How’s The Kollel Working Out At Beth Jacob?

On the surface, it looks like a mismatch.

A source told me in September of 2007:

This Kollel will be housed at Beth Jacob — one of the shuls whose black-hatted offspring, as you report, now attend AT.  How does one explain this sharing of facilities with a "competitor"?

You must first understand that this new Kollel, like Adas Torah, is a spin-off of a third, established, organization, the Los Angeles Kollel.  One of the Kollel’s leading rabbis, Rabbi Baruch Gradon, wishes to make inroads into the Pico-Robertson community.  Rabbi Gradon’s erudition, offered in a soft British brogue, is very appealing to the well-educated Pico-Robertson crowd.

Also, Rabbi Weil of Beth Jacob is a huge admirer of Rabbi Gradon.  Nothwithstanding the Kollel’s Lakewood affiliation, Rabbi Weil appreciates the intellectual gifts of the leaders of this venerable ultra-Orthodox institution.  In fact, this coming Shabbat, Beth Jacob will host the Executive Director of the Lakewood Yeshiva, Rabbi Aron Kotler, who shares the same name as his grandfather, who founded this flagship institution of the Yeshiva world.

All very interesting, but there is also an element of BJ-YICC rivalry going on here.  Adas Torah is perceived as a break-away from YICC, not as a break-away from BJ (which YICC was, a generation ago).  The BJ offspring who attend AT left BJ long ago, when Rabbis Lamm and Weiss were at the helm.  Now they are leaving YICC.  Comes along Rabbi Weil, steers BJ to the right, accepts (and possibly encourages) a Lakewood-affiliated outpost in Pico-Robertson, and tells these young families who left YICC for something more serious:  We support the goals of Adas Torah.  And you can always consider Beth Jacob your second home.

Rabbi Gradon is smart. He got the most liberal rabbis he could find at Lakewood, those who were the least opposed to secular learning aka college.

The kollel is at Beth Jacob but they are not part of Beth Jacob. They go their separate ways. They do do some learning with the Beth Jacob members in the evenings.

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The Wunderkid Conductor – 28-year-old Venezuelan Gustavo Dudamel

With all the hoopla about this new conductor, how come nobody has commented on how he tightens his neck and pulls down on his spine when he conducts. A lot of musicians do this. They think it shows they’re trying really hard when they contort their body. They’ll pay a price. You don’t want to shove your head down and compress your spine. It results in all sorts of ills. Come back to length and poise, let the head float on top of the body, and you’ll be happier and healthier.

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Through A Hole In The Sheet

Everywhere I go, people ask me if Orthodox Jews have sex through a hole in the sheet.

I’ve never seen Orthodox Jews have sex in this way. I’ve never heard of any Orthodox Jews I know having sex this way. I’ve never heard an Orthodox rabbis prescribe this type of sex.

On this basis, I suspect that the vast majority of Orthodox Jews do not have sex through a hole in the sheet.

Still, when I marry, I would like to try this technique. It might have untold erotic possibilities. I picture all the lights being out. I’ve just been studying Torah for hours. We recite tehillim (Psalms) together and then we come together, only touching through that narrow hole. I’d make sure that she wasn’t at all aroused, that it was pure torture for her, and we would only do this loathsome act because God commanded us. I’d try to finish as quickly as possible so we can make babies and get on with the fun part of our lives.

Snopes reports:

Such is the case with the "sex through a hole in the sheet" rumor. None of the three branches of Judaism (Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform) require this of their adherents, and indeed taking the joy out of marital sex in such a fashion runs directly counter to all things Jewish. Whereas in some branches of religion sex within marriage is supposed to be primarily for the purposes of procreation, throughout Judaism it’s viewed as a celebration of couplehood — man and wife are supposed to enjoy each other, whether kids are the goal of the encounter or not.

Indeed, not making love to your wife can call rabbinical sanction down upon the head of a Jewish man or even provide grounds for divorce.

The times for conjugal duty prescribed in the Torah are: for men of independence, every day; for laborers, twice a week; for ass-drivers, once a week; for camel-drivers, once in thirty days; for sailors, once in six months. These are the rulings of Rabbi Eliezer.

In a world that made sense, this rumor about joyless sex would better adhere to just about anyone other than Jews. Ah, but sometimes things just aren’t logical.

