Thoughts On This Week’s Torah Portion – Shemini

Posted on March 25, 2008 by Luke Ford

Rabbi Shlomo Riskin’s commentary.

According to the Ramban, the strange fire offering by Aaron’s sons Nadav and Avihu is that they wanted a relationship with G-d without judgment. They just wanted it to be all love and no relationship and community can be run that way. There always has to be accountability and consequences. We can’t look for unconditional love. We have to earn our way.

I’ve made a video explicating these mystical thoughts. Feel free to share it at your place of worship and within your faith community and also at G-d’s house.

Posted in Torah | Comments Off on Thoughts On This Week’s Torah Portion – Shemini

We Live In The Century Of The Terrorist

Posted on March 25, 2008 by Luke Ford

Who says?

My dad. Here.

Find the truth and transform your life. You can get joy and all sorts of cool things.

Redletterchurch posts to YouTube: "Des Ford has one of the sharpest minds I have encountered! He is a great speaker and debater! I have witnessed many of his lectures, including Oct. 27, 1979. But there is a problem here! The red-letter teachings of Jesus Christ take a back seat to Paul! Christianity needs to repent, and resurrect the words of Christ, and make them first and foremost! With all due respect to Dr. Ford, I have decided to follow Jesus!"

Whenever people ask me why I am so, umm, unique, I just ask them to spend two minutes listening to one of my dad’s sermons. Then they’ll understand.

Topsiturvi8 posts:

Dr. Ford often speaks on the sayings of Christ and the Gospels. He says that Christ should always be given precedence over Paul. However, until Pentecost the full meaning of Christ’s sayings could not be perceived. The Holy Spirit confronted Paul and led him into a unique ministry of interpretation and explanation. Because of his training it was given to Paul to explain what the atonement meant. This could not be done until after the atonement was made, i.e., until after Christ died.

The primary inquiry of all intelligent souls is, ‘How can I be right with my Creator?’ It is only Paul who fully spells out the way with its root and its fruit. The great tragedy of even modern evangelicism is that salvation in its historical and objective senses is too often obscured. A closer attention to the writings of Paul could prevent this tragic loss.

Sinner, are you right with G-d?

Girma posts: "Dr. Desmond Ford is one of the greatest gospel preacher of our time. His sermons and books have brought untold blessings to my life. Dr. Ford is the. most wholesome and dynamic teacher I ever met. Looking forward to read his biography which is due in January of 2008."

From the John Ankerberg Show: Walter Rea and Desmond Ford examine why so many evangelical men and women have been asked to leave Adventism and whether or not the writings of Ellen G. White are considered to be of equal authority as the Scriptures.

More videos from my dad.

Here’s an open question for my audience: Who’s more of a moral leader? My dad or me?

My mate posts: "You speak the plebian langauge of the common man……therefore your moral leadership is accessible to a greater audience. Your father is too patrician."

I once asked a lady who was visiting me at my parents home what was the biggest difference between my father and I. "He’s not as pompous," she said.

My first girlfriend said: "The more you try to be different from him, the more you’ll be like him."

Take it easy on me. It should be easy to see. I’m getting lost in the crowd. I’m crying out loud. I just want you to know. I know that you have to go. It’s all up to you but whatever you do, take it easy on me.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on We Live In The Century Of The Terrorist

I Cammed All Night

Posted on March 25, 2008 by Luke Ford

My new Ultravision Quickcam from Logitech has night vision, so I left it on all night as I slept, or more particularly, did not sleep, afraid I’d do something obscene that would forever shame the Jewish people.

My alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. so I could go to shul and pray.

Getting out of the shower, I realized my towel was not in the bathroom. Looking around for coverage, I could find only a small hand towel on the fridge. No way would this be big enough to cover what I have to offer the world. So I waved it around strategically — trying not to get too excited and enlarge my problem — as I dashed to my towel and back.

After pulling on my tzitzit, I checked my chat room. Nobody was awake enough to have caught my involuntary show.

Thank G-d for small blessings.

On the downside, there was no content there for me to cut and paste after my hard night of tossing and turning.

From Tuesday morning’s chat:

YHWH:  luke do you consider yourself a prophet?
YourMoralLeader:  a bit
RussianDragon:  the devil is speaking again
RussianDragon:  creepy
YHWH:  every time you go for that jug, it knocks your sound around
YHWH:  you’re hitting a wire or cable every time you pickup the jub of urine
QuietStorm:  green tea for the soul
guest528:  hes making me dizzy…………….
RussianDragon:  it’s the sulfure
YHWH:  how much does this cam cost Luke?
YHWH:  is ti free?
RussianDragon:  hubble, bubble, toil and trouble I cast my spell tonight
YHWH:  i mean the feed
YHWH:  not the cam itselfr
QuietStorm:  it’s free YHWH
RamBam:  Do you shake a woman’s hand when you meet her?
RussianDragon:  only when he w**ks himself before
guest531:  Luke, you need to shave! You’re starting to look like the Unabomber
RussianDragon:  he’s thinking about if he is left or right handed or both
YourMoralLeader:  try to avoid shaking hands iwth women
YourMoralLeader:  it could lead to dancing
QuietStorm:  what is the purpose of that Luke?
RamBam:  Because they could be niddah, QuietStorm
QuietStorm:  oh ok
RussianDragon:  so a hand leads to sex
RussianDragon:  that’s novel
RussianDragon:  i should shake hands more
RussianDragon:  with women
RamBam:  And, she could be menstrating.
RussianDragon:  eeeeew
QuietStorm:  but why then do you flirt with some of the women who come here Luke?
RussianDragon:  it’s on her hand or what
YourMoralLeader:  I can’t help it
RussianDragon:  i think women are cleaner than men
RamBam:  No touching a woman until 7 days after menstration stops.
YourMoralLeader:  it’s spiritual impurity
RussianDragon:  men can easily go to crap and then not wash their hands
QuietStorm:  isn’t that inconsistant?
RussianDragon:  what’s so spirtualy impure about menstruatinf
RamBam:  all touching of an affectionate nature is rabbinically forbidden in niddah
RussianDragon:  i find women are more sexually responsive during menstruation
RussianDragon:  i just need to shower more :p
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.lukeford.net/archives/updates/080325.htm
YourMoralLeader:  my torah parsha commentary
RamBam:  Are you going to study to be a rabbi?
QuietStorm:  I don’t understand how it’s worse to touch a woman "physically" than to emotionally touch them and lead them on
RussianDragon:  so basically jews don’t touch their menstruating wifes or gf’s
YourMoralLeader:  I’d like to
RussianDragon:  you could be spiritually soiled
RamBam:  no sound can’t hear your pounding rant
RussianDragon:  he is a cultleader not a rabbi
RamBam:  A rabbi can be a cult leader.  Jesus, for example.
QuietStorm:  RamBam, can you explain my question to me?
RussianDragon:  well luke is the less moral type of cultleader
RamBam:  What was your question?
RussianDragon:  is he going to become a rabbi
RussianDragon:  so he can preach to the under 18
QuietStorm:  why is it worse to touch a woman "physically" than to touch them emotionally by leading them on?
RussianDragon:  WE CANNOT HEAR YOU LUKE
RamBam:  NO SOUND LUKE.  NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU.
RussianDragon:  DO NOT RANT
RussianDragon:  WE DO NOT HEAR YOU 🙂
RamBam:  It’s considered a ritual impurity.
QuietStorm:  sounds totally inconsistant to me….oh well…..
QuietStorm:  maybe Luke can teach me
RamBam:  women were considered ritually impure as a result of menstruation.
RussianDragon:  but why
RamBam:  It’s not based on consistancy.
RussianDragon:  i don’t see the point
RussianDragon:  well men are impure after crapping
QuietStorm:  but I am referring to being spiritually clean
RussianDragon:  that’s more logical to me
RussianDragon:  well why the difference
RamBam:  Yes.  Men are unpure after crapping and have to wash.
RussianDragon:  i should learn more about the torah
RussianDragon:  and the jewish ideas
QuietStorm:  RamBam, have you ever taken the time to learn of other religions?
RamBam:  The problem with menstration is its harder to tell when it starts and stops.
RamBam:  Yes.  I used to be a Buddhist
QuietStorm:  and why did you change RamBam?
RamBam:  In many ways I haven’t changed.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I Cammed All Night

