I’m Finetuning My Cam Description

Posted on May 7, 2008 by Luke Ford

Currently it is: "Are you a sinner in need of G-d’s grace? I’m Luke Ford and I want to be Your Moral Leader! Watch me wrap tefillin, study Torah and engineer sweeping moral change. I write the website Lukeford.net and I want you to look deeply into my eyes. If you do, you’ll know what to do to change your life and to change your world. Don’t ask me dumb questions such as "What is tefillin/Torah etc"? Use Google. Don’t bother me unless you have something smart to say. Moral change is very demanding. BTW, I am a false prophet and G-d is a superstition."

YourMoralLeader:  i reworked my description above, whadya think? powerful? moving?
guest47:  Yes, the description has something for everyone
YourMoralLeader:  it’s not too overt in its eroticism?
guest47:  I’m am way turned on
Parallel:  straight to the point
YourMoralLeader:  Thank the good L-rd
Parallel:  couldnt have put it better myself
guest47:  acupuncture  this week?
YourMoralLeader:  twice
ChaimAmalek:  How do you know the needles are clean?
guest47:  local yocal
YourMoralLeader:  any sinners in here needing G-d’s grace?
YourMoralLeader:  I feel there’s a broken heart in here
guest47:  heal me
ChaimAmalek:  What if the previous person receiveing that treatment is say, a porner?
ChaimAmalek:  And they don’t sterilize properly?
YourMoralLeader:  my acupuncturists are hot and only use clean needles
ChaimAmalek:  Make me appealing to young shiksas, Luke
Parallel:  he who is free of sin cast the first stone
YourMoralLeader:  ping
guest47:  ooooohhhhhh
ChaimAmalek:  There is better money in faith healing than in blogging
guest47:  how do you mend a broken heart?
Parallel:  its good you try to heal folk through thought and self belief luke
guest47:  Brooklyn in the house
ChaimAmalek:  But can a man who is as valetudinarian as Luke heal others?
Parallel:  the mind itself can be a powerful healer
ChaimAmalek:  Dogs have yicchus
ChaimAmalek:  purebreeds have lots of yicchus
YourMoralLeader:  Best way to mend a broken heart, my child, is to go out and get into action.
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, I want you to sing me a love song
ChaimAmalek:  emma, Luke has just told me to have some action with you
ChaimAmalek:  Your master commands, you must obey
ChaimAmalek:  that is a sick or weakly person
Emma:  Some action with me?
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, can I call you on a landline? That would be free for me, while to a mobile costs me 45c a minute
guest47:  I’ll contribute to the fund
Emma:  My mum puts a code on the landline lol
ChaimAmalek:  I noted 4 words I never saw before in Rad: the Making and umaking of British India, which made me want to flog a wog
ChaimAmalek:  with a cane
ChaimAmalek:  Whilst wearing a pith helmut
ChaimAmalek:  Raj, not rad
Parallel:  fasinating
YourMoralLeader:  what’s a code on the landline do?
ChaimAmalek:  This new Jewess you located, Luke, the one with nude pics who is Chabbad, is she in New YOrk?
YourMoralLeader:  in illinois now
ChaimAmalek:  Where?
ChaimAmalek:  Why?
YourMoralLeader:  email her
Emma:  Can’t use it..
User guest241 left the room.
YourMoralLeader:  oy, why emma?
Emma:  How is Gina?
ChaimAmalek:  Why is she living with Chabad and posing nude?
guest47:  How are you M?
ChaimAmalek:  I wish there to be more Jewesses like that in New York
YourMoralLeader:  kicks?
guest47:  fell bad for her kids
guest47:  feel
ChaimAmalek:  I do well with weirdos
Emma:  Mum dosnt want a huge bill
Emma:  Good G, you??
YourMoralLeader:  but I’d be calling you, that cant cost you
guest47:  Sorry I missed the phone call
guest47:  how was it?
YourMoralLeader:  ecstasy
Emma:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  ecstacy is illegal
guest47:  recorded Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  no
Emma:  Nooo
guest47:  🙁
ChaimAmalek:  laocoon – what does that mean?
ChaimAmalek:  Not in my dictionary
Emma:  We were disscussing my priest
ChaimAmalek:  Why your priest?
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  I’m getting a feeling M that your parents are going to be quite a challenge for this old hairy jew
guest47:  what about dad?
Emma:  Yep
ChaimAmalek:  Your priest cannot be as horrible a human being as the Satmar Rabbi of Hitler times
Emma:  I doubt that Chaim
YourMoralLeader:  Did you see Father Ted M?
YourMoralLeader:  BBC show
Emma:  Yep
YourMoralLeader:  Is that like your priests?
Emma:  nooooooooooooo
YourMoralLeader:  I’m feeling very priestsly right now M
YourMoralLeader:  please help me with communion
YourMoralLeader:  stick out your tongue
YourMoralLeader:  body of chr-st
guest47:  you are the brightest penny in Luke’s pushka
guest47:  probably the only penny
YourMoralLeader:  i’m transcribing my leah kleim interview, figuring out why she gets naked and if it is good for the jews
guest47:  Do you think she has a nice rack?
Emma:  Oops my sisters pc got hacked
HughParallelEverett:  do you ask this in order to help you philosiphise
guest47:  http://youtube.com/watch?v=ae0ktYmI8ps
ChaimAmalek:  She does NOT have a nice rack
ChaimAmalek:  Fake all the way
guest47:  tattoos
YourMoralLeader:  not as nice as M’s
guest47:  Emma, slap him!
guest47:  as fake as her yichus
Emma:  When internet explorer… ehem thanks Luke. When internet explorer pops open 100’s of times what does that mean?
guest47:  doesn’t sound good….
guest47:  call the doctor
HughParallelEverett:  lol
Emma:  He just daydreams Gina.. a slap wouldnt cure that
ChaimAmalek:  It means you should be using Firefox
guest47:  true.. and he would enjoy it too much
Emma:  lol
guest47:  whips and chains are out as well
YourMoralLeader:  she needs Russian Dragon
YourMoralLeader:  shut down her computer
YourMoralLeader:  install an anti- virus thing
Emma:  Someone on her msn im said they would hack her
HughParallelEverett:  so why would leah kleim NOT be good for anyone??
YourMoralLeader:  i’m gonna watch blades of glory
YourMoralLeader:  if she got it wrong on a major story Hugh
ChaimAmalek:  She needs AMALEK in  her life
guest47:  too in your face
YourMoralLeader:  or if she caused a jew to spill his seed
HughParallelEverett:  whos AMALEK lol
ChaimAmalek:  Amalek can infuse her with new yichhus
guest47:  she likes chocolate
ChaimAmalek:  I should introduce her to Al Sharpton
HughParallelEverett:  whats wrong with your shoulder luke
Emma:  He needs a massage
ChaimAmalek:  He has masturbator cuff problems
guest47:  get those quarters
YourMoralLeader:  blogger elbow
ChaimAmalek:  I meant rotator cuff
YourMoralLeader:  i can no longer tug with my right hand
Emma:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  You should buy one of those trained capuchin monkeys
Emma:  lol wtf!
ChaimAmalek:  They know how to do that and MORE
HughParallelEverett:  lol you dirty lot there is me thinking you are good nicey folks too
ChaimAmalek:  And if your little monkey misbehaves, you spank him
Emma:  Ok so he looks down and sees a monkey…. attractive
ChaimAmalek:  A real man can get it up under any circumstances…..with enough levitra
YourMoralLeader:  I was just thinking what a lovely group we have in here now
YourMoralLeader:  You people mean so much to me, I love you!
ChaimAmalek:  I even had a shtick ready to go for dealing with that albo situation
Emma:  lmao!
guest47:  Group Hug!!
Emma:  Caaaaaaaaan you feel the love tonight
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, get that monkey off my back
guest47:  whats the next step after the phone call?
Emma:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  Conversion
HughParallelEverett:  well im away to work on some quantum physics whilst you lot enjoy yourselves…bye for now
guest47:  let’s get things moving before I don’t fit into my BM dress
Emma:  Dont think so Chaim
Emma:  lol g
guest47:  and green is not the new black
Emma:  pfft… god have mercy on your soul!
YourMoralLeader:  Can’t wait till your parents meet my parents, my dad hates catholicism
YourMoralLeader:  could be some awkward moments
Emma:  Try not to think ahead
guest47:  Luke I hope your rebbitzen won’t get tossed from shul
Emma:  We have a few hills to climb yet
User Parallel changed their name to HughParallelEverett.
guest47:  you need her there behind the mechitza
guest47:  for moral support
guest47:  you are the brightest penny in Luke’s pushka
guest47:  probably the only penny
YourMoralLeader:  i’m transcribing my leah kleim interview, figuring out why she gets naked and if it is good for the jews
guest47:  Do you think she has a nice rack?
Emma:  Oops my sisters pc got hacked
HughParallelEverett:  is that a personal interview
HughParallelEverett:  do you ask this in order to help you philosiphise
guest47:  http://youtube.com/watch?v=ae0ktYmI8ps
ChaimAmalek:  She does NOT have a nice rack
ChaimAmalek:  Fake all the way
guest47:  tattoos
YourMoralLeader:  not as nice as M’s
guest47:  Emma, slap him!
guest47:  as fake as her yichus
Emma:  When internet explorer… ehem thanks Luke. When internet explorer pops open 100’s of times what does that mean?
guest47:  doesn’t sound good….
guest47:  call the doctor
Emma:  He just daydreams Gina.. a slap wouldnt cure that
ChaimAmalek:  It means you should be using Firefox
guest47:  true.. and he would enjoy it too much
guest47:  whips and chains are out as well
YourMoralLeader:  she needs Russian Dragon
YourMoralLeader:  shut down her computer
YourMoralLeader:  install an anti- virus thing
Emma:  Someone on her msn im said they would hack her
HughParallelEverett:  so why would leah kleim NOT be good for anyone??
YourMoralLeader:  i’m gonna watch blades of glory
YourMoralLeader:  if she got it wrong on a major story Hugh
ChaimAmalek:  She needs AMALEK in  her life
guest47:  too in your face
YourMoralLeader:  or if she caused a jew to spill his seed
HughParallelEverett:  whos AMALEK lol
ChaimAmalek:  Amalek can infuse her with new yichhus
guest47:  she likes chocolate
ChaimAmalek:  I should introduce her to Al Sharpton
HughParallelEverett:  whats wrong with your shoulder luke
Emma:  He needs a massage
ChaimAmalek:  He has masturbator cuff problems
guest47:  get those quarters
YourMoralLeader:  blogger elbow
ChaimAmalek:  I meant rotator cuff
YourMoralLeader:  i can no longer tug with my right hand
ChaimAmalek:  You should buy one of those trained capuchin monkeys
ChaimAmalek:  They know how to do that and MORE
HughParallelEverett:  lol you dirty lot there is me thinking you are good nicey folks too
ChaimAmalek:  And if your little monkey misbehaves, you spank him
Emma:  Ok so he looks down and sees a monkey…. attractive
ChaimAmalek:  A real man can get it up under any circumstances…..with enough levitra
ChaimAmalek:  Emma, get that prospective monkey off of Luke’s back.
YourMoralLeader:  I was just thinking what a lovely group we have in here now
YourMoralLeader:  You people mean so much to me, I love you!
ChaimAmalek:  I even had a shtick ready to go for dealing with that albo situation
Emma:  lmao!
guest47:  Group Hug!!
Emma:  Caaaaaaaaan you feel the love tonight
YourMoralLeader:  Emma, get that monkey off my back
guest47:  whats the next step after the phone call?
ChaimAmalek:  Conversion
HughParallelEverett:  well im away to work on some quantum physics whilst you lot enjoy yourselves…bye for now
guest47:  let’s get things moving before I don’t fit into my BM dress
Emma:  Dont think so Chaim
Emma:  lol g
guest47:  and green is not the new black
User HughParallelEverett left the room.
Emma:  Whoa the americans sure do think ahead
guest47:  you guys are gonna elope anyway right?
guest47:  hurry mitzvah nite is soon upon us
YourMoralLeader:  M comes out to visit, I’ll sweep her off her feet, we’ll go to Vegas, Amalek will officiate she’ll be Mrs Ford
User TedStryker left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  Luke even has the crawl space ready
Emma:  Emma Ford
Emma:  Emma Denise Ford
Emma:  lmaO
User guest246 left the room.
guest47:  kids / dogs names?
ChaimAmalek:  Amalek
ChaimAmalek:  Amalekina
Emma:  Hell no
Emma:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  Canan
ChaimAmalek:  Satmarella
Emma:  Dadreallina?
guest47:  Chabadella
ChaimAmalek:  Darnell, Yolanda, Vagintillia
Emma:  Smashpina?
ChaimAmalek:  But that’s if they are black
Emma:  Potato?
ChaimAmalek:  Spud
Emma:  lol
Emma:  spud!
ChaimAmalek:  I da ho
guest47:  alaska
ChaimAmalek:  In America, celebrities name their kids after states, like "Dakota"
Emma:  I love that name Chaim
ChaimAmalek:  Well, if you have twins, you could name them North and South
guest47:  quads; east and west
ChaimAmalek:  Carolina, Virginia, Dakota, Georgia, Florida,
Emma:  Woosh
Emma:  Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyway
guest47:  remember you need 8
guest47:  plus the pets
Emma:  lol
guest47:  and your pet names for each other….
Emma:  8 children 6 horses 5 dogs
Emma:  Sorted
User guest247 left the room.
ChaimAmalek:  The horses should be named after diceased porn stars
guest47:  and a partridge in a pear tree
ChaimAmalek:  I cannot spell
guest47:  just say dead
ChaimAmalek:  Or you could name them after diseased porn stars and have more names to pick from
guest47:  jewish porn stars…
ChaimAmalek:  Emma, what sort of wedding dress will you be wearing?
Emma:  omg shut up!
Emma:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  I want you to show some leg
guest47:  it must match Lukes dress
ChaimAmalek:  Not for me, mind you , as I am post-sexual
YourMoralLeader:  not just leg
Emma:  lol Chaim
Emma:  Of course you are
YourMoralLeader:  Hey, do they have corporate punishment in Ireland? In school, did you get hit by teachers or by your parents?
Emma:  No
ChaimAmalek:  Emma, did you know that in certain Jewish circles, it is customary for all the males in attendance at a wedding to have sex with the bride before the groom gets his turn?
ChaimAmalek:  Luke belongs to those circles
Emma:  Not with you Chaim
Emma:  Post-sexual
ChaimAmalek:  No, not with me
ChaimAmalek:  I am saving myself for Holly Randall
Emma:  lol
guest47:  wil she be taking the pics?
ChaimAmalek:  Video
guest47:  8mm
ChaimAmalek:  She will handle the arrangements
YourMoralLeader:  I must stand up here for Emma’s virtue.
ChaimAmalek:  One day, I will introduce her to Luke as Mrs. Holly Amalek
ChaimAmalek:  You will be there at the door when I do, barefoot and pregnant
Emma:  You’ll lure her with your sweet scent Chaim
ChaimAmalek:  That works
ChaimAmalek:  I have proof
Emma:  Poof?
ChaimAmalek:  proof
Emma:  Yes poof
ChaimAmalek:  Yes, I tried it out
guest47:  no canal street cheap crap
ChaimAmalek:  that’s what I used.
Emma:  He used poof
guest47:  can you imagine if you would use the real good stuff?
ChaimAmalek:  Same stuff that those sex and the city gals wear
ChaimAmalek:  No, the idea is to smell of skank
guest47:  an malano blank stilletos
ChaimAmalek:  This is why, I speculate, men go to hookers.  To get their smell on them so that they can snag females in regular life
ChaimAmalek:  priming the pump
guest47:  winner theroy
YourMoralLeader:  gnight emma, everyone
YourMoralLeader:  XXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ChaimAmalek:  Emma, you face lots of pump priming in the years to come
Emma:  Night Lukey XOXOXOXOXOXOX
ChaimAmalek:  who is leaving?
Emma:  Pump priming?
ChaimAmalek:  Yes.  The Pump
Emma:  Luke it seems
ChaimAmalek:  It is a vacuum device that men use
guest47:  The Rebbitzen will take over
RevDesmondFord:  well, well, son…
RevDesmondFord:  let’s talk about your false conversion now.
RevDesmondFord:  you know, your self-administered "conversion" officiated by the imaginary internet rabbi.
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP, SUNNY JIM!
RevDesmondFord:  nothing to say, eh, mate?
RevDesmondFord:  I didn’t think so. Coward.
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP, BOY!
RevDesmondFord:  Let’ talk about your false "conversion".
RevDesmondFord:  now that your sycophantic cadre of retards and losers is not here, perhaps you can man up and confess the truth.
RevDesmondFord:  for once in your miserable life, you sorry drongo.
RevDesmondFord:  i should have left you in the outback for the wombats to eat.
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP, SUNNY JIM!
RevDesmondFord:  nothing to say. so typical. it amazes me how fair-dinkum stupid your tiny hanful of followers really is – what’s even more pathetic is that it makes you think of yourself as the c**k of the walk!
RevDesmondFord:  if i were there, i’d pluck you and serve you as a fair-dinkum fricasee, i would
RevDesmondFord:  you are a sickening fraud.
RevDesmondFord:  here’s a hint for you, boy:
RevDesmondFord:  KILL YOURSELF
RevDesmondFord:  my son is a disappointment. a bitter, shameful disappointment.
RevDesmondFord:  he’s spent his whole life trying to honk me off.
RevDesmondFord:  well, i’ve got news for you, Sunny Jim
RevDesmondFord:  i’m going to smash your fair-dinkum face
RevDesmondFord:  let’s talk about your self-administered, false "conversion"
guest249:  Are you going to let ththe right reverend talk to you like that?
guest249:  I expect a little more from my "moral leaders."
RevDesmondFord:  expect nothing from this one. he’s a sickening fraud, as i’ve said many a time.
RevDesmondFord:  and a slimy little anti-semite, to boot. i ought to clout him one but good, mate!
guest249:  Are you correct, Reverend? He’s a fake? How so? 
RevDesmondFord:  he was thrown out of the RCC conversion program when they discovered his dishonest and deceitful nature.
RevDesmondFord:  he garbs himself in the trappings of Judaism as if donning a clown costume, but was never really converted.
RevDesmondFord:  ask rabbi union about him.
RevDesmondFord:  my son is a self-aggrandizing, self-seeking liar with no more intelligence than a burst cane toad.
RevDesmondFord:  and even less integrity.
guest249:  But he says he was converted by someone he calls Rabbi Gadol. That’s false too?
RevDesmondFord:  here’s a note to you, Sunny Jim: harboring a sick and hateful obsession with the Jews does not make you authentically Jewish.
guest249:  Why is your boy so silent, Reverend Desmond Was he always that way?
RevDesmondFord:  you have no cultural or spiritual che’s silent because he has no excuse and nothing to say, mate.
guest249:  For someone who postures like such a know-it-all on the web, he sure clams up when you make an appearance.
RevDesmondFord:  you have no cultural or spiritual connection to Judaism, son. You are simply a fraud running around with your chest puffed out making moral judgments and ducking for cover beneath the cover of a religion you do not understand.
RevDesmondFord:  that’s true – he clams right up!
guest249:  I’m thinking maybe I was wrong coming to this site. He seems rather weak-minded and girlish. Doesn’t even stand up to his old man.
RevDesmondFord:  he’s the shame of his family.
guest249:  Let me ask you, Reverend, when he was growing up, was he shameful to you as well?
RevDesmondFord:  he scribbles like a 13-year-old girl with her first diary and passes it off as "journalism." my son wouldn’t know the meaning of  the word. he hides in his room, stewing in his petty jealousy and trolling the fair-dinkum internet for stoies he can use to
RevDesmondFord:  stories he can use to defame the Jews. I’m well-cheesed right about now, I’ll tell ya!
RevDesmondFord:  when he was a lad, he was a mortifying embarrassment to me and his mum. she died when the boy gave her cancer, but still he persisted in his buggery and theft.
guest249:  Why do you think he calls himself a "moral leader?" Is he particularly moral? Does he have any followers? To tell you the truth, I’m not really getting what the deal is with your son.
RevDesmondFord:  mincing about like the ponce he is.
guest249:  Is there a history of mental illness in your family?
RevDesmondFord:  yes, there is.
palestine4ever:  Goddammit, I missed Amalek
RevDesmondFord:  here’s one of my son’s anti-semitic sychophants right now!
guest249:  Is belonging to a cult like the SDA considered a mental illness?
RevDesmondFord:  you asked what sort of flotsam my boy attracts – here’s your answer!
palestine4ever:  Oh jesus, are you still on that one dimensional troll?
guest249:  Can he explain what the deal is with your boy?
RevDesmondFord:  this creep here likes to spout anti-semitic venom – he thinks it’s "clever." must have got the idea from my worthless son.
palestine4ever:  No, I’m just in favor of better and more dynamic trolling.
RevDesmondFord:  i ought to bash their noggins together.
guest249:  Where did you go wrong, Reverend Desmond? You seem like a reasonable individual. How did your son end up like he did?
RevDesmondFord:  listen to the scumbag tout his own cleverness.
palestine4ever:  I heard he was scared after Mike Albo dropped him off in East LA, alone and surrounded by brown Mexicans.
palestine4ever:  Is that right, RevDes?
guest249:  The only cleverness I’ve seen so far has come from you, Reverend Desmond. I especially liked the bit about Weet-Bix and something you called "floaters."
RevDesmondFord:  my boy is a coward in all situations.

