I Almost Died Live On My Cam

Posted on March 18, 2008 by Luke Ford

From my live cam chat:

YourMoralLeader:  hi gina
Gina:  Hey Honey!
YourMoralLeader:  how are you?
Gina:  Thank the good lord….
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
YourMoralLeader:  see the play MODERN ORTHODOX?
Gina:  1 and the same!
Gina:  Yup a while ago
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
YourMoralLeader:  what did you think?
Gina:  did you write it?
Gina:  I’m Jewish… a ? with a ?
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  i’d give it a 6out of 10
Gina:  molly ringwald was in the version I saw
Gina:  I’d give it a 5
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.lukeford.net/archives/updates/080316.htm
YourMoralLeader:  check out the dark chick on top, she’s hilarious
YourMoralLeader:  these are my interviews from 1995
YourMoralLeader:  back when i was scoring at aish
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
Gina:  scoring what???
Gina:  link not working
YourMoralLeader:  link works for me
YourMoralLeader:  with the ladies
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
YourMoralLeader:  have to make a video, be back in 12 mins
Gina:  B"H its working for me now too  B"H
Gina:  Heimlich!!!
YourMoralLeader:  sorry
YourMoralLeader:  i’m back
YourMoralLeader:  I almost died there
YourMoralLeader:  choking on my peanut butter on raisin bread toast

YourMoralLeader:  oy ve
YourMoralLeader:  died on my cam
YourMoralLeader:  for your sins!
YourMoralLeader:  I was taking a podcast, slapping on contact info on a screen, and making one of my amazing videos
Gina:  Glad you’r OK B"H
Gina:  next time make a brocha!!!
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  yes
User guest39 left the room.
Gina:  then I can say amen brother
YourMoralLeader:  for grapes?
Gina:  of wrath
Gina:  yesterdays orange looked juicier
Gina:  seedless I hope
YourMoralLeader:  hey aussie
AussieGirl:  hi how are you
YourMoralLeader:  so what did you guys eat last?
YourMoralLeader:  praise g-d
Gina:  chinese
AussieGirl:  soup for lunch
YourMoralLeader:  Let’s talk about me
YourMoralLeader:  how’s aussie cricket?
AussieGirl:  we lost
AussieGirl:  to india
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  such a shanda
AussieGirl:  what are u eating
YourMoralLeader:  no fear of the white man
YourMoralLeader:  grapes
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIfEb6rPrdE
YourMoralLeader:  me from 1995, creepy!
AussieGirl:  okkkk
YourMoralLeader:  is everyone keeping up with the torrid pace in here?
YourMoralLeader:  i can slow down if you like?
Gina:  I like it slow
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the most horribly funny thing anyone has said to you/done to you recently?

