I’ve Got A Clean Story

I was walking today with several students of the Alexander Technique when I made a sudden announcement, "Hey, I’ve got a clean story."

Everybody turned to me and stared. And then they started laughing.

After I relayed my story, about meeting a nice Jewish girl who later told me I was too much to handle, nobody was offended.

I’ve mastered inhibition. I owe it all to yoga and the Technique.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on I’ve Got A Clean Story

The Week In Review

With Steven I. Weiss:

Posted in Jews | Tagged | Comments Off on The Week In Review

Clean Cups, Dirty Hearts

A friend calls. "I saw a bunch of Orthodox Jews walking today. I said to my brother, ‘Clean cups, dirty hearts."

Luke: "What does that mean?"

Friend: "It means that their cups are clean because of Talmudic rule 1378 but they’ll rape you in business. They are not good PR for our people.

"How much do you have in your savings account?"

Luke: "Three thousand dollars. And I have $20,000 in credit card debt."

Friend: "When are they going to shut your cards off? You’re like Brazil."

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Clean Cups, Dirty Hearts

I Interview My Yoga Teacher Alexandra Aitken

From the Daily Telegraph of London Oct. 5, 2006: "Alexandra Aitken used to be known for being the daughter of a disgraced minister, partying, posh boys and polo matches. But that’s all changed. Now, she tells Emily Bearn, she’s hard at work making films."

I know Ally best as my yoga teacher who prescribed the "wahe guru" meditation that’s changing my life. (Ally’s MySpace)

We began our chat Friday afternoon with lunch at the hovel. I prepared a tasty salad and offered a fresh package of pumpkin seeds to pour on top.

Luke: "Alexandra, when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Ally: "I went through many professions. First of all, I wanted to be a nun. I was head sacrosant at Canterbury Cathedral."

Luke: "Head what?"

Ally: "The person who carries the cross around with the archbishop."

Luke: "How do you spell it?"

Ally: "I don’t know. I’m dyslexic."

"I think it’s because they wanted people to go to church and so they picked me because I was kinda popular and I guess I was that way inclined.

"Then I wanted to be a vet, and then I wanted to be a physicist. At age 15. I really got into the esoterics of how the universe was structured.

"And then I ended up going to art college. Many many changes and exploratory missions into professions. It was very interesting."

Luke: "Where are you in the birth order?"

Ally: "I’m the eldest."

Luke: "You’re not supposed to be a rebel and teaching yoga in Los Angeles."

Ally: "No."

Luke: "The youngest is supposed to be the rebel."

"You went to public schools?"

Ally: "Yes."

Luke: "Where were you in the group?"

Ally: "I was entirely a loner but people liked me. I was a likable maverick."

Luke: "Were you a teacher’s pet?"

Ally: "Not at all. Teachers liked me but they couldn’t work me out. They didn’t quite know what to do with me. I tended to think independently, out of the box. I’d ask questions that didn’t fit within the curriculum or within the boundaries ot the subject they were teaching. And that can be confusing. At the same time, school was a challenge to me because I didn’t know how to stay within the boundaries of what I was supposed to deliver. Society can be hard for people because the models set in place, most people don’t fit into those models. Often there isn’t room to fit in individuals. I think there needs to be more of a widening perspective to accept where somebody is and how their mind works rather than put that individual into a certain type of model."

Luke: "If your classmates were to vote for you in high school [to predict your future], what would they?"

Ally: "Most likely that anything could happen."

Luke: Which art college?

Ally: "I went to Chelsea School of Art in London and then I went into stone carving, a lost art taught by only two people who know what they are doing. I found one at the University of Kent and the other at City and Guilds of London Art College. If the yoga doesn’t work out I can repair cathedrals or use my welding skills to put cars together.

"I started doing these performance pieces with my sculptures. So, it started involving like perishable goods and people. Then I decided to get into film. Then a friend of mine [Mike Figgis?] said, ‘Do you want to be in my film?’ I said I guess so. It would be interesting. I determined I was the maker of fine filmmaking art. I had no intention of being an actress. Then the film did really well. It won a prize at a couple of film festivals. Then I got an agent and then I just started working as an actress."