RevDesmondFord:  my son is a sinker.
palestine4ever:  I mean, hey, the irrational hatred of a religious and ethnic group is pretty strange, but a fixation on another man’s toilet is just damn poofty.
guest249:  From what Ive read, the Reverend Desmond was ficated on the droppings of his FAMILY. It was a health thing in the SDA, am I right, Reverend?
RevDesmondFord:  the former can be explained in terms of ignorance and fear. as to the latter, 249 is correct. look it up on yer internet, sunny jim! i used to march my family to the commode each morning to examine their stools.
RevDesmondFord:  Luke’s brother Paul came up floaters every time. But Luke laid sinkers. Coincidence? I think not. Not at Paul today – and just look at my jobless, hypocritical fraud of a son.
RevDesmondFord:  Look at Paul. RIght, Luke? He’s a fair-dinkum success. You? Wretched and despised.
RevDesmondFord:  Your only ally an anti-semitic halfwit.
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP, BOY!
guest249:  Is this because Luke ate candy and sweets in violation of the SDA’s recommendation to eat grains and legumes?
RevDesmondFord:  my son’s only "mission" here is a self-seeking one. i suspect the way he turned out is a result of the candy he stuffed in his god as a child, giggling all the while.
guest249:  I think, I too, would have force fed hima  burst cane toad, Reverend. It’s the only way the disobedient will learn sometimes.
RevDesmondFord:  my son’s gob was always full of sweets.
RevDesmondFord:  his gibbering, mincing antics were a disgrace to the family. i can’t bear it.
guest249:  He sounds like he was perfectly disagreeable lad, Reverend.
RevDesmondFord:  to this day, he fills me with disgust.
guest249:  I’m not getting much of a sense of admiration for him eiither, reverend.
RevDesmondFord:  the "palestine" chap has clammed up just like my son! i was hoping he would dispense some more of his anti-semitic "witticisms."
RevDesmondFord:  let’
palestine4ever:  No, I’ve just realized that I’m arguing with a Turing machine.
RevDesmondFord:  let’s have some more of that smirky, smarmy pseudo-intellectual banter, "palestine"!
guest249:  Maybe they’re all working some sort of Internet voodoo to discover your real identity.
RevDesmondFord:  good luck to them!
RevDesmondFord:  tell us why you hate the Jews, "Palestine." And why you admire my son!
RevDesmondFord:  well?
palestine4ever:  Yep.
RevDesmondFord:  two simple questions, lad. be quick about it!
guest249:  Given the level of discourse I’ve encountered here–except for you, reverend–I’d say that they’ll come up, as you’d say, sinkers.
palestine4ever:  I hate the Jews. They’re an arcane sect that have oppressed my people.
RevDesmondFord:  fair-dinkum right.
palestine4ever:  I don’t admire your son.
RevDesmondFord:  at least you’re right in one department.
palestine4ever:  I believe you should tell us now about his stool, his love for Olivia Newton-John, and about Rabbi Union.
palestine4ever:  Because it’s so tremendously stimulating
palestine4ever:  And you can tell that it really gets to him.
palestine4ever:  Seriously.
RevDesmondFord:  let’s talk about Dennis Prager instead.
palestine4ever:  It’s posted on the front page every single day
RevDesmondFord:  UNION WAS RIGHT
palestine4ever:  Yes, so you told us.
RevDesmondFord:  and yet you return, day after day.
palestine4ever:  I think you should demand Luke tell us what Rabbi Union said.
RevDesmondFord:  he still hasn’t come clean.
guest249:  No offense, Palestine, but you’re more boring than the good reverend.
RevDesmondFord:  and never will.
palestine4ever:  Incredible.
RevDesmondFord:  yes, where did you come frm, "palestine"?
palestine4ever:  Sigh
RevDesmondFord:  clearlyt, you are cut from the same cloth as my son – what with your unerring journalistic instincts in ferreting our my "true" identity!
palestine4ever:  Well, was fun while it lasted, Luke.
guest249:  I’m going to bet that he came from some southern California suburb.
palestine4ever:  Have fun with the echo chamber.
RevDesmondFord:  he’s quite the detective! and an exemplary anti-semite!
RevDesmondFord:  buggering little s**t-eater.
RevDesmondFord:  we still don’
guest249:  Most likely the product of ignorant parents. No direction. Now he’s what they call an "Internet tough guy."
RevDesmondFord:  t know why "palestine" takes such an interest in my son.
RevDesmondFord:  i, for one, would like to know.
guest249:  I’d like to hear from the "moral leader."
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP, SON!
guest249:  Especially about this conversion issue.
RevDesmondFord:  i’ve had enough of this rot! my son is a fraud, and his "fans" are still worse than he is.
guest249:  Who is this Rabbi Gadol? Is he even real?
RevDesmondFord:  of course not!
RevDesmondFord:  do you expect an honest r esponse from my lying creep of a son? what did rabbi union say about him?
guest249:  You mean the "moral leader" is duping people? Perhaps this Rabbi Union was right?
RevDesmondFord:  ah, yes, that’s right…
RevDesmondFord:  i see the "palestine" bugger is still hanging on like a leech after announcing his exit in such grand terms.
RevDesmondFord:  another symptom of what you called "internet tough guy" syndrome.
guest249:  Again, possibly the product of ignorant parents.
guest249:  These people are certainly silent, aren’t they, Reverend?
RevDesmondFord:  while my own parenting obviously produced sorry results, i hate to think of who might have spawned such a lowlife turd as this "palestine".
RevDesmondFord:  suddenly the jew-hater has nothing to say.
guest249:  I’m wagering that he’s not even Palestinian. Maybe an Italian trying to pass? 
RevDesmondFord:  perhaps a self-loathing jew himself. who knows?
RevDesmondFord:  the real issue here is my son and his fraudulent "conversion".
guest249:  Do you think he shuns pork becasue of Leviticus…or because the flesh of swine remind him of mom and dad?
RevDesmondFord:  perhaps he gorged on the flesh of swine so much that he cannot bear the scent.
guest249:  This is a compelling topic, Reverend, and one which your son will not answer for whatever reasons.
guest252:  what topic?
guest252:  hi
guest249:  It’s not making me believe he’s much of a leader. Especially when he wo’y answer your direct questions.
RevDesmondFord:  the reason is that he’s a coward.
RevDesmondFord:  can you believe people buy into his act?
RevDesmondFord:  congratulations, "palestine".
guest252:  what’s  going on?
RevDesmondFord:  my cowardly son has clammed right up.
guest252:  hi everyone
guest249:  I’m finding it hard to believe, given what I’ve seen so far. However, the Internet is a a haven for all sorts of weirdos.
RevDesmondFord:  and so has his anti-semitic friend.
guest252:  this person on here is your son?
guest252:  my first time here
guest252:  have no clue what this is about
RevDesmondFord:  why are you here?
guest249:  I think they must be working that old Internet magic, Reverend Desmond.
guest252:  i’m up late and surfing the net
guest252:  i like to look at the animal cams
guest252:  then i came over here to see who was online
RevDesmondFord:  i’ve had it with this nonsense. i’ll return to upbraid my son later. the ponce.
RevDesmondFord:  now bugger off, the lot of you!
User RevDesmondFord left the room.
guest252:  i am reading this
guest249:  Welcome to the most confusing place you’ll ever be. There’s a "moral leader" who’s doesn’t seem to be particularly moral or possess any leadership skills, a guy who claims he hates the Jews, and a Reverend who asks good questions but gets no answers.
guest252:  the person really needs prayer
guest252:  and a life
guest252:  that’s not a moral leader
guest252:  God is not a superstition
guest252:  not cool to spew hate
guest249:  I thought the same thing. he seems rather quiet when confronted by his dad, though.
guest252:  leader you need Jesus Christ in your life
YourMoralLeader:  hi
guest252:  friend…you need Jesus in your life
guest252:  i will pray for you
YourMoralLeader:  thank you
YourMoralLeader:  I blessyou
guest252:  sorry..i dont want nor need

