I’m Live With Rev. Des

From my live cam chat:

RevDesmondFord:  sinkers or floaters today, boy?
YourMoralLeader:  Hi dad, all sinkers
RevDesmondFord:  as i suspected. your brother Paul Ford came up floaters every time, he did.
RevDesmondFord:  look at my miserable layabout of a son.
RevDesmondFord:  I recall the time he actually said he preferred Olivia Newton-John’s cover of Bob Dylan’s "If Not For You" over George Harrison’s. I should have throttled him.
RevDesmondFord:  I woke with a tickle in my throat," my boy writes. We all know what that tickle is: another man’s penis.
RevDesmondFord:  the very sight of you sickens me, son.
RevDesmondFord:  My boy’s taste in music is like his taste in everything else: uninformed. Besides destroying my Bubble Puppy album in an act of blatant poncery, he also traded off my copy of Iron Butterfly’s Heavy LP for some candy…which I forbade him from eating.
RevDesmondFord:  How’s your "reality show" going, boy? Where’s your "crew?" Or is it another fiction you’ve manufactured for the benefit of your ‘audience?"
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP, BOY!
YourMoralLeader:  It’s going full throttle ahead, anyway, should have a meeting on it in the next month. I want you to be a big part of it.
YourMoralLeader:  We should have regular on-camera meetings where you teach me about life and manliness.
RevDesmondFord:  you are pathetic. a liar and a coward.
RevDesmondFord:  UNION WAS RIGHT. By the waym, who converted you?
RevDesmondFord:  who converted you, Sunny Jim?
RevDesmondFord:   A better idea would be an on-camera beating of the kind I regret never giving you when you were a child.
RevDesmondFord:  what’s the matter, boy? are you digging up some more anti-semitic nuggets for your "blog"?
RevDesmondFord:   Perhaps an even better idea would have me force-feeding you a burst cane toad as a practical lesson against stealing food intended for the homeless.
RevDesmondFord:  my son Luke Ford is both mentally ill and a scumbag. i can’t say i’m shocked, but i’m bitterly disappointed.
RevDesmondFord:  yes, my son has grown into a sad excuse for a man who violates even the most basic tenets of the religion he’s falsely adopted. hypocritical bugger you are, son… i ought to clout you one on the side of your noggin.
RevDesmondFord:  Collected any Paypal donations today, boy? A bloody, grub-eating abo has more self-respect.
YourMoralLeader:  no donations yet today for my mission
RevDesmondFord:  i wonder what sort of craven expression will pass across your smug, bloated visage as i smash your face…
RevDesmondFord:  Had anymore dreams about eating snake sandwiches?
RevDesmondFord:  i will break your bloody neck, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  who converted you, son? SPEAK UP!
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi Gadol
RevDesmondFord:  what did Rabbi Union have to say about you, bloody liar?
YourMoralLeader:  he said i was deceitful
RevDesmondFord:  HE WAS RIGHT
RevDesmondFord:  that is why you were thrown out of the RCC conversion program, isn’t it, boy?
RevDesmondFord:   I gave you every advantage in this world, boy, and look what you’ve done with them. Nothing. Let me clear things up for you: You are not special. You have no "mission." The only thing you’ve done in this world is to disappoint your step-mum and myself.
RevDesmondFord:  So your "conversion" was self-administered, eh?
RevDesmondFord:  typical of your fraudulent posturing.
RevDesmondFord:  Everything about you is false, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  i wonder if it galls you to know deep down that you have no legitimate connection to Judaism – no cultural right, no intellectual understanding. Nothing.
RevDesmondFord:  Rabbi Union’s assessment of you was fair-dinkum DEAD ON, mate.
RevDesmondFord:   I taught you better. You should thank good fortune that your late mother was able to talk me out of smothering you upon your birth. It’s something I regret to this day.
RevDesmondFord:  and how did you repay your mum? by giving her cancer.
RevDesmondFord:  she learned the hard way, I s’pose.
YourMoralLeader:  Be careful or I’ll give you cancer too dad.
RevDesmondFord:  You ARE cancer, son.
RevDesmondFord:  Are you threatening me, boy?
RevDesmondFord:  SPEAK UP.
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, have you seen There Will Be Blood. I don’t understand it.
RevDesmondFord:  only in the Internet age would a worthless ponce such as you be given any attention.
