Tag Archives: oy vey

This Week’s Torah Portion – Parashat Noach (Genesis 6:9-11:32)

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs Mondays at 7:00 pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. Watch the video! This week we study Parashat Noach (Genesis 6:9-11:32). * I thought we’d start by … Continue reading

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The Dean and Jerry Show!

Greg Leake emails: Hi Luke, On the final YouTube of the last Torah Talk, you and Rabbs were speculating about what kind of people were attracted to the talks and I guess conceivably your blog. I’ve done a little thinking … Continue reading

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Pinchas Vs. The Girls Of Baal-Peor

This week’s Torah portion has so much slaughter and fornication that it would make a good videogame. I’m normally a very strong man, but there’s just something about Midianite girls that puts the lead in my pencil. I remember meeting … Continue reading

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Disturbing Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I befriended Michael Vick. I had him over to Shabbat dinner with some girls and my rabbi. After dinner, I got up on the couch with a couple of girls and mounted them (one at … Continue reading

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‘Ehehehhehhehh’

I hate that sound — "Ehehhehhehh!" It means I’m wrong. I’m bad. I’m busted. It means I may not pass go, I may not collect $200. For 43 years, people have been saying "Ehehhehhehh!" to me. It means I can’t … Continue reading

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Seven Minutes In The Hovel

"I want it to be different," he says. "I don’t want you to remind me of anything porny. Sex with you is different." "I am?" she says. "Thanks babe. You like what’s between my ears too? That’s love." "How’s your … Continue reading

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Change

"I have to admit you’ve changed my image of Orthodox Jews," said the little old secular Jewish lady to me after hearing one of my rants. "I have to admit I put them in a box. I stereotyped them. But … Continue reading

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Long Time Sun

At the end of yoga class tonight, the Guru said: "Let’s sing this for all those who don’t know that suffering is unnecessary." Oy vey! When I go to yoga, I feel like I am entering an alternate universe. I … Continue reading

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The Sickest Feeling

The sickest feeling is when you are talking to a woman and you suddenly realize that she hates talking to you, she fears talking to you, she is only talking to you to be polite, so it won’t be awkward … Continue reading

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The Bad Jew

"Would you carry this?" she asks. We’re outside the Santa Monica Co-Op on Broadway, a few blocks from where I had a passionate one-year fling with a gorgeous shiksa who was ten years my junior, five times more flexible, one-quarter … Continue reading

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