June 20, 2011 The Qualities Of A Good Share Luke Ford No sacred cows.

Parashat Korach (Numbers 16:1-18:32)

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Luke Ford

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page.

This week we study Parashat Korach (Numbers 16:1-18:32).

Posted in Personal, R. Rabbs, Torah | Comments Off

Tears Of Failure

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Luke Ford

Romance and relationships take up way too much space in my mind when I don’t have my life in order.

Since coming down with CFS in 1988, I’ve been limited in my abilities to conquer the outside world. I can’t go jog off my frustrations. I can’t just buckle down to work and bull my way through my difficulties by force of will. I don’t always have the strength to do that. Instead, I have to live carefully and I have to rest, and consequently I spend too much time thinking about my relationships and my feelings.

This makes me way too vulnerable to whatever girl I’m seeing at the time, particularly as I am most attracted to high-powered, high-achieving, smart tough chicks who don’t care for loafers.

The less I have going on in my life, the more vulnerable I am to the ups and downs of my romantic relationship.

I’ve shed tears on numerous occasions in my tumultuous relationships and I’m pretty sure it just makes me look weak and unattractive to the woman I’m with.

So why am I crying? Is it over our lost love? Is it because she’s said she doesn’t love me anymore? Doesn’t want to date me anymore?

That’s just the pretext. What’s really going on is that my life is relatively empty. I lack mastery over my life. I’ve isolated myself socially. I’m not making much money. I’m not learning new job skills. I’m not contributing significantly to my community. I’m not making new friends. I’m not deepening and strengthening my relationships with my family and friends.

On the other hand, when I am doing the right things, when I am going to therapy every week, when I’m going to 12-step programs, when I’m working hard, when I’m writing quality blog posts, when I’m developing my relationships, then I am less vulnerable to the ups and downs of the female I’m seeing at the time. I’m not as vulnerable to my rabbi’s opinion of me.

Mastery is the solution to depression and the feeling of emasculation. The more you can master of yourself and of the world, the stronger you’ll feel and the more ready you will be to wrestle with the inevitable problems of life, including those of women you love not loving you back.

If you find yourself crying to the woman in your life, I wouldn’t say stop crying, even though that would probably be a good idea. I think the tears are just a symptom of a troubled life. You feel emasculated. The solution is mastery. The more mastery you can exert over your life, the better.

You can achieve mastery with your health by eating right, getting enough sleep, getting exercise, and keeping up with friends. You can learn new job skills so you can offer more value to the world and therefore make more money. You can volunteer within your community so that you become important to people and a valued member, not just a freeloader. You can read books and do self-help courses and get therapy and go to 12-step meetings and improve yourself so that people have more pleasure in your company. These are all forms of mastery, the best solution for feeling small in a big world (Dr. Stephen Marmer).

Posted in Marriage, Personal | Tagged 12 step programs, emasculation, frustrations, inevitable problems, pretext, ups and downs | Comments Off

Sexy Professors At Beyond Baroque

Posted on June 19, 2011 by Luke Ford

I read this story at Beyond Baroque tonight in Venice for a show put on by my writing class. Six of us read stories, two of us sang songs.

We had some sexy professors in the audience. I just adore female attention.

I’m glad my voice was full and strong and rang throughout the building. It would’ve been horrible to have lost my voice while giving a talk on the Alexander Technique. What’s the point of the Technique if you can’t speak up and speak long?

I kept saying in my reading that I had trouble with the fundamental Alexander question, “What do you notice?”

Then I stopped and asked myself aloud, “What do you notice?”

“Well,” I answered, “I notice that my neck is free and my head is releasing forward and up. I sense some compression between my shoulder blades so I can let that go and think of my back lengthening and widening. My knees aren’t locked. I tip back a bit from my hips at times but I can remedy that by projecting my head forward and up.”

Afterward, I got the feedback that when I started speaking about the Alexander Technique, I came alive and my posture changed, becoming taller and more confident.

