How To Get The Big Story

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Luke Ford

From page 43 of the new book by Michael Hastings – The Operators: The Wild and Terrifying Inside Story of America’s War in Afghanistan:

Dave mentioned a TV reporter who flashed her breasts to get an embed with his Navy SEAL team…

The Famous Television Anchor, whose name Duncan asked me not to reveal, was a big personality at an American network. She was doing a story on McChrystal. They were in a Blackhawk helicopter. Duncan was sitting next to the anchor. One of McChrystal’s things was that his entourage didn’t travel in body armor, which played a key role in this story. The anchor kept cupping her breasts. She looked at Duncan, who had a quizzical look on his face. “It’s my implants — they get cold,” she told Duncan. “I have to hold up little heat packs to them” — the kind skiers use to warm their gloves. “Here, you can feel them.” The anchor grabbed Duncan’s hands and pressed them to her breasts.

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Letting Go Of Chronic Pain

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Luke Ford

Matt Pressman was the captain of the tennis team at the University of Connecticut. At age 30, he was diagnosed with spondylitis. Alexander Technique helped him deal with this chronic pain.

Matt tells Robert Rickover: “The Alexander Technique taught me how to function differently and how to use my body in a more effective and efficient way so that I wouldn’t exacerbate pain. Over about 20 lessons, it decreased the chronic pain I felt on a daily basis.”

“I’ve learned to use my body in a way where I feel no pain.”

“If people don’t body armor or increase the muscle tension near where the pain might be, [they will be better off]… If you have pain in your shoulder, you’ll tighten your neck and tighten around your shoulder and arm to make sure you don’t exacerbate the pain. That’s the way the body naturally goes about trying to relieve pain. It’s the wrong route. You want to let go of the body armoring and increase range of motion and you will decrease pain. If you decrease muscle tension, you decrease pain.”

“If you’ve ever had a back spasm, you’ve probably felt the need to stiffen up and increase the tension around the acute pain for fear that if you release and let go around that area you’ll get more pain.”

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Drudge: Immigrant felon freed by Obama deportation halt — went on to murder three…

Posted on January 22, 2012 by Luke Ford

If you want a safer America, there are few things more important than deporting illegal aliens. For every one you deport, about a thousand return home voluntarily. Therefore, we don’t have to deport millions. If we deported ten thousand, that would make a big difference in our crime rates.

The Miami Herald reports: When burglar Kesler Dufrene became a twice-convicted felon in 2006, a Bradenton judge shipped him to prison for five years. And because of his convictions, an immigration judge ordered Dufrene deported to his native Haiti.

That never happened.

Instead, when Dufrene’s state prison term was up, Miami immigration authorities in October 2010 released him from custody. Two months later, North Miami police say, he slaughtered three people, including a 15-year-old girl in a murder case that remains as baffling today as it did the afternoon the bodies were discovered.

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This Week’s Torah Portion – Parashat Bo (Exodus 10:1-13:16)

Posted on January 22, 2012 by Luke Ford

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs Mondays at 7:00 pm PST on my cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page.

This week we study Parashat Bo (Exodus 10:1-13:16).

Watch the video.

* Rabbi Wein writes: “People who are released from bondage or any other type of incarceration usually find their adjustment to freedom difficult if not even very problematic. More often than not the look on their newly freed faces is one of bewilderment – of being in a dazed condition – rather than one of pure joy.”

As I start my new life as an Alexander Technique teacher, I’m often exhilarated and thrilled, but more often scared and anxious. I’m free of some of my previous forms of bondage but freedom is bewildering.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “The entire story of the Torah regarding the redemption of the Jewish slaves from Egypt descends into a contest of wills. Pharaoh reaches the limit of his patience in this week’s parsha.”

Many contests in life come down to who can keep his cool. What does it mean to be poised? It means the neck is free and the head is balanced on top of a lengthened spine.

Pharoah could not have lost his temper without tensing his neck and pulling down. When you’re poised, you are by definition in control of your responses. You don’t want to live in reaction. You want to live in response.

I expect that Newt Gingrich’s temper will get the better of him and that’s why he won’t be president. By contrast, Obama and Romney are calm.

* Pharoah warns Moses not to come see him again. I’ve noticed in life that most people who issue warnings can’t back them up, but you want to be careful not to rile people who can back up their warnings.

Take the New York Giants. They’ve been backing up their words with performance on the field.

People who stay humble, like Moses, don’t do stupidly arrogant things. Full of themselves folks like the Pharoah are always coming to unhappy ends.

Narcissism is a protection from facing your shame but it cuts you off from other people.

* Rabbi Berel Wein writes: “He assesses that Moshe’s demands are not serious since he remains inflexible and not open to any compromise regarding them. He also apparently believes that Moshe has run out of plagues to visit on Egypt.”

Things usually can get worse. There often can be more plagues. And people who won’t compromise are just as often strong as weak.