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The Jewish Awareness Movement’s Aggressive Tactics

Posted on May 7, 2008 by Luke Ford

Amanda Milstein writes:

When Allyson Marcus arrived at the Jewish Awareness Movement’s Shabbat afternoon luncheon near the University of Southern California, she wasn’t expecting to return home in tears. That, however, is how things turned out for Marcus, then a senior at Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa. After talking throughout the meal with a group of male friends, Marcus was confronted as she left the table by Bracha Zaret, the wife of Moshe Zaret, a Jewish Awareness Movement rabbi. The rebbetzin, apparently incensed by Marcus’ immodesty, asked her if she was on any medication. Marcus was puzzled, not realizing that the question was meant as an insult. Zaret then kicked her out of the house, telling her that she would never amount to anything and would be unmarried at forty.

Such stories are not uncommon in interviews with students who have interacted with the Jewish Awareness Movement, or JAM, an Orthodox outreach group active on five California campuses. JAM’s aggressive techniques and single-minded focus on making students more observant distinguish it from more established outreach organizations. Interviews, coupled with reports on the blog kvetcher.jewschool.com and in the Daily Trojan, USC’s campus newspaper, have painted a picture of a group that routinely practices high-pressure tactics, including deceptive advertising and persistent unwanted phone calls, and is sometimes rude and dismissive towards those who don’t meet its standards.

Rabbis on JAM’s staff did not reply to repeated requests for comment.

In September, the University of Southern California’s Office of Religious Life disallowed JAM’s rabbis from advising the JAM chapter on the USC campus. The expulsion was a direct result of an e-mail sent by one of the two JAM rabbis, Daniel Geffen, advertising that alcohol would be served at an event open to underage students. A November 2007 article in the Daily Trojan about the incident also reported that the University’s Office of Religious Life and Student Affairs had received complaints from students who felt harassed by the JAM campus rabbis. Some had received repeated phone calls from rabbis after asking them to stop calling.

This was not the first time that JAM’s activities had raised eyebrows at USC. An April 2006 article in the Daily Trojan describes an incident in which a JAM rabbi named Avi Wosner promised students an opportunity to work with Steven Spielberg on a film project. Students who signed on quickly discovered that Spielberg was in no way involved.

The Bozoer Rebbe emails: “I saw the post about JAM treating a young woman rudely. It would be nice if you posted an update to that post indicating that JAM and JAAM, Jewish Awareness America, are not affiliated with each other. I know the folks who run JAAM and I find it impossible to believe that any of their staffers would act as the rebbetzin from JAM.”