I Need To Buy A Car

Posted on March 25, 2008 by Luke Ford

Any recommendations?

My 1982 car needs a new engine. It would cost a minimum of $2500.

Sounds like time for a change.

Maybe I’ll lease?

PS. I told the garage to put everything back and let me drive away. They said my engine was out. I had to put another in. So I didn’t want to be difficult and agreed to shell out $2500 for a different engine.

This car will be the death of me. It’s a money pit.

Posted in Personal | Tagged | Comments Off on I Need To Buy A Car

I’ve Posted My Tax Returns For The Past Three Years

Posted on March 24, 2008 by Luke Ford

An accountant says: "Very auditable and very foolish to put this on this website."

Hey, when I ran for Moral Leader, I promised my followers 100% accountability.

[IMG]DSC_0001.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3547K
[IMG]DSC_0003.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3551K
[IMG]DSC_0005.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3538K
[IMG]DSC_0006.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3540K
[IMG]DSC_0007.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3547K
[IMG]DSC_0009.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3534K
[IMG]DSC_0012.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3537K
[IMG]DSC_0013.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3556K
[IMG]DSC_0016.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3534K
[IMG]DSC_0019.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3545K
[IMG]DSC_0020.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3541K
[IMG]DSC_0022.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3533K
[IMG]DSC_0024.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3544K
[IMG]DSC_0025.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3539K
[IMG]DSC_0030.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3543K
[IMG]DSC_0032.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3566K
[IMG]DSC_0035.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3554K
[IMG]DSC_0036.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3553K
[IMG]DSC_0037.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3536K
[IMG]DSC_0039.JPG24-Mar-2008 23:3544K

Posted in Personal | Comments Off on I’ve Posted My Tax Returns For The Past Three Years

Glatt Mart Opens Next Week

Posted on March 24, 2008 by Luke Ford

It is on Pico Blvd, a couple of blocks east of Robertson, next to Eilat Market.

I’m not exactly sure what a "Glatt Mart" is but it sounds cool. Will a glatt place have something to offer a vegetarian?

They’ve been constructing this mishkon for about a year.

Posted in Pico/Robertson | Tagged , | Comments Off on Glatt Mart Opens Next Week

‘Thanks to the Lord for giving me this Mexican to water my lawn and blow my leaves away’

Posted on March 24, 2008 by Luke Ford

I’ve got the Luke Ford Fan Blogger in my live cam chat tonight (then Eliot Stein joined us):

CXXX:  so how long does luke actually sit on here at night?
Wookie:  should pull out a belt for s**ts and giggles
CXXX:  Luke, do you talk about porn much anymore? or is it all this God stuff fulltime
QuietStorm:  SHALOM everyone
ChaimAmalek:  There should be a blessing for entering a chat room
guest342:  god digs porn
ChaimAmalek:  And another for leaving it
ChaimAmalek:  "God Bless this blog"  That’s yet ANOTHER book you could be writing.
Wookie:  just take the chat transcripts and publish those
ChaimAmalek:  Blessings for modern live
ChaimAmalek:  life
ChaimAmalek:  "Blessed be this personal ad"
ChaimAmalek:  "Blessed by the All-Mighty who created this woman for me to have sex with"
guest342:  god ..save me from ur followers
Wookie:  thats why god invented porn
ChaimAmalek:  Thanks to the Lord for giving me this Mexican to water my lawn and blow my leaves away"
ChaimAmalek:  This fool laughs at the good, monetizable ideas I give him every day
User guest342 changed their name to BackAlleySally.