RevDesmondFord:  There’s a lot you don’t understand – but that won’t stop you from vomiting up your uninformed opinions and speculations .
RevDesmondFord:  Been stealing food from the mouths of the homeless lately? There will be no more helpful cheques from home, boy.
RevDesmondFord:   I recall my shame every morning: Paul and Ellen and Gill…floaters everytime. But not you, you worthless drongo.
RevDesmondFord:  i can see the mental illness on your hideous face, boy.
RevDesmondFord:  there’s only one solution for you: pick up that gun and shoot yourself.
RevDesmondFord:  But perhaps it’s my own fault for not staking you to a termite hill when it might have done some good.
RevDesmondFord:  Off your medication, boy? There’s nothing wrong with you that a little hard work and Weet-Bix won’t fix.
RevDesmondFord:  but of course, you have no job.
RevDesmondFord:  Let’s talk more about your fraudulent "conversion," by the imaginary rabbi.
RevDesmondFord:  fill us in on the details, you c**t.
RevDesmondFord:  I’m WAITING
RevDesmondFord:  Let’s talk more about your fraudulent "conversion," by the imaginary rabbi.
RevDesmondFord:  LET’S HEAR IT, SON!
RevDesmondFord:   Look at my boy. His smug, leering face is forever my shame.
guest188:  Looks like past Evangelical upbringing to me>
guest188:  Who ccould ever survive that.
RevDesmondFord:  as opposed to my son’s fraudulent "conversion," by the imaginary rabbi?
RevDesmondFord:  UNION WAS RIGHT.
guest188:    ahhh yes, trying to find a better way.
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, Sunny Jim! Tell me about your fake conversion.
RevDesmondFord:  Your adherence to "the truth" is tenuous and selective at best. Speak up, ponce.
RevDesmondFord:  or are you struggling to find some flippant, anti-Semitic response (your idea of "provocative" writing.)
RevDesmondFord:   Typical of my boy. He falls silent when he knows he’s been found out.
RevDesmondFord:  Fraud!
guest188:  Speak up Luke defend yourself!
YourMoralLeader:  hi guys
YourMoralLeader:  build me up buttercup
guest188:   he has spoken!
guest188:  feel free to speak Rev
guest17:  how can you say god is a superstition…that is blasphamas
guest188:  so is typing in red
RevDesmondFord:   It’s like the time I found his supply of forbidden candy. When I confronted him, he just sat there not saying a word.
RevDesmondFord:   Until I fetched him a mighty clout to the ear.
YourMoralLeader:  17, just quoting a line from the movie There will be blood
RevDesmondFord:  And then all he did was whimper. His sister Ellen was more of a man.
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, build me up. I need your love not your hate.
guest17:  oh so that’s ok then…i am back in love with you
RevDesmondFord:  i notice that when all else fails, when no excuses remain, my ponce of a son resorts to his tiresome act of quoting pop lyrics or movie dialogue in a manner that only he would consider "witty".
RevDesmondFord:   Listen, Sunny Jim, my hands are full enough trying to set my boy on the straight and narrow. I don’t need another self-involved lackwit trying my patience. And from what you have to say, you’re even more pathetic than my boy.
RevDesmondFord:  And just becasue you’re a shut-in with Internet access does not make what you say interesting.
RevDesmondFord:  you lot make about as much sense as a pack of bloody abos.
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  fyi . the beard is starting to look like its fuller than your head! 🙂
RevDesmondFord:  Why was Luke Ford thrown out of the RCC conversion program? And what was Rabbi Union’s assessment of Luke Ford’s character?
RevDesmondFord:   My boy remains silent on the issue of his false conversion. So typical.
RevDesmondFord:  Self-administered conversion = no conversion at all.
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, boy! What do you have to say for yourself? You pose as a "writer" but you seem to have no words of your own.
QuixoticLass:  have you had much success getting people to open up to you with this kind of harassment in the past?
YourMoralLeader:  bedtime for bonzo
RevDesmondFord:   Listen up, sheila, when I start with the harassment, you’ll fair-dinkum know it.
RevDesmondFord:  Here’s a fair-dinkum question for you: Who converted my son to Judaism?
QuixoticLass:  because, it’s going to leave you empty and unfufilled to continue this way.  You know that don’t you?
RevDesmondFord:   Of course, my boy still refuses to address the topic at hand.