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I’m Live With Rev. Des

Posted on May 7, 2008 by Luke Ford

From my live cam chat:

RevDesmondFord:  sinkers or floaters today, boy?
YourMoralLeader:  Hi dad, all sinkers
RevDesmondFord:  as i suspected. your brother Paul Ford came up floaters every time, he did.
RevDesmondFord:  look at my miserable layabout of a son.
RevDesmondFord:  I recall the time he actually said he preferred Olivia Newton-John’s cover of Bob Dylan’s "If Not For You" over George Harrison’s. I should have throttled him.
RevDesmondFord:  I woke with a tickle in my throat," my boy writes. We all know what that tickle is: another man’s penis.
RevDesmondFord:  the very sight of you sickens me, son.
RevDesmondFord:  My boy’s taste in music is like his taste in everything else: uninformed. Besides destroying my Bubble Puppy album in an act of blatant poncery, he also traded off my copy of Iron Butterfly’s Heavy LP for some candy…which I forbade him from eating.
RevDesmondFord:  How’s your "reality show" going, boy? Where’s your "crew?" Or is it another fiction you’ve manufactured for the benefit of your ‘audience?"
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP, BOY!
YourMoralLeader:  It’s going full throttle ahead, anyway, should have a meeting on it in the next month. I want you to be a big part of it.
YourMoralLeader:  We should have regular on-camera meetings where you teach me about life and manliness.
RevDesmondFord:  you are pathetic. a liar and a coward.
RevDesmondFord:  UNION WAS RIGHT. By the waym, who converted you?
RevDesmondFord:  who converted you, Sunny Jim?
RevDesmondFord:   A better idea would be an on-camera beating of the kind I regret never giving you when you were a child.
RevDesmondFord:  what’s the matter, boy? are you digging up some more anti-semitic nuggets for your "blog"?
RevDesmondFord:   Perhaps an even better idea would have me force-feeding you a burst cane toad as a practical lesson against stealing food intended for the homeless.
RevDesmondFord:  my son Luke Ford is both mentally ill and a scumbag. i can’t say i’m shocked, but i’m bitterly disappointed.
RevDesmondFord:  yes, my son has grown into a sad excuse for a man who violates even the most basic tenets of the religion he’s falsely adopted. hypocritical bugger you are, son… i ought to clout you one on the side of your noggin.
RevDesmondFord:  Collected any Paypal donations today, boy? A bloody, grub-eating abo has more self-respect.
YourMoralLeader:  no donations yet today for my mission
RevDesmondFord:  i wonder what sort of craven expression will pass across your smug, bloated visage as i smash your face…
RevDesmondFord:  Had anymore dreams about eating snake sandwiches?
RevDesmondFord:  i will break your bloody neck, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  who converted you, son? SPEAK UP!
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi Gadol
RevDesmondFord:  what did Rabbi Union have to say about you, bloody liar?
YourMoralLeader:  he said i was deceitful
RevDesmondFord:  HE WAS RIGHT
RevDesmondFord:  that is why you were thrown out of the RCC conversion program, isn’t it, boy?
RevDesmondFord:   I gave you every advantage in this world, boy, and look what you’ve done with them. Nothing. Let me clear things up for you: You are not special. You have no "mission." The only thing you’ve done in this world is to disappoint your step-mum and myself.
RevDesmondFord:  So your "conversion" was self-administered, eh?
RevDesmondFord:  typical of your fraudulent posturing.
RevDesmondFord:  Everything about you is false, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  i wonder if it galls you to know deep down that you have no legitimate connection to Judaism – no cultural right, no intellectual understanding. Nothing.
RevDesmondFord:  Rabbi Union’s assessment of you was fair-dinkum DEAD ON, mate.
RevDesmondFord:   I taught you better. You should thank good fortune that your late mother was able to talk me out of smothering you upon your birth. It’s something I regret to this day.
RevDesmondFord:  and how did you repay your mum? by giving her cancer.
RevDesmondFord:  she learned the hard way, I s’pose.
YourMoralLeader:  Be careful or I’ll give you cancer too dad.
RevDesmondFord:  You ARE cancer, son.
RevDesmondFord:  Are you threatening me, boy?
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP.
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, have you seen There Will Be Blood. I don’t understand it.
RevDesmondFord:  only in the Internet age would a worthless ponce such as you be given any attention.
RevDesmondFord:  There’s a lot you don’t understand – but that won’t stop you from vomiting up your uninformed opinions and speculations .
RevDesmondFord:  Been stealing food from the mouths of the homeless lately? There will be no more helpful cheques from home, boy.
RevDesmondFord:   I recall my shame every morning: Paul and Ellen and Gill…floaters everytime. But not you, you worthless drongo.
RevDesmondFord:  i can see the mental illness on your hideous face, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  there’s only one solution for you: pick up that gun and shoot yourself.
RevDesmondFord:  But perhaps it’s my own fault for not staking you to a termite hill when it might have done some good.
RevDesmondFord:  Off your medication, boy? There’s nothing wrong with you that a little hard work and Weet-Bix won’t fix.
RevDesmondFord:  but of course, you have no job.
RevDesmondFord:  Let’s talk more about your fraudulent "conversion," by the imaginary rabbi.
RevDesmondFord:  fill us in on the details, you c**t.
RevDesmondFord:  I’m WAITING
RevDesmondFord:  Let’s talk more about your fraudulent "conversion," by the imaginary rabbi.
RevDesmondFord:  LET’S HEAR IT, SON!
RevDesmondFord:   Look at my boy. His smug, leering face is forever my shame.
guest188:  Looks like past Evangelical upbringing to me>
guest188:  Who ccould ever survive that.
RevDesmondFord:  as opposed to my son’s fraudulent "conversion," by the imaginary rabbi?
RevDesmondFord:  UNION WAS RIGHT.
guest188:    ahhh yes, trying to find a better way.
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, Sunny Jim! Tell me about your fake conversion.
RevDesmondFord:  Your adherence to "the truth" is tenuous and selective at best. Speak up, ponce.
RevDesmondFord:  or are you struggling to find some flippant, anti-Semitic response (your idea of "provocative" writing.)
RevDesmondFord:   Typical of my boy. He falls silent when he knows he’s been found out.
RevDesmondFord:  Fraud!
guest188:  Speak up Luke defend yourself!
YourMoralLeader:  hi guys
YourMoralLeader:  build me up buttercup
guest188:   he has spoken!
guest188:  feel free to speak Rev
guest17:  how can you say god is a superstition…that is blasphamas
guest188:  so is typing in red
RevDesmondFord:   It’s like the time I found his supply of forbidden candy. When I confronted him, he just sat there not saying a word.
RevDesmondFord:   Until I fetched him a mighty clout to the ear.
YourMoralLeader:  17, just quoting a line from the movie There will be blood
RevDesmondFord:  And then all he did was whimper. His sister Ellen was more of a man.
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, build me up. I need your love not your hate.
guest17:  oh so that’s ok then…i am back in love with you
RevDesmondFord:  i notice that when all else fails, when no excuses remain, my ponce of a son resorts to his tiresome act of quoting pop lyrics or movie dialogue in a manner that only he would consider "witty".
RevDesmondFord:   Listen, Sunny Jim, my hands are full enough trying to set my boy on the straight and narrow. I don’t need another self-involved lackwit trying my patience. And from what you have to say, you’re even more pathetic than my boy.
RevDesmondFord:  And just becasue you’re a shut-in with Internet access does not make what you say interesting.
RevDesmondFord:  you lot make about as much sense as a pack of bloody abos.
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  fyi . the beard is starting to look like its fuller than your head! 🙂
RevDesmondFord:  Why was Luke Ford thrown out of the RCC conversion program? And what was Rabbi Union’s assessment of Luke Ford’s character?
RevDesmondFord:   My boy remains silent on the issue of his false conversion. So typical.
RevDesmondFord:  Self-administered conversion = no conversion at all.
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, boy! What do you have to say for yourself? You pose as a "writer" but you seem to have no words of your own.
QuixoticLass:  have you had much success getting people to open up to you with this kind of harassment in the past?
YourMoralLeader:  bedtime for bonzo
RevDesmondFord:   Listen up, sheila, when I start with the harassment, you’ll fair-dinkum know it.
RevDesmondFord:  Here’s a fair-dinkum question for you: Who converted my son to Judaism?
QuixoticLass:  because, it’s going to leave you empty and unfufilled to continue this way.  You know that don’t you?
RevDesmondFord:   Of course, my boy still refuses to address the topic at hand.
QuixoticLass:  well, he’s sleeping.
RevDesmondFord:   Typical of my boy: a lazy layabout.
RevDesmondFord:  It sickens me to see that you lot embrace a slimy, dishonest anti-Semite such as my son Luke Ford.
RevDesmondFord:  Only on the internet.
QuixoticLass:  I would have thought that you’d have disowned him by now
RevDesmondFord:   That you people buy into his nonsense only makes me wish I had flushed him down the pot the moment he came into this world. Just as I would have done to any sinker.
QuixoticLass:  why even acknowledge that he’s your son?
RevDesmondFord:  why support a liar and an anti-semite?
RevDesmondFord:  Disown him? That’s not the SDA way, you giblet-headed sheila.
QuixoticLass:  lovely
QuixoticLass:  and calling people names is?
QuixoticLass:  interesting.
RevDesmondFord:  you have not answered my question – which, unlike my son’s professed Judaism, is legitimate.
QuixoticLass:  I have seen no proof that he is either a liar or an anti-semite.
RevDesmondFord:  you don;t know much about him, do you?
RevDesmondFord:  what could possibly compel you to defend such a low and fundamentally dishonest creep?
RevDesmondFord:   That speaks more to your inability to discern the obvious, sheila. My son’s gotten by his whole life by preying on dimwitted women like you.
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  is luke alive?
QuixoticLass:  he’s sleeping
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  call 911!
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  luke wake up little rosebud!
QuixoticLass:  I love it.  I’m dimwitted and giblet-headed.
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  nappy time for the lukester .. how cute ..
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  doesn’t look like he’s moving to me ..
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  somebody call the cops for a welfare check ..
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  i don’t know his address
QuixoticLass:  do you toss around in your sleep?
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  I guess he doesn’t snore?
QuixoticLass:  I wouldn’t know that.
QuixoticLass:  hey emma
Emma:  Hey Lass
QuixoticLass:  you’re lucky you missed revdes
Emma:  Revdes?
QuixoticLass:  RevDesmondFord
Emma:  Oh lol
Emma:  pfffr him
QuixoticLass:  that guy really knows how to throw insults around
Emma:  Agree
YourMoralLeader:  that’s how he shows his love
YourMoralLeader:  like emma’s dad
QuixoticLass:  he’s the kind  of guy who makes me want to argue back, but it would be more expedient to just shoot him.
Emma:  Funny.. my dad dosnt show his love quite like that
Emma:  Yes Lass
QuixoticLass:  like the scene in Indiana Jones where Indie is up against the guy with the machete
RevDesmondFord:  What kind of self-involved asshole leaves a camera on so people can watch him pretend to sleep?
QuixoticLass:  one who’d like you to say interesting things so he can copy the chat to his blog and get more hits.
QuixoticLass:  so you should talk about high traffic things like porn and politics
RevDesmondFord:   Now that my boy has returned from fair-dinkum Sandland, let’s ask him to explain to his slow-witted audience about his fake conversion from the imaginary rabbi. Speak up, lad!
YourMoralLeader:  I talked to emma today for first time, her voice is not too annoying, I can live with it whispering in my ear.
Emma:  I can just about live with yours too hun
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, boy! You seem to have no problem prattling on with the sheilas about specious topics. Tell us the truth about your imaginary rabbi.
RevDesmondFord:  bloody christ, what a slimy c**t i sired.
QuixoticLass:  in most cases, imaginary rabbis are better than real ones.
RevDesmondFord:  Yes, of course, let’s not blame Luke for his complete lack of ethics, courage or ability to speak the truth.
QuixoticLass:  "Instead of marrying gay men, many women would be better served by taking a class in creative expression."  -Luke Ford
QuixoticLass:  written 2 years ago
RevDesmondFord:  let’s blame the rabbis instead! such evil people! let’s endorse my son’s persecution of all Jews.
RevDesmondFord:  quoting my son like he’s a fair-dinkum scholar or a wit… now there’s your dictionary definition of pathetic.
RevDesmondFord:  congratulations.
RevDesmondFord:  And just a word of warning to Emma: my boy’s a fair-dinkum ponce. but you don’t seem to be the brightest penny in the roll…
QuixoticLass:  she’s very shiny

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Leah Kleim Interview

Posted on May 7, 2008 by Luke Ford

I want to understand the Leah Kleim (her real name) phenomenon.

