What Women Want

Here are more of the interviews I did in August, September 1995. The first few are with this hilariously outspoken 24-year old named Stephanie. She was the best of the 50 or so women I interviewed.

Her mom is Canadian-French and her dad is half black and half Japanese.

This is shot in the backyard of our Beverly Hills guesthouse.

Stephanie: "Mystery is nice. If a guy doesn’t reveal everything right away. If I’m discovering things about him all the time, that is good."

She likes bad boys. "They tend to f— you up a little bit."

"A little danger is always nice."

"They’re exciting. Drive too fast near cliffs."

My roommate Shimon (he’s now Haredi and living in Jerusalem and the subject of a documentary): "How do you relate it to sex?"

Stephanie: "Well, there’s a transition."

"Not always doing missionary. Including a couple of butt slaps. Grabbing of the hair. Biting. Scratching. Wrestling. Letting me pin him down and win occasionally."

"Pornography is nice every now and again."

"It’s nice if he initiates it every now and again. I tend to initiate a lot of things because guys aren’t sure. Sometimes it gets into a pattern. No. Sometimes I’ll jump on top of you while you’re driving and make the car go off the freeway and sometimes you can jump on top of me while I’m driving…"

Shimon: "Do you like the hand of the man?"

Stephanie: "I like them to be strong and big and to have lots of veins."

"Little slapping movements, as long as the guy has on leather gloves, are very nice. Leather jackets, vests, however I don’t go for underwear that are leather. That’s a bit effeminate, especially if you have the t-back or g-string."

"I used to be more into menage a trois but I’m not into it so much anymore. It seems to have more emotional consequences. If I like a guy, I want him to strictly like me and not fall in love with some other woman."

My roommate takes over the interview. He asks to interview her alone in his room. At the end of this video, he attacks her.

Afterwards, I get her in an alley.

Stephanie: "Not someone who bows down to me and worships me and does everything I say. Not like a kicked dog. A man who can hold his own and isn’t threatened by a powerful woman."

"Consistency is nice. Don’t call me after we f— and say, ‘I need my space.’"

"I like him to be somebody I can look up to."

"I don’t need my man to be whining all the time, bitching like women, like gay men. I have enough gay men friends. I don’t need my lover to be like that."

"If he always lets me have my way, he’s weak. If he doesn’t put me in line every now and again… I’m quite incorrigible."

"If he plays head games with you, if he’s always trying to get a rise out of you, that’s weak. It comes from insecurity."

"Another thing that shows that he’s weak is if he can’t deal with his anger."

"If they give in to you all the time, that’s weak. If they wrap themselves up in you and that’s all they have, that’s weak."

"I’ve been boy crazy since 11, but I didn’t f— till I was 17. It was horrible. I heard that it hurt. I figured that if I went with a guy I didn’t care about, I could enjoy it with a guy I did care about. It was this guy who was huge. He was a telephone pole. He was a black guy."

"It was very painful. There was a lot of blood."

"I never hooked up with the guy I liked."

"I was exposed to pornography really early. I lived with my mom. She was a single parent. I’d find pornography."

"Somebody always gets hurt with a menage a trois. Somebody always feels like an outcast. You can’t do it with friends. You have to do it with strangers. Two people you’ll never see again. Somebody will feel left out. Two people will start f—ing on the side. It always ends with emotional damage for somebody."

"Being with two guys is hard. There aren’t enough orifices to go around. Somebody is always waiting."

"If you expect it, you’re not getting it. But if you’re slick about it… Hide it a little bit. Be subtle. Don’t just go as soon as we touch you, ‘I’ve got a boner in my pants. Will you please release it?’

"Be interested in her mind because for a woman that’s where sex starts."

"We like you to be versatile and exciting. I’m not saying dress up like Don Juan DeMarco and have a sword and say, ‘I’m here!’ with a big raging boner."

"One time I wanted to have a porno date with a guy and he just wasn’t into it. I wanted to go to a XXX theater and go to the peep shows and watch some girls dance and tip them."

"If it curves to the left or the right, that’s OK if you’re f—ing around corners. It’s kinda cute sometimes."

"It’s a sick reason that I want to get married. I want to believe that this person has to be with me forever no matter what, even if I throw knives at him in a fight."

"It worked for John and Oko. She fixed him up with another woman because she had to be away."

"I was standing in a bar and this cut guy said to me, "Hey, nice tits." I told him off. ‘Women don’t like that. They need the illusion there could be something more. A future. They’re into consistency and the future. We think of the long term. We think about what happens after we come.’"

"Someone who’s a little bit dangerous and likes the seedier things and isn’t just ‘Look on the Bright Side!’ Mr. Happy."

"Men who blow hot and cold are attractive to women. Of course it’s torture but we love it and eat it up."

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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