Wookie:  the guy is laughing because he thought it was a joke
ChaimAmalek:  Instead of writing books about the quality of chairs in jewish temples, he should be writing these books
ChaimAmalek:  Why?  BECAUSE THEY WOULD SELL LIKE!
ChaimAmalek:  Hotcakes to goyim
YourMoralLeader:  I came upon your synagogue rating while I was checking some mail on a google group today.  I run an agency in Philadelphia that works to strengthen synagogues in order to enable them to engage members, potential members and even visitors.  For that reaso
ChaimAmalek:  In fact, goyim would snap up these titles: "The poor man’s guide to successful dating in LA"
User guest343 left the room.
BackAlleySally:  why do church spires have lightning rods ..just a lil odd
ChaimAmalek:  "Modern Blessings for Modern Times"
ChaimAmalek:  "How to set up your own congregation via the internet"
ChaimAmalek:  "The Hovel: What I Saw"
Wookie:  a bookshelf and a puter
ChaimAmalek:  "Young Women: God’s Viagra for the Older Man"
ChaimAmalek:  "Why I Want America’s Strapping Young Men to Go to War So that I can Boff Their Women"
ChaimAmalek:  Many years have I counseled you on monetizing yourself, but you never never listen to A M A L E K
ChaimAmalek:  Listen to that sick cackle
ChaimAmalek:  Thesselonians Letter to Pelegesh: Ford the Junior Interprets Bloggings Predicted Demise
BackAlleySally:  fk me u need a new music injection up ur morals
BackAlleySally:  stop drinkin piss!!!
ChaimAmalek:  Hey, is that the voice of that stick figure woman who starved herself to death?
ChaimAmalek:  I like Mormon chicks.
ChaimAmalek:  I want a Mormon chick.
ChaimAmalek:  I want 4 Mormon chicks.  I was in a Mormon bookstore a few days ago.
BackAlleySally:  i like moron chicks
ChaimAmalek:  Spookier than Jewish bookstores, but in a good way, because in the art work, all the chicks are young and hot and blonde
BackAlleySally:  dumb girls dont say no
ChaimAmalek:  Even the ones in Jesus’s physical embrace
BackAlleySally:  wtf is this s**te!!!
ChaimAmalek:  I want a smart, true-blue Mormon chickee who wants me to have four wives
ChaimAmalek:  You see that blanket?
BackAlleySally:  can u have more than one wife with a mormon??
ChaimAmalek:  As many as you like….if you belong to the right group of renegade mormons
ChaimAmalek:  I want a mormon because I like how they live and how they look.
BackAlleySally:  i want a renegade mormon chick too
ChaimAmalek:  Mormon chicks are so hot.
BackAlleySally:  where can u get one of those
ChaimAmalek:  Take an annoying Upper West Side Sex in the City watching bi*ch, invert her, and you have yourself a mormon
BackAlleySally:  stick ur system up ur ass!!!!!
BackAlleySally:  is there a mormon chick forum???
ChaimAmalek:  To me, these tapes Luke listens to are akin to lectures by the Maoists of Peru.  I mean, I’m sure they have something to say, but my brain cannot process
ChaimAmalek:  Mormon wives stay hot.
ChaimAmalek:  They don’t pig out, even after 12 kids
BackAlleySally:  its the voice ..great if u have insomnia
ChaimAmalek:  Look, no matter what this guy says, if you want to sell something, be a hot looking woman with a great rack.
ChaimAmalek:  A great rack beats any other selling system. 
ChaimAmalek:  "Look at these boobs and buy my stuff, Okay?"
BackAlleySally:  well this system s**t sucks ass,im off to find a mormon chick
User BackAlleySally left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  I’venever had my heart crushed by a Mormon chick. When Mormon missionairies get on the No. 2 train, I never feel the hairs stand up on the back of  my neck.
ChaimAmalek:  I also might like Scientology chicks, provided they have first been commanded by their masters in their "church" to have sex with me
ChaimAmalek:  In general, I want a cute cult chick who has been ordered to seduce me
ChaimAmalek:  That way, I don’t have to pay for any pepsis.
ChaimAmalek:  I’ll bet if I weighed less than 250 pounds, I could get mormon chicks
guest353:  NO U COULDNT
ChaimAmalek:  A man can dream
guest353:  NO U CANT DO THAT EITHER  LOL
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you are a manof the world.  Have you ever had a Mormon or a Scientologist?
ChaimAmalek:  I’ll bet you could win lots of converts from Mormonism to Judaism, if you set yourself to it.
YourMoralLeader:  no
guest353:  HOW ABOUT A BAPTIST GONE WILD???
User RussianDragon left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  All this for $6/day?
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you are a happy man, but you are nuts.
guest353:  6.50
ChaimAmalek:  My ideas are worth tons more than this crap you spend your days on
User guest353 left the room.
YourMoralLeader:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  It is a fact
ChaimAmalek:  You should defer to my judgement on these matters because, after all, it is I who am the born Jew here.  You are only Jewish by practice and belief.
ChaimAmalek:  I am Federal Reserve, you are a Credit Union
ChaimAmalek:  I just heard this song.
ChaimAmalek:  Don’t you have the good stuff, like Golden Earing or the Ramones?
ChaimAmalek:  Play some Ramones.
YourMoralLeader:  almost time to daven
ChaimAmalek:  Or better yet, Joy Division
ChaimAmalek:  Will we get to see Daven Cam?
ChaimAmalek:  Daven while listening to Joy Division
nicholas:  Modern Orthodoxy is my favourite type of Judaism.
xptlurker:  the gangs all here
nicholas:  Oh God, your porn friends have turned up.
YourMoralLeader:  give me more, more more
xptlurker:  that’s G-d to you, bub
xptlurker:  shake it, fatman
nicholas:  I love this song!
xptlurker:  luke, is your cam frozen?
nicholas:  You need to interview Andrea True about her porn career. She is 64 now!
User xptlurker changed their name to YourOralLeader.
