I Almost Died Live On My Cam

From my live cam chat:

YourMoralLeader:  hi gina
Gina:  Hey Honey!
YourMoralLeader:  how are you?
Gina:  Thank the good lord….
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
YourMoralLeader:  see the play MODERN ORTHODOX?
Gina:  1 and the same!
Gina:  Yup a while ago
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
YourMoralLeader:  what did you think?
Gina:  did you write it?
Gina:  I’m Jewish… a ? with a ?
YourMoralLeader:  no
YourMoralLeader:  i’d give it a 6out of 10
Gina:  molly ringwald was in the version I saw
Gina:  I’d give it a 5
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.lukeford.net/archives/updates/080316.htm
YourMoralLeader:  check out the dark chick on top, she’s hilarious
YourMoralLeader:  these are my interviews from 1995
YourMoralLeader:  back when i was scoring at aish
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
Gina:  scoring what???
Gina:  link not working
YourMoralLeader:  link works for me
YourMoralLeader:  with the ladies
YourMoralLeader:  B"H
YourMoralLeader:  have to make a video, be back in 12 mins
Gina:  B"H its working for me now too  B"H
Gina:  Heimlich!!!
YourMoralLeader:  sorry
YourMoralLeader:  i’m back
YourMoralLeader:  I almost died there
YourMoralLeader:  choking on my peanut butter on raisin bread toast

YourMoralLeader:  oy ve
YourMoralLeader:  died on my cam
YourMoralLeader:  for your sins!
YourMoralLeader:  I was taking a podcast, slapping on contact info on a screen, and making one of my amazing videos
Gina:  Glad you’r OK B"H
Gina:  next time make a brocha!!!
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  yes
User guest39 left the room.
Gina:  then I can say amen brother
YourMoralLeader:  for grapes?
Gina:  of wrath
Gina:  yesterdays orange looked juicier
Gina:  seedless I hope
YourMoralLeader:  hey aussie
AussieGirl:  hi how are you
YourMoralLeader:  so what did you guys eat last?
YourMoralLeader:  praise g-d
Gina:  chinese
AussieGirl:  soup for lunch
YourMoralLeader:  Let’s talk about me
YourMoralLeader:  how’s aussie cricket?
AussieGirl:  we lost
AussieGirl:  to india
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  such a shanda
AussieGirl:  what are u eating
YourMoralLeader:  no fear of the white man
YourMoralLeader:  grapes
YourMoralLeader:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIfEb6rPrdE
YourMoralLeader:  me from 1995, creepy!
AussieGirl:  okkkk
YourMoralLeader:  is everyone keeping up with the torrid pace in here?
YourMoralLeader:  i can slow down if you like?
Gina:  I like it slow
YourMoralLeader:  what’s the most horribly funny thing anyone has said to you/done to you recently?

