Rabbi Daniel Pressman of Saratoga, CA, tells Slate: "People always e-mail me stuff like, ‘Oh, Rabbi, you should see this article,’ or, ‘Click on this YouTube link, there’s a funny Passover video.’ The job itself provides opportunities for wasting time. Personally, for me, YouTube is one of the most treacherous locations on the Web … You can get in there and not be seen for a week."
Lindsay, an NFL cheerleader, says: "One big thing we procrastinate on is tanning. We have to have color, because our uniforms are really light. But we have practices five times a week, and you don’t want to go in to practice smelling like tanning stuff—you’re already sweating, and you can’t spray and go to practice, anyhow, because it’ll all come off. It’s just disgusting. So you wait until 24 hours before the game, and then you go lay in a tanning bed for 10 to 12 minutes—just to get your body warm—and then you go right into the spray area to get sprayed. And then you can’t shower for eight hours, so you go home and you stink and you smell, and the next morning you’re all dark.”
Laura, an exotic dancer in Kansas City, MO, says: “We make our money two ways: onstage and with table dances. … I’ve seen girls just sit in the back and complain—they’re like, ‘Oh, these guys are assholes, they don’t want any dances, I’m broke,’ and da-da-da-da-da. And I’m just like, ‘OK, you just don’t want to sit out there and talk to these guys,’ which is what you have to do. You have to conversate—you have to be friendly and fun and all that crap, and if you don’t want to do that, you probably aren’t going to make that much money."
Listen to these songs twice a day and you’ll become your own moral leader.
I’ve been able to get most of the songs I want for free.
I’ve also gotten hooked on pandora.com. I just go in there and type in "Air Supply" and then they give me similar music such as REO Speedwagon (Keep on Loving You) and Lionel Richie (Truly).
It’s official: my female friends love Clothes Heaven (www.clothesheaven.com), the designer resale store in Pasadena that I spotlighted recently. My friends tell me the place is amazing — great staff and an incredible range of clothes and accessories. From Gucci to Prada to Ralph Lauren to Jil Sander, Clothes Heaven is paradise for hard-core shoppers. Follow my advice: visit Clothes Heaven, get some beautiful merchandise and thank the owner for saving you a ton of money. This place rocks!
A reminder: Dr. Paulette Saddler (www.saddlermd.com) will transform your appearance. As I previously mentioned, she is a talented internist with a devoted group of staff and patients. She helps people look their very best, offering customized treatments that meet each individual’s specific health care needs. Located in Pasadena, she’s an expert with the patience (and patients!) to make your skin feel and look better. I need to make an appointment with the doctor because, if my TV show happens, I must look incredible.
Saw this flick last night and I really loved it. As I understand it many Mongolians hate the film for historical inaccuracies and a heavily accented cast (the lead is from Japan) but if you are unfamiliar with the area and culture you’ll find a great story that brings a new light to a historical figure that a surprisingly large portion of the world reviles.
The cinematography is gorgeous and the subtitle script is excellent.
What really makes this film great are the performances and the action scenes.
When he gains followers and unites Mongolia you understand why.
Hopefully the film will get people to read more about the original man and discover the historical inaccuracies.
Of course as historical accuracies go it much more accurate then Elizabeth: The Golden Age.
I want to throw a Fourth of July party — it must happen! But I also want to have superb invitations, something that will get people to RSVP without hesitation (not an easy feat). Enter Carmody & Co. (www.carmodynco.com), the best paper goods store I have had the pleasure of visiting. Readers may know that I recently wrote about this place, highlighting the great prices and wide selection of merchandise. The staff are extremely personable and the location – Carmody & Co. is in the heart of Old Pasadena – is a welcome respite from all the congestion here on the westside of Los Angeles. Take a drive out there — it’s worth the trip!
I write a lot about parties — parties I attend, parties I want to attend, parties I can’t attend, parties I shouldn’t attend. If you want a real expert about throwing an incredible party – I mean a truly unforgettable event that will have guests forever praising you – then call Marley Majcher, aka The Party Goddess! (www.thepartygoddess.com). Marley is a superb event planner, and works with some of the most notable figures in town and throughout the nation. And, since I’m increasingly showcasing the best things about Los Angeles, I want to devote some attention to the wonderful business Marley runs. My readers, and there are thousands of you in town, deserve only the best recommendations from me about this city. That’s why Marley makes the grade. Check out her site, and also take a moment to read her blog. Happy partying.
