a strip bar or an occasional prostitute, how much will he care about his job?"
  • Protect Indiana from the "judocracy" [s/b "jew-docracy"?–ed.], i.e., the conspiracy of judges trying to enshrine a right to "homosexual sodomy"
  • Cut through all the gridlock and bullshit on war on terror issues to pose the seldom-asked question, "Is it possible that a nation’s embracing of porn-prostitution is one of the root causes of modern-day terrorism?"
  • Send the first constituent who correctly guesses the meaning of his middle name ("Hvfvgpd") a stashed copy of Penthouse Vol. I Issue 1 to "shred"
  • Expand freedom of choice for women with "a ‘Derrenger’s [sic] for Dildos’ policy to put guns in American women’s hands instead of divorce aids"
  • Promote inter-faith harmony between Christians and Muslims by helping them to "unite on anti-Semitism and use the Jews’ involvement in porn-prostitution to incite the public"

And in case you needed any more reason to hop the next red-eye to South Bend to register as a Republican, get this: He was the valedictorian of Tipton High School, graduating with a 4.0 GPA. And ladies, he’s single.

Posted in Jews, Race | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Stop The Genocide Of The White Race

I’m Live With Rabbi Gadol, Rev Des

Click here to join the fun.

Rabbi Gadol is my Jeremiah Wright.