Luke: "How old were you when this began?"

Ally: "Maybe 20. Yes. That was fun."

"The first real job I got was with Ian McEwan. Enduring Love (2004). Directed by Roger Michel. I went along to the audition and he said, ‘Do you have anything on tape that I could see?’ And I just bluffed it. I was like, ‘Well, yes, but you just can’t see it right now.’ I got the part."

Luke: "What do you love and hate about the acting life?"

Ally: "I love people. I like watching people. I like interacting people. In the past, I didn’t like going on auditions. I didn’t like queing up and waiting my turn and having to audition, but now when I audition, I find it fascinating and fun when I look at it through that lens. I like looking at how people interact. Every moment is an opportunity to enjoy somebody and learn more about how someone works. Now I have a really good time."

Luke: "What do you love and hate about your childhood?"

Ally: "I love that I got to experience a lot and travel a lot. I’m very happy that my father is very well read, so just sitting in the same room as my parents I got a fantastic education. That’s the best thing that happened. Actually, everything that happened in my childhood was a total blessing. Anything that might not look like I liked it was a total blessing. My father went to prison. I was not happy about that when it happened."

Luke: "How old were you then?"

Ally: "Eighteen. It was actually the best thing that ever happened because if you don’t go through a few ups and downs in life, you don’t learn anything or you don’t really become anything."

Luke: "So did it change the way people treated you?"

Ally: "Yes, it changes the way people treated me. I suddenly became more recognizable. ‘Oh, look, there’s the girl whose father went to prison.’"

Here are some excerpts from the Wikipedia entry on Ally’s dad Jonathan Aitken:

He was elected as MP for Thanet East in the 1974 General Election; from 1983 he sat for South Thanet. A notably handsome man, he managed to offend Margaret Thatcher by ending a relationship with her daughter, Carol Thatcher, and suggesting that Thatcher "probably thinks Sinai is the plural of Sinus" to an Egyptian newspaper. He stayed on the backbenches throughout Thatcher’s premiership and engaged in a number of activities, including participation in the re-launch of TV-am (where he was involved in an incident in which broadcaster Anna Ford threw her wine at him to express her outrage at both his behaviour and the unwelcome consequent transformation of the TV station). He was eventually offered membership of the Hurlingham Club when he became Minister of State for Defence Procurement under John Major in 1992.

…On 10 April, 1995, The Guardian carried a front-page report on Aitken’s dealings with leading Saudis. The story was the result of a long investigation carried out by journalists from the newspaper and from Granada TV‘s World In Action programme. By 5 o’clock that evening, Aitken had called a press conference at the Conservative Party offices in Smith Square, London, denouncing the reports and demanding that the World In Action programme, due to be screened three hours later, withdraw them.

During this press conference, Aitken made his notorious speech:

"If it falls to me to start a fight to cut out the cancer of bent and twisted journalism in our country with the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play, so be it. I am ready for the fight. The fight against falsehood and those who peddle it. My fight begins today. Thank you and good afternoon."[2]

…During his stay in prison, Aitken rediscovered the Bible, learned Greek, and became a student of Christian theology at Wycliffe Hall, Oxford. This part of his life is covered in two autobiographical works called Pride and Perjury and Porridge and Passion. He married his second wife, Elizabeth Harris, in June 2003.

He gave a talk called "I Want to Break Free" at Holy Trinity, Brompton in January 2006 where Nicky Gumbel described him as a "great friend"[2]. On Sunday 13th July 2008 he gave a sermon at Kings Church International[3] entitled ‘Finding God in the Depths’ where the Senior Pastor Wes Richards introduced his coming as a great privilege and described Aitken as a friend to both himself and the church.

Ally: "Otherwise, it didn’t change. I’m not sure. I don’t think I was looking for the difference in how people were treating me."

Luke: "You’re famous in England. You’re not known in America."

Ally laughs: "I didn’t know you knew that."

Luke: "What do you love and hate about fame? You can go to one country and you’re famous and you can go to Los Angeles and you’re not. So what’s it like?"