* Most of the Jews did not leave Egypt. And almost all of the Jews who left Egypt died in the desert. So when people ask me why do so many Jews leave Judaism, I think they’re asking the wrong question. Judaism is difficult and against our nature. It should be taken for granted that in a free country most Jews are going to not live Orthodox Judaism.

* What Jews have now in America is the best Jews have ever had it in the diaspora. This is the exception in Jewish history. We’ll look back on this as a golden age even though most Jews are assimilating.

* Who’s gonna tell you when
It’s too late
Who’s gonna tell you things
Aren’t so great
You can’t go on
Thinking nothing’s wrong

* As you age, do your wrinkles curl up or down? A happy person has wrinkles that crinkle up. By age 50, most people are responsible for their face. Their choices are written there.

* My perception is that most Orthodox Jews are not happy and are not happy about being Jewish. Is this true? If so, what does it mean? Are a higher proportion of non-Orthodox Jews happy about being Jewish? Who are the happy Jews? Countless Orthodox Jews tell me, I was born into this. I’m stuck. But you chose it? That makes no sense.

* The Modern Orthodox enclave of Pico-Robertson 90035 seems happier to me than the more traditional Orthodox redoubt of Fairfax-La Brea.

* I see people quoting one aspect of Judaism as though it is the whole story. For instance, one common saying is “Judaism is about asking questions.” Well, try this out in Jewish life. See if rabbis are any more eager to field your questions than the clergy of any other religion. Judaism is all about asking questions only if you ask the questions it wants you to ask. There are plenty of questions you are discouraged from asking, such as about Biblical criticism.

* No accomplishment or victory is permanent. We can devote our lives to building up something only to have it fall apart. In fact, everything we build up will fall down and most likely in our lifetimes. That’s why it is good to focus on process rather than end-gaining. The Exodus didn’t settle things. It was only one chapter in a very long book. Israel, for instance, has a tenuous existence. It could disappear in a mushroom cloud tomorrow. What are the odds that Israel will be around in 30 years? I’d say 90%.

If you have a great marriage, one of you will die first and the other one will have to go on. So don’t say, “I can’t live without you” or you might not. We have a moral responsibility to stand on our own two feet. When you hug someone, don’t lean on them. (An exercise from the book Passionate Marriage).

* I spent some of my Sunday discussing women. But did I discuss their moral character? Did I discuss the oys and joys of love? Did I discuss what it takes to sustain a relationship? Not so much.

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Always Trying To Tell My Teachers What To Do

Posted on January 21, 2012 by Luke Ford

I heard from a former teacher of mine when I was about eight years old. “She was to teach where milk came from, and you must have see a picture of a milk bottle. So you said, oh, I know what you’re going to teach and you taught the lesson. Then she said, now you sit down and be quiet and I wlll teach it again.”

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The Former Mrs Gingrich Didn’t Keep Herself Up

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Luke Ford

Nov. 26, 1999

In his third hour, Dennis Prager talked about women who slim down and look great after a separation. He used Mrs. Gingrich as an example. She’s lost 35 pounds since splitting from Newt, has changed her hair, and looks much better. Prager wondered if many of these divorces could’ve been prevented if the women had slimmed down and toned up while married. This drew an angry reaction from several female callers.

Prager said that it is important for married people to stay attractive to their spouses. For men to work hard and move ahead in the world, and for women to maintain a pleasing shape.

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How Do You Talk To Yourself?

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Luke Ford

I think the most common sentence I’ve said to myself over the course of my life has been “You stupid f***!”

Not exactly a shining example of helpful self-talk.

I was taken aback in my first Alexander Technique lesson when I learned how much I’d have to talk to myself to make things work. The messages your mind sends to your body have a profound effect on how you sit, stand, walk and talk.

In my Alexander training, I learned primarily to send myself positive messages such as “Let my neck be free so that my head can release forward and up and my back can lengthen to widen.”

Now I’m listening to a podcast by Robert Rickover on the power of negative directions. Say to yourself, “I’m not tightening myself” or “I’m not compressing my back” or some such.

Robert: “How a direction is delivered is at least as important as [the direction itself]. You want to be able to say this to yourself in a way that has no demands upon it. It is lightly delivered, softly delivered.”

“The lighter the intent, the more powerful the direction.”

“It should be taken for granted that you will forget the direction, almost right away. Don’t say to yourself, I failed at this task. Just bring your attention back.”

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Confronting My Fears Of Cold-Calling

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Luke Ford

I hate cold-calling. I tried a job as a teenager cold-calling people for my insurance agent. After an hour, I quit. I just could not stomach phoning strangers and asking them about their car insurance.

A few years later, I tried another job for my radio station cold-calling strangers and asking them about their listening patterns. I hated it.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been offering free Alexander Technique lessons to people such as doctors and psycho-therapists who might send me referrals.