ArielSokolovsky:  i bought a laptop
ArielSokolovsky:  and a wbcam
ArielSokolovsky:  and web studio
ArielSokolovsky:  tools
ArielSokolovsky:  so i’ll be able to outleader you
ArielSokolovsky:  RabbiGodol is a real person?
YourMoralLeader:  very real
RabbiGadol:  Of course I am real.
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi, are you Modern Orthodox?
RabbiGadol:  Very modern
ArielSokolovsky:  i thought he is one of your alter egis like Reb Chaim Amalek
QuixoticLass:  lass is good
YourMoralLeader:  lol
ArielSokolovsky:  where are you from?
RabbiGadol:  I am Luke’s Reverend Wright
Emma:  Good..
RabbiGadol:  If he ever runs for office, I will have to be explained away.
QuixoticLass:  I think he’d prefer a Robin Wright
RabbiGadol:  Again with the eating.
RabbiGadol:  It is like watching a cow chew its cud.
ArielSokolovsky:  Rabbi Godol have you ever heard of me?
RabbiGadol:  Luke, some sardines packed in olive oil would do you a world of good
User ArielSokolovsky changed their name to RabbiArielSokolovsky.
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi G, could you say a bracha on Emma and I?
RabbiArielSokolovsky:  Levi what are you listening to that we hear in the background?
RabbiArielSokolovsky:  news?
YourMoralLeader:  traffickahuna.com training
RabbiArielSokolovsky:  cool
RabbiArielSokolovsky:  let me look at that
RabbiGadol:  It is not news that the Rebbe has risen from the dead to claim the mantle of Moshiach, of that I am certain.
RabbiArielSokolovsky:  you know all this training is BS
RabbiArielSokolovsky:  you need gambling or porn or be Chabad.org or Deis Prager to have real trafficn
RabbiGadol:  Emma, are you ready for your conversion?
RabbiGadol:  I am going to convert her as she flies over New York City on her way to lie with you in Los Angeles.
RabbiGadol:  But then, on her way back to Ireland, I will undo the conversion.
QuixoticLass:  there is no such thing as a mikvah on an airplane
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.jewcy.com/post/indiana_republican_nazi_sypathizer_white_women_beware_pornocaust
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi G, check it out
RabbiGadol:  Is this a porn web site?
QuixoticLass:  no natural water source at that altitude, so the conversion will be bogus
RabbiGadol:  I do not click on those.
RabbiGadol:  That’s why I will need to reverse it on the way back.
QuixoticLass:  why would you need to reverse something that never was in the first place?
RabbiGadol:  But if she flies through a rain shower, and if she goes to the bathroom during the flight and coats herself in water, it will be valid
QuixoticLass:  uh, no.
RabbiGadol:  QL, I am a rabbi and a man.  You are not even allowed to give testimony before a bet din.
RabbiGadol:  Know your place on Lukeford.net
YourMoralLeader:  lol
QuixoticLass:  I am a woman and a former rebbetzin and have an expert knowledge of Niddah
RabbiGadol:  Luke, letting women into shul was as bad for Judaism as letting Mexicans into the United States proves to be for the white man.
QuixoticLass:  so 😛
YourMoralLeader:  The personal-injury lawyer says he’s running for Congress to combat "the genocide of the white race" that pornography is causing — an "unholy pornocaust" against white Christian women.
RabbiGadol:  Let me open your eyes, QL
YourMoralLeader:   "We now have a small army of male black porn stars that are sifting through five, ten, fifteen thousand women," he said. "One man can now genocide the wombs of thousands of women," infecting them with sexually transmitted diseases that leave them barren
RabbiGadol:  I have read similar arguments on your site from many years back, Luke.
YourMoralLeader:  He calls it "Porn mule womb slaughter… the most effective weapon of mass destruction."…
RabbiGadol:  You were writing under your pen name, Chaim Amalek
YourMoralLeader:  Porn mules abuse women’s body temples to the maximum degree, infect virtually every single one with at least the HPV, genocidally kill their wombs in a matter of years, and render them all but lifetime unmarriageable in a day.
RabbiGadol:  Do you remaining friends in that trade agree with this analysis?
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  What can we do as Torah Jews to stop this holocaust?
RabbiGadol:  I told you.  Pre-emption
RabbiGadol:  Whoever gets there firstest with the mostest wins, just like in war.
RabbiGadol:  Hello
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, what do you think of the Pope?
Emma:  I respect him…
russiandragon:  just popped in to say hello
Emma:  To be honest I payed more attension to the other one…
Emma:  He done more
russiandragon:  see you are immersed in a interesting discussion
YourMoralLeader:  I like this pope, he’s a fighter
RabbiGadol:  He fights for the West.
Emma:  Thats true
RabbiGadol:  I want you, QL, to see your womb as an artillery piece
QuixoticLass:  I have served my people
RabbiGadol:  Firing Jewish babies into the future like shells from a Paris Gun circa WW1
RabbiGadol:  QL, I want you on Craigslist, posting ads for Jewish men to fertilize your womb yet again, to win yet more victories for Yiddishkeit
RevDesmondFord:  son, you are a sinker of the lowest order.
RevDesmondFord:  your "blog" = "pseudo-intellectual ultra-right Nazi newspaper that presents itself as a legitimate intellectual exercise, but is really an attempt to connect half-truths in such a way as to provide one opportunity after another to introduce your own narrow world view."
QuixoticLass:  looking for someone with whom i have the 3 C’s.
RabbiGadol:  Conception…
QuixoticLass:  Compatability, Communication, Chemistry
RevDesmondFord:  three things with which you have no legitimate association: Jews, Judaism, Journalism.
RevDesmondFord:  it’s the truth- which you so disingenuously claim to seek.
YourMoralLeader:  M, how do you keep your morals so firm and sturdy?
Emma:  I don’t have to try.. it’s just the way I am
RabbiGadol:  QL, why do you need "chemistry"?
RevDesmondFord:  you are nothing but a c u n t whose mission to defame and destroy the Jews stems from your own low, self-seeking motives- not from any base of truth.
YourMoralLeader:  M, how do I get your dad on my side?
Emma:  No idea
RabbiGadol:  Are you older than Emma’s father?
YourMoralLeader:  what does he like to talk about?
Emma:  He is a hard nut to crack
Emma:  No he isn’t
QuixoticLass:  I need chemistry because there is no way I’m going to commit to another man who doesn’t want to rock my world.
RabbiGadol:  How old is your father?
Emma:  50’s
RabbiGadol:  "Rock your world"?
RabbiGadol:  This is not Jewish talk
RevDesmondFord:  your sloppy crackpot "writing" = "just another attempt to find an audience of untrained and moderate intelligence readers who will buy into your assertions and distortions as the "real deal."
QuixoticLass:  it is merely by the fact that I am saying it
RabbiGadol:  When you became a rebbetzin, was your world rocked?
RevDesmondFord:   My son’s fair-dinkum attempts at morality gnerally involved searching for sinkers and floaters directly from his boyhood friend Wayne Cherry’s bum. .
RabbiGadol:  Luke, I think you should report your father to protective services.
RabbiGadol:  Did he abuse you as a child?
YourMoralLeader:  no
RabbiGadol:  Are you sure you are not suppressing a memory?
RabbiGadol:  QC, look beyond the physical
RevDesmondFord:  To the alleged "Rabgbi" – what depth of self-loathing compels you to latch on to a mentally ill anti-semite like my son?
RabbiGadol:  I know who you are, RevDesmond, and I know what animates you
RevDesmondFord:  why would you attach any credibility to the likes of my idiot son, whose self-appointed purpose in life is to defame the Jews and glorify his craven self?
RabbiGadol:  I have suggested to Luke that you and he pitch yourselves to Hollywood as a kind of reality TV show.
RevDesmondFord:  I should have suffocated him with his dead mother’s placenta.
RevDesmondFord:  answer my question.
RabbiGadol:  QL, I would have you look beyond that.
RabbiGadol:  For example, I don’t see you listing "yicchus" as one of your requirements
RabbiGadol:  Looks fade, but yicchus can last an eternity.
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, is meeting on a cam a traditional means of Irish courtship?
RevDesmondFord:  the phony "Rabbi" (no doubt another anti-semite) will not answer my question. he must be another one of those "big fat phonies" like the legitimate journalists who had the sense to refuse my scumbag son’s baiting questions.
RabbiGadol:  Reverend, as I said, I know who you are and the origins of the feud.
RabbiGadol:  It forms the kernel of the next book Luke is set to release.
RevDesmondFord:  A fair-dinkum way of SDA Aussie courtship involves Weet-Bix, whole milk and a turkey baster…but my son’s a pnce and would rather cavort in a urine-soaked latrine with Wayne Cherry.
RabbiGadol:  Who is/was Wayne Cherry?
Emma:  Dancing around shamrocks is a traditional form of courtship
RevDesmondFord:  my, my, another self-published anti-semitic tract from my worthless son.
YourMoralLeader:  Wayne was my best mate from childhood
YourMoralLeader:  I Miss my daddy
Emma:  I’m sure you will see him again soon…
QuixoticLass:  daddy’s are overrated
YourMoralLeader:  I want him to marry us, Emma
YourMoralLeader:  He has a way with words, doesn’t he?
Emma:  Whoa what a wedding 🙂
Emma:  Do you take this worthless idiot…….
QuixoticLass:  you should serve popcorn during the service
RevDesmondFord:  son, you are feces personified.
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, would you preside over my wedding to Emma?
RevDesmondFord:  your megalomaniacal fantasies of shrieking at secular sheilas are very revealing of your mental illness.
RevDesmondFord:  what a C U N T you are
YourMoralLeader:  Emma is not secular. She’s a church-going Catholic.
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, I want you to look at Emma as your daughter.
Emma:  i yi yi
QuixoticLass:  oh great, make her a target for his filthy derision too?
RevDesmondFord:  i’m speaking of your amateurish "stream of consciousness" rant, not about that sadly misguided online twat.
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, could you bring your parents in here so they can meet my dad?
Emma:  Busy..sorry
QuixoticLass:  washing their hair?
RevDesmondFord:  I’ll look at Emma as another dimwit with nothing better to do than fawn over your specious blathering, boy.
Emma:  lol
RevDesmondFord:  it’s about the best you can do, isn’t it, boy?
YourMoralLeader:  You’re a bit hard on her dad.
YourMoralLeader:  That’s true.
RevDesmondFord:  pathetic. why couldn’t you be more like your brother, Paul?
RevDesmondFord:  The only filthy derision going on here is my boy’s constant denigration of the Jewish people.
RevDesmondFord:  tell us who converted you, son. speak up.
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi Gadol, dad.
RevDesmondFord:  they should be provided with copies of your anti-semitic internet blather.
RevDesmondFord:  once again: you are a duplicitous, lying c u n t with no legitimate connection to jews or judaism.
RevDesmondFord:  or journalism.
RevDesmondFord:  and you know it. that is what motivates you to rail at the world.
YourMoralLeader:  What’s the solution? The Final Solution?
RevDesmondFord:  that, and your failure with women – most of your hack "writing" is driven by the twitching of your wormlike dick, "Moral Leader."
RevDesmondFord:  kill yourself.
RevDesmondFord:  Ah, yes. ‘Rabbi Gadol.’ Another figment of my boy’s imagination. What was it Rabbi Union said about you? Something to do with deceit and fraud?
RevDesmondFord:  you know Union was right, you smirking pansy.
QuixoticLass:  this is so unpleasant.
RevDesmondFord:  the truth often is.
Emma:  Oh the wind whistles down the cold dark street tonight…..
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, is there anything I do that pleases you?
RevDesmondFord:  you are a despicable sinker, son.
RabbiGadol:  Rev, would you respect Luke more if he summoned up the minimal self respect necessary to boot you from his site?
RevDesmondFord:  what was it Rabbi Union said about you? Hmmm? Something about deceit and fraud?
RevDesmondFord:  my self-seeking, self-obsessed son enjoys the attention too much. he’s like a girl in that regard.
YourMoralLeader:  What’s new with you, dad?