Ally: "It’s not really that different. Like, I guess I’ve always been kinda lucky where people have been really nice to me a lot, so in many ways I feel like I’m always treated like I’m famous anyway. So I don’t think there’s anything that’s changed that much. Maybe you’re not turning up to something and there isn’t a bank of photographers. A lot of feeling, a lot of feeling good about yourself…

"In America, I’ve noticed that if I turn up to an event and you feel good about yourself, that’s infectious. Very often people will go, ‘Who is that?’ And it’s really only because you’re feeling happy or feeling more solid within yourself, which makes you very magnetic. That’s worth knowing. I’ve played with it quite a lot from a yogic or energetic perspective. If you walk into a place where there are photographers and I’m not feeling good, I’m not feeling good about myself and I’m not feeling good about the people I’m with, I’m not thinking I’m so lucky to be here, I’m just blessed, this is a lucky brilliant fantastic day, then nothing really happens. If I’m thinking it’s Wednesday, I love Wednesdays, the sun’s shining, I love the dress I’m wearing, I love the five people I’m with, I’m really excited about seeing this film, the premiere that I’m at, then the spotlights turns on you. And that’s interesting, playing with that, being able to have gears. As a wanna be physicist and yogi, you can change gears and see what happens. Try it out in your own environment and see what happens to you when you decide to feel great and help other people feel great. You’ll have a much nicer experience."

Luke: "How did you get into yoga?"

Ally: "I tried a few other types of yoga and I thought they were nice but they didn’t do that much for me. And then one day I walked into a yoga class at Goldenbridge and I thought, oh wow, what is this? Kundalini Yoga. This is weird but this is wonderful. I didn’t really know that happened in the class, it was like being zapped by something extraordinary. I needed to know more. So on the way out, I bought a book and I went home and tried meditating. I did a meditation to make one happy forever or a meditation for prosperity, you’ll be so wealthy materially and spiritually. I tried these things out and found out that they worked. The deeper I went, the more it worked for me. I decided that this is the best thing I’ve discovered.

"I came to LA. Yoga teaching was starting last year and I took it. I put my foot on the gas pedal."

Luke: "How long you been into yoga deeply?"

Ally: "A year full on, deeply immersed."

Luke: "it’s really taken over your life?"

Ally: "Entirely. You can deeply restructure your own psyche. You can deeply heal yourself and others in many ways. Yogis in caves. This has been around 5,000 years. Anything tried and tested that long, it’s worth giving a try. It’s not like some belief system. What I like best about this Kundalini Yoga, try it and see."

"My mother’s a mystic but I never engaged with her mysticism that much. It was hers and everyone has to experience it for themselves for it to be valuable."

Luke: "If I were to ask your friends, how has yoga affected you? What would they say?"

Ally: "They’d all say I’ve become a much nicer person. I’ve become happier, lighter. I know these guys who buy their wives Kundalini Yoga passes because they get a woman who comes back who’s a nicer person. They don’t go though."

"If I were a guy, I’d get myself to a yoga class fast for the women."

"I had no intention of becoming a yoga teacher. I took the teacher’s training and had no intention of finishing. I took one weekend and thought it would be an interesting weekend and that would be it. But it would so mind-blowingly extraordinary, I thought I’d take it for another weekend. When you have such an experience with this yoga, you can’t not touch it. You have to share it with somebody."

Luke: "So much of British humor is cutting someone down."

Ally: "Unless you’re British, you’re going to hear it in a different way. A lot of it is not as cutting as it sounds. You know how someone punching you on the arm can be affectionate? It’s affectionare. It sounds belittling, but it’s not. It’s affectionate. I think there are better ways to express yourself affectionately but that is their way. You’ve got to respect the British people’s way of being affectionate."

"If you can make someone laugh a lot, it is forgivable to cut someone down, but you have to make really happy laughter. Otherwise, why would you do that?"

Our conversation moves on.

