I remember growing up that Seventh-Day Adventism was regarded as a demanding religion. It wanted one-tenth of your money (tithe) and one-seventh of your time (the Sabbath).
Then this righteousness by faith movement swept through Adventism in the 1970s and a lot of people felt tremendous relief that they now had heavenly salvation from sin solely through their faith in Christ. There was no longer anything they had to do to be saved.
This made them very happy.
But the only people it made very happy were those who had grown up with the lash of the law. Those who grew up with righteousness by faith, well, it left religion a pretty empty matter for them.
And for some of them who were excited for years by righteousness by faith, well, that excitement started to dissipate because the doctrine left them with little purpose in this life.
I remember when my family moved out of the Seventh-Day Adventist church in 1980, my father soon after said to an interviewer that we belonged to the “invisible church of Jesus Christ.”
That didn’t make for much practical community.
People need a real community. They need purpose. They need things to do. And they need the guidance of religious law. That’s why I went from a religion of ten basic commandments to one with thousands.
And I keep every one perfectly.
Why am I writing so much these days about my Adventist upbringing? Because of my trip back to Loma Linda University ten days ago. And because of Facebook. I’m friending a lot of people I knew in the church. And there’s just something about their FB profiles and pictures, they’re just so darn nice.
In a 1990 lecture series on how to be a good person, talk radio host and Jewish theologian Dennis Prager said:
I turn 44 tomorrow in the Western calendar. I was born May 28, 1966.
An Orthodox friend asks me for my Hebrew birthday.
“Dunno,” I say.
He says: “So it looks like it would be the ninth of Sivan, and your bar-mitzvah perasha would have been, interestingly, Naso. They were both this past Shabbat.”
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I remember running up to Young Israel of Century City one Shabbos afternoon. It was cold and I didn’t have a coat.
“We’ll have to get you a coat,” said my friend.
I could’ve gotten myself a coat but I’m not practical in that way.
I tend to have a disparaging view of myself and of everyone else. I’m not the type to drape myself in a warm coat on a cold day.
I’ll never forget something Neil Strauss once said about rock stars: “They have a wild glint in their eye and can mesmerize a crowd. They’re also incapable of doing anything for themselves.”
That’s me. I’ve certainly got that wild glint.
The coach in this movie says, “Most kids from bad situations can’t wait to be violent and that comes out on the field.”
My violence comes out on my blog. I can’t wait to tear someone’s head off, particularly when it is a religious leader abusing his authority.
I thought I was about to get snatched from eighth grade halfway through.
One Sabbath morning, this kid in my class became friendly for the first time. His mother had asked him to ask me if I wanted to stay with their family to finish eighth grade.
“No way,” said the kid. “You ask him.”
He was afraid of my cutting remarks.
So I was brought back to this family for Sabbath lunch and the mom asked if I’d like to stay with them and I got very excited. I said yes.
This family kinda adopted me.
My older siblings are eight to ten years older than me. I’ve basically grown up as an only child. But this family had kids my own age. I got to feel what it was like to be part of a normal family.
I’m not normal. I’m not good at taking care of myself. I remember driving down to UCLA a month early in 1988. I had no place to stay. I didn’t want to spend money on a hotel. So I lived out of my car for a month and slept in the bushes behind a softball field at UCLA.
A normal person would’ve made arrangements for a place to sleep.
When I moved back to Los Angeles in 1994, I lived out of my car for several months. I had a friend at UCLA who was going to invite me to live with him but he found me sloppy and irresponsible.
I could’ve gotten a job and an apartment, but I preferred to live out of my car and to go to acting classes and auditions.
I’ve always been convinced that I’ll be a big success one day and would be able to find people who could do a better job of taking care of me than I can do for myself so I can concentrate on what I do best.
The way people look at the Michael Oher character in this movie, that’s how they’ve looked at me.
I love that scene early in the movie where Sandra Bullock asks Michael Oher why he’s headed for the school gym late at night.
Michael says, “Because it’s warm.”
That’s why I like attention — because it’s warm.
Like Big Mike, I was a lousy student in school. But I was blessed with some teachers who turned me on.
I was a lousy Jew. But I was blessed with some rabbis who turned me on.