RevDesmondFord:  My boy won’t boot his dad…he knows I’m the only voice of truth and reason here.
Emma:  Your quite comical
Emma:  Thats why he wont boot you
RevDesmondFord:  it’s no coincidence that tony zirkle’s neo-Nazi rants resemble those of my anti-semite son.
RabbiGadol:  QL, I know a nice yeshivish man for you
RevDesmondFord:  Emma, I can only imagine how empty-headed and naive you must be to nurture a fundamentally unreal fixation on my C U N T of a son.
RevDesmondFord:   I’d rather sacrifice my only daughter to a pack of savage, sexualized abos than to see my son perpetrate his fraud and slanders against the Jewish people.
Emma:  If you didnt hide behind your huge words, I think you would be quite empty headed too
RevDesmondFord:  the fact that you consider those words "huge" explains why you are gullible enough to believe any aspect of my son’s fraudulent persona.
RevDesmondFord:  preying on the teenybopper at 40+ years of age.
Emma:  His persona is perfect
Emma:  lol teenybopper
YourMoralLeader:  Hey Palestine, meet my dad
palestine4ever:  more posts that name the Jew, please
QuixoticLass:  mildly retarded?  OMG
Emma:  Retarded ha!
RevDesmondFord:  how you must cling to the support of these mental deficients, Luke. almost as much as you dote on my genuine loathing.
YourMoralLeader:  True, true
YourMoralLeader:  narcissistic supply, dad.
palestine4ever:  Hello, Rev. Ford. I blame you for not bring him up to be jew-wise.
RabbiGadol:  He has one argument, Luke.
RevDesmondFord:  just another attempt to find an audience of untrained and moderate intelligence readers who will buy into your assertions and distortions as the "real deal."
RabbiGadol:  It is within your power to boot him.
RabbiGadol:  Luke, aim for the camera
palestine4ever:  Oh geez
palestine4ever:  In a year you’ll be reading The Secret with the other Oprah cultists
YourMoralLeader:  I
YourMoralLeader:  ‘m
YourMoralLeader:  getting better
Emma:  lol
palestine4ever:  You don’t want to get better.
palestine4ever:  I don’t either.
RevDesmondFord:  one reader accurately characterized my son’s "blog" as the equivalent of Nazi propaganda.
palestine4ever:  My world is more interesting with me at the center of it.
palestine4ever:  I think that’s unfair, Reverend.
palestine4ever:  I’d read it more often if there were a touch more Der Sturmer in it.
RevDesmondFord:  the truth is unfair, eh?
RevDesmondFord:  The difference being is that the Nazis were fair-dinkum skillful.
RabbiGadol:  "reverend," Luke is the go-to man for 60-Minutes on certain issues.
palestine4ever:  Skillful.
palestine4ever:  With two Ls.
RabbiGadol:  And he is a published author.
palestine4ever:  RevFord you are a FAKE!
RevDesmondFord:  my son resents the mainstream media because he is inept and unqualified to function as a real journalist.
Emma:  Dont worry Pale.. he is empty headed
palestine4ever:  I am a master of all wee people idioms, no Aussie in his older years would spell skillful that way.
palestine4ever:  You sir have abused my confidence.
RabbiGadol:  Also, Luke is popular with the ladies.
RevDesmondFord:  I’m waiting for my son to recount his experience with Rabbi Union.
RevDesmondFord:  what did Rabbi Union have to say about you, Luke?
Emma:  Bye de bye bye xoxoxoxoxox
palestine4ever:  I do believe his eyebrows are getting thicker since he began his personal re-Judaization, though.
palestine4ever:  It’s hunky.
RevDesmondFord:   I recall on walkabout one time, I had a vision of a perfect world…one without my boy. Now his brother Paul, THAT’S a righteous lad. Floaters every time!
palestine4ever:  There are two rabbis and three clergy in here.
palestine4ever:  This frightens me.
palestine4ever:  Plus Luke, who is more of a priest than all of them.
RevDesmondFord:  a pathetic assertion.
RevDesmondFord:   As far as being a "go-to" person, that just shows how lazy research departments can be. Any cursory reading of my boy’s drivel would reveal him to be a crackpot with little understanding or knowledge of what he blathers about.
palestine4ever:  You started him on veganism, Rev, it’s your fault for sapping his vital essence by banning him from red meat.
RevDesmondFord:  and THAT is the truth.
QuixoticLass:  usually it’s fun in here, but this is just blech.
RevDesmondFord:  my son is a parasite with no discernible talent.
QuixoticLass:  Shabbat Shalom y’all
RevDesmondFord:  and deep down, he knows this to be true. hence his attacks on the so-called "MSM".
RevDesmondFord:  hence, his attacks on Judaism.
RevDesmondFord:  I was hoping the boy would die from malnutrition.
palestine4ever:  How can you deny a boy dead cow flesh and expect him not to be a bit swishy?
palestine4ever:  I mean, c’mon.
RevDesmondFord:  after he gave his mum cancer, i knew his birth to be an abomination.
palestine4ever:  Your parenting skills are what’s at issue here.
russiandragon:  where is emma gone
RevDesmondFord:  my boy’s spirits seem low now that the barely legal, mildly retarded internet groupie is not here to bolster his shaky, maladjusted sense of self.
RevDesmondFord:  let’s talk about Rabbi Union and what he had to say about my son, Luke Ford.
palestine4ever:  Okay, that was pretty good.
palestine4ever:  There’s a rabbi named Rabbi Union?
RevDesmondFord:  indeed.
palestine4ever:  Hell, I am Ayatollah Friendship.
RevDesmondFord:  ask my son about him.
RevDesmondFord:  what did Rabbi Union have to say about you, son?
palestine4ever:  I pinch the cheeks of all the boys as I strap on their suicide belts.
palestine4ever:  Why don’t you tell us, Rev?
RevDesmondFord:  my son refuses to answer the question.
palestine4ever:  So tell us.
palestine4ever:  Seriously, we’re just not waiting on the edge of our chairs to hear what Rabbi Union had to say.
RevDesmondFord:  i’d rather see my son be a man and tell us in detail what rabbi union had to say about him.
palestine4ever:  Know your audience.
RevDesmondFord:  Union was right, son.
palestine4ever:  Enough of that. Rev, why did you come to America rather than bringing The Word to the heathen abos?
RevDesmondFord:  and you know it, don’t you?
RevDesmondFord:  fraud
palestine4ever:  There were plenty of black hearted savages in your own land that had yet to be civilized.
palestine4ever:  Bah
RevDesmondFord:  I came to America to spread the truth about my son.
palestine4ever:  Fake Rev Ford is worse than Fake Luke.
palestine4ever:  You need a bit more texture to the performance.
palestine4ever:  If Chaim did nothing but lament Luke being Hustler’s Asshole of the Month some years back, would we remember him?
palestine4ever:  This Tony Zirkle is a handsome young twink.
RevDesmondFord:  whose views resemble those of my gay son.
RevDesmondFord:  in a word: loathsome.
palestine4ever:  "Self-determination slavery reparation segregation is a human right honored in International law and is neither racist nor bigoted"
palestine4ever:  If I understood that, I’m pretty sure I’d be behind it.
RevDesmondFord:  pseudo-intellectual ultra-right Nazi newspaper that presents itself as a legitimate intellectual exercise
RevDesmondFord:  but is really an attempt to connect half-truths in such a way as to provide one opportunity after another to introduce your own narrow world view.
palestine4ever:  "No father of 3 beautiful Jewish Christian children (their mother converted) is going to be voting to gas innocent ones."
palestine4ever:  Hahaha, he’s a convert too
RevDesmondFord:  congratulations, son. you’re in good company, eh?
RevDesmondFord:  My boy has been nothing but a disappointment to his stepmum and me. His phony "CFS," his constant complaints about his "tennis elbow," his refusal to get a job, his constant asking us for money…I’d like to stomp him as if he were a cane toad.
RevDesmondFord:  he is also mistaken in his guesses as to my "true" identity. as he is in so many other things.
RevDesmondFord:  I’d burst him all over the bitumen.
RevDesmondFord:   His brother Paul? They’re like chalk and cheese, mate!
RevDesmondFord:  Paul is successful, while Luke is a failure.
RevDesmondFord:  Paul is LOVED by his family. Luke is not. Tolerated, perhaps, but not loved.
RevDesmondFord:   It would have been kind of me to have smothered him at birth. His mum talked me out of it.
RevDesmondFord:  Then he gave her cancer in return.
RevDesmondFord:  DId you know that my son is not Jewish?
RevDesmondFord:  play-acting at Judaism while attacking and baiting the Jews on his cowardly "blog." Much as he used one hand to hold up anti-porn protest siogns while jacking off to porn with the other.
RevDesmondFord:  Luke thinks this schtick makes him "conflicted, compelling and coomplex" – but in reality, he is simply a hypocritical, poisonous douchebag.
RevDesmondFord:   You can all bugger off. A pack of bloody abos has more sense.
User RevDesmondFord left the room.
guest12:  i think i am falling in love with you Rev…would you be willing to try a jewish babe ?
palestine4ever:  time for Luke’s mid-day skin cancer session
chamoole:  lol
guest12:  i want to see his bikini line
chamoole:  eeeew
guest12:  i want to slather him with my babalicious oil of love
nicolletista:  my god levi–this CANNOT be the out-of-doors.  it’s a close upof a poster of a park, right?
palestine4ever:  Nope, that’s the legacy of the future Mrs. Ford
chamoole:  hahahahahhaha
nicolletista:  OK, then it’s a VIDEO of Luke outside, maybe in Australia years and years ago
palestine4ever:  Look at that.
palestine4ever:  It’s the middle of the day.
palestine4ever:  He has no money.
palestine4ever:  He has no prospect of employment.
nicolletista:  everyone knows Luke hasn’t left the hovel in years
nicolletista:  like that poor girl in Austria
palestine4ever:  And he’s tanning his pasty flesh.
nicolletista:  palestine4ever this is really shocking
palestine4ever:  Luke leaves his hovel, how else would he get those interviews?
palestine4ever:  I’ve seen the videos.
nicolletista:  btw your contributions are A+ in my book
nicolletista:  everything is done using the internet
nicolletista:  everything
palestine4ever:  "What crowd did you hang out with in high school?"
nicolletista:  except for what is done on telephone
palestine4ever:  Nicolletista, I’m just one man attempting to bring the truth of the Jews to this corner of the internet.
nicolletista:  you may be just one man, but your contribution is that of at least 1.3 men
palestine4ever:  I saw Luke lacked an anti-Semite in his inner circle. I saw a void and I rushed to fill it.
nicolletista:  c’mon pal, all of us jews are anti-semites too
palestine4ever:  It’s my way of giving back for the hours of riveting Jenna Jameson chats Luke has given me over the years.
nicolletista:  but i like the cut of your jib or whatever culturally appropriate boat works
palestine4ever:  It’s nothing that any of us couldn’t do with a few… years… of reading Stormfront
nicolletista:  someone has to–my DEEPEST regards
palestine4ever:  It’s hard but I carry on.
palestine4ever:  I feel a bit protective of Luke.
nicolletista:  me too, amigo
nicolletista:  the revdes is a dickhead
nicolletista:  at least gadol and amalek have useful suggestions
User guest21 changed their name to Mushtaka.
nicolletista:  mind you, levi isn’t going to take any of them
palestine4ever:  I sometimes wonder what kind of civilization wouldn’t have a role for a Luke Ford in it
palestine4ever:  Not one I want to live in, for sure.
nicolletista:  hell no…luke was born in a suit of ARMOR
palestine4ever:  Asalaam Aleikhum, Mushtaka
palestine4ever:  Nicolletista, do you know dashing Levi in real life?
nicolletista:  howdy mushtaka–this is the #1 arab jew-bashing chat room on the internet especially designs for jews, jeiwsh converts, fake jews, and the gentiles who love them
palestine4ever:  A chatroom for Jews by those who aren’t.
nicolletista:  pal, i have never met levi, but, like you i’m sure, i think of him as family
palestine4ever:  Pakis, by habit, are not usually ragheads.
palestine4ever:  They have a reputation as boylovers if you must know.
palestine4ever:  Not as bad as Afghans, but no better either.
Mushtaka:  explain ragheads?
chamoole:  a c**t who covers his head with a tea towell
Mushtaka:  oh no he’s  coming back
Mushtaka:  nice
palestine4ever:  A slur that the Jewish media forwards on the basis of Arabs wearing kaffiyeh
Mushtaka:  i have done this befoe
Mushtaka:  mostly when pissed