Posted in Alexander Technique, Personal | Tagged Alexander Technique, female attention, posture, professors, shoulder blades | Comments Off

John F. Kennedy’s Bad Back

Posted on June 19, 2011 by Luke Ford

The new miniseries “The Kennedys” (available on instant streaming at Netflix) shows President John F. Kennedy struggling with a bad back.

In episode four (10:36 in), he does a classic Alexander Technique exercise — semi supine aka active rest. He lies on the ground with a pillow supporting his head and he rests his feet on a chair.

Here’s more info on this practice: The one Alexander Technique exercise — semi-supine. Part two.

I noticed the president sat up from this exercise with great pain and difficulty. While lying down with his head supported and his feet on a chair undoubtedly freed up his back, by coming straight up, he had to tighten his neck and his torso, undoing most of the unlocking benefit he’d just received. It would’ve been much better if he had rolled to his side and pushed himself up, as Alexander Technique teachers instruct.

I also doubt that the president was thinking his Alexander Technique directions — neck free, head releasing away from his torso, his back lengthening to widen, think about the length from your right hip to your left shoulder and vice versa, and the length from your hips to your knees and from your knees to your feet. Think about the length of your arm from your shoulder to your elbow to your hands. Think about your fingers lengthening.

The purpose of all this bizarre lengthening thinking is to help one get in touch with how one may be unnecessarily compressing and shortening and to let that go. Direction is just finding your interfering patterns of unnecessary tension and letting them go.

I dug the true-life character of Dr. Feelgood in this series. His real name was Max Jacobson:

Max Jacobson (July 3, 1900 – December 1, 1979) was a German-born New York physician who administered dangerous levels of amphetamines and other medications to several high profile clients including American President John F. Kennedy.
After fleeing Berlin in 1936, Jacobson set up an office on the Upper East Side of Manhattan where he treated a number of famous names including Marlene Dietrich, Anthony Quinn, Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote, Maya Deren, Eddie Fisher, Mickey Mantle, Cecil B. DeMille, Alan Jay Lerner, Yul Brynner, Nelson Rockefeller, and Zero Mostel.[4][5] Dubbed “Dr. Feelgood”, Jacobson was known for his “miracle tissue regenerator” shots which consisted of amphetamines, vitamins, painkillers, and human placenta.
John F. Kennedy first visited Jacobson in September 1960, shortly before the 1960 presidential election debates. Jacobson was part of the Presidential entourage at the Vienna summit in 1961 where he administered amphetamines to the frail JFK to combat fatigue. Some of the side effects the treatment could have caused at the summit included hyperactivity, impaired judgment, nervousness, and wild mood swings. Kennedy, however, was untroubled by FDA reports on the contents of Jacobson’s injections, proclaiming “I don’t care if it’s horse piss. It works.”

Posted in Alexander Technique, America, Politics | Tagged alexander technique teachers, dr feelgood, kennedys, left shoulder, max jacobson, president john f kennedy, supine, unnecessary tension, york physician | Comments Off

Homeowners In Distress Get A Break

Posted on June 19, 2011 by Luke Ford

I fail to be heartbroken that millions of Americans bought more home than they could afford and that they are now struggling to stay in it.

Why should I care about people’s bad financial decisions? Why is the decision to buy a home out of one’s financial range deserving of special sympathy? People make bad financial decisions every day. Why should those who didn’t make such bad decisions bail them out?

If you subsidize bad decision-making, you’ll only get more of it.

Here’s a news story about the slow-moving world of foreclosures. Yes, this gives breathing room, yes, this gives a break, to those who made bad financial decisions. But is this good news for America? Is this good news for the economy as a whole? Is it good news for the housing industry?

No! This just means that the free market is working less efficiently. That is the drag on the entire economy and only delays the inevitable price declines and settling out in housing that will be necessary before the market takes off again.

