I’ve got the Luke Ford Fan Blogger in my live cam chat tonight (then Eliot Stein joined us):
CXXX: so how long does luke actually sit on here at night?
Wookie: should pull out a belt for s**ts and giggles
CXXX: Luke, do you talk about porn much anymore? or is it all this God stuff fulltime
QuietStorm: SHALOM everyone
ChaimAmalek: There should be a blessing for entering a chat room
guest342: god digs porn
ChaimAmalek: And another for leaving it
ChaimAmalek: "God Bless this blog" That’s yet ANOTHER book you could be writing.
Wookie: just take the chat transcripts and publish those
ChaimAmalek: Blessings for modern live
ChaimAmalek: "Blessed be this personal ad"
ChaimAmalek: "Blessed by the All-Mighty who created this woman for me to have sex with"
guest342: god ..save me from ur followers
Wookie: thats why god invented porn
ChaimAmalek: Thanks to the Lord for giving me this Mexican to water my lawn and blow my leaves away"
ChaimAmalek: This fool laughs at the good, monetizable ideas I give him every day
User guest342 changed their name to BackAlleySally.
Wookie: the guy is laughing because he thought it was a joke
ChaimAmalek: Instead of writing books about the quality of chairs in jewish temples, he should be writing these books
ChaimAmalek: Why? BECAUSE THEY WOULD SELL LIKE!
ChaimAmalek: Hotcakes to goyim
YourMoralLeader: I came upon your synagogue rating while I was checking some mail on a google group today. I run an agency in Philadelphia that works to strengthen synagogues in order to enable them to engage members, potential members and even visitors. For that reaso
ChaimAmalek: In fact, goyim would snap up these titles: "The poor man’s guide to successful dating in LA"
User guest343 left the room.
BackAlleySally: why do church spires have lightning rods ..just a lil odd
ChaimAmalek: "Modern Blessings for Modern Times"
ChaimAmalek: "How to set up your own congregation via the internet"
ChaimAmalek: "The Hovel: What I Saw"
Wookie: a bookshelf and a puter
ChaimAmalek: "Young Women: God’s Viagra for the Older Man"
ChaimAmalek: "Why I Want America’s Strapping Young Men to Go to War So that I can Boff Their Women"
ChaimAmalek: Many years have I counseled you on monetizing yourself, but you never never listen to A M A L E K
ChaimAmalek: Listen to that sick cackle
ChaimAmalek: Thesselonians Letter to Pelegesh: Ford the Junior Interprets Bloggings Predicted Demise
BackAlleySally: fk me u need a new music injection up ur morals
BackAlleySally: stop drinkin piss!!!
ChaimAmalek: Hey, is that the voice of that stick figure woman who starved herself to death?
ChaimAmalek: I like Mormon chicks.
ChaimAmalek: I want a Mormon chick.
ChaimAmalek: I want 4 Mormon chicks. I was in a Mormon bookstore a few days ago.
BackAlleySally: i like moron chicks
ChaimAmalek: Spookier than Jewish bookstores, but in a good way, because in the art work, all the chicks are young and hot and blonde
BackAlleySally: dumb girls dont say no
ChaimAmalek: Even the ones in Jesus’s physical embrace
BackAlleySally: wtf is this s**te!!!
ChaimAmalek: I want a smart, true-blue Mormon chickee who wants me to have four wives
ChaimAmalek: You see that blanket?
BackAlleySally: can u have more than one wife with a mormon??
ChaimAmalek: As many as you like….if you belong to the right group of renegade mormons
ChaimAmalek: I want a mormon because I like how they live and how they look.
BackAlleySally: i want a renegade mormon chick too
ChaimAmalek: Mormon chicks are so hot.
BackAlleySally: where can u get one of those
ChaimAmalek: Take an annoying Upper West Side Sex in the City watching bi*ch, invert her, and you have yourself a mormon
BackAlleySally: stick ur system up ur ass!!!!!
BackAlleySally: is there a mormon chick forum???
ChaimAmalek: To me, these tapes Luke listens to are akin to lectures by the Maoists of Peru. I mean, I’m sure they have something to say, but my brain cannot process
ChaimAmalek: Mormon wives stay hot.
ChaimAmalek: They don’t pig out, even after 12 kids
BackAlleySally: its the voice ..great if u have insomnia
ChaimAmalek: Look, no matter what this guy says, if you want to sell something, be a hot looking woman with a great rack.
ChaimAmalek: A great rack beats any other selling system.
ChaimAmalek: "Look at these boobs and buy my stuff, Okay?"
BackAlleySally: well this system s**t sucks ass,im off to find a mormon chick
User BackAlleySally left the room.
