Leah Kleim – The Movie

Leah Kleim has had many adventures. Yesterday in my chat room, she said she had hooked up with a shaliach’s (Chabad emissary) wife.

The couple wanted to help her. They brought her over for Shabbos determined to change her views of the rebbe’s army. They also wanted her to remove a certain posting embarrassing one of their friends.

One thing led to another and kiddish eventually led to carnality.

Leah reminds me of the protagonist of Terry Southern‘s novel "Candy."

Here’s my proposal for the Leah Kleim movie, I just need to make it more Jewish:

Leah Kleim is an innocent young girl when she first hears MacPhisto, a Lithuanian magid, talk of love and self-sacrifice. Leah narrowly escapes MacPhisto’s attempt to rape her, only to succumb to her father’s Mexican gardener, Emmanuel. When her father catches her with the gardener, he banishes her to a trip with his twin brother, Uncle Jacob, and Jacob’s wife Aunt Rachel, who are headed for New York City. As Leah makes her way to the airport, Emmanuel’s three sisters attack her because she has corrupted their brother. Because of Leah, Emmanuel has now forsaken the priesthood. During the scuffle, Leah’s father takes a blow to the head, resulting in a serious head injury. Leah nearly gives in to a General Goldstein on the plane in exchange for a blood transfusion for her father. In New York, an ego-maniacal brain surgeon Dr. Krankeit operates on her father, while Uncle Jacob pursues his own operation on Leah. When Leah bashes him with a bedpan, Uncle Jacob is put in her father’s hospital bed, while her father wanders away without notice. Leah is now free to visit Greenwich Village where she takes part in a film by an underground movie director Jonathan J. John. It’s a French-type film, shot in a public restroom. Next, Leah becomes the pet of a benevolent hunchback in Central Park, but she escapes from this arch criminal into the truck trailer of Guru Grindl. During the drive to California, Grindl initiates her into the mysteries of the Seventh Stage and other secrets of life. In California, Leah seeks the Great Buddah, who will reveal to her the ultimate stage. In her search, she encounters a filthy hermit blogger who leads her to his hovel. There Leah attains ultimate enlightenment live on his Moral Leader cam.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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