YourMoralLeader:  For the ladies, are you attracted to men who drive fast close to cliffs? and blow hot and cold in their courting? do you love that torture?
KhunDiddy:  I’m thinking
KhunDiddy:  blow hot and cold
YourMoralLeader:  Khun, how many ladies have you slept with in your life and how many were hookers?
YourMoralLeader:  and how many students?
KhunDiddy:  I pass on the hooker ? about 70 ladies…maybe more and the worst I ever had was wonderful
KhunDiddy:  students…I slept with students when that was still Ok to do without getting fired
YourMoralLeader:  come on ladies, give me some action in here!
KhunDiddy:  Luke why were you a virgin until you were 22?
YourMoralLeader:  because I was a loser and awkward and scared
KhunDiddy:  were you shy?
YourMoralLeader:  and very moral
KhunDiddy:  scared?
YourMoralLeader:  about some things
KhunDiddy:  you were SHY?
KhunDiddy:  did any ladies want to sleep with you because let’s face it, you were very handsome in your youth (in a gay sort of way)
YourMoralLeader:  I had vaginaphobia
YourMoralLeader:  mayb esome did, but I was dense
Gina:  I really gotta get a life!
KhunDiddy:  too dense to want some poon tang when all your harmones were firing on all cylinders?
YourMoralLeader:  I was scared
YourMoralLeader:  I didn’
YourMoralLeader:  t connect well
YourMoralLeader:  Anyone in here read THE GAME by neil strauss?
KhunDiddy:  Luke would you make love to Linda McCartney or would her stump
KhunDiddy:  turn you off
AussieGirl:  wow whats with the utube vids
YourMoralLeader:  i’d be scared she’d want half of my assets
YourMoralLeader:  you like aussie?
AussieGirl:  what are they
KhunDiddy:    Anyone in here read THE GAME by neil strauss? NOT ME any good?
YourMoralLeader:  interviews from 1995
YourMoralLeader:  for learning about women
YourMoralLeader:  and what they want
Curious:  You look well, Luke.  How is your erectile dysfunction, if I may ask?
KhunDiddy:  Curious…Luke wouldn’t boff Linda McCartney
YourMoralLeader:  Much better
YourMoralLeader:  I would Linda, if she’d convert to Orthodox Judaism
User AussieGirl changed their name to Aussie.
KhunDiddy:  and she’s worth 50 mil…I’d do Paul for half of that
Curious:  Luke, she is worth millions (albeit ill gotten)
KhunDiddy:  does the STUMP thing turn you off?
Aussie:  i thought linda was dead
User Robin left the room.
KhunDiddy:  just tuck it over your shoulder
KhunDiddy:  after all Paul seemed to enjoy the stump thing
KhunDiddy:  You’re right Aussie..wrong wife
KhunDiddy:  do you floss in front of your Jewess’?
YourMoralLeader:  I dont think I’d have a problem with a stump
KhunDiddy:  Groady dude
Aussie:  its heather
YourMoralLeader:  if I loved her
Aussie:  heather mills
Curious:  would you use  a condom?
Curious:  Baby = $$$$$$$$$$$$$
YourMoralLeader:  I’d have to ask my rabbi
KhunDiddy:  Heather thank you…Aussie, would you do Heather for some of that 50 mil?
YourMoralLeader:  this cam is about authenticity
Aussie:  np khun
KhunDiddy:  did you guys see Luke’s Plumber’s Crack when he got up?
Aussie:  showin crack there
KhunDiddy:  what the hell are you wearing?
Curious:  How much $$ would it take to gain your endorsement of Levitra?
Aussie:  lmao
KhunDiddy:  it’s hlfway down the back of your ass
Aussie:  lmao
KhunDiddy:  pull it up for Christ sake
Curious:  That was his black thong underwear people!
YourMoralLeader:  I like to stay loose
Aussie:  lukes drugs
Aussie:  crack
Gina:  comando!!
Curious:  Luke would it be fair to call you the Australian Borat?
KhunDiddy:  Jeeeeez! no wonder your alone…dress like a slob..flossing the teeth Oy Gevalt
User Curious left the room.
Gina:  Say No To Crack!
Aussie:  nooooo crack
KhunDiddy:  now he’s beating his chest like a deranged Jew
Gina:  Al Chait
Aussie:  lol
KhunDiddy:  Crack Kills
Gina:  Those are his brains on crack
Aussie:  stay away from crack kids
KhunDiddy:  How many women her find Luke attrractive?
YourMoralLeader:  i need two more to make a minyan for mincha/maariv
KhunDiddy:  Homos can’t vote
Gina:  I’m attracted to his crack 🙂
Aussie:  well after a few beers
Gina:  Its all about you Luke (and your crack)
KhunDiddy:  I think think Heather Mc Cartney would like to stick her stump leg up and down Luke’s crack…while he flosses his teeth
Gina:  and eating grapes
KhunDiddy:  Kinky eh!
Aussie:  lmao
KhunDiddy:  hahahaaaaaa
Gina:  thats a vision I won’t get out of my head…
KhunDiddy:  hahaaaa
Aussie:  whats with the cam
Aussie:  ur making me sea sick
Gina:  its cracked
Aussie:  hehe so has he
User guest41 left the room.
Aussie:  sounds like hes on crack now
YourMoralLeader:  I’m about to work out
Gina:  ewwww more crack!!
Aussie:  can we watch
KhunDiddy:  work out?