She seems to get more traffic than me on her blog. She posts the occasional topless photo to maximize her viewership and then uses it to out some sexual predator in the chareidi world.

A poster using the name "Rebbitzen" writes: "Leah Kleim is covered in tattoos, she chain smokes, and her language is about as foul as it can get. She dresses like she pulled two articles of clothing off the floor and it really doesn’t matter what they are. Throw a cap on top and a couple of chains somewhere and she’s got that ‘Leah Look’. Leah is loud and obnoxious and IN YOUR FACE. She does stuff "The Leah Way" and she acts like she doesn’t care what anyone says or thinks. And she makes poor choices.BUTLeah is kind and she is giving to a fault. Leah is gentle and loving. Leah doesn’t lie.Leah has got your back. She’s there beyond the call of duty when you need help. In a real way. As real as SHE is. Leah Kleim has a beautiful neshama. She tries very hard, and many think she succeeds, to obscure that neshama. But it pulls at her. She damages her keili thinking it will hurt her neshama. She tries to drown it out. She tries to bribe it into silence. And Leah self sabotages.Leah desires to fix the world, or at least her little corner of it. And Leah will try to do it "The Leah Way.""

A Chabad shaliach (emissary) posts Nov. 13, 2007:

The TRUTH about Leah Kleim: I know Leah Kleim. My family and I have spent the time necessary to get to know the “real” Leah. We now consider her “our” Leah, and I think she considers us “her” extended family. Let me tell you a bit about Leah. She has her own way of doing things. She likes to call it “The Leah Way!” No doubt, she does things “The Leah Way!” Now many people may be afraid of “The Leah Way.” Some people have come to have a misplaced hatred of Leah because of “The Leah Way.” People are distrustful of anyone who does things differently than they do them. But let me assure you. IF you’re not a hypocrite. IF you talk the talk AND walk the walk. IF you’re not a sexual predator preying on the weak (or worse yet, children). IF you can manage to keep yourself “zipped up.” IF you’re not perpetrating fraud in the name of some institution. Then… YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!

As you can imagine all sorts of folks contact Leah for all sorts of reasons. She is kind of a “lightning rod” for all sorts of “stuff.” But unless the contactor is one of the types described above he/she/it has NOTHING to fear. Leah knows all sorts of things about all sorts of people. But since he/she/they/it are not included in the descriptions above she does not / will not EVER betray their trust.Believe me, if you think you have seen bad things here Leah has a ton more at her fingertips. BUT, she will not cause undo harm to those she feels are not deserving. Those whom she has “outed” did a lot to get her to out them. Even after they tried to prey upon her (thinking her weak and cheap), she still gave them the chance to change BEFORE she “outed” them. Disclaimer: I do not agree with the “outing” methods used. BUT I will tell you this, those folks who were “outed” had the opportunity to prevent it. One could argue, that by their bad actions and then their lack of good actions, “They asked for it.”What is to be learned from all of this?

Lesson 1: If you’re a predator… STOP preying on those whom you perceive to be weak and instead get yourself some professional help! Lesson 2: Leah’s silence CANNOT be bought. She won’t “out” you unless you “earn” it, but if you earn it nothing stops her from outing you. In fact, payoff offers typically have the opposite affect on her (she is NOT in this for the money). Lesson 3: Leah is honest (and sometimes painfully so). Lesson 4: Leah does not care about what anyone thinks of her. She is on a mission and will do whatever she thinks necessary to fulfill that mission. Lesson 5: Leah is neither weak nor cheap.

I email Leah Kleim for an interview May 6, 2008 and she calls me that night.

Leah: "So what is your mission?"

Luke: "I’ve been blogging for a living for almost eleven years. This is how I make my living."

Leah: "Are you frum?"

Luke: "Yes."

Leah: "What is your definition of frum?"

Luke: "I’m Modern Orthodox."

Leah: "Are you from somewhere else?"

Luke: "Australia."

Leah: "My dad’s from there."

Luke: "My dad’s a preacher."

Leah: "What does he think about you being Jewish?"

Luke: "I’m sure it’s a bitter pill."

Leah: "What is he?"

Luke: "Seventh-Day Adventist. I was raised an Adventist. I’ve never eaten meat in my life."

"I’m best known for my writing on the pornography industry but I mainly write on Jewish stuff these days."

Leah: "So what do you want to know about me?"

Luke: "When did you start blogging?"

Leah: "About a year ago."

Luke: "What prompted that?"

Leah: "I Googled myself."

"I grew up in Chabad in Crown Heights. I had gotten myself a very bad reputation because I was outspoken at a young age about the same things that I am now. Because of that, I was thrown away. So I decided, screw this, I don’t want to be frum. But I still lived in Crown Heights with my parents. My skirts got shorter and I smoked cigarettes and that got me the worst reputation you could imagine. I was a whore. I had seven black babies. I had this and I had that.

"At 19, I left and moved to Florida and married a non-Jew. I had three kids. We had a normal life. We had the white picket fence and the dog.

"Ten years later, I decided, ‘Let me Google myself.’ And I did. I found a comment on some blog that mentioned my name and it also mentioned a lot of other people who were in the same position I was in. The comment was that I would love to have a reunion with these people and get drunk. I left a comment saying I would love to have a reunion with them too and I would love to help them and give them a place to stay and the help that they need. At the end of it, I said, I don’t think you’re going to have the guts to publish this, so I’m going to publish it myself. So I started a blog."

Luke: "You still live in Crown Heights?"

Leah: "I was there up until two months ago. I went away for ten years. I lived in California with Chabad for a while. I lived in Miami with Chabad for a while. Then I went back. Now I’m in Illinois. My life, my friends, is all Chabad."

Luke: "You still go to shul?"

Leah: "There’s no shul where I am, but when I live in Crown Heights or when I live near a shul, yes. I don’t keep Shabbos just because I’m lazy and I smoke. I keep kosher. I light Shabbos candles. I wear pants and I smoke."

Luke: "When did you first pose naked online?"

Leah: "About eight months ago."

Luke: "What prompted that?"

Leah: "Sex sells. If you go on to my blog and to all the older posts, you’ll see that they’re [naked pictures] not there anymore. But when I have something to say and I want somebody to listen to it, I know that sex sells. I’m not going to use somebody else as my korbon (sacrifice). I use myself. So I post pictures of myself and I know damn well that everybody’s going to read the next post that’s after it. There have been tons of photographers who have photographed me. I’ve been in magazines.

"My stats are insane. I get 6,000 hits on a bad day. There have been days when I’ve gotten 50,000 hits."

Luke: "Which magazines have you appeared in?"

Leah: "Chabad magazines. I did Chabad radio also in California. You can watch it on youtube. I wrote for a Chabad magazine called Impact magazine in California under the name…"

Luke: "When did you do the radio interview?"

Leah: "About four months ago. It wasn’t an interview. I did a radio show for Chabad. I filled in twice because the rabbi couldn’t show up. I also watched his eight kids while him and his wife were putting out the magazine."

Luke: "And did they know about your blog?"

Leah: "Absolutely. That’s how they met me."

Luke: "You’ve kept a lot of friends in the Hasidic world."

Leah: "It’s not really that. I’ve written a lot of s— about Chabad, Satmar, and different religious sects. It’s all true and I back it all up. Right now there’s a lot of stuff going on between me and the Daily Yid but I haven’t published anything solid about him because I will not do it unless I’m 100% sure.

"I get hundreds of emails a day. Sometimes I feel like I need a PR person. I get emails saying this person did this to  me and that to me. Unless I can prove it for a fact, I’m not going to do it."

"People say I entrap people. No. They contacted me. I gave every single one of them the same chance I give everyone else. Get help. I’ll fund it for you. Stop what you’re doing. It’s not right. It’s not right for your family and it’s not right for your community."

Luke: "You have this reputation for going out and seducing Hasidic men."

Leah: "The Hasidic community does not address these issues like men cheating on their wives and f—ing hookers and f—ing men. They don’t address that because it makes them look bad. So when someone like me is willing to step up to the plate and do it, no matter what people say about me, I can make you or break you. Everybody knows that when it comes down to it, there will be proof.

"I have destroyed Chabad houses. I have taken rabbis out of their positions. I have done crazy things. I’ve been offered immense amounts of money not to do it. I’ll turn them down no matter how badly I need it. It’s not about that. It’s about somebody abusing their power. It’s about an issue that needs to be addressed.

"When I do this, people accuse me on entrapment. But they come to me."

Luke: "They come to you because they want to have sex with you?"

Leah: "Yes. That’s exactly it. Each one of them has the ego and thinks that they’re better than the next one and I’m not going to do this to them because they’re better. And it all starts with offers of help. I was going through a divorce and a custody battle and a lot of people stepped up and said, ‘We want to help you.’ But when it comes down to it, that’s not what they want. They want to get laid.

"Rabbonim in Crown Heights drove me to two of these Satmar guys houses. I had my cell phone on in my purse and the rabbonim sat outside listening to make sure they didn’t do anything to me. At first they didn’t believe me but once they heard everything, they said, ‘Holy s—, take them down.’

"It’s not about destroying people. I always give people a chance. I always them the chance to go get help. Nobody has to know about it. Rabbis will stand by them and tell their wives that they’re on a mission somewhere helping people."

"There are girls out there in bad positions who are not as strong as me. And they are going to look to a rabbi who turns to them and says, ‘I’m going to help you but I also want to f— you.’ And they’re going to think to themselves, ‘If I f— him, he’s going to help me.’ And they’re going to do it."

Luke: "How many rabbis have you had sex with?"

Leah: "Two but they weren’t rabbis when it happened."

Luke: "How many people have you had sex with in your life?"

Leah: "I think eight, maybe nine. I’m extremely shy. I tell people I was married for ten years and have three kids and they ask, ‘With one guy?" and I say yeah, and they’re shocked."

Luke: "So how did you summon the courage to pose naked?"

Leah: "I’m also very scared of the camera. I have an ego the size of the Empire State Building. I always try and beat my fears. One of my fears is of the camera and every picture that was ever taken of me in my life, I look like s— because I’m scared of the camera. I look like a deer in the headlights. So I started taking pictures of myself. Photographers started contacting me. Out of a thousand pictures taken of me, four are good."

Luke: "Are those natural breasts?"

Leah: "No. They’re bought and paid for."

Luke: "Are you divorced?"

Leah: "It’s a work in progress."

Luke: "How has your blogging affected your real life?"

Leah: "A lot. It started off with me just saying my piece on something, and I started getting more hits and people started emailing me… I tried to ignore it for a while but really serious issues came up. I felt like I had to do something because if I didn’t, nobody else would. Many times I’ve wanted to delete the whole thing, change my email address and forget it. And I can’t because there’s always some kid who emails me, ‘Can I just talk to you?’ Or it’s an email from a rabbi who wants to help me by f—ing me.

"I feel like I started something and I have to continue it.

"I take a lot of s— for it. People try to do terrible things to me over it."

Luke: "Who is Daily Yid?"

Leah: "I don’t know his name. I met him once in a store and I didn’t know I met him until he emailed me later and said that he was the guy in the store with the payos.