Ally: "I’ve always had psychic abilities, I just didn’t tell anyone about it. It’s not something you advertise. I was very reluctant to do anything about it for a very long time… I let things slip with friends of mine. I met another psychic who exposed me. She uncovered my disguises and suddenly people came knocking on my door. Then they’d tell a friend and I’d have a queue."

Luke: "What do you do psychicly?"

Ally: "I don’t know. It’s not me. It’s a bigger thing. All I do is pass on the information. I’m a messenger. I hear something and I pass the message on. I see something and I describe the view. When somebody sits down, I don’t know what’s going to happen until they sit down and ask me questions and then I’ll get a vision… Then I pass on this download of information. There’s always a way of delivering something that is useful to the person."

"Everyone has intuitive psychic abilities."

Luke: "How has this economic downturn affected yoga?"

Ally: "I have discovered that during this economic time it is a good business to be a drug dealer or a yoga teacher. People are looking for some kind of relief. They are looking to get out of themselves and yoga provides that."

Posted in Alexandra Aitken, Yoga | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I Interview My Yoga Teacher Alexandra Aitken

Marc Gafni’s Son Survives 15 Days In Gaza To Get Injured In A Car Accident

Rabbi Dr. Marc Gafni blogs:

Eytan just got back from 15 horrendous days as the commander of a group of Israeli special forces commandos who were serving in Gaza. I will not – at this time – tell the stories he told me. They are stories of death. And heroism and man’s insanity against man. Three times he met death only to miss it by a fraction, a hairs breadth or in the tragic way of the soldier standing for a value higher then even life – he was left with no option other then to deal out death to protect life.

After Gaza he spent two weeks with his unit – re training- readying for whatever might happen next. A day or two after that – he caught a ride from the base towards his Kibbutz. There was a head on collision. He was thrown from the car with his leg caught in the door.

It is beyond a miracle that he is alive. One leg was badly damaged. After two surgeries, he is now in Safed waiting to be moved to Tel HaShomer, an army rehabilitation hospital.

Posted in Marc Gafni | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Marc Gafni’s Son Survives 15 Days In Gaza To Get Injured In A Car Accident

‘I’d Date You If…’

She came into my chatroom this week and said she was a 25 year old Persian Jew living in Brentwood. She said she’d been reading me for a while. She wanted to know why I kept beating up on the very Orthodox rabbis who could make me "one of us."

"How did you know my weakness for the Persian-Jewess?" I responded.

"Don’t play games with me," she wrote. "I’d date you if you could find me one Orthodox rabbi who’d speak well of you. Just one."

"I’ll tell you when I meet you," I said.

"Don’t think you can bargain with me," she replied. "I’m tired of your b——."

She then kicked my butt up one end of the chatroom and down the other.

"We have a friend in common," she said, and then named a woman in my community I’ve never spoken to beyond a brief "Gut Shabbos."

And then this putative friend came into my chatroom tonight. Or at least used that name.

Good thing I live for higher values than girls or I’d be all discombobulated right now.

Posted in Dating, Personal | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on ‘I’d Date You If…’

I Offered To Bring Cocoa Krispies

I was invited to Shabbat dinner at the home of friends.

"What should I bring?" I asked.

I got the answer: "Hmmm one of Levi’s classics."

"I’ll bring Cocoa Krispies," I replied.

I still have three bowls from LimmudLA 2008 when I was given packages of them to take home and give to a homeless shelter, which I interpreted as meaning my hovel.

The word came back that I should bring challah.

So I go to Elat Market Friday morning and pick up a raisin challah, but when I bring it with me at 7 pm Friday, I find out I was expected to bring two plain challah loaves. Oy ve! That is so obvious. Of course you need two challah loaves to make hamotzi. How could I have been so dumb? I’ll not make that mistake again.

Just as I was starting to overcome that shame, one of the hosts announced: "Levi used to write for the porn industry."

That was a long awkward silence.

"He wrote it in a book!" my host defended.

Eventually I got into a conversation with a young woman who told me after five minutes, "No more questions!"

I get that a lot.

When I started joking about making out with the younger sister of my friend, I got told, "Levi! Inhibit!"

Imagine that! My very own Alexander Technique language getting used against me.