YourMoralLeader:  i’ve got tennis elbow from too much blogging
guest46:  lol..
Gina:  daylight savings
Aussie:  ahemmmm blogging………
guest46:  u mean scrolling?
guest46:  ;D
Aussie:  lol
guest46:  i dotn like this view,,,
Aussie:  im scared
Gina:  Luke’s making kiddush!!
User guest46 changed their name to DKS.
Gina:  crack alert… beware
Aussie:  lmao
Aussie:  i dont want to see it again
DKS:  ok bye
User DKS left the room.
Aussie:  ahhhh i know this game ….guesss what im singing
Aussie:  awwww give us a clue luke
Gina:  my hearing aid needs tunning
Aussie:  hey hes a clone ….look no belly button
Gina:  inni or outi
Aussie:  lol
Aussie:  alian
Aussie:  ahhhh im scared again
Gina:  be very afraid
Aussie:  whaaaa hahahahahahaha
YourMoralLeader:  good show?
Aussie:  yeah its great ty
YourMoralLeader:  what would you like me to sing?
Aussie:  ummmm we cant hear u
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Meine Stetelle Belz
Gina:  I’ll never be able to drink kedem grape juice again
Gina:  like a virgin
Aussie:  what with the noise luke
guest48:  can you hear me major tom?
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Too lazy to fix things.  that’s why he is poor
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Indolence
Aussie:  ahhhh i c
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Getting by on looks
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Same as me
Aussie:  lol
Gina:  and a cute belly button
cuntpunt:  AAWWEE CAM IS OFFLINE, WHY?
guest42:   yep
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Let’s all sing a song:  Az ikh tu mir dermonenMayne kindershe yorn,Punkt vi a kholemZet dos mir oys.Vi zet oys dos hayzele,Vos hot amol geglantzt,Tzi vakst nokh dos beymele,Vos ikh hob farflantzt?
Aussie:  just went off
Aussie:  u missed the workout
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  None of you knows what goes on when those lights go down
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Where are you folks from?  Iowa?  Poland?
YourMoralLeader:  I wanna go west
MajorTom:   major tom to ground control
Gina:  go west young man
GroundControl:  yes major tom
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Pa is a fine state, one which likely will revivify the presidential aspirations of Hillary Clinton
cuntpunt:  lol
MajorTom:   how much farthe west can you go YML?
Gina:  don’t give up your day job
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Better her than Obama and his favorite pastor
GroundControl:  he’s in lift off position?
GroundControl:  Gforce is in control now
MajorTom:  I hope he has enouph fuel
Gina:  cholent power
GroundControl:  GForce is flaring his nostrils
MajorTom:   a sign of agresion innit?
GroundControl:  got ME
GroundControl:  thought it was rudimentary to mating
MajorTom:   thats penis contro Groundcontrol
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  **twiddles thumbs**
GroundControl:  oh
GroundControl:  toilet paper is within reach.. good thing
Gina:  so is cocoa krispies
MajorTom:   you have to have paper
GroundControl:  space good
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Enablers, all of us
GroundControl:  indeed
GroundControl:  what’s hanging outta the back of his chorts?
MajorTom:   massive spuage
GroundControl:  space suit leaked?
cuntpunt:  whats with the TP on the floor
User RabbiGadolofManhattan changed their name to PastorWrightXXX.
GroundControl:  luke.. are you in a maintenance closet?
PastorWrightXXX:  So this is what Amerikkka has come to.
PastorWrightXXX:  Some master race
Gina:  grape juice and cocoa krispies…..
User guest50 left the room.
User GroundControl left the room.
User PastorWrightXXX left the room.
User MajorTom left the room.
User Gina left the room.
Obamaisaracist:  love that you broke the story that I saw first about Obama’s preacher and "Israel" today Luke
Obamaisaracist:  I knew it was coming
Obamaisaracist:  next it will be "The Jews"
Obamaisaracist:  there’s got to be something about that soon
Obamaisaracist:  the media is just now going through this guy’s tapes
Obamaisaracist:  I’ve posted that link everywhere
Obamaisaracist:  I wonder if any jews like geffen, etc are still contributing to obama?  geffen, soros, etc
Obamaisaracist:  and what about scarlett johannson?  she "loves" obama, still?
cuntpunt:  were you smoking anything tonight Luke?

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Creating A Relationship With God

Posted on March 18, 2008 by Luke Ford

Over Shabbat, I read a good book The Godfile: 10 Approaches to Personalizing Prayer by Aryeh Ben David.

He writes on page nine:

Many of us walk into a synagogue with the expectation that a spiritual experience will descend upon us, regardless of how much or how little we have written in our personal Godfile. We expect that the setting, prayer book, or maybe even the singing, will elicit spiritual feelings. But in truth, neither the synagogue nor the prayerbook can create a spiritual connection.

During the time of formal prayer, it is practically impossible to create a relationship with God. The synagogue can only serve to create a relationship with God. The synagogue can only serve to remind you of a relationship that already exists. Praying in a synagogue can certainly eclipse many of life’s distractions, and help focus a relationship with God, but it is very unlikely that it will actually create the relationship.

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Obama’s Pastor:

Posted on March 18, 2008 by Luke Ford

Robert J. Avrech writes:

Here’s Barak Obama’s religious adviser, whoops, excuse me, former religious adviser, former pastor, on Israel.

Hey, when did Wright become Barak’s former pastor?

Wow, that was fast.

And where’s Wright?

In Africa.

That’s convenient.

But Barak wasn’t in Church when Wright made these comments. He was never in Church when Wright made any of his hateful rascist, anti-white, anti-American, Jew-hating comments.

In 20-years he was never in Church. As Jay Leno quipped, he must have been in his Mosque.

In fact, the great uniter was present during Wright’s most hateful and bigoted speeches.

I’ll bet he’ll tell us that he wasn’t applauding.

Uh-huh.

Because he stands for, y’know, change.

Obama said in his speech this morning that some of Wright’s comments were incindiery.

Hellooo, it’s not incindiery. It’s a series of blood libels, one crude lie after another. Cheap race hustling.

It’s also clinically paranoid speech.

But Wright performed Obama’s wedding ceremony to the patriotic Michelle.

Wright baptized Obama’s children.

I’m pretty careful about which synagogue I join. I’m extremely cautious about which Rabbis associate with. If ever I heard any Rabbi deliver a sermon with rhetoric like Wright’s I’d head for the hills, and I’d report him to the FBI for seditious speech. I’d certainly resign my membership and I’d write a letter explaining why. I would not continue to sit in shul week after week—for 20 years.

And I certainly wouldn’t remain in a shul if it honored, oh, let’s say David Duke, the white equivalent of Louis Farrakhan.

I would not sit in a shul where a Rabbi screeched: “No, not G-d bless America, G-d damed America.”

