The Next Great Photographer: Clinton Mackinnon

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

I often highlight professionals of exceptional talent who deserve more attention. In the world of top photography, Clinton Mackinnon (www.clintonmackinnonphoto.com) is unparalleled in talent, reputation, patience and his ongoing dedication to providing clients with breathtaking images, from wedding photos that stir the soul to other events that provide lasting memories. Along with Kate Mackinnon, his wife and business manager, Clinton offers wonderful service and the ability to help people realize their dreams. Give him a call at 805-815-5679. I highly recommend this gifted, young photographer — in a crowded field, he’s the best.

Kate MacKinnon emails:

Dear Luke,

Thank you so much for your glowing recommendation! We also have a philanthropic aspect to our company, whereby we will donate 10% of the net proceeds from the sale of prints to a 501(c)(3) charity of our client’s choice. We are also willing to extend that offer to albums bought through us, as well. This social entrepreneurial aspect of our company is extremely important to both me and Clinton, but it is flexible so that couples getting married can donate to the charities that they hold near and dear to their hearts. We also are involved with a number of charities (Ventura Boys and Girls Club, Kensington Foundation, VetFund, etc.), and Clinton photographs their major fund raising events for free, then gives the the rights to the images to the charities so that they can use them for whatever promotional needs they have. Furthermore, our company donates to Feed the Children on a monthly basis. The only other aspect I can think of is I just graduated with my MBA (I’m not sure if this is all that interesting to couples getting married, though).

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One Of These Nights

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

I’m weak from hunger and flu.

I’m listening to this Eagle’s song and writing anything that comes to my head.

Gotta keep it toned down.

Gotta sneak it past the rabbis.

I’ve got my demons and I’ve got desires.

Why am I drawn to songs about the emptiness of what I’m not allowed — by my own rapidly developing internal moral compass — to write about?

Ooooooooooooh.

Loneliness will find you in between the wrong and the right.

Coming right behind you, swear I’m gonna find you one of these nights.

Gonna settle down. Get married. To someone reliable and dependable and Orthodox.

In between the dark and the light.

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I’m Changing The Ethos Of This Website

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

I’m no longer all about sex and shame. I’m now about Torah and mitzvot.

Come on, feel the change:

KhunDiddy:  good to see Luke is awake
KhunDiddy:  did you catch him napping on the lawn yesterday?
Dave:  oh moral leader help us in our time of need!!
KhunDiddy:  what kind of a Jew sleeps in the afternoon when there are the hearts and Minds of Jewess’ to win?
guest31:  the lazy goy kind
KhunDiddy:  Luke you can’t do that with a Jewish wife and two Jewish brats
KhunDiddy:  Ye old lady will be kvetching that the Bernsteins have a larger house than you and she needs more jewelry
KhunDiddy:  a new car…the kids need private school…and you’re napping on the lawn Oy Gevalt
KhunDiddy:  I nominate Luke for the laziest Jew in California (non Jewish category)
ElisabethIrwin:  There is entirely too much sexism in chat rooms.  This perpetuates the gender divide on the internet, as it chases away many women.
ElisabethIrwin:  Also, there is too much irony and too much sarcasm.
ElisabethIrwin:  Remember, we are not here to see through one another, we are here to see one another through.
zappa:  What makes it funny is the serious concentration on the guys face
KhunDiddy:  you seemed to be having impure dreams
KhunDiddy:  prob ably dreaming of rolling in the heather with Emma

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Jewish Briefs

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

Joe emails: An offer was made to mediate the Biston-Weil dispute before a beit din and that fell through. It is now scheduled for trial in September.

Pacific Jewish Center in Venice is looking for a part time rabbi – apparently the shul cannot afford a full time rabbi. This is part of the larger problem of pulpit rabbis commanding upper middle income salaries from shuls where members are getting drilled by school tuition etc. The last full time rabbi at Pacific Jewish Center made over 120K and did not do anything to grow the shul.

Chabad of North Hollywood (located in Sherman Oaks) has the go ahead to build out its existing old facility (which is bursting at the seams) but needs a few million to do it right with underground parking, etc. If Rabbi Boruch Cunin has money from the Roland Arnall estate, please send it to this great valley shul which has chulent every shabbos.

Shaarey Zedek is warming up to the new rabbi – he is getting to be more friendly and the downstairs minyan has acknowledged his evident intellectual superiority.