Interestingly enough, a 1995 article in The Jerusalem Post said about modesty practices in other cultures, "[I]n Catholic Mexico of yore with the use of modesty bed sheets with carefully stitched and positioned holes in them." Looks like its writer confused a scene from the 1992 film Like Water For Chocolate with reality. (See the Sighting section at the end of this page for more about that film.)

One guess as to the origin of the slit sheet belief postulates it as a joking reference to ultra-Orthodox weddings, where men and women are said to attend separate receptions by way of dividing the hall with a curtain. Through a hole in the curtain, the children can pass through, but no one else.

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Modern Orthodoxy Vs Right-Wing Orthodoxy

Joe emails: You can tell the difference between Modern Orthodoxy and more Right Wing Old School Orthodoxy by looking at synagogue websites.

Bnai David Judea is this high powered modern orthodox synagogue – it has women on the board, it offers a weekly class on women’s issues (no shiur on PMS which is a real shame), has an average educational level of ph.d., and a rabbi with a GQ pose on his bio. Its graphic popup is all about dignity for all of God’s children, whatever that means, and its rabbi made the top 25 rabbis in Newsweek (very cool). The website has about as much Hebrew as a box of matzos. It seems designed to allow its board members to show nonobservant Jewish friends the site and prove that the orthodox do not walk with their knuckles dragging on the floor, even though they still do not tear toilet paper on Shabbat, will not eat at 99% of the restaurants in Los Angeles, and will not let their kids go anywhere near a public school. It is hoped that nonobservant jews seeing this site will say, wow, I thought orthodox was all about women having no education, men wearing funny black hats, and having tons of kids. Actually, it is this nice little society with classes called "nosh and drosh" kind of like a Jerry’s Deli; how fun. Check the site out. www.bnaidavid.com – it looks like the website for a meet-up group. There is no daily torah study, no Jewish law, and a lot of hand-wringing over how much the shul supports Israel, even though there are precious few who are willing to leave Beverlywood for that other promised land.

Now, turn to the website for a leading los angeles old school orthodox congregation – Kehilas Yaakov – this is a shul allied with the kollel (an institution where men, and only men, learn full time, being supported by the community to provide leaders and teachers and the erudite types that have made Jews about three bell curves ahead in IQ of any other group). The website is basic. It has the time for prayers, and tons of daily learning, all in Hebrew. The only English is a plea for donations on the front page and an erudite justification for the use of the eruv. A nonobservant person looking at this website would say one thing: "Neanderthal." There is no photo of the rabbi – his only presence are tapes of his lectures on the prohibition against gossip. It is surprising that the internet, which is based on gossip, can even be used to broadcast such a message. The site is www.kehillasyaakov.org and it has about as much in common with Bnai David’s site as Barack Obama has with Glenn Beck.

Make no mistake, there is a subtle war under the covers of Orthodoxy. Those growing up in Bnai David will have a huge problem socializing with those growing up in Kehilas Yaakov. It is bad now, it will get worse. And the winner will be the far right wing due to the increased amount of children and the lock step following of its regime by those children.

It is said that Modern Orthodoxy is tolerant and apologizes for its authenticity, while right-wing Orthodoxy is intolerant and does not apologize for its authenticity. As a person who believes in the code aspect of Orthodoxy, the apologies for authenticity are as lame as if the US Marine Corps decided to cut back on rifle training to let more people advance.

Posted in Bnai David-Judea, Haredi, Modern Orthodox, Orthodoxy, Pico/Robertson | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Modern Orthodoxy Vs Right-Wing Orthodoxy

The Top Five Mizrachi Rabbis In Israel

What is Mizrachi? It is religious Zionism.

Rav Mordecai Eliyahu would have to be number one. Then Haim Drukman, Yaakov Ariel, Aharon Lichtenstein, She’ar Yashuv Cohen (the Rav of Haifa and the son of the Nazir of Jerusalem David Cohen), and maybe Nachum Rubinstein (sp?).

They’re not in the United States much because they don’t need to raise money here. The rabbis of the top Haredi yeshivot in Israel spend a lot of time in the United States because they need to raise millions of dollars here.

Post high-school students in Israel who enroll in Modern Orthodox yeshivas don’t stay longer than five years once they marry. If they stay five years, they get semicha (rabbinic ordination) and go out to work. Most married students stay only one year before going into a profession.

That enables Modern Orthodox yeshivas to get much of their income from their graduates.

