Time Off From God

This morning the rabbi said there should be no time off from God.

He bemoaned how kids in his religious school were unaware of the Torah portions between the middle of Bamidbar (Numbers) and the beginning of Devarim (Deuteronomy) because they and their parents check out from serious religious observance and study during the summer.

I want to voice a contrarian perspective.

Orthodox Judaism demands so much that is not from God that I have sympathy for those who want to take a summer respite from the inane demands of the rabbis.

Let’s talk about yom tov sheni — the extra day of a Jewish festival because 2,000 years ago, the rabbis weren’t sure of their calendar calculations. That we still observe this restriction today — making Passover and Succoth into eight days instead of seven, Shuvuot into two days instead of one — is a clear violation of the Torah’s command to not increase or decrease its mitzvahs (commandments). Yet many Orthodox Jews go along with this extra restriction because it’s the price of belonging to an Orthodox community.

The prayers have only been multiplied over the years. They are beyond the endurance of mere mortals. The observant Jew has to pray for over an hour a day. That’s insane. This is time that would be far better devoted to studying the sacred texts rather than repeating by rote the inventions of some bloke a thousand years ago.

Rosh Hashanah morning davening goes for about six hours. That’s nuts.

We have this huge number of prayers to get through — so big that only the most pious can say any of them with any serious intention — because the rabbis don’t have the balls to cut back on the liturgy and to challenge the rulings of other rabbis a thousand years ago.

Laws that were made by man can be changed by man.

I’m fine with ascribing the Torah to God but don’t ascribe the rulings of Rabbi Shlemiel in the eighth century to God and don’t force me to repeat his poetry as part of the divine prayer requirement.

The average Orthodox Jew looks for ways to slack off that are communally permitted, and this means in the United States taking summer’s off from serious religious observance and study (while still keeping shabbat).

If God has a human bone in His body, He’ll respect this.

Don’t hate, HaShem, congratulate. Your children have defeated You.

If the rabbis want to keep Jews excited about Judaism over the summer, they need to offer more adult education classes. The most exciting part of Judaism is text study, particularly study that illuminates our lives, not meaningless ruminations on how Purim is like Yom Kippur etc.

Chaim Amalek emails:

I am in complete agreement with this piece save for its title – should it not be "Time Off From the Rabbinate?"  Most of the ritual that binds orthodox Jews to one another comes not from God, but from rabbis who understood these restrictions as effective tools of communal control and hence of maintaining their power.  They have nothing to do with God, and are so ridiculous (if not downright odious) to most people that the rabbis are naturally suspicious of why any gentile (like you) should want to adopt them as his own.  I speculate that God, if he exists in the personal form posited by most Christian, Muslim and Jewish theologians, looks with intense disfavor on those rabbis who declare their words and dictates to be God’s words and commands. 

Judaism needs its Martin Luther.  Perhaps this is the role you are meant to have in your years on earth. 

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Sixty Six: A 2006 British Film About A British Kid Having A Bar Mitzvah At The Same Time As England Plays In The World Cup

This movie’s getting an American release.

Here’s a synopsis: "It is the summer of ’66, and England is about to be consumed by World Cup Fever. For 12 year-old Bernie though, the biggest day of his life is looming: his Bar Mitzvah, the day he becomes a man. However, Bernie’s family are increasingly distracted by the threat of losing their business and their wayward older son, that the scale of Bernie’s Bar Mitzvah diminishes daily. Worst of all the Cup Final is scheduled to take place on the same day and when England makes it through the qualifying rounds, Bernie’s longed-for Bar Mitzvah looks set to be a complete disaster…"

Here’s a review on imdb.com:

 I like all kinds of movies, and this quiet, thoughtful, ‘homemade’ kind of Brit-flick was enjoyable. There’s not much of a plot— a kid’s approaching bar mitzvahs happens to fall on the same day as the 1966 soccer World Cup Final match. That scheduling conflict means no one will attend his event, and he has been taught and primed to expect the bar mitzvahs to be the most significant and important day in his life. So he is freaking out a bit— but the soccer game is an issue only if Englands winds enough qualification games to enter the finals, and no one expects them to. Done. That’s the plot. Obviously, the Big Day arrives; I leave it to you to discover how England fares, and how the kid’s family life unfolds.