"He emailed me when he first started his blog to see if I could help him with traffic. I said sure. He said, I can’t link you back because you have pornography…

"I tried to get all the bloggers I know to link to him."

Luke: "Do you have friends?"

Leah: "I have a lot of close friends. A lot of people in the community stand by me on this."

Luke: "Do you believe in G-d?"

Leah: "Absolutely."

Luke: "Do you believe that G-d gave the Torah?"

Leah: "I do, but over the years, the laws have been twisted and manipulated. I believe in Chabad and Hasidus. I’m not frum because I’m lazy. I don’t listen to non-Jewish music. I speak Yiddish. You can watch videos of me crying at the rebbe’s grave. I go to fabrengens. I learn with a rabbi every day. I learn halacos. In my backpack any day of the week, you’ll find a Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, a book of Hasidus and some Lubavitch book."

Luke: "Some people write horrible things about you."

Leah: "There’s a website called The Real Leah Kleim. I know who’s behind it. I can also have the person put in jail for it because it is all not true. The person comes from Monsey. It’s a long story. If I do speak up and prove my point, then this person and his children get damaged."

"My half-brother is a 17 year old frum yeshiva bochur."

Luke: "You’re accused of having your half-brother take photos of you naked. Any truth to that?"

Leah: "Absolutely not… I try to shelter him from most of the s— that comes my way. He is a writer on my blog."

"When I was in rehab this year, not for drugs or alcohol but because I was a cutter. Sixty thousand dollars was put down on me by Chabad. I didn’t ask for it. They came to me and offered it. I lived in a Chabad house in CA when I got out. I lived in a Chabad house in Miami after that. They don’t ask me to come stay with them and write for them because what I’m saying is a bunch of s—."

"There’s this one child molester in Crown Heights named Dovid Wachser. He’s been doing this for years. He got divorced. He works in a Lubavitcher yeshiva. he’s a rebbe. He also works for an organization in Crown Heights called FREE. There are so many people he has hurt, he has damaged, he has molested. Fifteen feet away from the rebbe during a fabrengen under his tallis, he molested somebody very close to me. One of the big rabbis in Crown Heights came to me crying his eyes out on Kingston Avenue and asked me to please destroy his life because of what he’d done to his son.

"I have a recording of his own daughter telling me all the dirty deeds he has done and who he has done them to."

"Now he’s a mainframe computer programmer. He’s the best at getting his name to the top of a Google search. Any time you search for him, you find a million things about computer programming. He gets rid of himself. He erases himself. There are no pictures of him. There’s nothing of him. When somebody writes about him, it goes away."

Luke: "How many rabbis have lost their jobs because of you?"

Leah: "Thirteen to sixteen."

Luke: "Can you list some names for me?"

Leah: "Number one is Mendy Cornfeld in Miami. There was Alexander Hirsh and Chaim Wertzberger. They got jobs in other organizations from Satmar. After that, I can’t mention their names because they did get help."

Luke: "How did you get information on all these child molesters?"

Leah: "People contacted me."

Luke: "How long were you a cutter?"

Leah: "Since I was 14. I’m 31 now."

Luke: "How long have you been free of it?"

Leah: "I stopped it for ten years, from 21 to 31. Then I started it doing it again. I was doing it for about a month when Rabbi Pinston contacted me and asked me to go to rehab for it. I did two stints in rehab for it.

"It’s not a kill yourself thing. It’s make your emotional pain into physical pain so you can deal with it better and make it go away.

"Fifteen years ago when I started doing it, my parents took me to the crazy house a couple of times. They would keep me for a 72-hour evaluation and say I was suicidal. Now it’s something that’s recognized. Medical professionals understand it is not a suicidal thing. It’s not a cry for help. It’s a f—ed up way of dealing with s—."

"I put it all out there. I put my own issues out there. I don’t want anybody to think that I’m better than anybody. There are a lot of Lubavitcher kids doing that too and it’s something that needs to be addressed."

Luke: "Do you suffer from suicidal depression?"

Leah: "No. I’m very happy. I’m very go lucky. I’m very positive. You could throw me in jail and I’ll find a way to laugh. There have been times in my life when I’ve been suicidal. It’s not because something bad happened to me. It’s like they told me in rehab, it’s a craving that kicks in. It’s like an addiction. It runs in families. My father committed suicide when I was six.

"My biggest problem is ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. A lot of the time I forget to take my medicine. Then my mind goes all hyperactive and I start getting out of control and being wild and doing crazy things. Can you relate?"

Luke: "Absolutely."

"Do you have access to your kids?"

Leah: "I just put them to bed before I called you."

"Have you heard of The Awareness Center blog? They don’t get the s— I get because they’re not attached to a person with the sh—-y reputation I have. If I have a rabbi stood up and reproduced my blog, he wouldn’t get what I get. He would get shunned because how dare he speak against community. When its money, when its about who gets what with property, they have no problem with being on the front page. When it’s child abuse or child neglect, no, no, no. We don’t do that. Especially if it’s a good teacher who’s doing it."

"So of course I’m the sh–head. So fine, I’ll wear the sh–head crown."

Luke: Your naked pictures.

Leah: "Sex sells. I’ve gotten a lot of emails about them. They’re all from men. But my point is to make them read something. I don’t do it often. I don’t do it a lot. When I do it, I delete them."

Luke: "How do you think it might affect your children?"

Leah: "How? A lot of people have said that to me."

Luke: "Other kids will say, ‘Your mommy is half-naked on the internet’."

Leah: "Who are these kids? My children live in a place that’s population 800 in a world where there are no Jews. If they were in yeshiva, other kids would see this and say it to them. My children have nothing to do with that world because of the things that go on in that world. I’d love for them to go to yeshiva if it wasn’t such a double-standard, yichus-infested situation."

Luke: "Yichus means lineage."

Leah: "Pedigree."

Luke: "What’s wrong with yichus?"

Leah: "When you’re looking to make a shiduch (marriage match), it’s all about yichus. Rabbi Shemtov and Rabbi Goldstein, they have great names, so their kids can go out and get married regardless of what they’ve done. Their kid can go out and bang hookers, snort coke, and play around and then he can get frum and learn in the Beis Midrash again. If a baal teshuva’s (penitent) child does that, he’s shunned for life. The things I did at 15, and they were nothing. I wore a short skirt. Now if you go to Crown Heights, my skirt was longer than all of theirs. I smoked cigarettes and I did it in public. That’s what killed my reputation and made me into a zona (whore) and a drug addict. I don’t do drugs. You can pass around a joint or a line, I don’t do them.

"If I went back to Crown Heights and walked into a rabbi’s house, you know what they would tell me: ‘If people see you in our house, it’s going to look bad for us.’

"Yichus kills a lot of people. Geshy Korvitzky, my good friend, jumped in front of a train this past summer and killed himself. A week before, when this guy’s shiva ended, Noah Plaskman jumped in front of the same train and killed himself. There are suicides and drug addictions and drug overdoses that all boil down to yichus — being rejected because of what you did when you were a child. The law says you’re not responsible until you’re 18.

"I was punched in the face when I was 15 by a Lubavitcher rosh yeshiva (head of a Jewish Talmudic academy) in Crown Heights. Rabbi Bryski (or Brisky from Yeshiva Chanoch Lenar) of Montgomery Street. This was the first time I understood why in cartoons when someone falls down, he sees stars. I saw them.

"I wasn’t doing anything. I was just standing in front of the yeshiva saying goodbye to my friend who lives two houses away. The rosh yeshiva came out and punched me in the face and told me I was a f—ing whore and I had no right to stand there.

"I went home. My face was swollen. It was bleeding. My parents said, ‘What happened?’ I said this rosh yeshiva punched me. Call the police.

"My parents called their rabbi. The rabbi said, ‘Don’t call anybody. It makes the community look bad.’

"That’s wrong and it f—s kids up. You do that to a child and the child feels, ‘Holy s—! Even my parents don’t give a s— about me.’

"This guy punched me in the face and my parents don’t care? They told me to go to sleep. Then if I say anything to anybody, they scream at me.

"Then the vicious cycle begins and continues. Kids rebel. They run away. They do f—ed up s— to get away from that.

"I can keep you up all night telling you disgusting stories about rabbis in Crown Heights that wanted to help me.

"My parents, being baalei teshuvot, have no say."

"My real father wasn’t Jewish. My mother ran away from him when I was three years old. She ran to Chabad of LA. Rabbi Shlomo Boruch Cunin. Rabbi Naftali Stolman.

"I went to Yeshiva Har Cholnan in Fairfax, LA. Rabbi Shochet is the rosh yeshiva now. I was there from first to fourth grade. Then I went to Beis Rivkah in Crown Heights. My last year in yeshiva was when I was 16. Morristown, New Jersey."

Luke: "After that?"

Leah: "I didn’t go to school. My parents wouldn’t send me to public school and no yeshiva would take me. To save my family from having a bad name by having a child in public school, they kept me out of school."

Luke: "Do you think the Torah makes people better?"

Leah: "It can. It makes many people into amazing people but a lot of people abuse it."

Luke: "Do you want to get married again?"

Leah: "Right now I don’t think so. I have trust issues."

Luke: "What do you need to have sex with someone?"

Leah: "That they don’t have some other agenda. That it’s not about my name and who I am and to be a conqueror but there’s something real there.

"Right now I’m with my children. I’m in my ex’s house. Honestly, I have slept with him because I know he doesn’t have some ulterior motive. I know I look damn good, especially for my age. I get a lot of people who want to bang her and leave. I’ve put my guard up extremely high and I push everybody away."

"On Tisha B’Av, somebody called me up and offered to bring me $10,000 in a brown paper bag to my door. I told them that today is the day the Beit HaMikdash (Holy Temple) was burned down to the ground and you’re calling me to cover a Satmar’s ass and give me $10,000? Are you meshugenah? Go put it in a pushka. And I hung up.

"I could’ve used it."

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Lions For Lambs

Posted on May 7, 2008 by Luke Ford

What a bad movie. I can’t believe I spent $3 at the video store to rent this. None of it ran true for me. Meryl Streep plays an obnoxious reporter. With such an intrusive and obnoxious interviewing technique, she’d never last. A good interviewer doesn’t include value judgments in his questions.

The whole thing felt phony to me.

And it was too short — only 84 minutes.

I agree with this post on imdb.com:

Lions For Lambs is a dialog, a debate really, about the "affairs of state" in Washington D.C. and the "state of affairs" in the Persian Gulf region. It’s 10 AM D.C. time and Janine, a local newspaper (read Washington Post) reporter, steps into the office of GOP Senator Irving for a one-on-one and on-the-record discussion about a plan to win the war in Afghanistan (read Iraq). The conversation starts, with the senator representing the conservative right and the media lady representing the liberal left. The scene changes to a West Coast university (read UC Berkley); it’s an early 7 AM and Todd arrives in the office of Dr. Malley for a career focused discussion—Todd has been skipping class. The conversation starts with the professor, advocating high ideals he encourages Todd to stand for something, make a commitment and take action. Todd, disengaged, turned off and disaffected with the world pushes back at the good professor saying he’s not going to get involved in this mess–read average U.S. citizen. It’s midnight, or thereabouts, in Afghanistan and a team of airborne troops are to occupy a frozen hilltop; Ernst and Arian run into trouble and spend the night alone. Back to Washington.