ChaimAmalek: Luke, if the haredim declare that you are not a Jew, would you continue to regard yourself as one?
ChaimAmalek: Is there a point where, having been stripped of your status by orthodox bet din, you would concede that you are not Jewish according to Jewish law as you have articulated it on your blog?
ChaimAmalek: Emma, there is a set of psychological disorders which can be grouped under the rubrik of body dismorphology perceptions, or something of that sort, where a man is born with male parts and Y chromosomes, but thinks he was meant to be a woman.
YourMoralLeader: I am my own rebbe, I’m Jewish for life baby and nobody can take it away from me
ChaimAmalek: Luke may have something similar in the spiritual realm – a goy who in the face of all that he is told, still thinks that he was meant to be a Jew, even though the Jews won’t have him.
ChaimAmalek: Perhaps the All-Mightly, taking pity on His son Luke, has sent you to him as a salve.
Emma: Perhaps
ChaimAmalek: "Emma, I send you to Luke to be a comfort unto him as Lot’s Daughters once were to Lot, that he may be content to be the Noahide Jew he was meant to be."
Emma: Ok Chaim I hear you…
ChaimAmalek: Now Luke, you are the first to acknowledge that you are not your own rebbe.
YourMoralLeader: OK, true
ChaimAmalek: If the Rabbis whose word you respect on these matters all or mostly declare themselves that you are not a valid convert to Judaism, the brain that is processing information within your head and writing your blog would have no choice to agree with them,
YourMoralLeader: hmm
ChaimAmalek: Just as the trans-man who thinks he is a woman acknowledges that he does not thereby acquire the right to use the ladies bathroom at Disneyland
Emma: lol
ChaimAmalek: So rather than be a real Jew, Luke is a transJew. A post-op transgoy.
ChaimAmalek: Sure, we will let him eat whatever leftover kosher food is on the table at communal gatherings, but we won’t let him make our wine.
ChaimAmalek: Emma, you will be his solace.
ChaimAmalek: Whenever his heart breaks late at night, and you hear him moaning in his sleep, it will be your task to take matters in hand and make him feel better.
Emma: lmao
ChaimAmalek: Man cannot long be alone
Emma: Ok I’m pretty sure I will carry out that task well
ChaimAmalek: Man must have his Emma
ChaimAmalek: I’ve no doubt that you shall do your duty as a Noahidic wife
ChaimAmalek: So when you see Luke putting on his Jewish garb in the privacy of his home/web cam, you should be as understanding as you would be if you were to marry another sort of transman, the kind that wears women’s clothes.
YourGreatBarrierReefLeader: I just checked into your room. Chaim is the most enjoyably crazy guy I have ever read.
YourGreatBarrierReefLeader: Using transgender as a way of describing you…is simply brilliant.
YourGreatBarrierReefLeader: I was just laughing so hard…….my stomach hurts
YourMoralLeader: he’s my best friend
YourGreatBarrierReefLeader: I can’t keep reading him………I don’t have the ‘stomach’ for this….
ChaimAmalek: Sex means less to me than seeing to it that we finally have a Black Man in the White House
ChaimAmalek: Once we have that, then maybe the shvartzes will stop complaining about everything.
ChaimAmalek: On the other hand, what if a Jew had become president? Would we then have stopped our whining? I say not.
ChaimAmalek: IZ there a whore in the house?
guest121: zona in the hovel
guest121: zonalicious
ChaimAmalek: I’m one, in spirit. If Heather Graham, the actress, were to contact me via email and offer to pay me to have sex with her, I would agree to it.
Emma: post sexual?
ChaimAmalek: So in principle, I am a whore
ChaimAmalek: Well Emma, for the money, for the money
ChaimAmalek: Not to satisfy any base lust, of which I feel none
Emma: Never for the money Chaim
Emma: Denial
ChaimAmalek: You see, that’s where we differ
ChaimAmalek: I am willing to have sex with a Heather Graham if she pays me for the inconvenience of having to undress and take a shower.