“Do you have any place to stay tonight?” Sandra asks Mike.
He nods his head.
She says, “Don’t you dare lie to me!”
He shakes his head.
Then she takes him home and makes him all warm and comfy.
I loved that.
Like Michael Oher, I’ve always had the good sense to surround myself with good people, even when I didn’t know how to interact with them.
I don’t enjoy therapy any more. It used to be my favorite time of the week, but that’s changed.
I used to charge into therapy eager to regale my therapist with my adventures. I’d say things like, “You wouldn’t believe the blowjob I got last night!”
I don’t tell so many stories any more. I just find myself spending most of therapy swimming in icky emotional waters. Sticky, oily water, filled with bugs.
I remember once watching these hot chicks wrestling in jello. That’s what my therapy feels like these days, like I’m wrestling in jello.
The obituary — Moishe Rosen dies at 78; founder of Jews for Jesus prompts me to ask readers about something that’s long mystified and impressed me:
“Given that the divinity of Jesus is the core belief of the dominant religion in America and that, with the exception of the small number of followers of Mr. Rosen’s movement, Jews reject this belief, why do we see so little public debate over the evidence?”
Mystified because these are extremely important conclusions to have drawn over claims for a man who was, after all, himself Jewish. You’d think there’d be dozens of point-counterpoint books and regular public debates about such a central matter.
Impressed because the lack of such inter-faith engagement suggests that, for the most part, we realize such theological arguments are not only irreconcilable, but they have also historically devolved from disagreement into discord and strife.
Perhaps I’m missing a vast body of at least semi-scholarly “he is too!” “he is not!” colloquia. If so, I’d be grateful for a few links.
After the death of a famous Christian missionary to Jews, a blogger for the Chicago Tribune asks why there is so little debate from Jews about the divinity of the founder of Christianity (link). I don’t know what he is talking about. There are many books on the subject. Here are some of them. I found the first two in particular to be useful:
I suspect that the primary reason for the dearth of Jewish books debunking Christian beliefs in Jesus is the same reason that there are not a lot of Jewish books debunking belief in Spiderman or Superman or the Green Lantern — such beliefs are self-evidently absurd.
If a non-Jew wants to bow down to a false god, we Jews aren’t going to waste our breath trying to talk him out of it.
According to a midrash, God chose Abraham because he intuited that there was one God who created and ruled the world and Abraham acted on his belief by destroying his father’s idols. Jews have inherited this orientation. For 4,000 years, we have been denying the validity of the false gods of the goyim. We do not do this primarily through writing books against the false gods of the goyim, but by living our lives in allegiance to the one true God of the universe who chose us to be His people.
I think this iconoclastic inclination is the reason that Jews account for most of the great stand-up comics in America. (Also, Jews tend be secure in themselves and have no problem making fun of themselves — as opposed to, for instance, Muslims who are always crying about dishonor. If you’re always worrying about dishonor, you’re probably not going to make many jokes in public about your group.)
The word “Israel” means “struggle with God.” Jews since Abraham have argued with God. Jewish kids will read the Torah portion at their bar mitzvah and then spend much of their speech arguing with what they just read.
If Jews argue with God, they’re certainly not going to be easily led by some guy from Nazareth who claims to be God. Instead we’d respond, “Josh thinks he’s God. What a nut.”
This was done March 24, 2008 at Nessah synagogue in Beverly Hillls, a nominally Orthodox Persian shul.
Dennis Prager: “I grew up in an East European Hasidic shtibble in New York. The rabbi was from Romania. Ultra-Orthodox. In order to do Maftir Yonah, the greatest honor of the year was to recite maftir and the book of Yonah on Yom Kippur, you bought it… You bought every single honor at the shul. No dough, no go up to the Torah. No one resented it because it was the only way this poor rabbi could support this little nothing shtibl on East 17th Street in Brooklyn.
“My father bought maftir Yonah every year. He wanted that kavod (honor). God bless him. He installed the air conditioning at that shul.”
“Three of the four matriarchs are described as beautiful. Not as brilliant or talented or possible surgeons.”
I sent an Orthodox Jewish friend a link to my appearance on a Sabbath panel at Loma Linda University ten days ago.