palestine4ever:  I never thought I’d say it, but wow are there a lot of crazies around you, Luke.
palestine4ever:  And again, the guy that posted a link to davidduke.com is the one saying this.
nicolletista:  he really is running some loop from 6 months ago
palestine4ever:  I think there’s like a 15 second delay which can be quite surreal
palestine4ever:  He’s putting on pants, at least.
Gina:  Luke is a Domestic Goddess in disguise
Gina:  Do you do windows?
nicolletista:  oh yes, i’m working on stories that i will sometime tell my unborn children, the Legends of YNG in the Chatroom.
palestine4ever:  He drinks out of a plastic jug, Gina.
palestine4ever:  Let’s not go too far.
Gina:  as long as he doesn’t pee in it as well
palestine4ever:  You never know.
palestine4ever:  Blogging = serious business.
nicolletista:  it’s an anti-woman force field gina–have you EXPERIENCED this disgusting practice?
nicolletista:  gina, luke left his hovel for the first time since the cowboys were eliminated in the playoffs.  p4e is quite right to point oout that we DO NOT KNOW if micturation in these bottles hasn’t at least occurred to him.
palestine4ever:  I mean, yellow water in, yellow water out?
palestine4ever:  That’s all I’m saying.
Gina:  floaters / sinkers….
User YNG left the room.
palestine4ever:  I’ll be honest: it occurs to every man once in awhile, when the urge strikes and the kitchen is closer than the bathroom
palestine4ever:  But most of us have this thing called "breeding"
User guest73 left the room.
palestine4ever:  It’s what keeps us from relieving ourselves in the place where we keep our dishes
nicolletista:  and now we are back to another of levi’s problems
palestine4ever:  It forces us to USE CUPS.
Gina:  but do you pee in the showe?
Gina:  shower*
palestine4ever:  I do not!
palestine4ever:  But I admit it’s usually because of a slow drain rather than any civilized manners.
palestine4ever:  I mean there’s nothing worse than standing in an inch of urine, shower or not.
Gina:  unclog your drain…
palestine4ever:  But then my wife might pee in it.
palestine4ever:  We never had the "do you pee in the shower?" conversation.
palestine4ever:  I admit we were young and foolish and rushed into things.
Gina:  thats on my list of 1st date questions
palestine4ever:  Oh goodness
palestine4ever:  Levi, cover your mouth please!
palestine4ever:  There are females present here, and a Rabbi.
palestine4ever:  And a silent guy with an admirably Aryan name.
palestine4ever:  Luke, I have to be serious for a moment here.
palestine4ever:  We all can look back on life and see certain forks in the road.
nicolletista:  levi, good shabbos to you.  candle lighting 7:20. 
palestine4ever:  I would like to offer for your consideration one Nick Denton, like you a Commonwealth citizen, and also Gay.
palestine4ever:  He had a little blog named Gawker.
User guest31 left the room.
palestine4ever:  Today, he owns a veritable blog empire and you have a bunch of domains in your name run by someone else.
nicolletista:  it’s also yom ha shoah, or for p4e, yom holohoax.
palestine4ever:  Why did this happen, and what lessons can we draw from it?
YourMoralLeader:  What do you suggest?
palestine4ever:  Hail Victory, Nic. I’ll keep a bedsheet in your size handy.
nicolletista:  p4e, you’re the man, as we say around shul. 
palestine4ever:  I’m thinking that just about all of your additions to the Luke Ford Brand have been rather spammy.
palestine4ever:  Denton looks at demographic data and fills the niche.
palestine4ever:  Because it’s under the Denton Brand umbrella, people will automatically check it out.
User nicolletista left the room.
palestine4ever:  Like Valleywag — you could have done that.
palestine4ever:  They have a couple of talented people there but mostly they’re just regurgitating news from other blogs.
palestine4ever:  Few of any of those but Gawker actually come up with their own material.
palestine4ever:  They’re just, in the words of the immortal Jew-namer Alex Linder, just "spintros" in their own words.
YourMoralLeader:  hmm
YourMoralLeader:  why aren’t I rich?