YourMoralLeader:  For the ladies, are you attracted to men who drive fast close to cliffs? and blow hot and cold in their courting? do you love that torture?
KhunDiddy:  I’m thinking
KhunDiddy:  blow hot and cold
YourMoralLeader:  Khun, how many ladies have you slept with in your life and how many were hookers?
YourMoralLeader:  and how many students?
KhunDiddy:  I pass on the hooker ? about 70 ladies…maybe more and the worst I ever had was wonderful
KhunDiddy:  students…I slept with students when that was still Ok to do without getting fired
YourMoralLeader:  come on ladies, give me some action in here!
KhunDiddy:  Luke why were you a virgin until you were 22?
YourMoralLeader:  because I was a loser and awkward and scared
KhunDiddy:  were you shy?
YourMoralLeader:  and very moral
KhunDiddy:  scared?
YourMoralLeader:  about some things
KhunDiddy:  you were SHY?
KhunDiddy:  did any ladies want to sleep with you because let’s face it, you were very handsome in your youth (in a gay sort of way)
YourMoralLeader:  I had vaginaphobia
YourMoralLeader:  mayb esome did, but I was dense
Gina:  I really gotta get a life!
KhunDiddy:  too dense to want some poon tang when all your harmones were firing on all cylinders?
YourMoralLeader:  I was scared
YourMoralLeader:  I didn’
YourMoralLeader:  t connect well
YourMoralLeader:  Anyone in here read THE GAME by neil strauss?
KhunDiddy:  Luke would you make love to Linda McCartney or would her stump
KhunDiddy:  turn you off
AussieGirl:  wow whats with the utube vids
YourMoralLeader:  i’d be scared she’d want half of my assets
YourMoralLeader:  you like aussie?
AussieGirl:  what are they
KhunDiddy:    Anyone in here read THE GAME by neil strauss? NOT ME any good?
YourMoralLeader:  interviews from 1995
YourMoralLeader:  for learning about women
YourMoralLeader:  and what they want
Curious:  You look well, Luke.  How is your erectile dysfunction, if I may ask?
KhunDiddy:  Curious…Luke wouldn’t boff Linda McCartney
YourMoralLeader:  Much better
YourMoralLeader:  I would Linda, if she’d convert to Orthodox Judaism
User AussieGirl changed their name to Aussie.
KhunDiddy:  and she’s worth 50 mil…I’d do Paul for half of that
Curious:  Luke, she is worth millions (albeit ill gotten)
KhunDiddy:  does the STUMP thing turn you off?
Aussie:  i thought linda was dead
User Robin left the room.
KhunDiddy:  just tuck it over your shoulder
KhunDiddy:  after all Paul seemed to enjoy the stump thing
KhunDiddy:  You’re right Aussie..wrong wife
KhunDiddy:  do you floss in front of your Jewess’?
YourMoralLeader:  I dont think I’d have a problem with a stump
KhunDiddy:  Groady dude
Aussie:  its heather
YourMoralLeader:  if I loved her
Aussie:  heather mills
Curious:  would you use  a condom?
Curious:  Baby = $$$$$$$$$$$$$
YourMoralLeader:  I’d have to ask my rabbi
KhunDiddy:  Heather thank you…Aussie, would you do Heather for some of that 50 mil?
YourMoralLeader:  this cam is about authenticity
Aussie:  np khun
KhunDiddy:  did you guys see Luke’s Plumber’s Crack when he got up?
Aussie:  showin crack there
KhunDiddy:  what the hell are you wearing?
Curious:  How much $$ would it take to gain your endorsement of Levitra?
Aussie:  lmao
KhunDiddy:  it’s hlfway down the back of your ass
Aussie:  lmao
KhunDiddy:  pull it up for Christ sake
Curious:  That was his black thong underwear people!
YourMoralLeader:  I like to stay loose
Aussie:  lukes drugs
Aussie:  crack
Gina:  comando!!
Curious:  Luke would it be fair to call you the Australian Borat?
KhunDiddy:  Jeeeeez! no wonder your alone…dress like a slob..flossing the teeth Oy Gevalt
User Curious left the room.
Gina:  Say No To Crack!
Aussie:  nooooo crack
KhunDiddy:  now he’s beating his chest like a deranged Jew
Gina:  Al Chait
Aussie:  lol
KhunDiddy:  Crack Kills
Gina:  Those are his brains on crack
Aussie:  stay away from crack kids
KhunDiddy:  How many women her find Luke attrractive?
YourMoralLeader:  i need two more to make a minyan for mincha/maariv
KhunDiddy:  Homos can’t vote
Gina:  I’m attracted to his crack 🙂
Aussie:  well after a few beers
Gina:  Its all about you Luke (and your crack)
KhunDiddy:  I think think Heather Mc Cartney would like to stick her stump leg up and down Luke’s crack…while he flosses his teeth
Gina:  and eating grapes
KhunDiddy:  Kinky eh!
Aussie:  lmao
KhunDiddy:  hahahaaaaaa
Gina:  thats a vision I won’t get out of my head…
KhunDiddy:  hahaaaa
Aussie:  whats with the cam
Aussie:  ur making me sea sick
Gina:  its cracked
Aussie:  hehe so has he
User guest41 left the room.
Aussie:  sounds like hes on crack now
YourMoralLeader:  I’m about to work out
Gina:  ewwww more crack!!
Aussie:  can we watch
KhunDiddy:  work out?