ChaimAmalek: I’venever had my heart crushed by a Mormon chick. When Mormon missionairies get on the No. 2 train, I never feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
ChaimAmalek: I also might like Scientology chicks, provided they have first been commanded by their masters in their "church" to have sex with me
ChaimAmalek: In general, I want a cute cult chick who has been ordered to seduce me
ChaimAmalek: That way, I don’t have to pay for any pepsis.
ChaimAmalek: I’ll bet if I weighed less than 250 pounds, I could get mormon chicks
guest353: NO U COULDNT
ChaimAmalek: A man can dream
guest353: NO U CANT DO THAT EITHER LOL
ChaimAmalek: Luke, you are a manof the world. Have you ever had a Mormon or a Scientologist?
ChaimAmalek: I’ll bet you could win lots of converts from Mormonism to Judaism, if you set yourself to it.
guest353: HOW ABOUT A BAPTIST GONE WILD???
User RussianDragon left the room.
ChaimAmalek: All this for $6/day?
ChaimAmalek: Luke, you are a happy man, but you are nuts.
ChaimAmalek: My ideas are worth tons more than this crap you spend your days on
User guest353 left the room.
ChaimAmalek: It is a fact
ChaimAmalek: You should defer to my judgement on these matters because, after all, it is I who am the born Jew here. You are only Jewish by practice and belief.
ChaimAmalek: I am Federal Reserve, you are a Credit Union
ChaimAmalek: I just heard this song.
ChaimAmalek: Don’t you have the good stuff, like Golden Earing or the Ramones?
ChaimAmalek: Play some Ramones.
YourMoralLeader: almost time to daven
ChaimAmalek: Or better yet, Joy Division
ChaimAmalek: Will we get to see Daven Cam?
ChaimAmalek: Daven while listening to Joy Division
nicholas: Modern Orthodoxy is my favourite type of Judaism.
xptlurker: the gangs all here
nicholas: Oh God, your porn friends have turned up.
YourMoralLeader: give me more, more more
xptlurker: that’s G-d to you, bub
xptlurker: shake it, fatman
nicholas: I love this song!
xptlurker: luke, is your cam frozen?
nicholas: You need to interview Andrea True about her porn career. She is 64 now!
User xptlurker changed their name to YourOralLeader.
YourOralLeader: whore whore whore
nicholas: And you like granny porn.
YourOralLeader: yeah, with Suze Randall
YourMoralLeader: be on good behavior, there’s an Orthodox girl in here
YourOralLeader: relative of fatman?
YourOralLeader: this is the best part of the trip
YourMoralLeader: I’m taking requests
YourOralLeader: any Taste of Honey?
YourOralLeader: did you play this kind of stuff for Holly?
YourMoralLeader: yeah, she hated it
YourMoralLeader: so, how is your relationship with HaShem?
YourOralLeader: did you discuss beards with CXXX?
User YourOralLeader changed their name to torahtorahtorah.
torahtorahtorah: how about Chic Le Freak?
nicholas: THis is kinda sad. All we are doing is watching you eat.
nicholas: I think there is hockey game on TV.
torahtorahtorah: I am trying to watch porn on cam4
nicholas: You need to invite Eliot Stein here, so I can give him a peace of my mind.
torahtorahtorah: luke’s cam is moving now, awesome
torahtorahtorah: who needs porn?
nicholas: What are you eating?
torahtorahtorah: luke’s life is a performance
nicholas: A modestly interesting performance.
torahtorahtorah: luke, have you ever considered broadcasting on cam4.com?
YourMoralLeader: anyone gone jogging in a skirt?
torahtorahtorah: not me
torahtorahtorah: not even a kilt
torahtorahtorah: "I like to video chat in VERY large rooms. I like to have many, many people watching me while I play. Major turn on." – Miss Komodo
nicholas: cam4.com is porn. I just checked it out.
nicholas: Don’t do it Luke!!!!!!!!
torahtorahtorah: it’s not all porn
torahtorahtorah: just kinda porny
torahtorahtorah: like Luke
YourMoralLeader: like bananarama?
nicholas: It’s looks to be just men masturbating.
torahtorahtorah: bananarama is OK
torahtorahtorah: there is this woman on cam4 called sweeteva
torahtorahtorah: real train wreck
nicholas: Miss Komodo’s occupation is "Web Slut."
nicholas: What does that mean?
nicholas: Her cam is okay, but I don’t think it’s live.
torahtorahtorah: most of the women arent’
torahtorahtorah: I think that I’ve seen those rings before
nicholas: I think Luke eating is less gross!
nicholas: Miss Komodo needs to keep her clothes on.
torahtorahtorah: This isn’t you, I hope – nicolas: let me see u swallow it all the way and his nuts too
nicholas: I’m ashamed to be Canadian.
torahtorahtorah: ever hear of this guy Brandon Iron?
nicholas: I guess this is how Australians feel about Luke.
torahtorahtorah: well, you;ve got one more thing to be ashamed of then
nicholas: The hovel looks bigger than I expected.
torahtorahtorah: It’s like snoopy’s doghouse
Bored: so, hillary lied again
Bored: are we not surprised?