Haredi yeshiva students usually don’t go on to work. They just study. Their roshei yeshiva have to raise 100% of their budgets, so they spend a lot of time in the United States.

Modern Orthodox hesder yeshivas also get money from the government. They provide the IDF with many of their elite combat units.

These leading mizrahi rabbis may only need to raise some small sum such as $250,00 a year from American sources. Their haredi peers — such as the head of the Mir yeshiva — will need to raise something like $20 million per annum.

Matthew Wagner writes for the Jerusalem Post:

A group of religious Zionist rabbis are calling to privatize the marriage registration process to stop what they call the Chief Rabbinate’s inefficient, unfriendly and overly stringent bureaucracy from turning off secular Israelis to religion.

However, a senior member of the Chief Rabbinate said he and others would oppose any attempts to change the way marriage registration was performed.

The rabbinic standoff pits religious Zionists against a more haredi spiritual leadership that has been gaining power within the Chief Rabbinate in recent decades.

Tzohar Rabbis, a modern Orthodox rabbinical organization, warned Wednesday that if the religious marriage process were not made more user-friendly, pressure would mount to institute civil marriages in Israel for the first time in its 61-year history.

"If, heaven forbid, there are civil marriages in Israel, God will know to blame petty religious functionaries who care only about their own jobs," said Tzohar chairman Rabbi David Stav in a telephone interview Wednesday, referring to the dozens of clerks currently employed at local rabbinates across the country who are responsible for helping couples register for marriage.

"These people [at the local rabbinates] would sooner fight a holy organization working to bring Jews closer to their tradition than to help make it easier for Jews, secular and religious, to get married," he said.

Tzohar wants to break the monopoly of local rabbis over marriage registration and open it up to competition. Currently a man and woman who want to marry must register with the rabbi of the city in which one of the two lives. Tzohar wants to change the directives so a couple would be able to register with any rabbi in the country who is recognized by the Chief Rabbinate.

This would open the way for rabbis who belong to Tzohar, several of whom are chief rabbis of cities – such as Rabbi Ya’acov Ariel of Ramat Gan and Rabbi Gideon Perl of the Gush Etzion Region – to register couples who live outside their jurisdiction.

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How Is Rabbi Weil Doing With The Orthodox Union?

Rabbi Steven Weil ran Beth Jacob for nine years. The shul members who hired him thought he’d stick around longer than that.

Rabbi Weil’s fundraising abilities helped the shul turn its finances around. He also brought in new members, many of them young couples.

This summer, Rabbi Weil took over as the CEO of the Orthodox Union. So far he’s getting good reviews.

I wonder what will be next for Rabbi Weil? Will he run Yeshiva University? Run for Congress? For U.S. President?

Rabbi Weil still lives in Pico-Robertson (in Dennis Prager’s former home). His wife and family did not want to move to New York.

I think this is the first time that the Orthodox Union is not being run by a resident of New York.

Rabbi Weil commutes to New York almost every Sunday night and returns almost every Thursday night.

"His family is settled here," says a source. "Everyone is happy here. Moving teenage kids is very disruptive. They’re doing the right thing by staying here. They are happy here and they have good friends here."

Over the High Holidays, Rabbi Weil spoke at Beth Jacob (mainly in Michael Berkow’s minyan at Harkham Hillel across the street). He spent much of Sukkot at a private minyan in a home in Beverlywood.

On a typical Shabbos morning, he davens different places. He’ll often go to Benny’s Minyan at Beth Jacob. He doesn’t have a lot of choices about where to daven if he wants to stay within Modern Orthodoxy because during his time in the hood he alienated his fellow rabbis at Bnai David-Judea and Young Israel of Century City.

Rabbi Alan Kalinsky, West Coast director of the OU, also davens in different shuls.

I can’t imagine that the Orthodox Union hired him with the understanding that he would keep his residence in Los Angeles.

Where you live is much less important today than ten years ago, and certainly less important than 40 years ago, thanks to things like online conferencing, email, etc.

The OU’s largest division is kashrut. Much of what they supervise come from California’s central Valley. Perhaps their head of kashrut should live in Sacramento?

A FRIEND CALLS: "Why is Rabbi Weil not welcome at Beth Jacob, Bnai David, YICC? Are they afraid he’s going to hit somebody?"