“You looked very rabbinic,” she said. “From the way you sat to the way you spoke, you seemed like a rabbi. From the way you slumped to the way you sat up straight, from the way you looked out at the audience to the way you spoke to them, you seemed like a rabbi.”
“I felt the power of 4,000 years of tradition,” I responded. “For a convert, I feel like I have a good grasp of the Jewish basics and I feel confident I can articulate them.”
“I watched the video and I clicked around the Loma Linda University website,” she said. “Everyone seemed so nice, so unreally nice, I didn’t trust them. They seemed fake.”
On his radio show today, Dennis Prager gave advice to men on how to stay faithful.
“If you have an affair, you’re hiding something from your wife. The more you hide from your spouse, the less close you are. The defining element of closeness is the ability and desire to tell everything. You are walking around hiding something.
“If you have a sustained affair, you are spending most of your time hiding it from your spouse.
“Number two. Use your head. Know the likelihood of terrible prices paid for an affair. Think of the price paid if your wife had an affair. Ask is this sexual excitement tonight worth the price you’ll pay?”
“You don’t know what will happen with the other woman. How will she act? She’s all loving when you have this infidelity, but you think she’s going to disappear into the ionesphere if you just want to go home? Some do. We just don’t know which ones are.
“Three. It doesn’t work sexually.” It doesn’t reduce your desire for sexual variety.
“Four. Avoid temptation.”
“Five. Have excitement in other ways. A hobby. Sport. There are a lot of ways to have an adrenalin rush.”
“Six. Have good men as your male friends. Men take their cues from other men.”
Jeff emails: Luke:
Last April, you blogged about the Mishan Israel/Pauker fight over the Torahs.
Just as an FYI, the RCC Bet Din heard the case again and issued a second ruling in Pauker’s favor, demanding the return to the widow, of the Torahs, within 10 days.
From here, there are only a few options:
1. Ohana gives the Torahs back.
2. He doesnt give them back, in which case:
a) Pauker has to go the Judge Sininian (again), to have the “P’sak Din” converted into a civil Judgment and have the Sheriffs seize them;
b) Ohana has to go to Judge Sininian to have the P’sak Din thrown out (again).
Another email: VICTORY: THE RABBINIC COURT (BAIS DIN) OF THE RABBINICAL COUNCIL OF CALIFORNIA HAS RULED A 2ND TIME – TO AWARD THE 4 TORAHS TO RITA PAUKER; ISSUING IT’S OPINION ON THE EVE OF THE JEWISH HOLIDAY OF SHAVUOUS CELEBRATING GOD’S GIVING OF THE TORAH TO THE JEWS ON MOUNT SINAI.
Rabbi Sholom Tendler: ‘As the duly appointed Rabbinic Arbitrator representing the Rabbinical Council of California in the case of Rita Pauker. Petitioner, VS. Beth Midrash Mishkan Israel, Respondent, I rule that the four Torah Scrolls in question are the property of the non-profit Valley Mishkan Israel Congregation of which Rita Pauker is the Agent. Therefore. the four Torah Scrolls should be returned to Ms. Pauker within 10 days of this ruling. These Torah Scrolls may not be sold for any reason other than to purchase another Torah Scroll, in accordance with Jewish Law. I urge Ms. Pauker to seek guidance of the Rabbinical Council of California regarding the proper halachic usage of these holy scrolls.’
We were at the “Tampa Show”, an informal gathering of Shakespeare scholars.
I wrote then:
She’s a nice Jewish girl (the youngest of five children) who went to Brandeis University before transferring to the University of Miami where she graduated with degrees in journalism and political science.
Heather grew up in New York (she now lives in Manhattan), attending at times a Reform synagogue with her family. At age 12, she had a bat mitzvah. “My brother had a better one.”
She says she’s been reading me since 1998.
“I wish I would’ve stayed at Brandeis. I would’ve turned out a lot better. I had the grades. I was intelligent in that way. But I was very immature at 19 and I wanted to go to Florida.”
Before implants, Heather was flat-chested. She didn’t wear a bra. Now she’s a 32D.
Heather Pink says her mother describes Canadians as “sophisticated Mexicans.”