YourOralLeader:  whore whore whore
nicholas:  And you like granny porn.
YourOralLeader:  yeah, with Suze Randall
YourMoralLeader:  be on good behavior, there’s an Orthodox girl in here
nicholas:  Who?
YourOralLeader:  relative of fatman?
YourOralLeader:  this is the best part of the trip
YourMoralLeader:  I’m taking requests
YourOralLeader:  any Taste of Honey?
YourOralLeader:  did you play this kind of stuff for Holly?
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, she hated it
YourMoralLeader:  so, how is your relationship with HaShem?
YourOralLeader:  hashish?
YourOralLeader:  did you discuss beards with CXXX?
User YourOralLeader changed their name to torahtorahtorah.
torahtorahtorah:  how about Chic Le Freak?
nicholas:  THis is kinda sad. All we are doing is watching you eat.
nicholas:  I think there is hockey game on TV.
torahtorahtorah:  I am trying to watch porn on cam4
nicholas:  You need to invite Eliot Stein here, so I can give him a peace of my mind.
torahtorahtorah:  luke’s cam is moving now, awesome
torahtorahtorah:  who needs porn?
nicholas:  What are you eating?
torahtorahtorah:  luke’s life is a performance
nicholas:  A modestly interesting performance.
torahtorahtorah:  luke, have you ever considered broadcasting on cam4.com?
YourMoralLeader:  anyone gone jogging in a skirt?
torahtorahtorah:  not me
torahtorahtorah:  not even a kilt
torahtorahtorah:  "I like to video chat in VERY large rooms. I like to have many, many people watching me while I play. Major turn on." – Miss Komodo
nicholas:  cam4.com is porn. I just checked it out.
nicholas:  Don’t do it Luke!!!!!!!!
torahtorahtorah:  it’s not all porn
torahtorahtorah:  just kinda porny
torahtorahtorah:  like Luke
YourMoralLeader:  like bananarama?
nicholas:  It’s looks to be just men masturbating.
nicholas:  EEEEwwwwwww!
torahtorahtorah:  bananarama is OK
nicholas:  Yes!
torahtorahtorah:  there is this woman on cam4 called sweeteva
torahtorahtorah:  real train wreck
nicholas:  Miss Komodo’s occupation is "Web Slut."
nicholas:  What does that mean?
nicholas:  Her cam is okay, but I don’t think it’s live.
torahtorahtorah:  most of the women arent’
torahtorahtorah:  I think that I’ve seen those rings before
nicholas:  I think Luke eating is less gross!
nicholas:  Miss Komodo needs to keep her clothes on.
torahtorahtorah:  This isn’t you, I hope – nicolas: let me see u swallow it all the way and his nuts too
nicholas:  I’m ashamed to be Canadian.
torahtorahtorah:  ever hear of this guy Brandon Iron?
nicholas:  I guess this is how Australians feel about Luke.
nicholas:  No.
torahtorahtorah:  well, you;ve got one more thing to be ashamed of then
nicholas:  The hovel looks bigger than I expected.
torahtorahtorah:  It’s like snoopy’s doghouse
Bored:  so, hillary lied again
Bored:  are we not surprised?
Bored:  love how she said she dodged bullets
torahtorahtorah:  Dennis Prager!
Bored:  rotfl
torahtorahtorah:  jesus h christ
nicholas:  You shouldn’t lie about thinks that can be easily disproved.
Bored:  she’s not going to be elected
torahtorahtorah:  this b**ch on jmeeting just pissed all over the place
nicholas:  Sinbad was there too.
Bored:  neither is obama
torahtorahtorah:  looked like a cxxx after work party
nicholas:  Is Luke shaving? I hope so.
torahtorahtorah:  quick w**k
torahtorahtorah:  that was fast
nicholas:  I guess not.
User torahtorahtorah left the room.
nicholas:  How come you wear a hat, Luke?
nicholas:  Is it a fashion statement?
YourMoralLeader:  it’s a torah statement
YourMoralLeader:  http://refinancemortgagenow.net/blog/
YourMoralLeader:  do you like that pic?
nicholas:  Miss Komodo is starting to bore me.
nicholas:  It’s just the same thing over and over.
nicholas:  I closed my Miss Komodo window. It was too graphic.
nicholas:  How about Air Supply?
nicholas:  Do you like Little River Band, too?
nicholas:  How come you type stuff and nothing shows up?
nicholas:  Private chat?
nicholas:  Styx!
nicholas:  You should start a sports blog.
nicholas:  Maybe a Dallas Cowboys blog.
nicholas:  Sports reporting is perfect for the blogging format.
YourMoralLeader:  no $$$
nicholas:  I guess.
YourMoralLeader:  best book anyone read lately?
YourMoralLeader:  i’m enjoying ralph steadman’s tome about hunter s thompson
nicholas:  I’m reading Nicholas Wade. Just started.
YourMoralLeader:  Nicholas, do you have any romantic advice for me. How best to date an Orthodox woman?
YourMoralLeader:  a relation?
nicholas:  No. I don’t think I ever even met a Jewish woman.
nicholas:  We don’t have any Jews where I live.
nicholas:  Here’s some advice. Shave. Get a hair cut. And start using Grecian formula again.
guest392:  holy s**t your still here
guest392:  dont you eat?
nicholas:  Luke eats on cam!
User guest389 left the room.
guest392:  holy randal sends her love
nicholas:  He was eating something orange. That’s all I know.
YourMoralLeader:  thank you
guest392:  got any trick daddy?
guest397 [aka Eliot Stein]:  Luke looks like he could be the "new" William F. Buckley
guest397:  passionate…yet reserved
guest397:  CHICKEN SOUP MY MAN!
guest397:  Nature’s Number One MEDICINE!
guest397:  You’re NOT a real converted Jew…until you try Campbell’s Chicken Soup!
guest397:  Is Luke exercising?
guest397:  ALL TOGETHER NOW–Apple Juice to the left…Apple Juice to the right
guest397:  This could be the start of a new fad!
guest397:  Throngs of Americans have left the gym behind–and have turned to Apple Juice Bottle Calisthenics!
guest397:  Tis is better than Jack Lalanne!
YourMoralLeader:  thank you
guest397:  You are Welcome.. from your secret number one fan…
guest398:  what are you doing?
YourMoralLeader:  thanks man, who r u?
guest397:  Well…
YourMoralLeader:  I’ve got tennis elbow
