Tag Archives: tzitzit

I’m Getting Nose Implants

Even though I’ve grown this long beard and I wear my tzitzit out, people can still tell I wasn’t born Jewish. Even non-Jews can tell. One woman said to me: “You don’t really have the traditional Jewish nose though. Don’t … Continue reading

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Will My Beard Hurt My Job Prospects?

Most of the people close to me hate my beard. They say it will hurt my job prospects. That people don’t like beards. I know there are jobs that require a person to be clean-shaven, but I am not so … Continue reading

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We Must Write What We Can Only Whisper

I imagine things from her perspective: I met him in yoga in early January. He came in late. He looked a mess. He wore sweats. He had a beard and a yarmulke and tzitzit hanging out. He was looking for … Continue reading

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‘But I Wear A Yarmulke…’

D. emails: You whingeing little ponce! You write, "I wear a yarmulke and tzitzit and a beard and people still ask me if I’m Jewish." You’re NOT Jewish. A self-administered conversion doesn’t count. Rabbi Union was right. You’re a deceitful … Continue reading

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Everyone Asks Me If I’m Jewish

I wear a yarmulke and tzitzit and a beard and people still ask me if I’m Jewish. I don’t get it. I’m the Jewiest Jew around. Is it my Aryan looks? Is there something off about my demeanor? Is my … Continue reading

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Writing A Gossip Column For The Los Angeles Times

ChaimAmalek: If you do, I will take this as proof that there is an afterlife, and that Cathy Seipp interceded on your behalf. ChaimAmalek:  You are recession-proof ChaimAmalek:  And that could be yet ANOTHER book you could write – "How … Continue reading

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I Cammed All Night

My new Ultravision Quickcam from Logitech has night vision, so I left it on all night as I slept, or more particularly, did not sleep, afraid I’d do something obscene that would forever shame the Jewish people. My alarm went … Continue reading

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Stolen Cocoa Krispies Taste Sweeter

My Video Blog As I was leaving LimmudLA last month, I was given three boxes of food to take to SOVA to feed the homeless. Figuring that I was only a canceled credit card away from being homeless, I appropriated … Continue reading

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