During a recent trip to Amsterdam, her father asked her mom, for the first time, for a *******. The mom refused. She’s never given a ******* in her life.
For the past 18 months, Heather has been dating New York nightclub owner, film producer and real estate investor Noel Ashman.
Heather works as an event promoter and Manhattan socialite.
Wednesday afternoon, we talk by phone about her life after college.
Heather, who lives in Manhattan: “I took a job working for a politician in Palm Beach County. I got fired because his wife didn’t like me. I had just gotten an apartment. I had spent all this money. I had bills. I was looking through the paper. This was before there were a lot of jobs on the internet. There was an ad for dancers, make $500 or $5,000 a week. I figured I would take that job until something else came up.
“The next thing I knew, I was traveling. I was in it for years. I was working at the Gold Club in Atlanta.
“I didn’t stay there long. I wasn’t jaded by life enough to do that. The dances there were $10 and they charged you $300 a night to work there.
“I took a regular job.”
Luke: “How did working as a dancer affect your life?”
Heather: “I have knee problems to this day. I wasn’t eating a lot, but I drank every day for eight months. It was basically a requirement. If you refused alcohol, you’d be reprimanded. Now I don’t even drink at all, hardly.”
Luke: “Why would the clubs want you to drink alcohol?”
Heather: “Because it increased your sales. They could charge more money for dancer’s drinks.”
“I became a **** star by accident in 2001.”
Luke: “How did you meet up with Andrew Parker?”
Heather: “I woke up the morning after new years and I was in bed with him.
“A friend of mine had a party in Tribeca. I didn’t want to go back up town. I had an apartment in the city but I lived in Florida. So I slept over. So I guess he came in later and got in the other side of the bed. It was a large bed.
“So I roll over in bed the next morning and he’s there. He says, ‘I’m hung over. Let’s get a bloody mary.’
“That happened. Two weeks go by. It was my birthday. I was going to come up for the weekend. He threw a party for me. Somehow I ended up moving in.”
“It was the only high-profile coupleness that I was ever in. I’ve been with high profile people since then but I never really wanted to be a public couple again because people are pulling for the relationship not to work out.
“It ended horribly. I was devastated for years afterward. I got over him but I never got over what had happened.”
Luke: “Did you realize you were in a relationship with a thief?”
Heather: “Not to that degree.”
Luke: “Why did you move to LA in 2006?”
Heather: “After the Andrew Parker scandal, I was blacklisted. People wouldn’t talk to me. People sided with him because he could get them into the better parties, better clubs. It’s very superficial here like that. And he was the It Boy at the time. I basically had to leave. I was pushed out of the social circle.
“People would talk to me to see what I was doing so they could report back to him. Or they would tell me, oh yeah, we saw him out with that girl or these people. I didn’t really want to hear that, so I just left.
“Los Angeles was a hard adjustment. The first year I couldn’t stand it. I hated the food, so I learned to cook really well to emulate the food I was eating in New York. I made some very good friends. I probably have better friends in LA than I do in New York now.”
Luke: “Why did you leave ****?”
Heather: “I think I just grew up. I kinda wanted a relationship. I wanted people to take me seriously. I had the potential to do other things.
“I went to a psychologist and the psychologist told me I’m never going to find a decent man if I’m still doing that, which may or may not be true. It would definitely be limiting. It was the best thing to do at the time.”
Luke: “When you look back on your time in the industry, what were the benefits and what were the prices?”
Heather: “I made some good connections. I talked to some people who otherwise wouldn’t have noticed my existence. When I came back here, there were so few girls in Manhattan who had ever done ****, even though it is a huge city. I was hooked up places I ordinarily wouldn’t have been.
“The bad part — they only test for three STDs out of how many? Dating becomes difficult. Even if the guy was OK with the fact that you had done it while you were together, when you break up, they always bring it up or throw it in your face and they fight with you. People look at you differently. I don’t really tell people when I first meet them.
“My first boyfriend after Andrew, I didn’t tell him until seven months into it.
“He was an agent with the Endeavor Agency. They just merged with William Morris. He’s well known.