YourMoralLeader:  and i’m slowly building up those very sore muscles
YourMoralLeader:  too much blogging
guest397:  Who have you "SORT OF MET" in the last few years who has a great sense of humor?
YourMoralLeader:  in person?
guest397:  Despite the barriers placed between us by others…
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  ?
guest397:  Oddly, we’ve never met in person…
guest397:  although we should someday.
guest398:  Why are growing a beard?
guest397:  Oh, yes…I guess some people don’t like my "sense of humor."
YourMoralLeader:  grrr
YourMoralLeader:  it’s a jewish thing – beard
YourMoralLeader:  have we spoken on phone?
guest397:  That’s 1 down and ten to go–Kitty Carlisle.
guest398:  Why do you think you’re Jewish?
guest397:  We’re All Jewish when it comes down to it.
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  397, how about some more clues/
guest397:  I like the grey striped shirt–sort of like the Jewish Beach Boys.
guest397:  I’ll probably let you think about it for a while.
guest398:  397 likes bananas
guest397:  WHo told you?
guest398:  Holly
guest397:  I like bananas fried, grilled, baked, steamed…sort of like Forrest Gump.
guest398:  When did you get circumcized?
guest397:  Com’on baby…Let’s DO the APPLE TWIST
guest398:  What is he holding??
guest397:  It’s an Apple Juice bottle.
guest398:  Why??  Grape juice is so much more Jewish.
guest397:  Yes, but it’s the whole Adam and Eve things that thrills Luke.
guest398:  Wasn’t that really a quince?
guest397:  Yes, a quincedence.
guest398:  He’s wearing a "yammie".
guest397:  When I was a kid, there were two types of yamikas. Black or White. Take your pick.
guest397:  Now they got Britney Spears on them, leprachauns, Nike. It’s incredible.
guest398:  I’ve got a Gore/Lieberman yammie
guest398:  and a "Chai 5"
guest397:  Congratulations! You are GUEST 400!
guest398:  No one likes guest400
User guest400 left the room.
guest397:  Look what you did!
guest398:  Luke is thinking about converting to Islam.
guest397:  I heard.
guest397:  He’s doing it because he has trouble readinf directions–and they MAKE you figure out which is East.
guest398:  He’s going to take our picture.
guest397:  The 400 series is very antisocial.
guest398:  I think they panic when they see CXXX and thinks it’s gonna go all tranny
guest398:  He’s violating copyrights or spying for the Mossad
YourMoralLeader:  I’m photographing my tax returns to post
guest398:  I’m right … spying for the Mossad
guest397:  Your tax returns? Wouldn’t be easier just writing a big IOU?
guest398:  Don’t you have to have a job first?
AlanLudden (aka Eliot Stein):  A boy comes home from school and says: "Mom, we’ve been studying Jewish life and Jewish families…we’re doing a play…and I have the role of the Jewish Father!"…
AlanLudden:  The mother says, "You go back to the teacher right now and DEMAND A SPEAKING ROLE!"
BobEwbanks:  Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
BobEwbanks:  They’re worth it!!
BobEwbanks:  He only reads the Talmud … in English, yet.
BUGGERBALL:  HE NEDS A SHOWER FIRST
BobEwbanks:  He’s not an essenes.
User guest407 left the room.
AlanLudden:  Why don’t they allow Jewish women on juries?
BobEwbanks:  Pray tell ..
AlanLudden:  Because they INSIST that THEY’RE GUILTY!
BobEwbanks:  I think all these 400 guests are anti-semites
AlanLudden:  Or they have termites.
BobEwbanks:  He’s spying again.  As if he pays any taxes …
BobEwbanks:  Maybe he’s going to sell pics of his taxes to fake luke
BobEwbanks:  fatman & CXXX are awfully quiet.
AlanLudden:  They are sitting Shiva.
User guest408 left the room.
BobEwbanks:  Lukes building up a belly.
AlanLudden:  It;s in his contract.
BobEwbanks:  I think he’s drinking his own urine.
BobEwbanks:  Where do you think he keeps his porn?
AlanLudden:  I just realized that I have spent an hour of my life watching Luke.
AlanLudden:  Which, I guess is better than watching Oliver Stone movies.
AlanLudden:  But will this become an addiction and change the very nature of my existence?
BobEwbanks:  No.
BobEwbanks:  Luke!!!!!!!!!!  Is interracial porn Kosher?
lubbenitup:  i’m bringing jersey jaxin to schul
lubbenitup:  the walking will do her good
BobEwbanks:  She’ll f**k up the computers.
lubbenitup:  a walk down fairfax burns 100 calories
BobEwbanks:  I think he should bring Cherish & Cali Marie.
lubbenitup:  theyd stop at canters.  theyre eating for 4
BobEwbanks:  They’d ask for mayo on there pastrami.
AlanLudden:  That would be  "their" Pastrami.
AlanLudden:  That’s an "F" in grammar.
lubbenitup:  they bring their own roast beef
BobEwbanks:  :0
AlanLudden:  Don’t make me come over there and give that "F"
YourMoralLeader:  I don’t own any porn
BobEwbanks:  Luke: Is Purim more important than Pesach?
AlanLudden:  Purim is more fun.
AlanLudden:  That’s 13 years in Hebrew School and a Bar Mitzvah talking.
BobEwbanks:  After the Moshiach will we have Pesach?
AlanLudden:  Well, this has been fun. I’ve enjoyed sharing an hour and twenty minutes of my life with you Luke and all your friends.
YourMoralLeader:  who r u?
AlanLudden:  Well I might be that Eliot guy.
AlanLudden:  Thanks for the invite.
AlanLudden:  Not ELiot Spitzer.
AlanLudden:  The other one.
AlanLudden:  In your life.
YourMoralLeader:  Oh damn
YourMoralLeader:  Eliot
YourMoralLeader:  great to see you
AlanLudden:  Yes.
YourMoralLeader:  Damn, I am sorry
YourMoralLeader:  I had no dea
YourMoralLeader:  whooops
AlanLudden:  I’ve really had fun here!
YourMoralLeader:  Thanks man!
AlanLudden:  That’s OK!
AlanLudden:  Hopefully someday we’ll be able to talk out and work out all the CRAP…of which you know has sorta been in the middle of us.
YourMoralLeader:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  yes