The New York Times reports:

In the 27 states where the courts play no role in foreclosures, the pace is much more brisk — three years in California, two years in Nevada and Colorado — but the dynamic is the same: the foreclosure system is bogged down by the volume of cases, borrowers are fighting to keep their houses and many lenders seem to be in no hurry to add repossessed houses to their books. More

Posted in Economics, Real Estate | Tagged bad decision, bad decisions, financial decisions, price declines, repossessed houses, york times reports | Comments Off

American Ignorance Of Geography Is A Beautiful Thing

Posted on June 19, 2011 by Luke Ford

Marcus writes on FB: “got asked if the four countries in Great Britain are: Scotland, Wales, Ireland & The Netherlands. For real. Almost as good as the time I was asked “Is the United Kingdom a country in Great Britain”? …. G-d bless America….”

I think this ignorance is a beautiful thing, far better than the rabid anti-Americanism that infects much of the UK. When did you last meet a Yank who was passionately anti the UK, while about one in three Brits you meet just have to let you know how much they despise America and how ignorant they think Americans are. American self-identity is not wrapped up in appearing knowledgeable about such things. I’m sure I could ask you many elementary questions about many topics, perhaps including Christian theology, and you wouldn’t have a clue, Marcus. Why not? Because they have no significance to you. So too with Americans and geography. If it has significance to them, they will know it and if not, they don’t and it is no source of insecurity. The UK has little significance to most Yanks. There is as much money to be made in knowing the components of the UK as there is in knowing the chemical composition of one’s breakfast.

Greg Leake emails:

Hi Luke,
A long time ago a Brit found out I was a Texan (I was drinking in the Union Jack Club in Hong Kong) and wanted to know if we still fought Indians. Naturally, I explained to him that this only happened on rare occasions, and then only with Comanches; that virtually 99% of Indian uprisings were history. (He went for it.)
Rabbs, I have a question that I think you are probably the preeminent person in a position to answer realistically. I have noticed that when Orthodox Jews are over 40 and divorced, it is a different ball game. As you have frequently explained, by that time children are part of the mix, and things become complicated.
Sometimes the trauma of the divorce shakes people out of their status quo, and I have noticed that they begin to travel with a different set of rules. Almost invariably, they want to hook up with someone else, and of course the first thing that they do is make the rounds of Orthodox singles. It’s not always easy. By that time the shul might have divided loyalties, some taking the side of the other spouse. I know of one case where an Orthodox man really only wears his black hat when he is specifically involved in a religious function. He is interested in the ladies, and he doesn’t automatically X out women who are not Orthodox.
In fact, a lot of the regrettably divorced are ready to try a relationship that is not Orthodox. (I have to speak carefully about all this, because, you know, I live here.) The thing is, in the back of all these people’s minds is the idea of getting into a relationship that eventually leads to an Orthodox conversion. Naturally, this is easier said than done, and a lot of people find themselves between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand they want to be remarried. On the other hand, the dating scene for the divorced is a whole different bag.
So I’m wondering what your observations are in respect to the middle-aged divorced Orthodox who is trying to get remarried and runs out of possibilities in the Orthodox community and then is open to the possibility of a relationship with a goy — with the hope in the back of his/her mind that the goy would convert. In my observation and from what I’ve been told, it can get pretty wild.
In regard to my earlier post, I just want to say that an orthodox boyfriend makes it a lot easier for a woman who wants to convert, because he is in the background to comfort her, support her, and have conversations with her about it as well. The officiating bodies may never even know that the relationship exists. Remember when your cousin hooked you up with a date for a wedding? And you told the girl something to the effect that if she were Jewish you would have been all over her. So what if she had said, “Yeah, I’m very interested in converting to Orthodox Judaism.” I think you probably could have helped out a little, and you could have asked your buddy Luke to come over and offer his assistance, and may you even have other friends who would be happy to advise, explain, console, and make things smoother.
Am I all wet? I see a lot of this.