Last night, I picked up my phone and called a series of shrinks, trusting that I would only encounter answer machines. Alas, I spoke to two doctors live.

And it was not so bad. One said he was not interested and one said I could email him more information.

I’ve crossed the Rubicon. I’ve become a mighty warrior for my new profession, overcoming my natural reticence.

Joe* emails: Luke,

I’m a former phone pro.

Let me share a couple of cold calling tips.

Whenever possible, send an email a day or two prior to dialing your
contact. If you do not hear back from the contact make your call. This
makes it a lot easier on you since you’re not truly ‘cold calling’ but
rather simply following-up.

Write a simple, casual script in your own words (not canned). Memorize it but also keep it in front of you and use it as a reference.

Breathe and speak slowly. When most people cold call they get so
nervous/excited/overwhelmed that they begin to rush their words. Be
patient and take your time.

Listen. The most important thing. The more the person talks, the more
comfortable they become with you.

Ask questions. Do this for the same reasons mentioned above.

BORNYO EMAILS: Cold calling is absolutely my least favorite thing to do related to my job. You received some excellent advice though. I often email a “target” ahead of time and tell them I’ll be calling them I include a link to our company website or something I’ve done related to their business and they will usually look at it and by the time I call them we at least have a starting point.

You could email them your website with AT results highlighted, then when you call them ask “did you have a chance to look at the AT information I sent and if so, I wondered if you had any questions about it I could clear up?”. Then, the sooner you can ask them questions that interest them, such as about their practices or what they find makes them successful in their careers they will open up. If you don’t get any business out of it you might at least learn something and possibly establish a friendship. Then, close by telling them you’d like to call them back in three or four weeks to follow up. If they don’t object then schedule yourself a reminder in Outlook or something similar and do it. This serves many purposes- they may have changed their minds, they may be more receptive this time or may be having a better day. The bonus to you is that it will mix in a few familiar people in with your cold calls and if you do this and make them recurring it will be encouraging to talk someone somewhat familiar mixed in with the new calls.

I’ve established “friendships” with some of these potential customers on the phone to the point that when I call them, even if they don’t need my services at that time, they will refer me to other business and people who they’ve heard might need me. You can’t do any better than having others selling for you.

It’s hard to do, but if you work yourself into a system that rewards you it will become easier.

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Judaism’s Views On Modesty

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Luke Ford

Rabbi Dov Linzer of writes in the New York Times: “IS it possible for a religious demand for modesty to be about anything other than men controlling women’s bodies? From recent events in Israel, it would certainly seem that it is not.”

My understanding of Judaism’s views on modesty is that men and women each have obligations to behave modestly. We each affect the other. Women need to dress modestly so as to not inflame male lust. Men need to restrain their natural instincts to sleep with as many women as possible.

The ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel who want women to dress modestly in public and to accept segregated by sex buses live lives dominated by Jewish law, which constantly forces them to overcome their natural inclinations. It’s not like Haredi men just want to control how women dress but give themselves free license to do what they like.

So I don’t agree with Rabbi Linzer, who writes:

The ultra-Orthodox men in Israel who are exerting control over women claim that they are honoring women. In effect they are saying: We do not treat women as sex objects as you in Western society do. Our women are about more than their bodies, and that is why their bodies must be fully covered.

In fact, though, their actions objectify and hyper-sexualize women. Think about it: By saying that all women must hide their bodies, they are saying that every woman is an object who can stir a man’s sexual thoughts. Thus, every woman who passes their field of vision is sized up on the basis of how much of her body is covered. She is not seen as a complete person, only as a potential inducement to sin.

Of course, once you judge a female human being only through a man’s sexualized imagination, you can turn even a modest 8-year-old girl into a seductress and a prostitute.

At heart, we are talking about a blame-the-victim mentality. It shifts the responsibility of managing a man’s sexual urges from himself to every woman he may or may not encounter. It is a cousin to the mentality behind the claim, “She was asking for it.”

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The Power Of Negative Directions

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Luke Ford

I was giving a first lesson to a chiropractor the other day and I was having trouble communicating “let your neck be free so your head can move forward and up.”

The direction made little sense to my student. The idea of directing yourself to lengthen and to widen just wasn’t catching.

It probably took me months if not years of Alexander lessons to learn what it meant to direct yourself.

So what to do with a new student?

One Alexander Technique teacher, Robert Rickover, suggested I use negative directions. Instead of telling my student to think of “freeing his neck” to instead have him tell himself, “I’m not tightening my neck.”

Many people respond better to negative directions. What does it mean to free the neck? That’s not clear. But everybody knows what it means to tighten the neck. So tell yourself, “I am not tightening my neck.”

It’s like traffic laws. They are almost all negative. We instruct people to stop at stop signs and to give way to traffic in certain situations and to drive no faster than 35 mph in certain zones and the like.

Most ethical laws are negative. Don’t murder. Don’t commit adultery. Don’t steal.

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