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Financial Briefs

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

Joe emails:

Banks – the order of failure will be – Downey Savings within 12 months, just like the angel said to Sarah regarding the birth of a baby boy. Next is First Federal, probably in the next 18 months. Washington Mutual will be lucky to survive. It is not clear that wells fargo, b of a, or others can swallow these turds whole. It may take some federal action. If you want to make money, there is still money to be made shorting downey, fed, wamu, wells, etc.

Oil is going to 200 a barrel. Buy small oil stocks that have been poorly run by goyim in the midwest. Althought these goyim are so dumb that if they ran a funeral home nobody would die, the demand for oil makes the business foolproof. Buy a stock called TGC.

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San Fernando Valley Shul Reviews

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

Beis Midrash Toras HaShem (O); 12422 Chandler Blvd, Valley Village, CA 91607; Phone 818-980-6934; http://torashashem.blogspot.com

Prayer: B+
Friendliness: C+
Food: B
Singles: D
Decor: B
Average Age of membership: 40.

Misc: Good kiddish and decent childcare. The shul is comprised of a few young married couples with mostly middle age couples and a few "alter cockers". People are generally friendly but not overly so. If you need a place for Shabbos dinner or lunch speak with the Rabbi or Gabbai. Was mainly a Kiruv shul over the last 25+ years but is moving away from that. Would be Centrist Orthodox at best. There are still a fair amount of learning opportunities for those that are interested. The shul may be officially changing into a Young Israel of Valley Village. Stay Tuned.

Adat Yeshurun Valley Sephardic (O);  12405 Sylvan St,  North Hollywood, CA 91606; Phone (818) 766-4682Prayer: B
Friendliness: C
Food: B
Singles: ?
Decor: B
Average Age of membership: 40.

Misc: Typical Moroccan Sephardic shul. If you’re ashkenazi it’s not for you. A nice mix of young and old people attend.

Shaarei Yerushalayim (O); 12435 Chandler Blvd, Valley Village, CA 91607; Phone 818-980-9278

Prayer: B-
Friendliness: C-
Food: B
Singles: ?
Decor: B
Average Age of membership: 40.

Misc: Typical Israeli Sephardic shul. If you’re ashkenazi it’s not for you. Smaller intimate minyan on weekdays. A large number of Israelis.

Joe emails:

Your shul reviewer is about as useful as tits on a bull when it comes to Toras Hashem. TH is the old original aish that Rabbi Block founded. It was burned down about 20 years ago and rebuilt into a fairly decent structure that is there toda. Rabbi Block has changed many lives through that shul, but he is definitely slowing down. I had heard that TH had received a substantial bequest from a congregant that would ensure its finances for a long time.

All of Rabbi Block’s kids are adults and all but one are married – he has the mind and the affect of a superstar – his pedigree is from the Mir under the grand Rabbi Shmuelevit, but the force in Rabbi Block is weaker than it once was.

It is a shul mainly for people who do not like Shaarey Zedek, but given that about 98% of the valley pisses on Shaarey Tzedek, there is a lot of competition for the disaffected and those who think SZ sucks can daven under Rabbi Eidlitz at Emek or even at the 8;15 minyan at SZ itself and harbor disdain for SZ.

As for a change to Young Israel of Valley Village, give me a break. If any shul opens in the valley without a right wing black hat rabbi, Obama Barack along with that [naughty language I can no longer publish] wife of his will be invited to a communal seder. The shul board and Rabbi approved the switch to YI. Rav Block will retire and make aliyah in the future (could be anytime) so they are planning for a future without him. Yes it would be a big loss and the community as a whole will suffer…

Valley Village is so right wing right now that a Young Israel trying to be tolerant of newcomers and succeeding would be like nailing jello to a tree. The only group that might leave SZ are the right wing greaseball types that might take Rabbi Edelstein and try to rent some space on Burbank and Whitsett. True the Ashkenaz community in Valley Village is becoming more right wing but not Hareidi by any means. There are still a lot of undecided people in the community that tolerate SZ but deep down despise it or go to Valley Torah or else where for now.

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JewishJournal.com Getting A Massive Redesign

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

The old one used to crash my browser at times (javascript errors) and took forever to load.

The new site — which will go live today — is slicker and quicker. All it lacks are sufficient photos of my rebbe — Orit Arfa.

I’d be happy to volunteer my Camera of Death for this holy task.

I’m so jazzed that when you put "Orit Arfa" into Google, my own writings come up first — ahead of her own website.

There is an all-powerful, all-beneficent deity who intervenes in our daily lives.

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Leah Kleim – The Movie

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

Leah Kleim has had many adventures. Yesterday in my chat room, she said she had hooked up with a shaliach’s (Chabad emissary) wife.