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In 20 Years, The Haredim Will Dominate Pico-Robertson

Los Angeles has little culture of Torah learning (except among the Haredim aka the traditional Orthodox). There are only two first-rate Modern Orthodox Torah scholars in Los Angeles — rabbis Yehuda Bukspan and David Rue.

L.A.’s Modern Orthodox shuls don’t look for Torah scholars to be their rabbis.

When Beth Jacob of Beverly Hills embarked on their latest rabbi search, they made it clear early on that they were not looking for a Torah scholar. They were looking for someone pastoral who’d stay around a long time. They weren’t look for a community spokesman.

The Modern Orthodox have long dominated Pico-Robertson but they’re going to lose out to the Haredim within two decades unless things change.

There are little marriage prospects for single Modern Orthodox serious learners in Los Angeles. There’s no daily program for them to immerse themselves in Jewish text while they go to secular college. A lot of things have been tried, such as Rabbi Moshe Ben Zaken with Touro College Los Angeles, but none of them have worked.

Graduates of Modern Orthodox day schools in Los Angeles go to Israel to study for a year. If they want to keep studying Torah seriously, they do not have the option of returning to Los Angeles. They usually stay in Israel or go to the East Coast and enroll at a place such as Ner Israel, where Yaakov Yitzchok Ruderman — the founder — insisted that his students simultaneously get a degree from a secular college.

These serious students of Torah are the foundation for any shul. They’re the most likely to be consistent in their practice of Judaism and they are the most likely to back the rabbi when he has conflicts with his congregation (baal habatim).

YULA used to be a yeshiva (1977-1984) before it was a high school. It was Yeshiva University of Los Angeles. It had an impressive collection of teachers, including the Rav’s nephew Moshe Meiselman, Rabbi Yitzhock Adlerstein, Rabbi Nachum Sauer who gave a great maggid shiur — he was pulled left at this time by his colleagues — he seems lost today as a posek for the RCC, he’s getting pulled right, Rabbi Elimelech Goldberg, Dovid Rothstein (sp?) now at Bar Ilan, Rabbi Danny Landes.

YULA died as a yeshiva because it refused to open a women’s school. You can’t have one without the other. People want to get married. Without that women’s school, the yeshiva bochers didn’t have much chance for a compatible marriage partner. They moved elsewhere where they’d be more likely to meet the right woman. If they’d stayed in LA, they’d have to fly to Denver or Chicago or New York for shidduchim (matching up for marriage).

If you go to Ner Israel, you’re two hours drive from New York. That’s a much easier distance to travel for a shidduch.

People who grow up Orthodox tend to find their partners through shidduchim. People at shuls such as Young Israel of Century City, for instance, tend to find their partners through shidduchim. That’s the Orthodox way.

Bnai David-Judea and the Happy Minyan, for instance, have a lot of singles but they’re rarely Orthodox from birth. They tend to be on the margins of Orthodoxy and hence have a harder time getting married.

Women who are serious about their Orthodox Judaism want a man who’s going to learn Torah every day.

Why doesn’t Los Angeles have post high-school Torah learning for the unmarried? It’s because of LA’s Modern Orthodox rabbinate and the haredi rabbinate.

The haredi rabbinate have no interest in encouraging Modern Orthodoxy, which they usually regard as apostasy.

LA’s Modern Orthodox rabbinate probably has not thought much about this matter. They intuitively know that if Torah superstars came to LA to teach, they’d set up their own shuls and attract an elite crowd, thus siphoning off the cream of Modern Orthodoxy from Beth Jacob, YICC, Bnai David, etc.

YULA has a minyan on Shabbos and holidays but Rabbi Marvin Hier doesn’t want the baal habatim (regular synagogue members) to come. That would attract the ire of the Modern Orthodox shuls in the community. Instead the YULA minyan is for the yeshiva elite.

Many of Yeshiva University‘s elite rabbis — Benjamin Blech, Mordecai Willig, etc, — have their own shuls. If any of them moved to LA, they’d start their own shuls. Jews would flock to their shiurim.

If you brought a superstar of the caliber of Michael Broyde to LA, the best Modern Orthodox Jews would flock to him.

There have been several attempts to create serious Torah learning for the unmarried Modern Orthodox in Los Angeles. To make such a project succeed, you’d need a lot of money and a few Torah superstar rabbis and broad community support.

Where do single Haredi boys go after high school to learn Torah in Los Angeles? Yeshiva Gedolah has a post-high-school learning program.