QuixoticLass:  well, he’s sleeping.
RevDesmondFord:   Typical of my boy: a lazy layabout.
RevDesmondFord:  It sickens me to see that you lot embrace a slimy, dishonest anti-Semite such as my son Luke Ford.
RevDesmondFord:  Only on the internet.
QuixoticLass:  I would have thought that you’d have disowned him by now
RevDesmondFord:   That you people buy into his nonsense only makes me wish I had flushed him down the pot the moment he came into this world. Just as I would have done to any sinker.
QuixoticLass:  why even acknowledge that he’s your son?
RevDesmondFord:  why support a liar and an anti-semite?
RevDesmondFord:  Disown him? That’s not the SDA way, you giblet-headed sheila.
QuixoticLass:  lovely
QuixoticLass:  and calling people names is?
QuixoticLass:  interesting.
RevDesmondFord:  you have not answered my question – which, unlike my son’s professed Judaism, is legitimate.
QuixoticLass:  I have seen no proof that he is either a liar or an anti-semite.
RevDesmondFord:  you don;t know much about him, do you?
RevDesmondFord:  what could possibly compel you to defend such a low and fundamentally dishonest creep?
RevDesmondFord:   That speaks more to your inability to discern the obvious, sheila. My son’s gotten by his whole life by preying on dimwitted women like you.
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  is luke alive?
QuixoticLass:  he’s sleeping
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  call 911!
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  luke wake up little rosebud!
QuixoticLass:  I love it.  I’m dimwitted and giblet-headed.
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  nappy time for the lukester .. how cute ..
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  doesn’t look like he’s moving to me ..
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  somebody call the cops for a welfare check ..
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  i don’t know his address
QuixoticLass:  do you toss around in your sleep?
MirthalaVillaSalinasNunez:  I guess he doesn’t snore?
QuixoticLass:  I wouldn’t know that.
QuixoticLass:  hey emma
Emma:  Hey Lass
QuixoticLass:  you’re lucky you missed revdes
Emma:  Revdes?
QuixoticLass:  RevDesmondFord
Emma:  Oh lol
Emma:  pfffr him
QuixoticLass:  that guy really knows how to throw insults around
Emma:  Agree
YourMoralLeader:  that’s how he shows his love
YourMoralLeader:  like emma’s dad
QuixoticLass:  he’s the kind  of guy who makes me want to argue back, but it would be more expedient to just shoot him.
Emma:  Funny.. my dad dosnt show his love quite like that
Emma:  Yes Lass
QuixoticLass:  like the scene in Indiana Jones where Indie is up against the guy with the machete
RevDesmondFord:  What kind of self-involved asshole leaves a camera on so people can watch him pretend to sleep?
QuixoticLass:  one who’d like you to say interesting things so he can copy the chat to his blog and get more hits.
QuixoticLass:  so you should talk about high traffic things like porn and politics
RevDesmondFord:   Now that my boy has returned from fair-dinkum Sandland, let’s ask him to explain to his slow-witted audience about his fake conversion from the imaginary rabbi. Speak up, lad!
YourMoralLeader:  I talked to emma today for first time, her voice is not too annoying, I can live with it whispering in my ear.
Emma:  I can just about live with yours too hun
RevDesmondFord:  Speak up, boy! You seem to have no problem prattling on with the sheilas about specious topics. Tell us the truth about your imaginary rabbi.
RevDesmondFord:  bloody christ, what a slimy c**t i sired.
QuixoticLass:  in most cases, imaginary rabbis are better than real ones.
RevDesmondFord:  Yes, of course, let’s not blame Luke for his complete lack of ethics, courage or ability to speak the truth.
QuixoticLass:  "Instead of marrying gay men, many women would be better served by taking a class in creative expression."  -Luke Ford
QuixoticLass:  written 2 years ago
RevDesmondFord:  let’s blame the rabbis instead! such evil people! let’s endorse my son’s persecution of all Jews.
RevDesmondFord:  quoting my son like he’s a fair-dinkum scholar or a wit… now there’s your dictionary definition of pathetic.
RevDesmondFord:  congratulations.
RevDesmondFord:  And just a word of warning to Emma: my boy’s a fair-dinkum ponce. but you don’t seem to be the brightest penny in the roll…
QuixoticLass:  she’s very shiny

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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