Bored: love how she said she dodged bullets
torahtorahtorah: Dennis Prager!
torahtorahtorah: jesus h christ
nicholas: You shouldn’t lie about thinks that can be easily disproved.
Bored: she’s not going to be elected
torahtorahtorah: this b**ch on jmeeting just pissed all over the place
nicholas: Sinbad was there too.
Bored: neither is obama
torahtorahtorah: looked like a cxxx after work party
nicholas: Is Luke shaving? I hope so.
torahtorahtorah: quick w**k
torahtorahtorah: that was fast
nicholas: I guess not.
User torahtorahtorah left the room.
nicholas: How come you wear a hat, Luke?
nicholas: Is it a fashion statement?
YourMoralLeader: it’s a torah statement
YourMoralLeader: do you like that pic?
nicholas: Miss Komodo is starting to bore me.
nicholas: It’s just the same thing over and over.
nicholas: I closed my Miss Komodo window. It was too graphic.
nicholas: How about Air Supply?
nicholas: Do you like Little River Band, too?
nicholas: How come you type stuff and nothing shows up?
nicholas: Private chat?
nicholas: You should start a sports blog.
nicholas: Maybe a Dallas Cowboys blog.
nicholas: Sports reporting is perfect for the blogging format.
YourMoralLeader: no $$$
nicholas: I guess.
YourMoralLeader: best book anyone read lately?
YourMoralLeader: i’m enjoying ralph steadman’s tome about hunter s thompson
nicholas: I’m reading Nicholas Wade. Just started.
YourMoralLeader: Nicholas, do you have any romantic advice for me. How best to date an Orthodox woman?
YourMoralLeader: a relation?
nicholas: No. I don’t think I ever even met a Jewish woman.
nicholas: We don’t have any Jews where I live.
nicholas: Here’s some advice. Shave. Get a hair cut. And start using Grecian formula again.
guest392: holy s**t your still here
guest392: dont you eat?
nicholas: Luke eats on cam!
User guest389 left the room.
guest392: holy randal sends her love
nicholas: He was eating something orange. That’s all I know.
YourMoralLeader: thank you
guest392: got any trick daddy?
guest397 [aka Eliot Stein]: Luke looks like he could be the "new" William F. Buckley
guest397: passionate…yet reserved
guest397: CHICKEN SOUP MY MAN!
guest397: Nature’s Number One MEDICINE!
guest397: You’re NOT a real converted Jew…until you try Campbell’s Chicken Soup!
guest397: Is Luke exercising?
guest397: ALL TOGETHER NOW–Apple Juice to the left…Apple Juice to the right
guest397: This could be the start of a new fad!
guest397: Throngs of Americans have left the gym behind–and have turned to Apple Juice Bottle Calisthenics!
guest397: Tis is better than Jack Lalanne!
YourMoralLeader: thank you
guest397: You are Welcome.. from your secret number one fan…
guest398: what are you doing?
YourMoralLeader: thanks man, who r u?
YourMoralLeader: I’ve got tennis elbow
YourMoralLeader: and i’m slowly building up those very sore muscles
YourMoralLeader: too much blogging
guest397: Who have you "SORT OF MET" in the last few years who has a great sense of humor?
YourMoralLeader: in person?
guest397: Despite the barriers placed between us by others…
guest397: Oddly, we’ve never met in person…
guest397: although we should someday.
guest398: Why are growing a beard?
guest397: Oh, yes…I guess some people don’t like my "sense of humor."
YourMoralLeader: it’s a jewish thing – beard
YourMoralLeader: have we spoken on phone?
guest397: That’s 1 down and ten to go–Kitty Carlisle.
guest398: Why do you think you’re Jewish?
guest397: We’re All Jewish when it comes down to it.