After the Haredim take over Pico-Robertson, what will it be like? I suspect that the Modern Orthodox will feel less comfortable holding hands in public. I’m going to have to make my shiksas dress tznius (modest) and wear sheitls when they walk with me. There will still be some hold-out Modern Orthodox shuls, just as there are Modern Orthodox shuls in Brooklyn, but they won’t be the flavor of the community.

Twenty five years ago, YULA had a daily minyan. Beth Jacob had two morning minyans. Young Israel of South Beverly Hills had a morning minyan. YICC had a morning minyan but no mincha-maariv on weekdays. And that was about it.

Beth Jacob’s new rabbi Kalman Topp has a significant skill that his predecessor, Steven Weil, lacked. He can read Hebrew. Like Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky, Rabbi Topp is a good listener.

Unlike Steven Weil, Kalman Topp grew up Orthodox.

Unless you grow up Orthodox and are familiar with the key texts of the Jewish tradition, it is easy to be intimidated by Orthodoxy’s right-wing. It’s hard to find your place in the Orthodox world without fearing that people will say, "You’re not frum enough."

During his tenure at Beth Jacob, Rabbi Steven Weil made many friends with the traditional Orthodox on the other side of town (Fairfax – La Brea), raising vast sums of money for them. He did not have as much success earning the good will of his fellow Modern Orthodox rabbis in Pico-Robertson.

I suspect that Rabbi Topp will have an easier time standing up to the right-wing Orthodox. He’ll feel less need to ingratiate himself with them because he is at home in Torah.

Rabbi Topp gives a good 30-minute parsha shiur every Shabbos at Beth Jacob at 8 a.m.

Beth Jacob has about 750 member-families. It’s more than twice as large as any other shul in the neighborhood. It has three morning minyanim attracting about 250 on a typical weekday morning. YICC has two morning minyanim attracting about 40 people each. Bnai David has one morning minyanim attracting about 20 people.

Beth Jacob has about 50 members learning Torah (in Hebrew and Aramaic) every day (including some Holocaust survivors). YICC has about ten. Bnai David has three.

On a typical Shabbos morning, Beth Jacob will attract about 1,000 Jews to all its minyanim. Bnai David and YICC will attract about 400 (about 90% of whom did not make a minyan during the week).

The only minyan in the neighborhood where people seem to enjoy davening is the Happy Minyan. "I have given up on Beth Jacob," some Jews tell me. "It has a nice new rabbi but it seems tired to me."

Beth Jacob’s longtime nickname has been Death Jacob. Not even the dynamic Steven Weil could erase this perception.

Beth Jacob’s senior rabbi was traditionally a community spokesman, whether it was Maurice Lamm, Abner Weiss or Steven Weil. When a newspaper was writing a story about the Orthodox community, they’d tend to call Beth Jacob. I wonder if this will still be the case? I assume Beth Jacob is abdicating this position of leadership.

Until about 20 years ago, almost all Ashkenazi rabbis in the diaspora spoke Yiddish. Rabbi Schroit spoke Yiddish at Bnai David. Though American-born, Rabbi Schroit learned Torah in Poland. Rabbis Abner Weiss and Maurice Lamm grew up speaking Yiddish.

Most of the Haredim speak Yiddish. Most Modern Orthodox under 40 do not.

When Rabbi Abner Weiss was hired at Beth Jacob, they knew they were getting a Torah superstar, someone who was the runner-up to the position of Chief Rabbi of the British commonwealth (taken by Immanuel Rackman). He was about 50. They knew he would not be around that long. He left when at age 65 to take a position in England for a year.

Beth Jacob hired Steven Weil knowing he was not a Torah scholar but they expected him to be around a long time. He lasted eight years before moving on.

Rabbi Reuven Bulka — a Torah superstar but not a flashy dresser — also applied for the position at Beth Jacob in 2000 but he was in his late 50s. The shul wanted to skew young with its senior rabbi to attract a more lively demographic.

If you look at the Orthodox rabbinic scene in California, there are no superstars in Torah knowledge.

The future of Orthodox shuls in Los Angeles is Adas Torah (at 1135 S. Beverly Drive, across the street from the Crown Plaza), which is led by the learned and pious Lakewood rabbi Dovid Revah.

The haredim in Pico-Robertson also daven at Anshe Emes. These are mostly baalei teshuva.