Posted in America, Divorce, Orthodoxy | Tagged anti americanism, chemical composition, christian theology, elementary questions, fought indians, indian uprisings, scotland wales, self identity | Comments Off

This Week’s Torah Portion – Parashat Korach (Numbers 16:1-18:32)

Posted on June 19, 2011 by Luke Ford

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page.

Watch the video!

This week we study Parashat Korach (Numbers 16:1-18:32).

* This is the flip side of Jews wearing tzitzit with royal blue. All Jews think of themselves as royalty. This is a law. All Jews are royalty.

* For the first time, some of the people arise against Moses. Korach’s crowd rebels against authority. Authority means people telling you what to do.

* Korach’s complaint against Moshe – why do you exult yourself? This resentment of great people is common. It is the dark side of democracy. It comes out in the politics of resentment against the rich. Why do you have so much money? It’s the sort of nonsense that Ayn Rand wrote against. It is the resentment of the petty against the great.

* When you meet people better than you, do you resent them or do you admire them?

* The bad hate the good. It’s a rule in life.

* Most revolutions are bad news. They make things worse. The American revolution is the big exception.

* I don’t trust those like Korach who pose as a man of the people a la Bill Clinton. I prefer those who stand for something more than personal popularity.

* Much of the trouble I’ve gotten into in my life came from when I was feeling ignored. Intellectuals want power. They want to be treated with respect. When I feel like I am not getting sufficient honor, I tend to act out and thrust for power and attention. I’ve often acted like Korach. I remember asking many obnoxious questions in a Political Science class in college and eventually the professor got ticked at me and dressed me down in front of the class. Nothing this severe had happened to me in a classroom. When it came time for exams, he gave my A paper a B grade and therefore a B for the course. I loved the professor and took many more classes from him, getting all As. When I wrote to him a couple of years later, he wrote back, “Be careful how you speak to people or they will hurt you.” I just woke up this Sunday morning and realized he gave me a B grade as punishment. It wasn’t that I misunderstood the assignment.

* I remember becoming friends with a rabbi I’d written many damaging things about. He said to me, “I get the feeling that somebody abused their religious authority with you early in your life and you just have a burning passion against such people.”

* Popularity is a form of power. We can do what we do because we have the support of many people. If everybody hated us for what we were doing, we would find it much harder. Moshe at this time in the Torah has little popularity. This emboldens Korach.

* People often think I don’t care about the opinions of others, but much of what I do is enabled by the popularity and influence of my blog. When it waxes high, I tend to wax high too. When it ebbs low, I tend to retreat.

* Once Korach challenged Moshe’s leadership, it was a short step to challenging the divine origin of the commandments. Once people challenge the leadership of the great rabbis, it is a short step to denying the divine origin of the commandments.

* Korach’s crowd knew that they were going to die in the desert anyway (because of the sin of the spies), so they might as well try to overthrow the leadership.

* Moshe invokes God with the incense pan test without consulting God. I’ve found that it is a risky strategy to invoke people’s power without consulting with them first. Num. 16:28 Moshe — without consulting with God — predicts a spectacular death for Korach and co, the ground opening up.

* The idea that some people are holier than others is an illiberal idea. Korach’s crowd are liberals and radically egalitarian.

* Did Moshe change God’s mind about wiping out the Israelites? Does God answer some prayers? He apparently listens to some people sometimes.

* Collective punishment seems unAmerican. If only wrongdoers got punished, what would motivate the non-evil doers in a community to shut down the wrongdoers? Why are we not more active in stopping crime? Because the odds of us getting killed are small.

* I have an attractive female friend who can only get aroused by inappropriate relationships. She needs romantic attention from multiple men, and gets off on romantic intrigue. What would the Torah say about such a woman?

* Generally speaking, those who lust for power do horrible things with it. Their lust comes from their personal shortcomings. It is a way to mask their feeling of inadequacy. Al Gore purportedly said during the 2000 campaign that George Bush would be ok if he lost, while he, Al, would be destroyed. The most noble leaders tend to be people like Moshe who do not want power. I’ve spent much of my therapy talking about lust for glory.