An important sub-plot is the kid’s family. the dad is a retiring and overly-shy shlub, contrasted with his dynamic and ‘life of the party’, go-getter brother, the kid’s uncle. The kid’s older brother is a vicious bully, and his mom (Helena Bonham Carter) is the only loving, reasonable voice of strength in the family. Oh— the kid’s blind rabbi and bar mitzvahs coach, and Stephen Rae as the kid’s physician also play a guiding roles for the boy.

Anyway— things kind of creep along for the first half. It became a bit tedious, and I contemplated leaving. However, the second half was much perkier than the first, and the ending was genuinely exciting and thrilling. So, overall, while the pace was bit uneven, the end result was a pretty satisfying movie. In retrospect, I kind of wished the front end could have been a bit racier, or less ‘portraiting’ of the depressing family, or something. On balance, I liked it.

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Sinai Temple Vs. Stephen S. Wise Day Schools

I was asked for the difference. I said Sinai was more traditional. It’s a Conservative temple while Stephen S. Wise is Reform.

I got this follow-up: "Can you give me a brief profile of the kids/families/moms at each? I mean is there too much Hollywood at wise, are there a lot of intermarriages there? I am looking to avoid snobbery too. WHen you say traditional, do you mean more observant? I am also wondering if the Persian commuiity is insular to the point of not being welcoming to those outside of the culture? How much more tradifional do you mean? In what way?"

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I’d Given Up On Myself

Since going back to writing on —- in September of 2002 (because I needed the money), I’ve largely given up on myself.

I just couldn’t see a way that I as an independent writer could earn an honest living.

I faced a choice between honor and doing my own thing and I chose my own thing with a feeling of absolute defeat.

For most of the last six years, this website has been a giant —- you to you-know-who.

I’m a 42-year old child in the way I depend on others to show me the way.

Maybe I’m not dead and buried yet.

Maybe I’m starting a new chapter in my life that doesn’t end with complete annihilation.

Maybe…

My life is not on track. I’m flailing… I’m not married. I’m not on track to be married. I’m not earning a living. I’m not in good standing in my religious community. I’m sick all the time. Blah blah…

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Why Is The Jewish Journal Afraid Of Orit Arfa’s Sexuality?

The Jewish Journal always buys a table for the LA Press Club awards…but somehow this year they have no room for Orit Arfa. Oy. It’s all editors and management. Fat cats, not hot babes.

I say, hos before bros!

Huh! The top result in Google for "Orit Arfa" is my blog! And for "Amy Klein" too! Hot!

I’ll only use my power for good!

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Friday Afternoon Is The Most Active Time For My Live Cam

Click here to join the fun with Chaim Amalek and co.

ChaimAmalek:  Emma, I picture you walking barefoot in fields of heather, and I’ve no idea what heather is.
ChaimAmalek:  the straight Jewish Perez Hilton.
ChaimAmalek:  Maybe that could be your next goal
ChaimAmalek:  I have to admire a guy who came up from nothing on the web to where he is
ChaimAmalek:  Perez Hilton, Matt Drudge
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, for real – are you ever going to trim that beard?  I say either you get rid of it or you never touch it.
YourMoralLeader:  never touch it
ChaimAmalek:  Good.
Emma:  lol
ChaimAmalek:  Full Taliban
YourMoralLeader:  I feel a new confidence
ChaimAmalek:  But then ditch the western attire and start wearing one of those long white frocks like muslim men
Emma:  Everyone hide
ChaimAmalek:  And why not wear a turban every now and then? Certainly Judaism does not forbid it.
WELSHDRAGON:  lmao-full taliban-where’s ya ak47 luke?
ChaimAmalek:  You could even call yourself "the Jewish Imam"
ChaimAmalek:  And then won’t Rabbi Mushkin be sorry he crossed you
ChaimAmalek:  In fact, if I were you, I’d start an "enemies list" on lukeford.net, and give people the option of purchasing an indulgence to take their names off
ChaimAmalek:  Turbaned bearded Luke will command both respect AND dollars
ChaimAmalek:  Call yourself Luke X Ford
ChaimAmalek:  Brother Ford
ChaimAmalek:  Wear a bow tie
ChaimAmalek:  and a white shirt.
ChaimAmalek:  Also, get yourself frames – glasses without lenses to wear.
ChaimAmalek:  Then you will look even more studious