“A good friend of mine said to not bring it up because he was either going to dump me or it was going to turn into a weird sex thing. So I didn’t tell him at first.
“Then seven months into it, I go to his house and he’s got **** on. I said in a joking way, maybe I should go do that. He said, I’ve got a feeling you already did.
“That same friend of mine said, you better tell him before someone else does. So I told him that night. He said he wasn’t surprised because there were certain things with me ***ually were not what a normal girl would be doing. I don’t know if that is a compliment or not.”
Luke: “Did the way he related to you change after that?”
Heather: “No. He’s sweet. He actually felt sorry for me. It was Andrew who was pushing me to stay in the business and to get more media attention.”
Luke: “Have you noticed that it changes the way most people relate to you when they find out?”
Heather: “Women hate it. They hate it automatically. Men are just into it for other reasons. They think you’re going to do more. They think you’re easy. They think they’re guaranteed.”
Luke: “Is that true?”
Heather: “No. I have such little ***, I barely leave my apartment. I do it less.”
“I’m constantly going to the GYN. I’ve noticed that. That’s just to make sure that nothing happened because of it.”
Luke: “Do you miss the limelight?”
Heather: “I never got out of the limelight. I’m promoting. People still write about me.”
Luke: “Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve always been in the middle of dramatic events. Is that true, and if so, why?”
Heather: “I don’t think I’m dramatic. It’s the people who are drawn to me.”
Luke: “I wonder if you represent something exciting and dangerous to people?”
Heather: “It’s a big misconception if it is. The things in my life that are bad are always extremely bad and the good points are so good beyond what any normal person, things that would happen to them. I go to really good parties. I’ve taken really good vacations. I’m in with all the right people.”
Luke: “What makes you happy about your life today and what makes you sad?”
Heather: “I’m sad that I’m alone.”
“The good part is that I’m in with the right people, but it’s very overrated.”
Luke: “Who are the right people?”
Heather: “Just very connected people. People in the social scene. I can get in the parties, but then what? It’s not very fulfilling. Because I did ****, it’s cool to have me there but nobody is going to settle down with me.”
Luke: “What are your ambitions?”
Heather: “I don’t know. I could probably be a publicist or something.”
“There was always something there that made me slightly different. I can’t pinpoint what it was, but I was never really able to relate to them. Maybe it is because I grew up here as opposed to out there. A different type of upbringing. Different type of goals.
“I remember when I was starting in the industry and I was staying at an agent’s models house and another girl had come in the same day as me. She’d come in from out of town also and she had no money with her. I go, who goes out of town on business and doesn’t bring money and doesn’t have credit cards? That surprised me.
“Years later, that became so normal to hear about that sort of thing. At the time, it was a real culture shock.”
Luke: “Did you lose any friends or relationship from working in XXX?”
Heather: “Yes. All these people who say they didn’t, they must be a different type of person than me or they are lying. I’ve lost family and I’ve lost friends I’ve been friends with my whole life over this. That was probably the biggest downside. I didn’t realize how big it was going to get. I didn’t realize how many people watch ****. I certainly didn’t.”
“My family for years has been kinda confrontational about it once they found it. I was under the impression that they wouldn’t find out. They’re not big ****-watching types.
“Somebody right after the Tampa Show sent them videos.”
Luke: “And how did they react?”
Heather: “I was on the phone with my mother. I was packing to go to Vegas for a signing. And she said, Why are you going to Vegas? I said I have to go for work. She said, it’s not for **** is it? I said no, why?
“She said, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I saw you.
“It ruined the whole signing. It was all in my head.
“She went into graphic detail about everything I was saying to this guy. She said, ‘Your father saw parts of you that he hasn’t seen in years.’
“It skeeved me out. So bad. I didn’t care who saw it as long as they weren’t related to me.”
Luke: “I wonder why your dad was watching it?”
Heather: “I have no idea. So they would have something on me.”
Luke: “So your mother repeated back to you some of your dialogue?”
Heather: “It really grossed me out. It was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
“It’s not that they’re into it. It’s not that they are weird like that. She just had this snide tone about it. It was horrible.”
“They didn’t know I was sexually active until I was 21.
“I did it one time when I was 15 and then didn’t do it again for two years.”