YourMoralLeader: 397, how about some more clues/
guest397: I like the grey striped shirt–sort of like the Jewish Beach Boys.
guest397: I’ll probably let you think about it for a while.
guest398: 397 likes bananas
guest397: WHo told you?
guest397: I like bananas fried, grilled, baked, steamed…sort of like Forrest Gump.
guest398: When did you get circumcized?
guest397: Com’on baby…Let’s DO the APPLE TWIST
guest398: What is he holding??
guest397: It’s an Apple Juice bottle.
guest398: Why?? Grape juice is so much more Jewish.
guest397: Yes, but it’s the whole Adam and Eve things that thrills Luke.
guest398: Wasn’t that really a quince?
guest397: Yes, a quincedence.
guest398: He’s wearing a "yammie".
guest397: When I was a kid, there were two types of yamikas. Black or White. Take your pick.
guest397: Now they got Britney Spears on them, leprachauns, Nike. It’s incredible.
guest398: I’ve got a Gore/Lieberman yammie
guest398: and a "Chai 5"
guest397: Congratulations! You are GUEST 400!
guest398: No one likes guest400
User guest400 left the room.
guest397: Look what you did!
guest398: Luke is thinking about converting to Islam.
guest397: I heard.
guest397: He’s doing it because he has trouble readinf directions–and they MAKE you figure out which is East.
guest398: He’s going to take our picture.
guest397: The 400 series is very antisocial.
guest398: I think they panic when they see CXXX and thinks it’s gonna go all tranny
guest398: He’s violating copyrights or spying for the Mossad
YourMoralLeader: I’m photographing my tax returns to post
guest398: I’m right … spying for the Mossad
guest397: Your tax returns? Wouldn’t be easier just writing a big IOU?
guest398: Don’t you have to have a job first?
AlanLudden (aka Eliot Stein): A boy comes home from school and says: "Mom, we’ve been studying Jewish life and Jewish families…we’re doing a play…and I have the role of the Jewish Father!"…
AlanLudden: The mother says, "You go back to the teacher right now and DEMAND A SPEAKING ROLE!"
BobEwbanks: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
BobEwbanks: They’re worth it!!
BobEwbanks: He only reads the Talmud … in English, yet.
BUGGERBALL: HE NEDS A SHOWER FIRST
BobEwbanks: He’s not an essenes.
User guest407 left the room.
AlanLudden: Why don’t they allow Jewish women on juries?
BobEwbanks: Pray tell ..
AlanLudden: Because they INSIST that THEY’RE GUILTY!
BobEwbanks: I think all these 400 guests are anti-semites
AlanLudden: Or they have termites.
BobEwbanks: He’s spying again. As if he pays any taxes …
BobEwbanks: Maybe he’s going to sell pics of his taxes to fake luke
BobEwbanks: fatman & CXXX are awfully quiet.
AlanLudden: They are sitting Shiva.
User guest408 left the room.
BobEwbanks: Lukes building up a belly.
AlanLudden: It;s in his contract.
BobEwbanks: I think he’s drinking his own urine.
BobEwbanks: Where do you think he keeps his porn?
AlanLudden: I just realized that I have spent an hour of my life watching Luke.
AlanLudden: Which, I guess is better than watching Oliver Stone movies.
AlanLudden: But will this become an addiction and change the very nature of my existence?
BobEwbanks: Luke!!!!!!!!!! Is interracial porn Kosher?
lubbenitup: i’m bringing jersey jaxin to schul
lubbenitup: the walking will do her good
BobEwbanks: She’ll f**k up the computers.
lubbenitup: a walk down fairfax burns 100 calories
BobEwbanks: I think he should bring Cherish & Cali Marie.
lubbenitup: theyd stop at canters. theyre eating for 4
BobEwbanks: They’d ask for mayo on there pastrami.
AlanLudden: That would be "their" Pastrami.
AlanLudden: That’s an "F" in grammar.
lubbenitup: they bring their own roast beef
AlanLudden: Don’t make me come over there and give that "F"
YourMoralLeader: I don’t own any porn
BobEwbanks: Luke: Is Purim more important than Pesach?
AlanLudden: Purim is more fun.
AlanLudden: That’s 13 years in Hebrew School and a Bar Mitzvah talking.
BobEwbanks: After the Moshiach will we have Pesach?
AlanLudden: Well, this has been fun. I’ve enjoyed sharing an hour and twenty minutes of my life with you Luke and all your friends.
YourMoralLeader: who r u?
AlanLudden: Well I might be that Eliot guy.
AlanLudden: Thanks for the invite.
AlanLudden: Not ELiot Spitzer.
AlanLudden: The other one.
AlanLudden: In your life.
YourMoralLeader: Oh damn
YourMoralLeader: great to see you
YourMoralLeader: Damn, I am sorry
YourMoralLeader: I had no dea
AlanLudden: I’ve really had fun here!
YourMoralLeader: Thanks man!
AlanLudden: That’s OK!
AlanLudden: Hopefully someday we’ll be able to talk out and work out all the CRAP…of which you know has sorta been in the middle of us.