palestine4ever:  If I could suggest, you’re chasing money first and content about fourth or fifth.
palestine4ever:  You could team up with a few people and spread out the Luke Ford Brand.
palestine4ever:  Instead, lukeford.net just changes with your present obsessions.
palestine4ever:  Like I think you could have spun off a media-navel-gazing site in the heyday of your Cathy/Matt Welch/Emmanuelle connections
palestine4ever:  those folks probably stopped reading you when you stopped excoriating journalists on a regular basis

RevDesmondFord:  what exactly did rabbi union have to say about you, son?
RevDesmondFord:  did he bring to light some issues regarding your credibility?
Gina:  she needles you
RevDesmondFord:  i see you are still sitting there, playing dress-up, but your cretinous sycophants seem to have disappeared.
Gina:  pour some sugar on me…
Gina:  and my tea
RevDesmondFord:  did you know that your creepy, leering face is a hideous sight, boy?
YourMoralLeader:  Hi dad
guest46:  who thinks Jesus had a female deciple?
YourMoralLeader:  me
RevDesmondFord:  why can’t you be more like your brother, Paul?
guest46:  who thinks he had more that 1#
guest46:  yeah i agree
RevDesmondFord:   I tried to steer my whelp clear of candy and sugar, but he wouldn’t listen. Sinkers every time.
RevDesmondFord:  no wonder he grew up to be a slimy pseudo-journalist and dedicated anti-semite.
YourMoralLeader:  Gina, you hot for my dad?
guest46:  is i possible to follow religion without reading the bible or "alternative" religious scriptures?
Gina:  no for your son
guest46:  well**
guest46:  follow religion propperly**
YourMoralLeader:  no
Gina:  and the holy spirit
RevDesmondFord:   What’s the problem, boy? Too busy diddling yourself on camera to respond?
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, I’d like you to be on my new reality show
RevDesmondFord:  Let’s talk about Rabbi Union.
mee:  LUKE you said you were going to shave , WHEN??????
guest46:  wot is the difference between religion and spiritualitty
RevDesmondFord:   Why don’t you tell us the story of your dealings with Laurie Zimmet, Dennis Parger’s assistant?
guest46:  dont shave
guest46:  the beard is kool
Gina:  gotta go… only want to desecrate you.. not the holy Sabbath
RevDesmondFord:  Laurie Zimmet was very accurate in her assessment of you.
Gina:  Happy Kiddush!!
RevDesmondFord:  as was Rabbi Union.
Gina:  Do me proud
Gina:  or just do me
RevDesmondFord:  and a number of others.
RevDesmondFord:   "Reality show." Like your "books," just self-made dung posted on YouTube. Ponce.
RevDesmondFord:  it seems your "fans" (all three of them) do not know the difference between "published author" and "SELF-published author" – which is to say, not an author at all.
mee:  you  are good looking without your furry face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RevDesmondFord:  isn’t that right, boy? SPEAK UP!
RevDesmondFord:   Looks like you’re rolling snake eyes with your ‘audience,’ boy.
RevDesmondFord:  the sight of you is repugnant.
User guest48 left the room.
RevDesmondFord:  i feel like i’ve turned over a rock and found a burst cane toad.
RevDesmondFord:   Holly Randall’s bum is as big as all outdooors, mate. Funny, she repudiates you now. In public.
mee:  LUKE what music are you playing???
User Gina left the room.
mee:  why cant you reply
mee:  LUKE
RevDesmondFord:  in all grave seriousness, son: why are you such a piece of S H I T?
RevDesmondFord:  My son’s taste in music is like his taste in most things: weak, pathetic and without understanding
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, boy! It’s just you and me now!
mee:  BYE  LUKE thanks for the  reply!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RevDesmondFord:  It’s my boy’s ‘hee-hee" personality. He thinks he’s being coy. If I were there, I’d fetch him a clout to the noggin, I would.

