‘Secret Lives Of Great Authors’

From the new book: Balzac preferred not to ejaculate, fearing that it would sap his creative energy. Said a friend: "Sperm to him meant emission of purest cerebral substance, and therefore filtering, a loss through the member, of a potential act of artistic creation." Or, as Balzac himself once put it after climaxing during intercourse with many of his lovers: "This morning I have lost my novel!"

I got my latest issue of Orthodox Action today and read it live on my cam:

YourMoralLeader:  i can’t believe emma’s in the latest issue of penthouse
guest30:  emma’s has the centerfold with all the staples (not stables)
bipolardragon:  for the articles
QuixoticLass:  oy vey
Emma:  gee wizz
bipolardragon:  emma would be a very good penthouse pet
guest30:  luck is reading the parsha hashavua in penthouse
bipolardragon:  she has the eyes to arden any jewish perv
guest30:  the eyes always have it
guest30:  eyes are the mirror of the neshama
guest30:  lukes eyes are soulfull too  dontcha think??
guest30:  all that pent up sexuality just waiting to get out
guest30:  the mag is already dog eared
bipolardragon:  it’s been manhandeled
guest30:  don’t forget to leave it in shul when you are done ok?
guest30:  breastlover chosid
YourMoralLeader:  i’m stealing that
bipolardragon:  it’s the jewish edition
bipolardragon:  i see no nudes
bipolardragon:  it’s the kosher penthouse
guest30:  glatt kosher has been supervised by the rabbis
QuixoticLass:  glatt kosher penthouse?  they checked the girls lungs for blemishes?
guest33:  tie me kangaroo down sport tie me kangaroo down
bipolardragon:  hi berlin
guest30:  girls lungs are checked  by the rabbi otherwise she is treif
bipolardragon:  i have a friend who lives in you berlin
guest30:  luke i hope you didn’t throw away in the trash emmas pic in penthouse
guest30:  that would be a travesty and a shanda
Moses:  luke, what time are you suntanning today?  I need to take a screen shot of that.
sarah:  moral leader????????????????? wat morals do you teach
YourMoralSchvartze:  yes leader….hold forth on something
sarah:  i dont understand
sarah:  jesus
guest30:  yes  oh leader spill your words of wisdom not your seed
sarah:  u look stoned
guest30:  he is a pillar in the community
QuixoticLass:  he is a pillar in his hovel
guest46:  are you suffering from a long, prolonged, derrangement of the sences in order to obtain the unknown??
QuixoticLass:  he’s not a vicar
sarah:  well wat does he do apart frm sit there
YourMoralSchvartze:  LOL we’ve been asking ourselves taht for a couple of months
guest30:  he sitting looking pretty
YourMoralSchvartze:  what the fsck does luke do all day
QuixoticLass:  earlier he was "reading" penthouse
sarah:  coz he aint preaching to us ………. ha
Emma:  He works hard and looks handsome
guest30:  he works hard for the money so hard for it honey
sarah:  ru half chineese
Emma:  Nope.. I see perfectly
guest30:  love is blind
sarah:  u must be joking
sarah:  ur telling me lol
guest30:  emma  give him a haircut & a shave when you come…
Emma:  He dosn’t need it
guest30:  then & only then you can say he looks handsome
guest30:  go ahead & wipe on the teeshirt
QuixoticLass:  when I first met him he was clean shaven
QuixoticLass:  came and sat down in front of my desk
sarah:  i dont c the point in just sitting there not saying nuffing ffs
guest30:  we are here to entertain him – the leader
guest30:  that is what he hath commanded to his followers & we must obey orders
guest30:  wipe away
guest30:  sticky fingers
sarah:  go ahead
guest30:  wipe it on that hairy chest of yours
sarah:  that sweaty hairy chest yuk
Emma:  He dosn’t have a hairy chest
guest30:  how do we know this emma?
guest30:  have you run your lawn mover through it ?
Emma:  Havn’t you seen him change on cam?
guest30:  ah yes you are right
guest30:  & you still want him?
guest30:  chest hair is not your thing
Emma:  yep
YourMoralLeader:  of course
YourMoralLeader:  ::)
YourMoralLeader:  and I want her
Emma:  🙂
YourMoralLeader:  in the worst way
Emma:  lol Luke!
guest30:  do you want him more emma as he wipes away on his shirt…it is such a turn on
Emma:  I hope not
guest30:  oi vey is mir
QuixoticLass:  You’re scaring her Luke
guest30:  i am going to donate more money to the emma fund right away…it is tzedakah well given
guest30:  kenst brechen
guest30:  in yiddish it means i want to gag
YourMoralLeader:  Desperately, very much, as in He wanted a new trumpet in the worst way. This usage replaced worst kind. [Colloquial; second half of 1800s]
guest30:  not in the biblical sense
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.answers.com/topic/in-the-worst-way

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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