Lions For Lambs is tedious at best and mind numbing at worst, unless you’ve just arrived from another planet and never tuned in the American media circus. This film is the political equivalent of Groundhog Day (1992) where newscaster Bill Murray is forced to live the same day over and over again covering this minor holiday in Punxsutawney PA. In this film, the water torture (repetition) is the replay of all the Sunday morning political talk show babble (pro and con) from the last 4-years. Just in cast you think your side wins this one don’t bet on it, there are no winners here. A partisan in front of me clapped and hooted when the conservative took it in the shorts the first time, only to fine his liberal view was skewered next, before he could catch his breath. And so the conversation goes.

Lions For Lambs is being highly touted by the press, who don’t want to blow a ticket to the Academy Awards next year. The tragedy here is that we’ve got three fine actors without a story; it’s neither good entertainment nor serious political science. Each player reads his / her lines (literally yesterday’s newscast), there’s no story line and no emotion to engage viewers. The closest thing to artistic technique is the scene continually rotates between D.C., California and the mountaintop. I’m thinking this may be as good (read bad) as The Blair Witch Project (1999), and win my 2007 Stinker award.

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Luke 2: Electric Jewgaloo

Posted on May 6, 2008 by Luke Ford

From my live cam chat:

palestine4ever:  "r u afraid of emotional intimacy?"
YourMoralLeader:  no
Shirl:  this is the first time i’ve been to easy streaming for months, i used to wander around in here a lot before
palestine4ever:  Luke, don’t use txt msg shorthand in a heart-to-heart talk with the ladies
YourMoralLeader:  hey arab
YourMoralLeader:  sorry
YourMoralLeader:  from the heart
palestine4ever:  I’m just trying, Luke, I’m trying…
palestine4ever:  I will make an angry jihadi of you yet
Shirl:  why anger?
palestine4ever:  Luke should be angry.
palestine4ever:  Hi Shirl
Shirl:  hi pal
palestine4ever:  But yes, Luke should be angry.
YourMoralLeader:  palestine is the funniest, shirl, you just have to give him time
Shirl:  time is of the essence
palestine4ever:  He was cast out by the protestants, and the Jews will never show him their secret handshakes.
palestine4ever:  He is probably the only man on this planet to take Dennis Praeger seriously, and Prager laughs at him.
palestine4ever:  This would make me angry.
YourMoralLeader:  yes
YourMoralLeader:  Shirl, P is the best. P, shirl is great.
YourMoralLeader:  Allah is great!
palestine4ever:  I’m pretty happy we don’t have Luke on tall buildings with a sniper rifle.
palestine4ever:  Shirl is probably great
YourMoralLeader:  Shirl, this is your new online home!
Shirl:  lol
palestine4ever:  Despite my frustration with your religion, I abide by your value judgments, Lucas.
YourMoralLeader:  gonna watch the last few minutes of There will be blood
palestine4ever:  Luke, I have a new theme song for you
Shirl:  i don’t care what religion people believe in, i take people as they are
palestine4ever:  There is truth there, Shirl
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the song?
palestine4ever:  But all the same, Luke is the poorest Jew in the world.
palestine4ever:  Here you go:
palestine4ever:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PuUflTcJzA
palestine4ever:  Sammy Hagar’s opus to Sly’s armwrestling movie
palestine4ever:  OVER THE TOP, LUKE
YourMoralLeader:  ok
palestine4ever:  It’s so goddamned awful that you must like it.
YourMoralLeader:  i love the abba song by that name
palestine4ever:  It’s got that whole Kenny Loggins/Dangerzone/80s bouffant hair thing that is the soundtrack of your life
Shirl:  lol
palestine4ever:  ROCK ON, LUKE.
YourMoralLeader:  shirl, what’s the soundtrack of your life
YourMoralLeader:  ?
palestine4ever:  Shirl, though it is not apparent, Luke is definitely Rocking On at this moment.
Shirl:  does he dance?
palestine4ever:  Is there a song in your head even when you’re not aware of it?
Shirl:  can’t see him, only his shadow
palestine4ever:  Like little passages when you’re walking down the street and the like?
palestine4ever:  GROOVE BABY!
Shirl:  go luke go
palestine4ever:  Luke is gettin’ his jack on
palestine4ever:  LUKE 2: HYMIE BOOGALOO
palestine4ever:  LUKE 2: ELECTRIC JEWGALOO
palestine4ever:  There we go, that’s the title.
palestine4ever:  So Shirl
palestine4ever:  What brings you to this armpit of the internet?
Shirl:  i wish i had luke’s energy
palestine4ever:  He was sick as a dog not 24 hours ago
Shirl:  it was just a spur of the moment boredom thing
palestine4ever:  I enjoy ending my night here. It’s like Bedtime with Luke, but not gay.
Shirl:  lol
Shirl:  where are you pal?
palestine4ever:  It’s also the greatest procrastination folly I’ve come across
palestine4ever:  The glorious midwest at this moment
palestine4ever:  ROCK ON, LUKE!
Shirl:  which part    state?
palestine4ever:  Chicago currently.
Shirl:  oh ok
palestine4ever:  Electric Jewgaloo: that will be your claim to fame.
palestine4ever:  That is, if you don’t mind being the Jewish William Hung.
palestine4ever:  It’s the end of the video that gets me
Shirl:  my daughter is in LA right now
Shirl:  she did a gig there
palestine4ever:  Sammy and Sly are about to throw down
Shirl:  she is going to Nashville to live for awhile
palestine4ever:  But they realize, hey, the power of rock unites us
Shirl:  she is a musicain/songwriter
palestine4ever:  Your daughter’s in country/western, Shirl?
Shirl:  no
Shirl:  she is more like Jewel or Cheryl Crowe
palestine4ever:  Luke may have some insights based upon his canny coverage of the entertainment industry.
palestine4ever:  Like he could ask her "What do you love and hate about being a singer/songwriter?"
Shirl:  is Luke the trustworthy type?
palestine4ever:  Actually, yes.
Shirl:  easy to say
palestine4ever:  I’ve had a huge problem with subletters here.
palestine4ever:  Luke would probably not only leave my condo in the condition it was in, it’d probably be better.
Shirl:  a neat freak huh?
palestine4ever:  Like he’d build some nice shelving or put in a Torah educational center or something
palestine4ever:  Nah, he keeps the small rules
palestine4ever:  (and breaks the big ones)
Shirl:  rules are made to be broken
palestine4ever:  Jails are made to be filled. 🙂
Shirl:  what is similar about a tornado in Texas and a divorce in Tennessee?
palestine4ever:  They both wind up with women’s underwear on the front lawn?
Shirl:  good one
palestine4ever:  Luke, I think you should work out a deal with these guys: http://reasonradionetwork.com/
Shirl:  answer:  someone’s going to lose a trailer
palestine4ever:  They seem like quite moderate Nazis.
palestine4ever:  lol, good one
YourMoralLeader:  I don’t understand There Will Be Blood
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the moral?
palestine4ever:  Never seen it.
YourMoralLeader:  Please do and report back, it won the Oscar for best picture
Shirl:  what kind of keyboard is that, it looks like an accordian
YourMoralLeader:  safetype.com
palestine4ever:  Here’s a fun game
palestine4ever:  Go to video.google.com and type in the name of your favorite movie
palestine4ever:  from the results, select "duration: long"
palestine4ever:  Chances are good that our future Chinese overlords have pirated it.
palestine4ever:  I’m serious, I’ve been catching up on everything I’ve missed with weird Chinese subtitles
YourMoralLeader:  whoa
YourMoralLeader:  This is not good for the Jews. Will have to tell the Elders about this.
palestine4ever:  HAHA, TAKE THAT JEWS.
palestine4ever:  I AM DOWNLOADING NATIONAL SOCIALISM

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The Luke Ford Show

Posted on May 6, 2008 by Luke Ford

Curious writes: "Is there any mass appeal to your reality show without the porn aspect? I mean an under performing Jew is unique, but hardly ranks a show."

Fred emails: "How about an under performing Jew with a penchant for getting thrown out of synagogues?"

Oh ye of little faith. Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

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The Doctor Is In — Dr. Paulette Saddler in Pasadena

Posted on May 6, 2008 by Luke Ford

Vanity is not my name; but good health is a mantra I truly endorse. If you value the latter but also have a thing for the former, then you must see Dr. Paulette Saddler in Pasadena. You can also visit her website at www.saddlermd.com. Dr. Saddler is an incredible internist who also is extremely approachable and knowledgeable. If you want an expert with her own line of products, and appreciate a professional who will answer you questions, then run – ok, drive – to Pasadena and make an appointment with Dr. Saddler. This is an investment in your health and appearance. Look great for summer. Call Dr. Saddler!

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I Call Emma For The First Time

Posted on May 6, 2008 by Luke Ford

From my live cam chat:

Gina:  Dad will be there too
Gina:  both Dads
YourMoralLeader:  let me talk to your father
YourMoralLeader:  my dad and his dad
Gina:  have the talk Luke
ANYTIMEASAP:  heh fill me in  whats on with our emma ?
Gina:  Luke you need an adjustment
YourMoralLeader:  how?
Gina:  we want to see those gorgeous eyes
YourMoralLeader:  anyone got emma’s #?
WELSH:  someone just got banned i’ve never seen that before in the moral leaders room?
Gina:  you are our moral center
Gina:  but you are off kilter
Gina:  don’t use that # you found on the bathroom wall last night
YourMoralLeader:  ringing
YourMoralLeader:  ringing
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  what do I do with an 18yo girl who wont pick up my call?
YourMoralLeader:  spank her?
Emma:  lmao!!!!!!!!
guest14:  Do you know that she really is a she?
russiandragon:  some say toyboy
Emma:  lol
Gina:  don’t laugh your a s s off… there won’t b anything to spank
ANYTIMEASAP:   your a goood pr guy kuke. hope she is sensible
Emma:  Tomorrow Luke…
YourMoralLeader:  thanks ASAP
russiandragon:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  I want you now
Emma:  I know I felt the vibrations
russiandragon:  lol
Gina:  1 800 emma now
ANYTIMEASAP:  oops luke.MORAL LEADER
Gina:  kiss your tzitzit
YourMoralLeader:  i dont recognize that part of myself
WELSH:  bk
Emma:  lol
russiandragon:  mm
ANYTIMEASAP:  LOL
russiandragon:  wb
ANYTIMEASAP:  LOL
ANYTIMEASAP:  WHAT A SKIT
Emma:  lol huffy Levi
guest91:  still off your medication there fruitcake?
YourMoralLeader:  There will be blood
YourMoralLeader:  yes
Gina:  no slurp 🙁
YourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
Emma:  no 🙁
YourMoralLeader:  i was gonna wait till emma’s bday to call
YourMoralLeader:  but gina shoved me
Emma:  lol
Gina:  OOPS!
Gina:  Sorry
Gina:  should have given us the heads up
Gina:  can you hold out until then?
Emma:  lol
Gina:  Luke who does the laundry?
YourMoralLeader:  me now
YourMoralLeader:  emma soon
Gina:  quarters?
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  y
Gina:  or your saving them for the vibrating bed
User ANYTIMEASAP changed their name to atlanticcurrent.
YourMoralLeader:  would you like a vibrating bed emma?
Gina:  she’ll settle for a bed
Emma:  hmmm nope
Emma:  lol
Gina:  water bed?
Emma:  Whoa yeah!
Emma:  lol
atlanticcurrent:    she settle for a settle
Emma:  lol that didnt sound good
guest93:  hey luke, I’m gonna build a shelter for the homeless
guest93:  you know, to give your momma a place to live
YourMoralLeader:  thanks 93
YourMoralLeader:  how about me?
guest93:  you can join her luke
guest93:  you look fit for it
YourMoralLeader:  got any grub, mate?
Emma:  Not really luke
Emma:  You should have soup
Emma:  😉
YourMoralLeader:  i need me sum emma
Emma:  yep
Gina:  slurp slurp
Emma:  lol
atlanticcurrent:   luke is gettin a pot belly !!!
atlanticcurrent:   LOL
Gina:  Emma stirs his pot
Gina:  bubbling over
atlanticcurrent:  HES BREEDING SOMETHING YUCH
Gina:  whats in your movie que
guest93:  what’s that you’re eating luke, gruel?
atlanticcurrent:  GINA WHERE ARE YOU/
Emma:  Bedtime.. Gnight Gina, Luke xoxoxoxoxox
Emma:  Take care
YourMoralLeader:  gnight
guest95:  that looks like sugar pps
YourMoralLeader:  xoooooooooooooooooooooooooos
Emma:  xxxxxxxx
guest93:  looks like something you might find on a pub step on a sunday morning, luke
Gina:  Bye Emma XXXXXX
User Emma left the room.
YourMoralLeader:  i miss that girl
YourMoralLeader:  she does strange things to my heart
YourMoralLeader:  and other parts of me
guest93:  you mean you get colonic spasms too luke?
guest95:  what an image
guest95:  lol
atlanticcurrent:  huh
guest93:  mind you, come to think of it, I can tell by the look on your face
Gina:  She did the room proud in your absence Luke
YourMoralLeader:  how so?
Gina:  Leading in your place
guest93:  well you often look like you’re pinching a loaf when you’re on cam
Gina:  as a good Rebbitzen does
atlanticcurrent:  off now , night loonies
guest93:  kinda like you need………well, a good s**t
guest93:  to put it bluntly
YourMoralLeader:  is that bad?
guest93:  not at all
Gina:  floaters
Gina:  do you after extra milk left?
Gina:  have*
YourMoralLeader:  rice milk
YourMoralLeader:  all gone
guest95:  ewwww gross
guest93:  sounds like Luke’s watching ‘Debbie Does Frankenstein Whilst Meeting The Abbots’
guest93:  if you know what I mean
guest93:  and I think frankenstein does
YourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
guest93:  so tell me luke, when you hit 40 and realised that adolescence was never going to play much of a part in your life, did you feel any form of concern?
guest95:  lol
guest96:  as a moral leader you rate 00000000000000000000000000000
guest93:  I feel about as morally led as a nun up a garden path by a pimp into a cucumber field
YourMoralLeader:  I can relive my adolescence with emma
YourMoralLeader:  but make it more fun
YourMoralLeader:  more successful
guest93:  I think emma is the only advocate you’ve got luke
YourMoralLeader:  I’ll be the quarterback and she’ll be the cheerleader/homecoming queen
guest93:  sounds just peachy luke
YourMoralLeader:  and I’m flying to ireland to take her to her prom
guest95:  you give change luke?
YourMoralLeader:  Meet the parents
YourMoralLeader:  this old hairy jew shows up on her doorstep, tells pops he met Emma online
guest93:  they’ll like a hard working boy like you luke
guest93:  the irish have a reputation of loving loser wastrels with no form of self-maintenance
guest96:  fire away lukey boy, you cant take advantage of the irish
guest96:  you must justify a means
guest93:  I’m sure when emma’s folks see  your living habits, they’ll be only too pleased to take you in
guest93:  you can wrap tefillin for them luke
guest93:  how nice would that be huh?
YourMoralLeader:  I’ll tell pops i hang out on a cam all day and take paypal donations
YourMoralLeader:  God will provide for me and his daughter
guest93:  I’m sure he’ll be thrilled
YourMoralLeader:  God = pops
guest93:  I wonder how the semitic politic will fare in the roman catholic land of Ireland luke?
guest96:  irish history would suit your ideals
YourMoralLeader:  i wonder if he will be cool with me hanging out in kollel for a few years
guest96:  whats with the baby crying
guest93:  it’s the main course 96
guest93:  it will be ready by the time luke finishes his starter
guest99:  you need a shave buddie
Gina:  Luke you have your hands full t’night
guest93:  have you ever had sex with a woman luke?
Gina:  good luck
Gina:  xxoooxxxooxoo
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  i’m waiting for marriage
User Gina left the room.
guest93:  or anything remotely resembling it?
YourMoralLeader:  as g-d wants
guest93:  really?
YourMoralLeader:  nope

Shirl:  busy on phone huh?
YourMoralLeader:  hi
Shirl:  whats the topic?
Shirl:  smiles
YourMoralLeader:  leah kleim
YourMoralLeader:  rabbi abuse
Shirl:  what is leah kleim?
YourMoralLeader:  controversial blogger
Shirl:  why can’t i see you typing?
YourMoralLeader:  can now
Shirl:  oh i see now
Shirl:  its very bright though
YourMoralLeader:  turn down light
Shirl:  ah much better
YourMoralLeader:  tell me about yourself
Shirl:  i live in Canada
YourMoralLeader:  work?
Shirl:  quit my job…new boss was not nice
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  what r u good at?
Shirl:  music and art
Shirl:  but that was not my job
YourMoralLeader:  ur a good writer
Shirl:  painter
Shirl:  i worked at a law office
YourMoralLeader:  what would you do for work if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Shirl:  i didn’t fail at the law office..it was injustice
YourMoralLeader:  i know, but whats your dream job?
Shirl:  i had a dream job, part-time and knew the job like the back of my hand
YourMoralLeader:  doing what?
Shirl:  reception/secretarial…i’m a people person
YourMoralLeader:  painter?
Shirl:  i have a fine arts degree but have not painted for a few years
YourMoralLeader:  why?
Shirl:  good question….i guess its because of computers
Shirl:  they distract you
YourMoralLeader:  do you write much?
Shirl:  and you get addicted to them
Shirl:  i think i would be a good writer if i did
YourMoralLeader:  do you have a blog?
Shirl:  no, i hate blogs
YourMoralLeader:  why?
Shirl:  because i’m a private person
YourMoralLeader:  what do you want to do with your life?
Shirl:  have not figured that out
YourMoralLeader:  when did you graduate college?
Shirl:  are you a writer?
YourMoralLeader:  yes, of blog lukeford.net
Shirl:  and you write about?
YourMoralLeader:  judaism, hollywood myself
Shirl:  what of Hollywood?
YourMoralLeader:  check it out!
User Shirl left the room.
Shirl:  had a quick peek
Shirl:  i just turned up my speakers, did you say something?
YourMoralLeader:  just chatting on phone
YourMoralLeader:  mainly listening
YourMoralLeader:  http://lukeford.net/essays/contents/photos.htm
YourMoralLeader:  those are hollywood photos
Shirl:  are you talking to someone who came into this site?
YourMoralLeader:  no
palestine4ever:  "r u afraid of emotional intimacy?"
YourMoralLeader:  no
Shirl:  this is the first time i’ve been to easy streaming for months, i used to wander around in here a lot before
palestine4ever:  Luke, don’t use txt msg shorthand in a heart-to-heart talk with the ladies
YourMoralLeader:  hey arab
YourMoralLeader:  sorry
YourMoralLeader:  from the heart
palestine4ever:  I’m just trying, Luke, I’m trying…
palestine4ever:  I will make an angry jihadi of you yet
Shirl:  why anger?
palestine4ever:  Luke should be angry.
palestine4ever:  Hi Shirl
Shirl:  hi pal
palestine4ever:  But yes, Luke should be angry.
YourMoralLeader:  palestine is the funniest, shirl, you just have to give him time

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Live Chat With Emma

Posted on May 6, 2008 by Luke Ford

From my live cam chat:

YourMoralLeader:  i’m sick mentally and physically
Emma:  Whats wrong?
YourMoralLeader:  just a cold, feeling better actually
Emma:  Good
YourMoralLeader:  what’s new?
YourMoralLeader:  how’s pops?
Emma:  Fine
Emma:  Thanks
YourMoralLeader:  have u told him about us?
Emma:  No
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  lol
Emma:  He would freek
YourMoralLeader:  he’ll be pleased to hear about the reality show coming to visit him
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Yeah thats springing it on him gently
Emma:  =]
Emma:  How is your day going?
YourMoralLeader:  just got acupuncture
YourMoralLeader:  emma, you never share any drama from your life, i want drama!
Emma:  Im not a drama queen
Emma:  There isnt much drama lol
YourMoralLeader:  tell me something about ur life
Emma:  What do you want to know?
Emma:  What do you want Luke!
YourMoralLeader:  i want to know more about you
YourMoralLeader:  but it’s like pulling teeth!
Emma:  lol
Emma:  hmm
YourMoralLeader:  r u afraid of emotional intimacy?
Emma:  No
Emma:  Are you?
YourMoralLeader:  no
Emma:  Ok then
Emma:  I hope we can communicate better  when we meet
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  I just want to be close to you
YourMoralLeader:  is that too much to ask?
Emma:  No
YourMoralLeader:  i don’t want to invade you
YourMoralLeader:  till we’re married
Emma:  Is that what you call it…
Emma:  Invade
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  what do you call it?
YourMoralLeader:  when two irish love each other and want to express their love in a concrete way, what do they do?
Emma:  On my wedding night I dont expect my husband to invade me
YourMoralLeader:  how about plough?
YourMoralLeader:  boff?
Emma:  loool
YourMoralLeader:  plunder?
YourMoralLeader:  shtup?
Emma:  plough lmao
YourMoralLeader:  pork?
Emma:  lol
Emma:  No Luke I dont want you to plough me
Emma:  Or pork me
Emma:  Or plunder me
YourMoralLeader:  how about f**k?
Emma:  pfffffft
YourMoralLeader:  how about make sweet tender love?
Emma:  You sure have a way with words
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Thats better
YourMoralLeader:  how about root?
YourMoralLeader:  what do the irish call it?
YourMoralLeader:  what did your parents teach you about the act of marital intimacy?
Emma:  suirí a dhéanamh
Emma:  My parents never spoke of this with me
YourMoralLeader:  I need to have a talk with them.
Emma:  Why?
YourMoralLeader:  I need to round out your Catholic education with some Jewish insights.
Emma:  hmmm
YourMoralLeader:  for my TV show
Emma:  Your tv show is about you…
Emma:  Your day to day life
YourMoralLeader:  it’s more about aking the Gospel of Luke into Ireland
YourMoralLeader:  and converting the savages
Emma:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  which irish hero do I most resemble?
YourMoralLeader:  saint?
Emma:  Your in a class of your own Luke. I don’t think you resemble any irish

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