YourMoralLeader:  I’m sure Rabbi Union would enjoy hearing from you.
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, boy…if I were there, I’d ball up my fists and come at you like a fair-dinkum walleroo!
RevDesmondFord:  Speaking of Rabbi Union: he was fair-dinkum dead-on right about you, son.
RevDesmondFord:  and you know it.
RevDesmondFord:  speak up, marble-mouth!
RevDesmondFord:  Rabbi Union was right
RevDesmondFord:  because you are a fraud, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  Your anti-semitic agenda truly does make me ill.
RevDesmondFord:  do you really think that the approval and attention of other anti-semitic crackpots on the internet validates your rot?
RevDesmondFord:  you are one ugly sight, son.
YourMoralLeader:  hi emma
YourMoralLeader:  I missed you
Emma:  Hey
YourMoralLeader:  I feared you had left me forever
YourMoralLeader:  I was just stuck with my old dad
RevDesmondFord:   Ah, Emma. Have you ever had an enema of whole milk? Floaters every time!
Emma:  Har de har
RevDesmondFord:  But you don’t care about that, son…denigrating the jewish people is your life’s passion.
RevDesmondFord:  and why is that, you loathsome little c**t?
YourMoralLeader:  Rev Des, if Emma gives me the word, I’ll have to ban you.
RevDesmondFord:  why is it that denigrating the jewish people is your life’s chosen passion?
Emma:  Ah but you enjoy him Luke
YourMoralLeader:  I would miss him very much
Emma:  I wont take away your toys
YourMoralLeader:  but not as much as you
RevDesmondFord:  I’d have more respect for you if your need to play dress up involved wearing your dead mum’s panties….like you used to do.
RevDesmondFord:  here is my question for you, son:
RevDesmondFord:  do you find it pathetic that a mildly retarded girl on the internet is the closest thing you have to an actual relationship with a woman at over 40 years of age?
RevDesmondFord:  it seems my coward of a son will not answer any of the tough questions.
RevDesmondFord:  much like the mainstream reporters he envies – except they are actual writers.
RevDesmondFord:  only in the internet age would a worthless c**t like my son Luke Ford find an audience to appreciate his rot.
RevDesmondFord:  and i can see on his face that he knows this to be the truth.
RevDesmondFord:  Looks like the imbeciles are coming back, boy. That ought to set you right
RevDesmondFord:  fair-dinkum right. only on the internet.
RevDesmondFord:  What was that you said, boy? You don’t go "downtown" to use the modern sexual patois. You wrote that ‘most women smell funny down there?" More proof of your blatant poofery.
YourMoralLeader:  All I’m doing this weekend is the will of God.
russiandragon:  yeah
RevDesmondFord:  you f**king fraud.
Emma:  Whats that then Luke?
russiandragon:  that’s a good thing luke
YourMoralLeader:  whatever I like
RevDesmondFord:  your grasp of theology is very selective, isn’t it, boy?
russiandragon:  so you pretend to be god
Emma:  Whats whatever you like?
RevDesmondFord:  more of your megalomaniacal blather. do you find yourself witty?
RevDesmondFord:  Whacking off to a woman he’s met on the Internet, I’d wager…while thinking of Wayne Cherry.
Emma:  Apart from that…
russiandragon:  luke’s dad pls
RevDesmondFord:  my son is a true disappointment on all levels.
RevDesmondFord:   If God had a will, you wouldn’t be sucking oxygen, ponce.
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, I have nothing planned but shul maybe karaoke saturday night
RevDesmondFord:  maybe you should publish the address of your shul, as you did with Dennis Prager.
RevDesmondFord:  so i can come over there and enlighten your congregation as to your true nature.
RevDesmondFord:  that’d be fair-dinkum fair use, mate! it’s the internet age, you are a public figure and thus i can publish this information with impunity.
RevDesmondFord:  Interesting how you can talk to the borderline crowd, but when it’s just you and me, boy, you clam up tighter than Wayne Cherry’s rectum.
RevDesmondFord:  UNION WAS RIGHT.
User guest12 changed their name to LawrenceFlint.
RevDesmondFord:  Look a my fraud of a boy, pretending to be the dutiful Jew.
RevDesmondFord:   My boy feels ABBA is "too rock and roll" for his taste.
russiandragon:  be proud of your son rev
RevDesmondFord:  I’ll never forgive him for using my Bubble Puppy album as a tea tray.
RevDesmondFord:  it was shortly after that incident that he gave his mum cancer.
LawrenceFlint:  Did you ever catch him engaged in the sin of Onan?
RevDesmondFord:  There he was, daintily sipping tea with his pinkie extended. I clouted him a good one on the side of the head and ended that. But my Bubble Puppy album was ruined.
YourMoralLeader:  Strawberry Fields, Emma
Emma:  Beatles..
RevDesmondFord:  I caught him slipping under the piss-rotted iron door of the school’s lavatory to engage in some boy-on-boy frottage with Wayne Cherry.
LawrenceFlint:  Rev, Luke has a plan that will make him a wealthy and famous man.  When that day comes, you will come knocking on his door asking for money
RevDesmondFord:  Luke doesn’t approve of the Beatles. They took drugs, so Luke couldn’t get past that. Ponce.
RevDesmondFord:  Son, how do you justify your self-righteous "moral leader" act in light of your own glaring hypocrisy and morally reprehensible actions?
YourMoralLeader:  it’s fun?
YourMoralLeader:  I met Emma!