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Obama Waffles On Jerusalem

NEW YORK (Reuters) – Democrat Barack Obama misused a "code word" in Middle East politics when he said Jerusalem should be Israel’s "undivided" capital but that does not mean he is naive on foreign policy, a top adviser said on Tuesday.

Addressing a pro-Israel lobby group this month, the Democratic White House hopeful said: "Jerusalem will remain the capital of Israel, and it must remain undivided."

The comment angered Palestinians, who want East Jerusalem, captured by Israel in 1967, as the capital of a future state. "He has closed all doors to peace," Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas said after the June 4 speech.

Obama later said Palestinians and Israelis had to negotiate the status of the city, in line with long-held U.S. presidential policy.

Daniel Kurtzer, who advises Obama on the Middle East, said Tuesday at the Israel Policy Forum that Obama’s comment stemmed from "a picture in his mind of Jerusalem before 1967 with barbed wires and minefields and demilitarized zones."

One member of the audience who said the remark — and its subsequent clarifications — did not speak well of Obama’s foreign policy knowledge.

Kurtzer said it was unfortunate that so much time was being spent dwelling on one word of a 30-minute speech, "but it does not indicate any kind of naivete about foreign affairs."

Obama has faced wariness among some Jewish voters over his commitment to Israel, fueled by suspicion over his comments indicating willingness to talk to Iranian leaders.

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Shalom Auslander And Abraham’s Call

From Nextbook:

I am in Chicago, at the Hopleaf Bar on North Clark Street, one of the last stops on the U.S. portion of my book tour. What happens as I am on my way out of the bar has happened before.

“Excuse me,” a young woman calls. In other cities, it is a young man, or an old man, or an old woman.


“Yes?” I answer.

“I was at your reading.”

For a moment I flatter myself and assume she wants a book signed.

“And I have to say,” she continues.

This is the first bad sign. People who say things they “have” to say usually say those things with their hands pressed firmly over their ears.

“I have to say that I think it’s so sad that you say these things about Judaism.”

“Sad for me,” I ask, “or sad for Judaism?”

“Sad for Judaism,” she says.

“Oh,” I answer.

“Judaism has wonderful things to say,” she says. “We all have bad things in our lives,” she says, “it’s terrible that you blame Judaism.”

“Have you read the book?” I ask.

She flutters her eyelashes self-righteously.

“I don’t want to read the book,” she says.

“So you haven’t even read the book?”

“I don’t want to read the book.”

I explain as best I can, and with as little physical violence as I can, that I don’t actually attack Judaism in the book. That in the first place the book is about one person’s experience, which is what the word “memoir” on the cover means, and that in the second place, I don’t attack any ism, that I don’t give a damn about isms, that isms are beside the point. That I recount a series of things I was taught—horrible things, cruel things, destructive things, things that are not dissimilar to the things taught, horror of horrors, in the name of Christ or Allah. I suggest that if she believes those things are wrong, that if she believes that her ism is not about those things, then perhaps her anger would be better directed at the people who teach such things in the name of her ism rather than at the person who was taught them, and I suggest, again, somewhat radically, that she read the book to find that out for herself. But she flutters her eyes again, says “I don’t want to read the book,” turns, heads back to her snickering friends, pats herself on the back and feels like a hero.

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Crown Heights Controversy

From New York:

The Crown Heights community and it’s representatives "the Netzigim of Crown Heights" have tried in vain for the past several years to rid it’s self of the criminal dictator which heads the CHJCC, by attempting to organize new elections for a new board of directors to head the CHJCC.