YourMoralLeader:  i’ve got tennis elbow from too much blogging
guest46:  lol..
Gina:  daylight savings
Aussie:  ahemmmm blogging………
guest46:  u mean scrolling?
guest46:  ;D
Aussie:  lol
guest46:  i dotn like this view,,,
Aussie:  im scared
Gina:  Luke’s making kiddush!!
User guest46 changed their name to DKS.
Gina:  crack alert… beware
Aussie:  lmao
Aussie:  i dont want to see it again
DKS:  ok bye
User DKS left the room.
Aussie:  ahhhh i know this game ….guesss what im singing
Aussie:  awwww give us a clue luke
Gina:  my hearing aid needs tunning
Aussie:  hey hes a clone ….look no belly button
Gina:  inni or outi
Aussie:  lol
Aussie:  alian
Aussie:  ahhhh im scared again
Gina:  be very afraid
Aussie:  whaaaa hahahahahahaha
YourMoralLeader:  good show?
Aussie:  yeah its great ty
YourMoralLeader:  what would you like me to sing?
Aussie:  ummmm we cant hear u
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Meine Stetelle Belz
Gina:  I’ll never be able to drink kedem grape juice again
Gina:  like a virgin
Aussie:  what with the noise luke
guest48:  can you hear me major tom?
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Too lazy to fix things.  that’s why he is poor
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Indolence
Aussie:  ahhhh i c
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Getting by on looks
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Same as me
Aussie:  lol
Gina:  and a cute belly button
cuntpunt:  AAWWEE CAM IS OFFLINE, WHY?
guest42:   yep
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Let’s all sing a song:  Az ikh tu mir dermonenMayne kindershe yorn,Punkt vi a kholemZet dos mir oys.Vi zet oys dos hayzele,Vos hot amol geglantzt,Tzi vakst nokh dos beymele,Vos ikh hob farflantzt?
Aussie:  just went off
Aussie:  u missed the workout
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  None of you knows what goes on when those lights go down
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Where are you folks from?  Iowa?  Poland?
YourMoralLeader:  I wanna go west
MajorTom:   major tom to ground control
Gina:  go west young man
GroundControl:  yes major tom
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Pa is a fine state, one which likely will revivify the presidential aspirations of Hillary Clinton
cuntpunt:  lol
MajorTom:   how much farthe west can you go YML?
Gina:  don’t give up your day job
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Better her than Obama and his favorite pastor
GroundControl:  he’s in lift off position?
GroundControl:  Gforce is in control now
MajorTom:  I hope he has enouph fuel
Gina:  cholent power
GroundControl:  GForce is flaring his nostrils
MajorTom:   a sign of agresion innit?
GroundControl:  got ME
GroundControl:  thought it was rudimentary to mating
MajorTom:   thats penis contro Groundcontrol
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  **twiddles thumbs**
GroundControl:  oh
GroundControl:  toilet paper is within reach.. good thing
Gina:  so is cocoa krispies
MajorTom:   you have to have paper
GroundControl:  space good
RabbiGadolofManhattan:  Enablers, all of us
GroundControl:  indeed
GroundControl:  what’s hanging outta the back of his chorts?
MajorTom:   massive spuage
GroundControl:  space suit leaked?
cuntpunt:  whats with the TP on the floor
User RabbiGadolofManhattan changed their name to PastorWrightXXX.
GroundControl:  luke.. are you in a maintenance closet?
PastorWrightXXX:  So this is what Amerikkka has come to.
PastorWrightXXX:  Some master race
Gina:  grape juice and cocoa krispies…..
User guest50 left the room.
User GroundControl left the room.
User PastorWrightXXX left the room.
User MajorTom left the room.
User Gina left the room.
Obamaisaracist:  love that you broke the story that I saw first about Obama’s preacher and "Israel" today Luke
Obamaisaracist:  I knew it was coming
Obamaisaracist:  next it will be "The Jews"
Obamaisaracist:  there’s got to be something about that soon
Obamaisaracist:  the media is just now going through this guy’s tapes
Obamaisaracist:  I’ve posted that link everywhere
Obamaisaracist:  I wonder if any jews like geffen, etc are still contributing to obama?  geffen, soros, etc
Obamaisaracist:  and what about scarlett johannson?  she "loves" obama, still?
cuntpunt:  were you smoking anything tonight Luke?

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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