RevDesmondFord:  about as much fun as a gut full of pinworms.
RevDesmondFord:  Here comes the "hee–hee" personality… it’s not funny or cute, boy.
Emma:  hehe
RevDesmondFord:  The day my son makes any money is the day the world ends.
russiandragon:  maybe it will end sooner than you think
LawrenceFlint:  Luke is soon going to have his own TV series
RevDesmondFord:  so how about it, son? give us the address of your synagogue. i’ll pop round to see you. it’s public information, and you are a "public figure," so it’s fair-dinkum fair use to publish that information! I’m going to do some DIGGING, mate, and when i find
RevDesmondFord:  what i’m looking for, it’s on the internet.
RevDesmondFord:   I’d like to do a tap-dance on my boy’s face with a pair of track spikes.
LawrenceFlint:  Luke attends a Satmar temple
RevDesmondFord:  Tell us about Laurie Zimmet, son.
RevDesmondFord:   Better still, tell us about Jeff Wald. You know, the part where you took his son’s drawing off his desk.
YourMoralLeader:  Was that wrong?
LawrenceFlint:  Who is Laurie Zimmet?
YourMoralLeader:  Laurie and I, that was a sad breakup. Lost all my friends.
YourMoralLeader:  Prager’s assistant.
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, been playing your myspace page over and over since you been gone
YourMoralLeader:  Love Kelly Clarkson
Emma:  Bad habbit Luke
RevDesmondFord:   Or you antagonized him to the point where he went apoplectic…and you became "deadly scared."
RevDesmondFord:  : Poor Luke…he betrays his "friends" and then laments when they desert him for the creep he is.
RevDesmondFord:  Tell us more about Laurie Zimmet. What was her objection to you again?
RevDesmondFord:  my son is so morally righteous that he needs teen girls on the internet to plead his cause.
RevDesmondFord:  Why did Laurie Zimmet object to you, son?
RevDesmondFord:  My boy’s a grown man. He knows the difference between right and wrong.
RevDesmondFord:  That he wilfully chooses to be a fraudulent creep is not my responsibility.
YourMoralLeader:  Her objection was that I betrayed her friendship by writing about her boss Dennis prager.
RevDesmondFord:  but Luke would rather blame anyone but himself for his failure in life.
RevDesmondFord:  there goes my son, braying like a fair-dinkum jackdaw.
RevDesmondFord:  Of course, not one of you nitwits can discern a Rufus Thomas reference. Least of all my ignoramus of a son.
RevDesmondFord:  Rufus Thomas is almost as entertaining as some of our most comical abos.
User guest55 left the room.
RevDesmondFord:  let’s talk about your deranged anti-semitic obsession with judaism, Luke.
RevDesmondFord:  better yet, let’s meet at your synagogue and talk about it. what is the address? it’s public information!
RevDesmondFord:  Son, you remind me of a fair-dinkum fairy penguin…but without the charm. All you’ve got is the annoying, braying call.
RevDesmondFord:   My boy is a tedious little p r i c k. A pack of dingos displays more smarts.
RevDesmondFord:  let’s talk about your deranged anti-semitic obsession with Judaism, Luke.
YourMoralLeader:  Yes, let’s.
YourMoralLeader:  Coz they killed Jesus, dad.
YourMoralLeader:  They deserve it.
RevDesmondFord:  when you publicly defame the Jews, does it make you feel like a "rebel," a fair-dinkum s**t-stirrer? of course it does. but i wonder how those at your synagogue might feel about it.
YourMoralLeader:  hmm
YourMoralLeader:  I wonder?
RevDesmondFord:  what is the address again?
RevDesmondFord:  it’s public information! fair use, mate!
RevDesmondFord:   In three years, we’ll see my boy trying to honk me off again by taking on the role of a passive homosexual. He’ll trade in the Jewish costume for one that’s more flamboyant. Maybe something with an ascot.
RevDesmondFord:  "they killed jesus," says my creep of a son. so much for his extensive studies of theology.
YourMoralLeader:  lol
RevDesmondFord:  "They deserve it," says my s**thead son.
RevDesmondFord:  i will punch your f**king lights out, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  actual diary of Luke Ford:
RevDesmondFord:  " "I’m here to defame the Jews, mate. They denied my attempts to convert, so I must destroy them. I haven’t been that iirritated since Gavin Brown didn’t invite me to his party."
YourMoralLeader:  where did you get that?

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I’m Live With Rabbi Gadol, Rev Des

Whining About Bloggers Not Calling Them For Comment

Add Jeffrey Goldberg’s name to the list of phony posturing MSM journalists such as Jewish Week Editor Gary Rosenblatt and Jewish Times Editor Phil Jacobs who whine about bloggers not calling them for comment while simultaneously refusing to answer inquiries from bloggers such as myself.

Rosenblatt wrote a column a few years ago complaining that bloggers don’t call him for comment before they write about him.

I’ve called and emailed Gary many times for comment before writing about him and he can never be bothered to even acknowledge my inquiry.

I called him to interview him about his column before I wrote about him.

He did not return my call.

Gary Rosenblatt is a big fat phony.

I did interview him in 2004 for my Jewish journalism book. As soon as I asked him a tough question, he had nothing to say. Rosenblatt won’t answer tough questions. When he and his newspaper received stiff fines for deceiving the postal service, neither Gary nor his paper addressed the matter publicly.

Also, Gary never bothered to ask any of the bloggers he wrote about for comment before blasting them.

About a year ago, Phil Jacobs wrote a column complaining about bloggers never asking him for comment before writing about him.

I’ve emailed Phil Jacobs several times for comment before writing about him. He can never be bothered to even acknowledge my inquiry.

Phil Jacobs is a big fat phony.

Now Jeffrey Goldberg blogs:

I was telling Andrew [Sullivan] about an on-line mugging I experienced at the hands of a person named Matt Haber, who is associated with the New York Observer, about which I have generally warm feelings, in part because it gave my book a great review, and we all know what such a review does for a person’s self-esteem, if not for a book’s actual sales. Andrew wasn’t impressed by my complaint. "Calling you an asshole is just the blogosphere’s way of saying hello," he said.

But I was unappeased. What bothered me about Mr. Haber’s post was not its insults (a couple of which were funny) but that he repeated a discredited accusation made by an ethically-challenged journalist about my reporting without having sought my comment. I called Haber to complain. He said: "I just wanted to promote your new blog." I didn’t quite understand this argument. He went on to explain that he "assumed" that I had already "had it out" with the journalist in question. Then he said that, while the Observer "does reporting," the blog for which he writes "is a looser, more fun kind of way of writing things." Fun, in Haber’s view, includes slander.