These efforts were blocked by Moshe Rubashkin, where he used the rubber stamp of his Rabbi, Rabbi Avrohom Osdoba, who is on the payroll of this convicted felon, in a grossly unethical attempt by Rabbi Osdoba to exploit the situation, in an unprecedented abuse of Rabbinical power by Rabbi Osdoba to Cover Up on all the criminal Activity of this Convicted Felon, Moshe Rubashkin, to attempt to stop the community from taking Moshe Rubashkin to court and now his shameless attempt to keep this convicted felon empowered indefinitely by issuing baseless Rabbinical rulings to block any community attempt to organize Democratic Elections for a new Vaad hakohol and for new Board of Directors of the CHJCC.

When Moshe Rubashkin was arrested for hitting the head of the Netzigim, Yisroel Best, Rabbi Osdoba even went to the Police Station, to show his support for the Arrested Criminal, Moshe Rubashkin, while interestingly Rabbi Osdoba was not even ashamed that he visited the Perpetrator yet refused to visit the Victim, Yisroel best who was, at the same time and the same place, also under arrest since Moshe Rubashkin had filed counter charges against his victim, Yisroel Best.

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Gloria Goes To Gay Pride

This is a children’s book (for kids from kindergarten to sixth grade) recommended by the Anti-Defamation League’s website. "A young girl participates in the Gay Pride Day parade."

Then there’s My Two Uncles. "A young child’s grandfather has trouble accepting the fact that his son is gay."

I read about this in David Klinghoffer’s new book, How Would God Vote? Why the Bible Commands You to Be a Conservative.

I’m on page 11. Here’s the most powerful sentence I’ve read so far: "I have never met one, not one individual, who as a result of becoming more engaged with the Bible has become more politically liberal."

From page 28: "Something that unites all liberal policy positions relating to women is that they seek to ease the way to separating women from child-rearing."

Alexis de Tocqueville wrote: "Religion is often unable to restrain man from the numberless temptations which chance offers; nor can it check that passion for gain which everything contributes to arouse; but its influence over the mind of woman is supreme, and women are the protectors of morals. There is certainly no country in the world where the tie of marriage is more respected than in America."

In her book "Marriage, A History: How Love Conquered Marriage," Professor Stephanie Coontz writes that as a social ideal marriage "has become optional and more brittle."

Coontz describes gay marriage as "an inevitable result of the previous revolution in heterosexual marriage."

This Klinghoffer book is shaking me up.

To tell the truth, I’m pretty tired of God and His demands. I want to do my own thing. I’m happy to go to shul at times and engage in religious rituals, but overall, I’m pretty God weary. I want to keep Him in his place. I want to think about politics in secular terms.

When I heard about this "God is a Republican" book, I just wanted to laugh and mock.

Now I’m reading it and it is subtle and moving. God and the Bible do have something to say about politics. And it is not all stuff that I can intuit. I can just feel my way to God’s directives. It takes study.

I took the book to shul and people got angry with the title. They are Modern Orthodox Jews who like to keep their politics and their religion separate.

David Klinghoffer writes for National Review:

Obama’s candidacy represents not just a set of policy preferences — about which he’s often vague — but rather, a potential source of such meaning for his supporters. In a time like ours when there is no obvious and immediate threat to our physical existence, ultimate questions come begging at our sleeve to be answered.

We live in a strange and sad time when secularism has hollowed out confidence in the traditional answers to the great questions of life. To be so ungrounded, as many Americans are, in a faith in anything greater than your own appetites and interests is bound to evoke anxiety, even dread. Obama implicitly addresses himself to that existential condition.

As for John McCain, more invocations of “service to country” are not going to cut it. A country, even a great one, is not a source of ultimate meaning or value.

Life has meaning to John McCain. Let him tell us why, in his own style, even if he must preface the discussion by admitting that to speak so personally makes this old-fashioned man uncomfortable. The military has its unique idiom for discussing matters of spirituality, a way of communicating that’s available to McCain.

The gesture of opening himself up, telling us candidly what he believes beyond Social Security or health-care reform could go a long way toward giving his unenthused admirers reason to care about him. We would admire him, then, not for what he did at the Hanoi Hilton 40 years ago but for the quality of his soul now.

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