I’d denounce such a Rabbi as a traitor. And anyone who cannot denounce such a man does not deserve to President of the United States. Does not deserve to be in the U. S. Senate. Does not deserve to be the local dog catcher.

There are two Rabbis in my own community who I avoid like the plague, their politics are toxic, politics of appeasement and surrender and I won’t have anything to do with them.

Who you associate with says a great deal about your character.

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Sleaze, Equivalence, Bias

Posted on March 18, 2008 by Luke Ford

Jason Maoz writes for The Jewish Press:

Sleaze, Equivalence, Bias

(Pictured: Notorious 1982 New York Post headline. Twenty-six years later, the Post, with the exception of its pro-Israel editorial page, is still sleazy.)

A few observations on media coverage of last week’s Mercaz HaRav massacre:

? Every so often the New York Post reminds those of us who attempt to defend it – usually on grounds of its sound editorials or entertaining political coverage – that at bottom it really is just a sleazy tabloid.

The Post relegated the Mercaz HaRav atrocity to page 23 in its March 7 issue. Not even a blurb on its front page, which was devoted to the bomb blast at the Times Square military recruiting station. Arguably a sound decision since it was a local story (although the bomb had gone off at 3:40 the previous morning and nobody was hurt). But here are just a few of the stories a reader had to make his way through to get to the article on the worst terrorist attack in Jerusalem in years:

Madonna’s work on a documentary about Africa (accompanied by the requisite photo of the pop star in all her vulgar glory); a local politician busted for DWI with a “mystery woman passed out drunk in the back seat”; the latest on the never-ending Obama-Clinton campaign skirmishes; four pages devoted exclusively to gossip (as opposed to the unlabeled gossip that takes up the bulk of the Post’s “news” pages); a piece on the feds busting a call-girl ring (the very one that reportedly counted among its clients the governor of New York, though that was not public knowledge at the time); and a story on the trial of a Los Angeles private eye titled “It’s Slime Time in H’wood Court.”

? For aficionados of moral equivalence, it was hard to top a March 8 Los Angeles Times story by staff writer Ashraf Khalil headlined “Across Divided Jerusalem, a Day of Grief.” All one needs to know about the rest of the lengthy article is how it began: “On different sides of this divided city Friday, grieving Israelis laid to rest their murdered sons while a Palestinian family grieved over the loss of the young man who killed them.”

? On The American Thinker website, novelist Gary Wolf had a fine piece on anti-Israel media bias, a phenomenon, he wrote, that “never ceases to amaze me. It must rank as one of the most curious sociopolitical phenomena of our era. The further the Palestinian Arabs move toward a barbaric Islamic theocracy, the deeper the support for them among the cadre of ‘progressive’ journalists.”

Echoing a point I made in a 2005 column titled “Passive Voice Genocide,” Wolf referred to the headline of an early Associated Press story on the Mercaz HaRav shootings – “7 Die in Shooting at Jerusalem Seminary.”

“Seven what – people? Jews? Martians?” Wolf asked. “And they are not killed, they simply ‘die,’ in the passive sense, as if from a stroke. The main reason why this is so insidious is that such language is never used when the enemies of Israel are the ones who die. One of the calling cards of the leftist journalism is that when Arabs die, you know how they died, who killed them…. If the sides were reversed, the headline would read, ‘Israeli extremist massacres 7 youths learning Koran at Gaza holy place.’ ”

As a postscript to his article, Wolf invited readers to “imagine what on-the-scene coverage of 9/11 might have looked like if the media’s anti-Israel bias were brought to bear”:

NEW YORK – Someone got behind the joystick of an airliner and leaned into it at the wrong angle, causing the plane to collide with a very tall structure in its path.

Rescue workers said that thousands of people, who happened to be physically present in the buildings, were dead. American police, FBI, and army officers allege that the person purposely flew the plane into the office building….

The New York plane crash came a day after North Korean President Kim Jong persuaded moderate Iranian President Mohammad Khatami to consider peace talks with the United States. The Iranian president nixed the idea after it was disclosed that the U.S. is the number one oppressor of Muslims worldwide.

John Q. Public, a passenger on the plane, could be heard over the cockpit radio in the seconds before the crash. “Stop the terrorists, stop the terrorists,” he shouted. Psychologists say that Mr. Public was suffering from temporary insanity caused by his imminent death….

The office building is the World Trade Center in the Wall Street quarter at the entrance of New York, a well-known workplace identified with capitalism, inequality, and exploitation of the Third World, particularly Muslims.

There were no plane crashes with Muslim pilots in 2001, though American police and military claim they had prevented several similar incidents.

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The Orthodox Conversion To Judaism

Posted on March 18, 2008 by Luke Ford

Rabbi Steven Pruzansky writes:

There is a sign hanging in my office that should be standard in the office of every rabbi, communal leader, worker for Klal Yisrael or activist of any sort. It reads: “For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.” And so goes the overheated, misleading, and at times blatantly false reaction by several of my distinguished RCA colleagues to the RCA’s recent promulgation of the Geirus Policies and Standards (GPS).

Let us sort through the myths and the facts.