* If the Torah was written by Moshe without God’s guidance, then who is Moshe that we should obey him?

* Who’s your favorite tortured gay poet? Can a poet ever get too gay or too tortured for your tastes? Does tortured and gay go together like ham and eggs? Ever journey to Brokeback Mountain? Play stem the rose?

* I’ve figured out why I’m so attracted to shiksas. Because I can’t marry them, they’re not as frightening as an Orthodox women. Same with non-Orthodox women. Not as scary. Intimacy with them does not have to mean anything. We probably don’t have as many people in common. Their rejection does not hurt as much because they are outside of the core of my life. I find it much easier to be intimate with people I can discard.

Posted in Torah | Tagged ayn rand, korach, personal popularity, political science class, rabbs, weekly torah portion | Comments Off

Rocky Mountain High

Posted on June 18, 2011 by Luke Ford

At the end of the eight-part miniseries The Kennedys, he found himself leaning out of his chair, staring down at the ground, and saying one word — “Kendra!”

He started when he said her name. He was not the type to talk to himself. Hmm. What was he feeling? It was definitely sadness. Why? Why did a TV series about the Kennedys remind him of his own life? He guessed it was the myth of Camelot. The senseless deaths. The brutality beneath the beautiful words. The family unit sacrificed on the altar of public service.

It’d been years since he thought about Glacier View, Kendra, her family and that summer of discontent.

In June of 1980, he graduated from eighth grade at the Pacific Union College Elementary School — a Seventh-Day Adventist school — and did a final trip with his classmates — three-days of whitewater rafting on the American River. Then he flew by himself to Washington D.C. and was picked up by his mother, reproved for chewing gum, and driven to their new home in Baltimore.

He occupied himself most days throwing a ball against a wall and reading books at the library.

Then his parents introduced him to a family with two kids — Kendra (a year younger) and Brent (four years younger). And now he had company and didn’t feel so wretched.

He hung out at their home. It was a loving home. Fun. Funny. Warm. Here was proof that theology doesn’t have to make you screwy.

Kendra’s home had a den and much of the time it was just the three kids and they watched TV and they played games and they talked about books.

They all ended up at the Seventh-Day Adventist Glacier View Ranch August 11-15 where his dad went on trial for heresy (for denying the church’s central doctrine that in 1844, Jesus moved from the Holy to the Most Holy place in the Heavenly Sanctuary to begin the final work of judging the saints, the Adventist elect). They were the only kids who came along to the denouement of this brilliant Adventist career.

It was just the three of them much of the time and they splashed in the pool where one afternoon Old Testament scholar Bill Shea asked him who he was, and he said, “I’m the son of the man you’re burning at the stake”, and the poor bloke blanched.

When they didn’t have crippling headaches from the altitude, they threw the frisbee, not one of Kendra’s top 100 skills. She had thick glasses and was not the most athletically gifted but what she lacked in sporting skill she more than made up for with goodness, kindness, and intelligence.

He knew he had the last trait but not so much of the first two, but being smart, he made a point of hanging around those strong where he was weak.

On the Sabbath after the conference, the three of them were led by Kendra’s dad up a mountain in the sun, and when they got to the top, about 10,000 feet, he crawled to the edge and looked out.

He saw that his life in the church was over. They would not be going back to Pacific Union College. They would not be staying by Kendra. They would go somewhere he couldn’t see, not even from this peak, and he felt dread in his heart and he knew they were all going to be very lonely.

It’s great fun to state your opinions, but when they go against the orthodoxy of your group, you’re condemned to isolation, which is another word for death.

When the call came to return down the mountain, he thought that it would all be much easier if he just launched himself into the void.

Kendra!