ChaimAmalek: What, you thought I would have sex without first cleaning myself?
ChaimAmalek: No, I am thoughtful that way.
A lot of people ask me for my opinion — as a convert to Judaism — on this controversy.
I don’t have one.
I accept reality.
I’m not trying to change it (in this instance).
Some Orthodox shuls count me in a minyan and some don’t.
Big deal.
When I’m feeling down, I feel at the mercy of outside forces such as rabbis and bosses and women and I wail and gnash my teeth.
My meds are at the right level now so I don’t care much.
Judaism is exclusivist.
The deeper you go into Judaism, the more exclusivist it is.
I don’t care that Orthodox Judaism makes it difficult to convert to Judaism.
I don’t care if chareidi rabbis invalidate the conversions of Modern Orthodox rabbis.
That’s the nature of the religion.
In Jewish history, the religious extremists have always won out and they always will.
I don’t care that people are upset. I don’t care that there are hurt feelings. There are values more important than feelings and Chareidi Jewish values will inevitably triumph over Modern Orthodox ones just as the RCC has triumphed over all other Beit Dins in Los Angeles.
I don’t care that there is enormous turmoil among many families that thought they were Jewish according to Jewish law. Many of these same families would not have accepted a convert to Conservative Judaism as a Jew. Now they’re dismayed to find out that they’re Modern Orthodox conversion is not kosher.
That’s the nature of the Jewish beast.
I take no sides.
I got an amusing email this morning from a loyal reader outraged that I would publish a point of view sympathetic to the chareidim on this issue.
A community leader emails me: "I loved your take on the conversion controversy. Very refreshing. You take nothing personally. You just look at the beast and you marvel."
On May 6, the RCA reacted with outrage to the High Rabbinic Court’s revocation of thousands of Modern Orthodox conversions:
“T]he RCA finds it necessary to state for the record that in our view the ruling itself, as well as the language and tone thereof, are entirely beyond the pale of acceptable halachic practice, violate numerous Torah laws regarding converts and their families, create a massive desecration of God’s name, insult outstanding rabbinic leaders and halachic scholars in Israel, and are a reprehensible cause of widespread conflict and animosity within the Jewish people in Israel and beyond. The RCA is appalled that such a ruling has been issued…
The RCA also claimed it had been “assured” by Sephardic Chief Rabbi Shlomo Amar, the haredi president of the rabbinic court system, that the High Rabbinic Court ruling “directly countermanded his instructions and policies” and had “no legal standing at this time.” Reports in the Israeli media noted that Rabbi Amar was “trying” to annul the ruling.
How Many Kids: do you have?
On May 11, the Jerusalem Post reported that many of Israel’s marriage registrars—all Orthodox—are refusing to register marriages of converts until Amar clarifies the status of Sherman’s ruling. In a country without civil marriage and with no other recognized Jewish options, this leaves converts in a limbo that could continue indefinitely. Amar says he wants to have the Chief Rabbinate’s governing council discuss the issue, but the council is not seated. Therefore, Amar plans to wait for elections to the council to be held. His spokesman claims to be unsure how long this might take.
HAREDIM SEE ULTRA-ORTHODOXY as the only true Judaism. They don’t view non-Orthodox Judaism as a theological threat, because in their minds Reform, Conservative, and post-denominational Jews are only a few years from irrelevance. In the US, for every 1.36 children a Reform Jewish couple have, haredim have 6.72, and Modern Orthodox have 3.39.
Although they still have Modern Orthodoxy to contend with, the reality is that haredim now control Israel’s Chief Rabbinate and rabbinic courts. They provide teachers for Modern Orthodox day schools, dominateJewishoutreach, and serve as rabbis in Modern Orthodox synagogues.