Myth: The Jewish Week headlined its report “RCA Seen as Caving in on Conversions” (to the Chief Rabbinate of Israel). That headline is a contemptible untruth. Having served from its inception on the GPS Committee that formulated the standards, I can state that the reality is the Rabbanut never once suggested an approach to conversion in America, a change in any of our standards, or the adoption of any of their standards.

Myth: The GPS calls for the re-evaluation of all conversions done in the past by RCA rabbis. This is an especially despicable falsehood, as it serves only to make generations of converts in the Jewish community anxious about their status and acceptance in the community at large. The reality is that not one past geirus is being reviewed by the RCA or its Beth Din of America, and such was never contemplated. To even suggest otherwise is to blatantly violate the Torah’s numerous admonitions against tormenting the ger.

Myth: The RCA is shifting “to the right” (whatever that means) and has now adopted a series of harsh and restrictive regulations that will hinder the ability of non-Jews to convert. The reality is that these standards are not new, but an expression of the majority opinion in halacha as interpreted through the ages and historically applied by the overwhelming majority of RCA rabbis involved in geirus.

The proximate cause of the promulgation of the GPS was the sense – here and in Israel – that some rabbis, both inside and outside the RCA, were not adhering to any reasonable benchmark by which geirus has traditionally been executed. This situation had to be rectified in order to protect the integrity of geirus in America and to facilitate a convert’s acceptance in Israel should he or she choose to make aliyah.

Myth: The Chief Rabbinate will sit in judgment of each American geirus – past, present and future. Well, there is a kernel of truth in every bushel of lies. But this point is nothing new. Certainly the Rabbanut has no standing (or interest) to review the geirus that occurs outside Israel until and unless there is some Israel nexus, such as when the convert makes aliyah. But this has always been the case.

As a pulpit rabbi, I have provided dozens of affidavits to the Rabbanut attesting to the Jewishness of my members who were born Jews or who converted according to halacha andwho wished to make aliyah or marry in Israel. And this is justly the province and domain of the Chief Rabbinate, and its legal authority under Israeli law. In this instance, the GPS makes the process easier, as participating regional batei din in the network of the RCA, under the auspices of the Beth Din of America, are pre-certified to have their conversions accepted by the Rabbanut.

A convert who (sadly) never contemplates aliyah or does not marry in the State of Israel will never have any contact with the Rabbanut on these matters.

Myth: The Chief Rabbinate will not recognize any conversion performed outside the GPS framework. This is also completely false. Any rabbi – RCA or otherwise – can continue to perform conversions on his own and apply to the Rabbanut for acceptance. The considerations the Rabbanut will use are its alone, and completely within its purview. I suspect that some conversions will be accepted, and others rejected – as it has always been.

Beyond the myths, there is a bigger picture that needs to be considered. One of the most joyous moments in the rabbinate, for me, has been presiding over the conversion process. In a single instant, a non-Jew accepts upon himself not only the laws and customs that regulate Jewish life but also the history and destiny of our covenantal people. A conversion properly conducted and performed is fraught with solemnity, consequence and elation. The process should require intense study, a steadily increasing commitment to halachic practice, and climaxing in a complete acceptance of the mitzvos while standing in the mikveh.

Nevertheless, it has long been an open secret in the United States (filtered over time to rabbinic authorities in Israel) that there were some American rabbis – again, both members and non-members of the RCA – who officiated at conversions that lacked these prerequisites. Apparently there were rabbis who took substantial sums of money for conversions, turning this sublime process into a lucrative business. There were rabbis who were forced to convert non-Jews under duress, as in the (hypothetical) shul president stating: “Convert my future daughter-in-law or find another job.”

There were rabbis who were lax in applying the appropriate halachic standards and not insisting, expecting or even contemplating that there would be kabbalas hamitzvos in any realistic way – conversions without a genuine commitment to observance of Shabbos, kashrus, taharas hamishpacha and other staples of Jewish life.

They asked questions with a wink and received the appropriate answers by the candidates, as if they were reading from a script. (And in almost every such case the conversions were performed for the purpose of marriage. Why else would a rabbi even think of converting a non-Jew who does not wish to observe Jewish law, except for some pressing ulterior concern that itself undermines the very fabric of geirus?)

There were rabbis who were negligent even in the technical performance of the act of geirus, including a failure to observe the immersion in the mikveh. There were rabbis who converted non-Jewish women knowing they would marry kohanim in violation of Torah law. There were some who availed themselves of every leniency and loophole, ensuring that pro forma conversions would take place that would satisfy the needs of the member in question but not necessarily the letter or spirit of the law.

(Lest the reader think there was pervasive chaos, the “rabbis” referred to in the examples above were usually the very same small number of people.)

The GPS Committee performed a vital public service in formulating and disseminating these standards. The formation of regional batei din across the United States – and the ban on the sponsoring or teaching rabbi from serving as a dayan for someone he himself taught or guided – ensure that the individual rabbi is shielded from undue pressure to perform a conversion that is unsatisfactory and lacking in halachic substance.