Posted in Adventist, Personal, PUC | Tagged chewing gum, classmates, glacier view, senseless deaths, summer of discontent, thick glasses | Comments Off

First Time In An Orthodox Shul

Posted on June 17, 2011 by Luke Ford

Jane emails: “Do you have any advice for me before I go walking into an Orthodox synagogue?”

* Know that in Orthodox Judaism, men and women pray separately. The more Orthodox the community, the more men and women are separated, not just in prayer but also socially. So when you walk in the door, look for your section and sit accordingly.

* Dress appropriately. For men, that means a suit. For women, that means a dress that falls below the knee and a top that covers the arms, not to mention the jewels. Don’t wear open-toed shoes. Don’t dress provocatively.

* If you enter a shul on the Shabbat, be prepared for such greetings as “Gut Shabbos” or “Shabbat shalom.” Either is fine as a response. On Jewish holidays, prepare such greetings as “Gut yontif” or “chag sameach.”

* Understand that most Jews and most Orthodox Jews have no interest in getting non-Jews to convert to Judaism. I think this is a beautiful thing, but whether it is beautiful or ugly, it is a fact. So govern yourself accordingly. Don’t expect to be welcomed and embraced. Don’t think of yourself as a prize to be captured. Don’t start asking questions until somebody has indicated that he welcomes your questions.

* No matter how prepared you are to step foot in an Orthodox shul, you’re going to stick out. Most people will ignore you. Some people may question you. Don’t give more of an answer than a person has asked for. Many prospective converts are just brimming over with desire to discuss their conversion and unload on unsuspecting Orthodox Jews who have little interest. So don’t unload or unburden yourself with people who are not that into you.

* There are proportionately as many sexual and financial predators among Orthodox Jews and among Orthodox rabbis as among any other group, so don’t be a fool. If you show yourself as easy to be taken advantage of, you’re gonna get screwed.

* Have your life together before you step foot inside an Orthodox shul and an Orthodox conversion program. Have a secure living. Have friends. If you’re isolated, fix that through therapy and 12-step programs before seeking admittance to Orthodox Judaism.

* Here’s more advice on converting to Orthodox Judaism.

Greg Leake gives a goy’s perspective:

Hi Luke,
I have seen a few people have it a little easier in the conversion process. I’ve never been asked if I would like to convert, but a few things have been advanced that were close. Once in a discussion an Orthodox Jew said invitingly, “You could convert. That’s what I did.” Of course he was a convert and was maybe wanting some company.
I also gather that if one is a woman, and an Orthodox Jewish man really wants this woman to convert, and she is interested, and he is well-respected in his shul, sometimes the process may be made a little easier.
Another thing I’ve learned is if a congenial goy lives long enough in an Orthodox community, one does automatically begin to pick up some Orthodox friendships. Of course, these friendships are rather truncated because communal meals are difficult, getting together on Saturday is difficult, etc., etc.
As I have said, I live in a neighborhood now which is a mixture of regular Texans and Orthodox Jews. For many years, my family ran a business in Skokie, Illinois. So even though I personally have never had any interest in converting to Orthodox Judaism, I’ve been around, and one does find that in that kind of situation the friends that one makes over the years would probably extend themselves to help out a little. Someone in the situation I have alluded to shows up at the door already having some friends in tow.
When my friend suggested that I could convert, that’s what he did, I tried to avoid that “someone just said I need to go to the dentist” expression. For me, it would be like pulling teeth. I have met converts, and sometimes it seems to have worked out well for them, but they seem to be trying to serve a rather special set of needs. The situation I have seen work out the best was when a prominent and well thought of Orthodox Jew wanted to marry a Gentile who was totally into it. For them things seemed to work pretty smoothly.
Of course this is just my postage stamp sized take based only on my own rather limited personal experience.

Posted in Conversion, Orthodoxy | Tagged open toed shoes, orthodox conversion, orthodox rabbis, orthodox shul, orthodox synagogue, prospective converts, shabbat shalom | Comments Off