The couple wanted to help her. They brought her over for Shabbos determined to change her views of the rebbe’s army. They also wanted her to remove a certain posting embarrassing one of their friends.

One thing led to another and kiddish eventually led to carnality.

Leah reminds me of the protagonist of Terry Southern‘s novel "Candy."

Here’s my proposal for the Leah Kleim movie, I just need to make it more Jewish:

Leah Kleim is an innocent young girl when she first hears MacPhisto, a Lithuanian magid, talk of love and self-sacrifice. Leah narrowly escapes MacPhisto’s attempt to rape her, only to succumb to her father’s Mexican gardener, Emmanuel. When her father catches her with the gardener, he banishes her to a trip with his twin brother, Uncle Jacob, and Jacob’s wife Aunt Rachel, who are headed for New York City. As Leah makes her way to the airport, Emmanuel’s three sisters attack her because she has corrupted their brother. Because of Leah, Emmanuel has now forsaken the priesthood. During the scuffle, Leah’s father takes a blow to the head, resulting in a serious head injury. Leah nearly gives in to a General Goldstein on the plane in exchange for a blood transfusion for her father. In New York, an ego-maniacal brain surgeon Dr. Krankeit operates on her father, while Uncle Jacob pursues his own operation on Leah. When Leah bashes him with a bedpan, Uncle Jacob is put in her father’s hospital bed, while her father wanders away without notice. Leah is now free to visit Greenwich Village where she takes part in a film by an underground movie director Jonathan J. John. It’s a French-type film, shot in a public restroom. Next, Leah becomes the pet of a benevolent hunchback in Central Park, but she escapes from this arch criminal into the truck trailer of Guru Grindl. During the drive to California, Grindl initiates her into the mysteries of the Seventh Stage and other secrets of life. In California, Leah seeks the Great Buddah, who will reveal to her the ultimate stage. In her search, she encounters a filthy hermit blogger who leads her to his hovel. There Leah attains ultimate enlightenment live on his Moral Leader cam.

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El Al Security Questions: ‘Are these your bags? Did you convert to Judaism? Why?’

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

When I flew El Al to Israel in July 2000, I volunteered that I had converted to Judaism and I was happy to discuss why I had converted with the El Al security guy in front of all my friends (a Jewish Federation singles mission).

Not everyone is as easy-going and fun-loving as me.

From the Jerusalem Post:

Israeli airport security checks are known for their thoroughness. Answering questions such as, "Did you pack these bags yourself?" or "Did anyone give you anything to carry?" is par for the course.

But a recent VIP traveler was not prepared when an El Al Israel Airways security officer began asking personal questions in full view and earshot of other passengers – questions that seemed to have nothing to do with security.

"So, you converted to Judaism? Why?"

The traveler, one of a group of guests of the Tourism Ministry presently visiting Israel, said he was "shocked and humiliated" by the questions posed to him in front of the ticket counter. It was not clear how the security official even knew about the tourist’s conversion.

"I’ve been coming and going to Israel for more than 20 years and have boarded El Al flights to Israel originating from Los Angeles, New York, London, Paris and Istanbul, and I have never experienced any strangeness or difficulties whatsoever," said the tourist, who preferred to remain anonymous.

"At the beginning of my security interview, the young woman acknowledged that she knew I was a guest of the Tourism Ministry and El Al airlines.

"I was in shock and I was humiliated. But I did not know what to do – I did not want to cause a fuss. I was afraid that if I objected to answering the questions about my conversion I would not be allowed on the plane.

"It was deeply humiliating to be forced to disclose the most private aspects of my life and justify it in front of complete strangers and onlookers."

The incident occurred as conversions and converts have come to the forefront of media attention. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of conversions have come under rabbinic scrutiny as a result of a clash between religious Zionist and haredi rabbis.

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What Happens When You Lock A Healthy Guy In A Hovel With God As His Only Companion?

Posted on May 23, 2008 by Luke Ford

Click here to find out.

guest140:  made the mistake of signing up to a chat room
guest140:  what i thought was friendly, innocent chat turned out to be a room crowded with desperate perverts
russiandragon:  yes luke IS the prince of pervs
russiandragon:  that’s what you get when a healthy guy is locked up in a hovel
russiandragon:  with god as his only compagnion
LeahKleim:  this is a luke farbrengen
russiandragon:  i cannot get over it leah
russiandragon:  those tefilling pcs
russiandragon:  are the max
guest140:  this is not perverted
guest140:  this is tame
LeahKleim:  it will be
russiandragon:  so much emotion
russiandragon:  tension
russiandragon:  so arty
LeahKleim:  we just got up, give us time

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