These dozen batei din, and the more than forty rabbanim who serve on them, have the full backing of the Chief Rabbinate, ensuring that converts who are potential olim receive a royal welcome home. And, I suspect, the existence of these batei din will sharply reduce the number of non-Jews who convert solely for marriage or some other inducement. Further, the GPS deals sensitively with gerim who are contemplating marriage but wish to convert sincerely, with intermarried couples that want to re-enter the community of committed Jews, and with infertile couples who wish to adopt a non-Jewish child and confer merit upon him under the wings of the Divine Presence.

With all due respect, I must strongly object to my colleagues’ demagoguery, which serves only to alarm true and sincere converts as well as promote these esteemed rabbis’ own private, political agenda. The GPS Committee – comprised of a geographic and hashkaficcross-section of the RCA – labored over 18 months to produce an appropriate formula that universalizes standards for geirus but that nonetheless allows for the flexibility needed in evaluating something as subjective as another person’s commitment and sincerity. It has, perhaps, the support of 97% of the RCA membership. It is fair, honorable, sensitive, just and moral.

Its opponents, rather than talk in flowery generalities, must answer the following:

Do you require from prospective converts a genuine commitment to observance of Shabbos, kashrus, and other fundamental areas of Jewish law? If not, please state so openly.

Do you perform conversions in which there is willful blindness to reality in order to accommodate those whose commitment is lacking, and have you ever officiated at a conversion in which you were doubtful of the candidate’s sincere commitment to Torah and mitzvos? If so, please state so openly.

Do you feel you are performing a public service in adding to the ranks of the Jewish people those who do not share our value system, our lifestyle or our destiny – thereby transforming good and decent non-Jews into sinning Jews? If so, please state precisely the nature of that public service, explain the reasoning behind that disservice to non-Jews as well as the justification that underlies the unbridled attack on the sincere efforts of your colleagues.

Certainly, for every action there is an equal and opposite criticism – if only the criticism would be reasonable, measured, truthful and justified.

With the GPS system in place, a stumbling block has been removed from the process of conversion and the process itself simplified; the honor of righteous converts has been redeemed; the privilege of joining the Jewish people given its proper credence; and, most important, the Torah has been magnified and glorified.

Rabbi Steven Pruzansky is spiritual leader of Congregation Bnai Yeshurun in Teaneck, New Jersey, treasurer of the Rabbinical Council of America, a member of the Geirus Policies and Standards Committee, and the rosh beit din of the Beit Din L’Giyur in Bergen County where, he reports, GPS guidelines are already in place and functioning superbly.

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What Women Want

Posted on March 18, 2008 by Luke Ford

Here are more of the interviews I did in August, September 1995. The first few are with this hilariously outspoken 24-year old named Stephanie. She was the best of the 50 or so women I interviewed.

Her mom is Canadian-French and her dad is half black and half Japanese.

This is shot in the backyard of our Beverly Hills guesthouse.

Stephanie: "Mystery is nice. If a guy doesn’t reveal everything right away. If I’m discovering things about him all the time, that is good."

She likes bad boys. "They tend to f— you up a little bit."

"A little danger is always nice."

"They’re exciting. Drive too fast near cliffs."

My roommate Shimon (he’s now Haredi and living in Jerusalem and the subject of a documentary): "How do you relate it to sex?"

Stephanie: "Well, there’s a transition."

"Not always doing missionary. Including a couple of butt slaps. Grabbing of the hair. Biting. Scratching. Wrestling. Letting me pin him down and win occasionally."

"Pornography is nice every now and again."

"It’s nice if he initiates it every now and again. I tend to initiate a lot of things because guys aren’t sure. Sometimes it gets into a pattern. No. Sometimes I’ll jump on top of you while you’re driving and make the car go off the freeway and sometimes you can jump on top of me while I’m driving…"

Shimon: "Do you like the hand of the man?"

Stephanie: "I like them to be strong and big and to have lots of veins."

"Little slapping movements, as long as the guy has on leather gloves, are very nice. Leather jackets, vests, however I don’t go for underwear that are leather. That’s a bit effeminate, especially if you have the t-back or g-string."

"I used to be more into menage a trois but I’m not into it so much anymore. It seems to have more emotional consequences. If I like a guy, I want him to strictly like me and not fall in love with some other woman."

My roommate takes over the interview. He asks to interview her alone in his room. At the end of this video, he attacks her.

Afterwards, I get her in an alley.

Stephanie: "Not someone who bows down to me and worships me and does everything I say. Not like a kicked dog. A man who can hold his own and isn’t threatened by a powerful woman."

"Consistency is nice. Don’t call me after we f— and say, ‘I need my space.’"

"I like him to be somebody I can look up to."

"I don’t need my man to be whining all the time, bitching like women, like gay men. I have enough gay men friends. I don’t need my lover to be like that."

"If he always lets me have my way, he’s weak. If he doesn’t put me in line every now and again… I’m quite incorrigible."

"If he plays head games with you, if he’s always trying to get a rise out of you, that’s weak. It comes from insecurity."