Through control of the conversion process, haredim can determine who is a Jew, who is an Orthodox rabbi, and therefore what traditional Judaism is. The pawns in this haredi power play are the thousands of Orthodox Jewish converts who, just like Sarah, woke up one day to find they are no longer Jewish, their marriages are null and void, and their children are forbidden to marry Jews.
palestine4ever: There is a painful deficit of rage-inducing material on the front page today.
palestine4ever: I rely on LukeFord.net to outrage me and keep me on the heterosexual path.
palestine4ever: Luke, if you could ask any question (or related series of questions) to a 1960s student radical-turned-terrorist-turned-professor, what would they be?
palestine4ever: HOW AM I TO GET ABOUT IN THIS WORLD WHEN EVEN THE MORAL LEADER HAS NO GUIDANCE?
palestine4ever: I made a new passing acquaintance that I am very excited about, Luke.
palestine4ever: But I’m not sure how to go about the conversation without insulting blacks, gays, or mexicans
palestine4ever: She’s an atheistic communist Jew though so perhaps you have some guidance, being someone who’s stood in the same room with David Horowitz and not vomited.
palestine4ever: She once described Manson’s chick stabbing Sharon Tate in the stomach with a fork as "far out"
palestine4ever: And she was a wanted domestic terrorist for awhile
YourMoralLeader: patti hearst?
palestine4ever: As a collector of strange bedfellows, I cannot pass up the opportunity to be her BFF.
palestine4ever: Close!
palestine4ever: Very close!
palestine4ever: She was more on the armed revolution for the workers type trip
palestine4ever: Maybe, Luke, I could use some kind of common Jewish hand signal or something to prove to her that I’m of the tribe
palestine4ever: Emma, if I don’t find something to be outraged by pretty soon, I’m going to murder someone.
palestine4ever: At least we can all see the world through Holly’s eyes now.
palestine4ever: Luke’s doing performance art, 12.
palestine4ever: He wants us to see that the Holy life is Holy even in its objectification of the "crotch shot"
guest12: None of this would be happening if Al Gore had campaigned a bit harder in 2000
palestine4ever: I agree 100% with that.
palestine4ever: Honestly, I’m pretty sure that Luke’s cam is the barometer of a healthy democracy.
guest12: This is part and parcel of the Bush years. It is what we will remember
guest12: A morally healthy people do not watch things like this on the internet
palestine4ever: Luke’s cam is the pet rock of the 00’s.
guest12: There is much spiritual sickness here.
Emma: What would happen if the celing fell through
palestine4ever: Help me, 12. Help me to purify.
guest12: America must recover its bearings and it shall, just as soon as a brown-skinned man takes the oath of office to become President.
palestine4ever: I come here to be outraged and incensed, this just makes me 🙁
guest12: I have Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal in mind for that.
palestine4ever: This is what the West tells us is "good" for us.
guest12: The West has been in decline since 1914.
guest12: This is all wrong. At every level
guest12: Wrong for you, wrong for me, wrong for Emma as we can plainly see.
guest12: Moments that at the end of life, we will wish we had spent differently
palestine4ever: Wrong over here, wrong over there, wrong from sea to shining see.
guest12: One thing I’ve learned from Luke’s blog is that somewhere out there, a rabbi is mollesting a child.
palestine4ever: LUKE YOU ARE LISTENING TO A THEME SONG FOR A SOAP OPERA.
palestine4ever: VOLUNTARILY.
palestine4ever: I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING.
palestine4ever: LukeFord Cam: Buying the K-Tel Masterpieces So You Don’t Have To.
palestine4ever: Yes, he’s pumping iron to soap opera themes.
palestine4ever: Whew, I could see the veins popping out as you rocked the Anne Murray
russiandragon: omg crotchcam
palestine4ever: He’s been doing this for the last hour.
russiandragon: crotchcam?
palestine4ever: probably 20 visitors have come and gone, Emma and I have stayed because we’re immune to the crotchcam
palestine4ever: I WILL RETURN LATER WHEN THIS ROOM IS NO LONGER LISTENING TO FAGGOT MUSIC.
"This guy knows all the gossip, the ins and outs, the lashon hara of the Orthodox world. He’s an [expert] in... all the inner workings of the Orthodox world." (Rabbi Aaron Rakeffet-Rothkoff)