Prior to Rabbi Yitzchock Sommers taking over the shul around 1984, Anshe had mixed seating and was about as lax about Jewish law as a Conservative shul.

Anshe has always been owned by Rabbi Sommers’ family.

Posted in Abner Weiss, Anshe Emes, Beth Jacob, Bnai David-Judea, Modern Orthodox, Nachum Sauer, Orthodox Union, Orthodoxy, R. David Rue, R. Kalman Topp, R. Yehuda Bukspan, YICC | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on In 20 Years, The Haredim Will Dominate Pico-Robertson

A Shaggy Dog

"What if I would cut off all my hair if you didn’t cut off your beard," she says.

They lie on the bed.

She knew how much he loved her long hair. Her body was his weakness. When people ask her about he feels about her lack of religiosity, she always says, "He’s more interested right now in my body than my mind."

"Hmm," he says.

"Let me try positive reinforcement," she says. "What would I have to do to get you to cut off your beard? How many ****** would I have to ******* for you to cut off your beard?"

"Hmm," he says. "I’ve often thought about this. I know you don’t like the beard. I think we have a partnership and should make these types of decisions together."

"I know your identity is wrapped up in your bed," she says.

"It’s like this," he says. "A Jew only has to give up his life rather than disobey Jewish law for three things — sexual immorality, idolatry and murder. But in tough times, the rabbis have ruled that Jews should give up their lives rather than violate any law. I feel like we’re in tough times. We have not achieved a modus vivendi about Judaism. You hate it. I love it. I try to be Orthodox. You’re passionately secular.

"If we were at peace about Judaism, then it would not be a big deal for me to cut off my beard if it would make you happy, but we’re at war over Judaism, so I can’t surrender my Golan Heights right off."

"I don’t want you to cut off your beard," she says. "I don’t want to change you."

"I have a nightmare," he says, "that I cut off my beard and you suddenly lose your attraction for me.

"I’m like your shaggy dog. A shaggy dog’s shaggy hair doesn’t look good, but when you come to love the dog, you come to love the shaggy hair that comes with the dog and you don’t want to shave him. So come here and love your shaggy dog."

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Change

"I have to admit you’ve changed my image of Orthodox Jews," said the little old secular Jewish lady to me after hearing one of my rants. "I have to admit I put them in a box. I stereotyped them. But you’re definitely outside the box."

When I relayed the story to a friend, she said, "You’re such a kiddish HaShem. Oy vey! I don’t know if you’re advancing the cause of Judaism or putting it back ten years."

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A Warning

He walked into the park and found his three friends with their three dogs.

"We have to be careful," she said. "The police were just here. They warned us about letting the dogs off the leash."

His friends let their dogs off the leash and one of them ran over and harassed a homeless man lying in the grass.

The police come back and write my friends tickets for having their dogs off a leash.

She lights into the police. "You’re harassing the wrong people," she says. "We’re hardly even in this dog park."

"That’s the thing," says an officer. "It’s not a dog park. It’s a park. We’ve been getting complaints about dogs running off their leashes."

"You’re picking on the wrong people," she says. "This man here," and she points at me, "he’s a rabbi."

"We’re not saying you’re bad people," says the officer. "We’re just giving you a ticket for breaking the law."

After dinner, he’s alone with her on the bed.

"I want to meet your relatives," he says. "I want to the meet the roshei yeshiva, your uncles."

"NO!" she says. "They could not even say your name. It’s so goyish."

"So introduce me as Levi Ben Avraham," he says.

"Just looking at you, your facial structure, your blue eyes, they’d know something was wrong," she says. "The Ben Avraham would give it away. It’s not a normal name."

"Why won’t you introduce me to your family?" he says.

"They might have you killed," she says. "I’m not kidding."

"Why?"

"Because you make Jews look bad," she says. "If you were a goy, they wouldn’t care. But you’ve penetrated the tribe. It’s like you’ve infiltrated Orthodox Judaism to write bad things about Jews. They’d freak out about you. They’d ban us from their homes.

"You have to admit your Judaism is goofy. You’re used to Judaism lite here in LA. You have no idea about Brooklyn Judaism. They take it seriously. You with your hee-hee, your Alexander Technique and your yoga and worst of all your blog, it would never fly in Brooklyn."

"I want to go to Uncle Moishy’s for Friday night dinner," he says, "and show up with a Debbie Friedman CD as a gift."

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