"Another thing that shows that he’s weak is if he can’t deal with his anger."

"If they give in to you all the time, that’s weak. If they wrap themselves up in you and that’s all they have, that’s weak."

"I’ve been boy crazy since 11, but I didn’t f— till I was 17. It was horrible. I heard that it hurt. I figured that if I went with a guy I didn’t care about, I could enjoy it with a guy I did care about. It was this guy who was huge. He was a telephone pole. He was a black guy."

"It was very painful. There was a lot of blood."

"I never hooked up with the guy I liked."

"I was exposed to pornography really early. I lived with my mom. She was a single parent. I’d find pornography."

"Somebody always gets hurt with a menage a trois. Somebody always feels like an outcast. You can’t do it with friends. You have to do it with strangers. Two people you’ll never see again. Somebody will feel left out. Two people will start f—ing on the side. It always ends with emotional damage for somebody."

"Being with two guys is hard. There aren’t enough orifices to go around. Somebody is always waiting."

"If you expect it, you’re not getting it. But if you’re slick about it… Hide it a little bit. Be subtle. Don’t just go as soon as we touch you, ‘I’ve got a boner in my pants. Will you please release it?’

"Be interested in her mind because for a woman that’s where sex starts."

"We like you to be versatile and exciting. I’m not saying dress up like Don Juan DeMarco and have a sword and say, ‘I’m here!’ with a big raging boner."

"One time I wanted to have a porno date with a guy and he just wasn’t into it. I wanted to go to a XXX theater and go to the peep shows and watch some girls dance and tip them."

"If it curves to the left or the right, that’s OK if you’re f—ing around corners. It’s kinda cute sometimes."

"It’s a sick reason that I want to get married. I want to believe that this person has to be with me forever no matter what, even if I throw knives at him in a fight."

"It worked for John and Oko. She fixed him up with another woman because she had to be away."

"I was standing in a bar and this cut guy said to me, "Hey, nice tits." I told him off. ‘Women don’t like that. They need the illusion there could be something more. A future. They’re into consistency and the future. We think of the long term. We think about what happens after we come.’"

"Someone who’s a little bit dangerous and likes the seedier things and isn’t just ‘Look on the Bright Side!’ Mr. Happy."

"Men who blow hot and cold are attractive to women. Of course it’s torture but we love it and eat it up."

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Hasten The Ultimate Redemption – Go See David Mamet’s New Film ‘Redbelt’

Posted on March 17, 2008 by Luke Ford

Afterwards, you’ll want to cheer and do a mitzvah.

I know I did. My video review.

I yield to no one in my hatred of David Mamet’s films. I find his dialogue so compressed it might as well be a series of obscene grunts. His movies seem artificial and generally loathsome. When I watch them, I feel like I’m being raped. Oy ve, the last film I saw written by David Mamet was 2005’s Edmond. I hated it.

But this movie is great. It’s moral. It’s inspiring. It builds to a shattering climax. I kept waiting for it to turn loathsome and it never happens. It just entertains, provokes and inspires.

Mamet’s rabbi, Dr. Mordecai Finley of Ohr HaTorah, has a minute-long cameo as a fighter.

Other David Mamet movies I’ve liked include State & Main, Wag the Dog, The Edge, Hoffa, Glengarry Glenross, The Untouchables, About Last Night, The Verdict, The Postman Always Rings Twice…

From my live cam chat:

guest11:  would you wink and say hello
YourMoralLeader:  i feel like we’ve made a lot of progress today
guest9:   oh yes
guest9:   I do to
guest11:  is there also an audio stream?
YourMoralLeader:  not at moment, dont want to spoil you
guest9:   where are you from 11?
guest11:  germany
guest11:  and you
guest11:  i am trying to get a video stream installed
guest9:   oh gosh where to begin
guest11:  with proper quality
guest9:   and how does being here 11 help?
guest11:  just see things to work proper
guest11:  its possible so
guest11:  thats important info for start
guest11:  but what about the moral leader hehe
guest9:   Moral doesnt talk much
guest9:   he knows what we are saying
guest11:  ok
guest9:    he’s from down under
guest11:  ah australia
guest11:  great
guest9:      well not anymore but originally yes
guest14:  do you really want to be mty moral leader
YourMoralLeader:  yes
User guest14 changed their name to enki.
guest9:  <—- going out and buying cam and startingsite called TheMoralLeader
enki:  have you got more morals than me though maybe i should be your moral leader
YourMoralLeader:  i got way more than you
guest11:  what are you doing there, moral leader?
YourMoralLeader:  the rabbis say so
YourMoralLeader:  transcribing top post on lukeford.net
guest11:  i did not get the point jet
enki:  well if a rabi says so maybe they dont know everything did they specificaly say that you have more morals than anyone you may meet
guest9:  the doctor said i have  six months to live
guest9:   I told him I couldnt pay my bill
guest9:    he gave me six more months
YourMoralLeader:  doctor told me: I have good news and bad news
YourMoralLeader:  What’s the bad I asked
YourMoralLeader:  You’re going to die he said
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the good?
YourMoralLeader:  see the secretary out there, i finally nailed her last night
guest11:  how did you do this tipping this joke, while playing with your cam?
guest11:  magic?
enki:  did you tell that joke to your rabis
YourMoralLeader:  no
guest9:   thanks for the inspiration and moral leadership Moral
enki:  Im one of your rabis spying on you
YourMoralLeader:  oy
guest11:  haha?
guest9:   I have to go tell more people about  your inspiration and leadership
guest9:   so I’ll bid you ado
guest9:   bye for now
guest11:  winking
enki:  have you heard of sitchin
enki:  he translated a lot of sumarian clay tablet they found in the 30’s
YourMoralLeader:  oh
enki:  he is a hebrew language profesor
guest11:  anyway i dont know anything
guest11:  but you might have the appearance of a moralic leader
guest11:  very charismatic
guest11:  a little bit like i think jesus must have looked
enki:  they tablets translated literaly talk of a race minipulating the monkey genes to make a race of slaves, then they mixed thier own genes with them and got us since the original ones couldnt breed
guest11:  whats your mission, moralleader?`
guest11:  smiling into a webcam whole day long?
guest11:  i didnt get the point yet
enki:  (hes not wearing pants thats y hes smiling like that)