I called up Jack Shafer, the dean of global journalism and the future director of the Newseum, because I needed someone to listen to me bitch, and Andrew certainly wasn’t going to. I complained to Shafer about Haber’s dishonesty, but Shafer noted that his dishonesty was not relevant; what mattered was his mediocrity. "What these bloggers don’t understand is that if you call the target of your post to get a comment, the target’s going to say something really interesting," he said.

It seems to me to be a basic point. Haber’s post on my blog would have been more interesting if he actually got me to talk about my reporting. I might have even inadvertently offered him ammunition.

It’s one of the mysteries of the blogosphere, why more people don’t simply pick up the phone once in a while.

I’ve tried on many occasions to get a comment from Jeffrey Goldberg before writing about him. Once I did it in person at the GA in Los Angeles 18 months ago.

This is how it went down:

During a break in his conversations, I inquire if I can ask him a question (I wanted him to elaborate on a sentence in his book where he describes Jewish leaders in America as puny compared to Israel’s leaders).

He says sure.

I pull out my tape recorder. He freaks out. "Who are you? Who are you with?"

I say my name and the name of my website and show him my press pass.

"No," he says. "No interviews."

Goldberg then referred me to his publicist.

What a prima donna! I couldn’t ask him a simple question without him invoking his publicist because he must get so very many press inquiries. So very many.

I’ve also emailed and written letters to Goldberg to interview him and he has never even acknowledged my inquiries let alone refused them.

Jeffrey Goldberg is a big fat phony.

The important point here is not that Goldberg, Rosenblatt and Jacobs refuse to acknowledge interview requests from a blogger such as myself while simultaenously denouncing bloggers for not contacting them for comment. The deeper point is that these guys have the same commitment to answering tough questions as Ari Fleischer displayed at the White House. When push comes to shove, these blokes are as duplicitous as Nixon.

Posted in Journalism | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Whining About Bloggers Not Calling Them For Comment

‘Secret Lives Of Great Authors’

From the new book: Balzac preferred not to ejaculate, fearing that it would sap his creative energy. Said a friend: "Sperm to him meant emission of purest cerebral substance, and therefore filtering, a loss through the member, of a potential act of artistic creation." Or, as Balzac himself once put it after climaxing during intercourse with many of his lovers: "This morning I have lost my novel!"

I got my latest issue of Orthodox Action today and read it live on my cam:

YourMoralLeader:  i can’t believe emma’s in the latest issue of penthouse
guest30:  emma’s has the centerfold with all the staples (not stables)
bipolardragon:  for the articles
QuixoticLass:  oy vey
Emma:  gee wizz
bipolardragon:  emma would be a very good penthouse pet
guest30:  luck is reading the parsha hashavua in penthouse
bipolardragon:  she has the eyes to arden any jewish perv
guest30:  the eyes always have it
guest30:  eyes are the mirror of the neshama
guest30:  lukes eyes are soulfull too  dontcha think??
guest30:  all that pent up sexuality just waiting to get out
guest30:  the mag is already dog eared
bipolardragon:  it’s been manhandeled
guest30:  don’t forget to leave it in shul when you are done ok?
guest30:  breastlover chosid
YourMoralLeader:  i’m stealing that
bipolardragon:  it’s the jewish edition
bipolardragon:  i see no nudes
bipolardragon:  it’s the kosher penthouse
guest30:  glatt kosher has been supervised by the rabbis
QuixoticLass:  glatt kosher penthouse?  they checked the girls lungs for blemishes?
guest33:  tie me kangaroo down sport tie me kangaroo down
bipolardragon:  hi berlin
guest30:  girls lungs are checked  by the rabbi otherwise she is treif
bipolardragon:  i have a friend who lives in you berlin
guest30:  luke i hope you didn’t throw away in the trash emmas pic in penthouse
guest30:  that would be a travesty and a shanda
Moses:  luke, what time are you suntanning today?  I need to take a screen shot of that.
sarah:  moral leader????????????????? wat morals do you teach
YourMoralSchvartze:  yes leader….hold forth on something
sarah:  i dont understand
sarah:  jesus
guest30:  yes  oh leader spill your words of wisdom not your seed
sarah:  u look stoned
guest30:  he is a pillar in the community
QuixoticLass:  he is a pillar in his hovel
guest46:  are you suffering from a long, prolonged, derrangement of the sences in order to obtain the unknown??
QuixoticLass:  he’s not a vicar
sarah:  well wat does he do apart frm sit there
YourMoralSchvartze:  LOL we’ve been asking ourselves taht for a couple of months
guest30:  he sitting looking pretty
YourMoralSchvartze:  what the fsck does luke do all day
QuixoticLass:  earlier he was "reading" penthouse
sarah:  coz he aint preaching to us ………. ha
Emma:  He works hard and looks handsome
guest30:  he works hard for the money so hard for it honey
sarah:  ru half chineese
Emma:  Nope.. I see perfectly
guest30:  love is blind
sarah:  u must be joking
sarah:  ur telling me lol
guest30:  emma  give him a haircut & a shave when you come…
Emma:  He dosn’t need it
guest30:  then & only then you can say he looks handsome
guest30:  go ahead & wipe on the teeshirt
QuixoticLass:  when I first met him he was clean shaven
QuixoticLass:  came and sat down in front of my desk
sarah:  i dont c the point in just sitting there not saying nuffing ffs
guest30:  we are here to entertain him – the leader
guest30:  that is what he hath commanded to his followers & we must obey orders
guest30:  wipe away
guest30:  sticky fingers
sarah:  go ahead
guest30:  wipe it on that hairy chest of yours
sarah:  that sweaty hairy chest yuk
Emma:  He dosn’t have a hairy chest
guest30:  how do we know this emma?
guest30:  have you run your lawn mover through it ?
Emma:  Havn’t you seen him change on cam?
guest30:  ah yes you are right
guest30:  & you still want him?
guest30:  chest hair is not your thing
Emma:  yep
YourMoralLeader:  of course
YourMoralLeader:  ::)
YourMoralLeader:  and I want her
Emma:  🙂
YourMoralLeader:  in the worst way
Emma:  lol Luke!
guest30:  do you want him more emma as he wipes away on his shirt…it is such a turn on
Emma:  I hope not
guest30:  oi vey is mir
QuixoticLass:  You’re scaring her Luke
guest30:  i am going to donate more money to the emma fund right away…it is tzedakah well given
guest30:  kenst brechen
guest30:  in yiddish it means i want to gag
YourMoralLeader:  Desperately, very much, as in He wanted a new trumpet in the worst way. This usage replaced worst kind. [Colloquial; second half of 1800s]
guest30:  not in the biblical sense
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.answers.com/topic/in-the-worst-way

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on ‘Secret Lives Of Great Authors’