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on ‘Thanks to the Lord for giving me this Mexican to water my lawn and blow my leaves away’

The Third Temple: Israel’s Missing Link

Posted on March 24, 2008 by Luke Ford

Chaim Chlorfene writes:

In the introduction to his book Ohr Hamikdash (Light of the Temple), Rabbi Moshe Luria, explains that the Torah, the Sabbath, and the Holy Temple are respectively the essence of Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge (Chachmah, Binah, and Daath). These three are called a rope of three strands that binds the Jewish people (and arguably all the other people of the world, as well) to the God of Israel.

Torah is familiar to us on a daily basis, "for it is our life and the length of our days and we meditate on it day and night." The Sabbath comes to us once a week without fail. But what about the Holy Temple? As of this date, it has been missing for 1936 years. For nearly 100 generations no one has seen or experienced the Holy Temple. Yet, the Temple does more than stand alongside Torah and Sabbath in importance. It is the link that binds them together, for the true nature of Knowledge (Daath) is its power to unify. This is the meaning of (Gen. 4:1), "And Adam knew his wife, Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain." Conjugal union between husband and wife is called knowledge "in the Biblical sense," and it is this power that binds all things as one. The essence of this Knowledge is the Temple.

We can appreciate how the Temple unifies Torah and the Sabbath from the 39 work activities (melachoth) that the Torah prohibits on the Sabbath. They are derived from the 39 creative activities by which the Mishkan (Tabernacle) was built by Moses at Mount Sinai. The Mishkan was the Temple in a portable form, having the same status as the Temple in Jerusalem.

But the Temple unifies more than Torah and Sabbath. It unifies everything else as well. The Holy Temple unifies the Jewish people and serves as the center of government, culture, and communal life. Like blood flows to the heart and is revitalized and pumped back to the body, the people of Israel came to the Temple three times a year to receive God’s blessings and return home refreshed and invigorated.

When the Temple is standing, the Divine Presence (Shechina) is fully revealed. Then, God, Israel, and all the nations of the world are unified. This is the true source of world peace, healing and brotherhood. And it happens only in the Temple, as it (Isaiah 2:3), "And many peoples will say, Come, let us ascend to the Mountain of the Lord and He will teach us His ways and we will walk in His paths."

To be sure, the Temple is the missing link. And it has been missing so long, that the world has largely lost interest in it, or worse, regards it in a negative light. Orthodox Jews, evangelical Christians, and archeologists are the last bastions to maintain an active concern for the Temple. And even here, the connection to the Temple is clouded by confusion and misinformation.

Archeological scholarship is almost always a romantic blend of true research and self-willed fantasy. Christians have little or no tradition about the workings of the Temple. They just know it is supposed be rebuilt and it will be a good thing. The real issue is with Orthodox Jews, who pray at least three times every day for the Temple to be rebuilt, and who diligently study the Talmud which is jam-packed with lore and laws about the Temple.

Despite this, nearly all sects and branches of Orthodox Judaism treat the Temple with apathy and neglect. The Chofetz Chaim in the introduction to Avodat HaKorbanot wrote that matters pertaining to the Temple are comparable to finding an unattended corpse (meth mitzvah). When finds an unattended corpse, it is an obligation to get involved to preserve the dignity of the deceased. Even the High Priest, who is forbidden to contaminate himself by contact with the dead, is commanded to bury an unattended corpse, though he will defile himself spiritually. Such is the dignity of the Temple. All who come in contact with teachings about it are enjoined to get involved.

Posted in Israel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on The Third Temple: Israel’s Missing Link

‘Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough’

Posted on March 24, 2008 by Luke Ford

The Calendar Girls write: "Writer Lori Gottlieb recently sparked a heated debate across the country when she published "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" in The Atlantic’s March 2008 issue. Here is an excerpt: "My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go." Agree? Disagree? Come hear Rabbi David Wolpe engage Gottlieb in a riveting discussion sponsored by ATID and join in with your insights, opinions and/or vehement defense of old fashioned romance. Wine and hors d’oeuvres will be served. For singles and couples 21-39. Thursday, March 27, 7 p.m. Free. Sinai Temple. 10400 Wilshire Blvd, LA, 310-481-3244.

Posted in Dating, Lori Gottlieb, R. David Wolpe | Comments Off on ‘Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough’

Chaim Amalek: ‘If you let the word out that shul was the place to get laid, many fallen Jews would attend’

Posted on March 24, 2008 by Luke Ford

Chaim says: "Think of the holy work you could be doing! This is no joke. You could be monetizing this, and bringing fallen secular Jews closer to HaShem. I could write half of this book in a week for you. Luke, God has blessed you in many ways.  YOU MUST WRITE A BOOK. The Poor Man’s Guide To Meeting Women in LA. Do you get them drunk at kiddish? How do you do this?"

"I cannot get into the ball park, let alone first base. Armed guards stop me. I can no longer even get laid on craislist. Crack whores won’t give me the time of day. I doff my yarmulke to you."

"What’s more effective? Women or meds? Which elevates your mood more?"

"This woman who drew a heart on a card wants you.  Badly. Send me a tasteful photo of her so that I might come to know envy.

"What you are doing is remarkable, and all without drugs or eharmony or jdate or craigslist."

Well, in the past, more than a decade ago, I noticed that the Shabbat tended to elevate the senses. It made people more alive and more human and more open to one another. It was a great time to swoop down on women who otherwise might not notice me.

Since then, I’ve reformed my ways. I want to get married. I’m rebuilding my reputation.

From my live cam chat Monday afternoon:

ChaimAmalek:  Why is it that whenever I show up here, all the women depart?
ChaimAmalek:  This is the story of my life
Taylor:   mine to Chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, wave your hands to give me a time stamp
ChaimAmalek:  I hear birds tweeting!
ChaimAmalek:  It does sound idyliic
ChaimAmalek:  I never get to hear birds in my neighborhood
ChaimAmalek:  Pigeons do not count
guest292:  you look like a penis with a beard
guest292:  where do you get your haircut at?
guest292:  SuperCuts?
guest292:  i didnt know WalMart sold polo shirts
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  I might have some $$$ coming in!
ChaimAmalek:  How much we talking?
YourMoralLeader:  for my good video work
YourMoralLeader:  not sure yet
YourMoralLeader:  what does it mean when a girl scrawls a heart on the mishloach manot card?
ChaimAmalek:  It means she wants to do a mitzvah
ChaimAmalek:  Now, which of the  613 that might be, I don’t know
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
ChaimAmalek:  Is this girl fertile?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
maddie:  how do u keep all 613 laws luke?
guest292:  Luke can you jerk off with your eyes closed?
YourMoralLeader:  yes
ChaimAmalek:  Listen up you saps, this many whom you pity is really a sort of LIVING GOD – for reasons that I shan’t get into here.
guest296:  So what type of book do you read
maddie:  is it because we see many books  lol
YourMoralLeader:  judaism/journalism./fiction
guest296:  correct maddie
guest296:  and who do you lead ?
ChaimAmalek:  This man is a GOD so watch your mouth, womnan
guest296:  who are you calling woman
ChaimAmalek:  Maddie
ChaimAmalek:  Maddie, how do you feel about dating blokes via craigslist
maddie:  i dont  lol
guest296:  why do u chaimamalek ?
guest296:  you seem the type too
guest296:  you are all mouth and no action !!!!!! chaim
maddie:  where r u from chaim?
guest296:  you have gone a little quiet there chaim
User guest296 was banned by broadcaster/admin.
User guest296 left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  Such is my power
YourMoralLeader:  Chaim is my best friend
ChaimAmalek:  I am from New York
ChaimAmalek:  I am a rabbi in a very special shul
ChaimAmalek:  Bnai Craigslist
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, which way is your shul breaking, politically speaking.  Barak Hussein Obama, Hillary Clinton, or McCain?
YourMoralLeader:  not clear
User guest299 left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  You seem to have your fingers on the , um , pulse of Judaism
ChaimAmalek:  Obama is the choice of neurasthenic hipsters, dewey eyed white girls, and black folks under a certain age.
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you are bringing me closer to G-d through your example
ChaimAmalek:  Such is the power of true moral leadership
maddie:  r u one of god’s angels luke?
ChaimAmalek:  I’m proud of this man.  He routinely does the impossible, touching upon daf after daf with narry a chassid in his corner to point the way
User guest298 left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  So many mitzvahs, so little time
ChaimAmalek:  Hank, you a teamster?
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, I don’t mean to pry, but this holiday season . . . was there anyone special you waved your lulav at?
HankYablonski:  Nope. Guess again.
HankYablonski:  Chaim, are you real or a figment of Luke’s imagination.
ChaimAmalek:  This is the rumor
User guest6677 left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  People say they’ve met Chaim, but none can really confirm this
User CaptainHaddock left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  Only Luke knows for sure.  ONLY LUKE
ChaimAmalek:  and that’s a pretty big hint
YourMoralLeader:  You feel like a part of myself
ChaimAmalek:  Indeed
ChaimAmalek:  It all averages out.  Which is why none of the women I write to on Craigslist want to have anything to do with me
HankYablonski:  Stop paying them by check.
ChaimAmalek:  I offered them IOUs
ChaimAmalek:  4,000 dead in Iraq.
ChaimAmalek:  Well, that stopped this dead
HankYablonski:  Well done. Shocking women won’t talk to you.
ChaimAmalek:  Yeah….I guess
maddie:  just read you article on homepage chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Did it make you hot for me?
maddie:  no
ChaimAmalek:  I’ve gained a few stones since then
YourMoralLeader:  maddie, i’m shome rmitzvot
YourMoralLeader:  unlike amalek
HankYablonski:  Chaim, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
maddie:  like to read something decent chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, you are a Judas
ChaimAmalek:  maddie, if we met in person, you would want me.
ChaimAmalek:  Chicks dig fat men
ChaimAmalek:  and that is a fact
maddie:  by what i read,iwould not
ChaimAmalek:  Who are you to criticise AMALEK?
YourMoralLeader:  Amalek, Torah is the way to a woman’s heart
maddie:  clean your act up chaim
ChaimAmalek:  There is not much left to clean up
maddie:  really chaim?
ChaimAmalek:  Politico:  "Hillary R. Clinton has no chance of winning"
ChaimAmalek:  I am as clean as the snow
YourMoralLeader:  We need the Third Temple now!
ChaimAmalek:  Even though  I look a lot like Ron Jeremy, only smaller in some places and larger in others
HankYablonski:  I just threw up in my mouth.
maddie:  but snow has bits of dirt in it chaim  lol
ChaimAmalek:  And bacteria, but just a bit. Same as me
HankYablonski:  yes, nothing hotter than a narcissistic, self absorbed super jew.
ChaimAmalek:  If I were the Governor of New York, I’d be fighting you off with a stick
ChaimAmalek:  Both of you

YourMoralLeader:  I’ve made $6 today off google adsense
Guru:  OH MY NERVES
Guru:  HO HO
Guru:  good for you
Guru:  u can retire now
maddie:  thats great
ChaimAmalek:  There is another way of looking at those numbers.  They sustain a lifestyle that includes that for which the Elliot Spitzers of the world must otherwise pay dearly
HankYablonski:  Does the $6 cover the co-pay on your meds?
Guru:  no
YourMoralLeader:  I want to cover the Trinity church in chicago with barack and jeremiah wright
Guru:  for 6$ ?
Guru:  oh dear
guest315:  What is today’s moral, leader?
YourMoralLeader:  chastity
guest315:  thanks. i go now
xptlurker:  that’s not working out for me
xptlurker:  hello Jesus
JesusChrist:  shalom
xptlurker:  yes
xptlurker:  christiansingtheblues is his site
User guest317 left the room.
xptlurker:  sings the blues, that is
xptlurker:  so much for Luke
User guest309 left the room.
xptlurker:  has to hit the dry cleaners before it closes, I guess
JesusChrist:  c3x is going to burn in hell
xptlurker:  you’d think with the amount of time on his hands that he’s be able to do his own ironing
JesusChrist:  he have intercourse with transx
JesusChrist:  transexuals are ligers
xptlurker:  that’s the word on the street
JesusChrist:  and ligers are not permited in the kingdom of god
xptlurker:  I’m ure that Luke has taken it up the ass
JesusChrist:  what is this gay music?
JesusChrist:  abba?
xptlurker:  not sure
xptlurker:  I know that he likes lame stuff like that
User guest318 left the room.
xptlurker:  nice waste o electricity
xptlurker:  we need to get luke on cam4.com
JesusChrist:  imlive.com
JesusChrist:  guy4guy
xptlurker:  so we can switch between him and sweeteva
JesusChrist:  go to weleare office please
JesusChrist:  did holly had sex in that place?
xptlurker:  jew singalong
xptlurker:  I don;t know how long he’s been in that pit
xptlurker:  la la la
KhunDiddy:  hava blah! blah! blah!…havah…etc. etc. etc
User JesusChrist left the room.
KhunDiddy:  the question of the day is "does Luke have sex with his socks on like Spitzer…?
xptlurker:  I know that I do
KhunDiddy:  why, is it cole where you are?
KhunDiddy:  cold
xptlurker:  kinda
KhunDiddy:  hmmmmm
xptlurker:  I don’t have real strong feelings about it one way or the other
KhunDiddy:  how about if you went to Havana and had sex..would you still keep them on?
xptlurker:  unlikely
User guest320 left the room.
xptlurker:  depends if I thought that I might have to make a run for it
KhunDiddy:  having sex with your sox on could mean a ‘fear of intimacy"