Luke: “What did they teach you about sex?”
Heather: “Don’t do it and if I did, I’d get kicked out of the house. What did your parents teach you about sex?”
Luke: “Don’t do it. Save it for marriage.”
“Since you left **** in 2007, have you been able to heal many of the broken relationships?”
Heather: “No. It’s just so humiliating when it happens that you don’t want to go back and heal anything. You’re just better off to walk away from it. I’m not very confrontational.”
“I would never do it again. With the popularity of Jenna Jameson, it was almost like that was on purpose to get more girls into porn. They put her on E! True Hollywood Story. Look at me and my beautiful mansion. Get in and you’ll be like this too.
“I made some decent money. I’m really anal with money. That’s the only reason I was able to do somewhat well. No, I didn’t get a mansion out of it. A couple of nice apartments. I could’ve gotten that anyway.”
Luke: “Did you save your money while you were in the industry?”
Heather: “I saved it but I lost a lot of money last year. With the market and with moving [back to Manhattan]. I took a job and that didn’t turn out well. It’s hard now.”
Luke: “Do people still throw it in your face?”
Heather: “Oh yes. I had somebody a week ago.”
Luke: “How do you react?”
Heather: “It hurts. It’s probably one of the most hurtful things they can do because it is not met anymore and I’m not even sure it was while I was doing it. It’s not who I am as a person.”
Heather: “I’m surprised you didn’t read about it while it was going on. It was the number one story here.”
Heather says journalists can’t screw her over. “How bad could they make my reputation? I already did porn. I have nothing to lose. Even if they wrote that I’m a horrible bitch, it would still make a couple of movies sell.”
Luke: “Do you have any thoughts on betrayal?”
Heather: “People seem to like doing it to me. Maybe it is the type of people who tend to be drawn to me. I’m not living up to everyone’s expectations. Andrew Parker used to say I was boring.”
Luke: “I imagine this has all taken some toll on your health.”
Heather: “My health is not good. It’s becoming obvious to other people. I’ve spent this year in the hospital. These people weren’t loyal to me when I was in that.”
Luke: “Have there been people in your life who pleasantly surprised you during these difficult times?”
Heather: “No. They stick around for a while and then leave.”
Luke: “Have you been reading anything good?”
Heather: “I haven’t been able to eat much. My stomach’s been bad. I haven’t been able to eat. I’ve lost a lot of weight, which is why I’ve been in the hospital.”
“At the beginning of this year, I was in hospital but I still had friends. I had somebody in my life who was there and basically they betrayed me. They turned on me.”
I find that Slate.com’s Jack Shafer often articulates my inchoate instincts about journalism. I only have vague feelings about a lot of issues until Jack Shafer spells things out for me.
I’m often accused of obsession in my blogging. It’s a cheap shot, a negative way of portraying dedication. “Stalking” is a similar putdown.
I’ve often wondered why female journalists aren’t prettier. I think the answer is that journalism is often hard work that involves a lot of bother and legwork. This does not tend to produce babes.
Jack Shafer writes: Compared with the journalistic investigation that I assume McGinniss has commenced of his subject, sharing a property line with her is trivial. Right now I’ll bet that McGinniss or a research assistant is combing the complete Palin paper trail of court filings, property records, tax assessments, and official documentation of her governorship and mayoralty, including e-mails. High on the stack will be the Palins’ 1040 and other financial documents she disclosed as a vice-presidential candidate. He’ll run Palin’s name through every database he can find. And if there is a legal way to obtain Palin’s telephone records, school records, and even her medical records, McGinniss will get them.
It’s called legwork, it’s called immersion journalism, and it doesn’t look pretty. But it should come as a surprise to only naive newspaper readers that every day journalists treat the subjects of investigations the way McGinniss is treating Palin.
I’ll predict that McGinniss’ deck-side observations of the Palin family will not likely turn up much beyond atmosphere for his book. But that’s not the reason he rented the house. It’s his way of skywriting for all of Alaska
"This guy knows all the gossip, the ins and outs, the lashon hara of the Orthodox world. He’s an [expert] in... all the inner workings of the Orthodox world." (Rabbi Aaron Rakeffet-Rothkoff)