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I Figured Out My Purim Costume

Posted on March 17, 2008 by Luke Ford

I’m to go to shul as G-d.

How would that look? I’ve got to work out some details. Would anyone care to nail me to a cross and drive me around Pico-Robertson? My car’s in the shop. Needs a new engine.

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Shalhevet Funder Roland Arnall Dead at 68

Posted on March 17, 2008 by Luke Ford

Arnall has a blind son who lives in Pico/Robertson and claims to be a rabbi. His smicha (ordination) is more suspicious than Gabe Elias’s (Mogen David).

Fox Business reports:

LOS ANGELES — Ameriquest Mortgage founder Roland Arnall, a billionaire who became a symbol of the struggling sub-prime lending industry he helped create, died Monday at UCLA Medical Center, his family said. He was 68.

The cause was cancer, family spokeswoman Lisa Cohen said.

The Paris-born Arnall once sold flowers on the street corners of Los Angeles but over the years built a real estate and financial services fortune that transformed him into one of the nation’s wealthiest individuals.

A major Republican financier with ties to President Bush, he was appointed ambassador to the Netherlands in 2006 after an approval process that was slowed by unsettled issues regarding Ameriquest, the California-based lending company Arnall founded in 1979.

Arnall stepped down from his ambassadorship this month, saying he planned to return to the U.S. and assist his son, who was diagnosed in 2006 with Hodgkins Disease, a cancer of the lymph nodes.

"Thank you for the trust you placed in me, and the opportunity to serve our country," Arnall wrote to President Bush in a letter in February.

Ameriquest, which saw its fortunes soar during the housing boom by lending to people with less than stellar credit, became another victim of a mortgage crisis that left bankrupt companies and cash-strapped borrowers in its wake. The remnants of the company were sold to Citigroup Inc. last year.

Once the nation’s largest sub-prime mortgage lender, the company was shadowed by accusations that it engaged in improper practices that included lying about borrowers’ income to qualify them for loans they couldn’t afford.

Civil lawsuits by consumers in California and other states claimed a pattern of fraud, falsification of documents, bait-and-switch sales tactics and other violations.

In 2006, parent company ACC Capital Holdings Corp. agreed to pay $325 million to settle investigations into its practices. ACC did not admit to any wrongdoing as part of the deal. Arnall founded ACC and was its chairman until October 2005.

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Los Angeles City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo And His Wife Have Split

Posted on March 17, 2008 by Luke Ford

She’s moved home. The LA Times has the story but they obviously don’t think it is a story.

The Times is leaning backward to keep Richard Riordan’s reporter girlfriend happy. Martha Groves. They ran a 2000 word self-indulgent story over the weekend about how she underwent knee surgery.

I hear the mayor is using his sorties out of town to hook up with someone, presumably on the Clinton campaign.

In January of 2007, I broke the news that Villaraigosa’s marriage was kaput. A few months later, I broke the news about the demise of Sheriff Lee Baca’s marriage.

Wikipedia says:

Delgadillo’s city-issued GMC Yukon was involved in an accident in 2004, causing more than $1,000 in damage to the vehicle, which was repaired at city expense. In 2007 he disclosed that his wife had been the driver, which is generally believed to violate city rules on vehicle use, and that, unbeknownst to her at the time, her driving license was suspended at the time. He reimbursed the cost of the repairs. Journalists further discovered that Mrs. Delgadillo had an outstanding 9-year old bench warrant for failure to appear in court and that she was delinquent in paying the city business tax for her consulting firm. Delgadillo himself admitted that, unbeknownst to him at the time, he drove his personal vehicle without insurance for a year (though his city-issued vehicle was always insured), and to using staff members for personal tasks. [1] He has also been fined for 30 counts of campaign finance law violations.

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