Three hours is about my limit for socializing and I came home at 10 pm.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on I Offered To Bring Cocoa Krispies

I’ve Completed My Chronicle Of LimmudLA 2009

Part one is here and part two is here.

Here’s an excerpt from part two:

9 pm. The comedy festival features Avram Mandell, Gerry Katzman, Rabbi Simcha Levenberg and Mark Schiff.

Avram: "The problem with having a Hebrew name is that every time you meet someone, they want to tell you about every Jew they’ve ever known."

"Friday morning, I got to do a set for hotel staff and LimmudLA leaders. I got to explain some of the differences between Jews and Christians. We don’t believe in Jesus…except for driving down the 405 during rush hour."

Avram explains the Shabbos elevator. "There’s a law in the Talmud that says you are not allowed to use electricity on Shabbat. But if it happens to be running already, you can use it. If you are walking with your family and you happen to back into closet and that closet happens to go up to your floor, you’re allowed to use it."

LimmudLA boasts "Shabbos Friendly Bathrooms." What’s a Shabbos-Friendly Bathroom? Avram explains that it is a place where after you do your business, the toilet yells "Yasher Koach!"

Rabbi Simcha Levenberg explains we’re the only religion with our own aisle in the grocery store. "The non-Jews must think we live on Kedem grape juice, gefilter fish and yartzheit candles."

Posted in Limmud | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on I’ve Completed My Chronicle Of LimmudLA 2009

A Bit Much To Handle

I once met this nice girl who made me laugh and I made her laugh and I thought everything was great until she said, "I think you’re funny and nice, but you’re a bit much to handle." And she left my life.

I’ve had that scenario happen to me dozens of times.

There was a girl I shared Media class with in 10th grade. She was a grade or two ahead of me. I usually felt happy and confident in the class and I talked a lot.

About a dozen years later, she recalled to a friend of mine about me, "Nobody knew what to do with his brain."

The teacher I was closest to at Placer High School was my Journalism advisor. I was the Editor of the school newspaper in my senior year and was in the school’s journalism program for three years.

He wrote in my yearbook just before I graduated in June 1984, "I’ve never had a student challenge me as much you have."

Bob emails my friends: "Advisory Team Activate! Let us all assume the lotus position and focus our healing energy on Luke’s bruised ego. Ready? ohhmmmmmm …."

Khunrum emails: “Luke still courting Jewish girls? I expected him to be engaged to the Swami’s daughter by now. Sitting on her lap? Is that some kind of Hindu love move? An obnoxious, middle aged, overweight guy sits on you while you’re trying to enjoy a…? Ommmmmmmm!”

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on A Bit Much To Handle

LA’s Modern Orthodox Rabbis Launch Ethical Business Certification

Here’s the press release:

March 1, 2009 will mark the launching of Peulat Sachir: The Ethical Labor Initiative. (Peulat Sachir is Hebrew for “the worker’s wage”.) Founded by several L.A. Orthodox rabbis in conjunction with leaders in the business and legal communities, Peulat Sachir will be inviting business owners who serve the Jewish community to commit to an Ethical Labor Covenant, in which they publicly proclaim their compliance with Federal and State laws regarding wages, anti-discrimination and harassment polices, leave and break requirements, and worker’s compensation insurance. To qualify for the Ethical Labor Covenant, business owners will allow Peulat Sachir volunteers to spot check their payroll records, and interview employees regarding policies in the workplace.

On Saturday morning February 28, Rabbi Daniel Korobkin of Kehillat Yavne Congregation, Rabbi Elazar Muskin of Young Israel of Century City, and Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky of B’nai David – Judea Congregation will be announcing the launch. Due to a scheduling difficulty on Feb. 28, Rabbi Steven Weil of Beth Jacob Congregation will be announcing the launch to his congregation on Saturday March 7.

For more information, contact Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky at 310-276-9269, or [email protected]

Here’s some background.

Posted in Ethics, Modern Orthodox, Pico/Robertson | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on LA’s Modern Orthodox Rabbis Launch Ethical Business Certification