KhunDiddy:  Thre quation is: Luke do you do the old BOMM BOOM with your socks on?
YourMoralLeader:  yo
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
YourMoralLeader:  I don’t like to get cold feet in the middle of things.
KhunDiddy:  It was signal a fear of intamacy
YourMoralLeader:  Holly did not like it.
KhunDiddy:  it may
KhunDiddy:  signal..perhaps you didn’t want to get to close…with her
KhunDiddy:  Jesus Saves…Moses Invests
Emma:  its a wierd thing bordom
Emma:  hey Luke, hows it goin?
YourMoralLeader:  you need faith 327
guest327:  seriously why cant i seee s**t
KhunDiddy:  Emma , do you make love to men who keep their socks on during "love making"..
Emma:  I dont make love to anyone Diddy
User Emma left the room.
KhunDiddy:  why is that?
KhunDiddy:  there went the Interview
KhunDiddy:  I scared her off
Emma:  lol
Emma:  did you?
KhunDiddy:  Sprtzer kept his socks on during boom boom…
Emma:  good for him
KhunDiddy:  long ones…blck
KhunDiddy:  calf length
Emma:  ok 😉
YourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
Emma:  what kind of mucic is this Luke?
guest322:  The biggest womanizer
guest322:  even bigger than Luke!
KhunDiddy:  nooooo not wrong but ….ahhhh! kinda unromantic I’d think..like you may be asking for the check and leaving soon after
User JESUSSAVES left the room.
KhunDiddy:  just heard a good one…the Judas thing…after the last supper Jesus asked for seperate checks
Emma:  The topic of conversation here today seems to be based on jesus
guest322:  Luke did you get any tips from R’ Shlomo?
YourMoralLeader:  A few!
guest322:  hope not the molesting ones  🙁
KhunDiddy:  somewhat has to speak up for that crazy Jew…what you want to talk about Emma…let’s hear from you
guest322:  Look where it got him…
guest322:  Can you whistle….
Emma:  Speak up
Emma:  What do you mean?
guest322:  with your socks on?
KhunDiddy:  they don’t make Jews like Jesus now-a-days
Emma:  lol Luke
Emma:  Thats an easy song to sing
guest322:  shukel
Emma:  heya la la la
Emma:  I dont think he looked gay diddy
KhunDiddy:  check out young ‘hollywood" Luke..he looked very gay
YourMoralLeader:  How do we restore faith in the world’s big credit markets?
Emma:  Pointless
KhunDiddy:  that question is too heavy for this forum
guest331:  Let the people that are losing their houses lose them
Emma:  Luke loves it when we talk about him
KhunDiddy:  let’s get the conversation back in the gutter where it belongs
Emma:  lol
guest331:  im for that
KhunDiddy:  excellant
YourMoralLeader:  fave boy bands?
KhunDiddy:  come on everyone..join in
Emma:  boy bands…pointless
KhunDiddy:  Emma…let’s hear it
Emma:  lets hear what diddy
KhunDiddy:  have you met Luke in person?
guest331:  No
Emma:  No but that would be interesting
Emma:  Diddy where you from?
KhunDiddy:  Have you been invited to the Hovel..
guest322:  lets have a kumzitz
KhunDiddy:  from:  many places
guest322:  at Luke’s hovel
Emma:  lol
guest322:  I’ll bring the cereal and grape juice
KhunDiddy:  Bangkok is my favorite city
Emma:  Luke… get some mercyme.. good boy band
Emma:  I can only imagine
KhunDiddy:  hahaaaa
guest331:  Luke, can we get a tour of the room, and by room I mean mess
Emma:  lol
KhunDiddy:  Luke, invite Emma over for some rice milk and conversation tonight
Emma:  lol
Emma:  your killin him
guest331:  What is that piss
Emma:  its tea
KhunDiddy:  you can share that unine analysis you’re drinking with her..maybe chew on some pretzels
Emma:  apparently
guest331:  looks nice out
KhunDiddy:  later you can make a play for her errrr! "flower"
Emma:  Good choice of song
YourMoralLeader:  I have too much respect for Emma
guest331:  hey, where in cali are you located
YourMoralLeader:  I’m not into that carnal stuff
YourMoralLeader:  LA
Emma:  lol Luke
guest322:  put some hair on your chest
KhunDiddy:  Luke my wife came into my office and saw you napping on the floor this afternoon..she exclaimed.."what he do on floor"..I told her you sleep there…
guest322:  looks like we may break the occupany record….
Emma:  He dosn’t need much sleep
Emma:  lol
KhunDiddy:  I bet he sleeps 14 hours a day
KhunDiddy:  do you think McCain boom booms with his socks on….I don’t think the Old Warrier Boom Booms at all..
Emma:  boom booms lol
KhunDiddy:  his wife looks frigid
guest331:  No way
Wookie:  can’t imagine her being first lady
guest331:  So how are you going to be our moral leader
Wookie:  Tax breaks for plastic surgeons
Emma:  Luke what is the best book you have read?
YourMoralLeader:  War & Peace
KhunDiddy:  she looks liike she’d rather be back at the ranch going through her tranquilizer supply than be with the old man
Wookie:  oh beautox
KhunDiddy:  Iggy Pop "open up and bleed" Great Book
KhunDiddy:  Curious turned me on to it
guest331:  Ford, what is the point of all this???
KhunDiddy:  Emma…jump in your car and drive over to Luke’s..give him an hour’s notice to take a few Lavitra
KhunDiddy:  he peomised to make love with his socks OFF just for you
Emma:  lol funny
KhunDiddy:  funnY? what’s funny? I’m trying to get you both laid
YourMoralLeader:  Sex is for marriage
YourMoralLeader:  if then
Emma:  Exactley
guest331:  ha
Wookie:  well, elope and get to it
KhunDiddy:  do you think Luke’s beard will be too scratchy when things get hot and heavy?
Emma:  Something to share with your husband diddy
Emma:  He wants to be the next gandalf
KhunDiddy:  My Husband?
Wookie:  mustache rides honey
guest331:  Luke, how long do you think you will keep running lukeisback
KhunDiddy:  wait til my wife hears about my husband..she has a temper
Emma:  How is your husband didy?
KhunDiddy:  I like her for you…Emma, E mail Luke your picture and don’t cheat..he already knows what Paris Hilton looks like
Wookie:  he sold it
Emma:  What has Pairs hilton got to do with me Diddy?
KhunDiddy:  he’s still trying to seell Mamie Van Dorn and she’s 96

Posted in Dating | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Chaim Amalek: ‘If you let the word out that shul was the place to get laid, many fallen Jews would attend’