Heshy Fried Live In The Hovel!

Heshy Fried operates FrumSatire.net.

I hung out with Heshy for four hours Sunday night.

(My 2011 video interview with Heshy.)

Things started out in the hovel and then moved to Haifa restaurant on Pico Blvd.

Luke: “Heshy, when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

Heshy shakes his head. “No idea. There was a time when I wanted to be a professional mountain biker.”

“I went through the extreme sports. I wanted to be one of those guys in the extreme games drinking Mountain Dew and getting those really hot skater girls.”

Luke: “I read on your Wikipedia entry that your mother died of cancer when you were six. Was she sick for a long time?”

Heshy: “Apparently a year. It’s one of those things that’s a touchy subject. My dad was married for seven years. He got married when he was 41. It’s one of those things I don’t talk to him about much. I try to get information from other people. It’s just uncomfortable. She died of breast cancer.”

“In my case, maybe humor came out of this big traumatic experience when I was a kid. To couple that with having a name like Heshy in a Modern Orthodox situation, and having a terrible stuttering problem until I was 13, didn’t help at all. I was picked on. In turn, I had to get attention in other ways. Then I would get kicked out of school. I was the classic kid who was diagnosed with learning disabilities until they sent me away to yeshiva, which actually fixed the problem.”

Luke: “Why is the name Heshy a problem?”

Heshy: “It’s not a normal name [in Modern Orthodoxy]. I don’t look like a Heshy. I grew up in a Modern Orthodox situation. I wasn’t from a really frum (religious) family. I wasn’t from a Yeshivish or Hasidish or Haredi background. I’m from a regular Modern Orthodox background. Not having a name like Josh or Ari or Avi, it’s a weird name.

“I remember Camp Moshava in the Poconos, a real Bnei Akiva Modern Orthodox Zionistic camp, I totally got picked on for the name. I could’ve gone by Steve. Only recently have I started introducing myself to non-Jews as Hesh. They go, ‘Hash?’ I say yeah, but with an ‘e.’ I hang out with a lot of those types of people.”

Luke: “What’s the name on your birth certificate?”

Heshy: “I prefer not to say. It’s one of the few things that’s sacred still.”

“Only recently, only since I started writing, have I come to embrace the name ‘Heshy’. People think I’m an ex-Hasid, I’m off the derech, I’m not part of their community any more. Then they hear me talk and they realize I can’t be one of them.

“This weekend, multiple people were saying, ‘You don’t look like a Heshy. What’s up with you?’

“It’s good for me. It gets people curious. Part of my persona is to get people interested.”

Luke: “So when you say ‘Heshy’ to Orthodox Jews, they think you’re ultra-Orthodox?”

Heshy: “Yes.”

“I grew up in Manhattan until I was 12.”

Luke: “What was your family’s observance level?”

Heshy: “Weird. We considered ourselves Orthodox but we were really Conservative. I went to yeshiva my whole life. We didn’t eat kosher. We ate milk out. We watched TV on Shabbos. We used electricity. We didn’t always wear head coverings.

“My father encouraged Jewish learning. He was really into Gemara even though we weren’t fully on the level of mainstream Orthodoxy. But then again, Manhattan has a lower level of Orthodoxy. Manhattan is kinda weird like that. I knew many kids who were Orthodox, but their parents, cooking and driving on Shabbos was totally OK.

“What you consider yourself isn’t exactly who you are to the community at large. Some people want to consider themselves something because that’s who they think they are.”

Luke: “Do you use the name ‘Heshy’ with the goyim?”

Heshy: “Not until the past two or three years. I still use my English name in a professional setting. In college, I was like Jewish Steve, or a variation of that. I was the flying Heeb because I was big into trick biking.”

Luke: “You said professionally. What do you mean professionally?”

Heshy: “In a work setting. I worked for the state of New York for a while… Or on resumes or for most jobs.”

Luke: “What did your father most want from you?”

Heshy laughs and shakes his head. “He’s old [he was 42 when Heshy was born]. He’s from a different generation. He just wants me to go support myself. Nothing extreme. The idea of college wasn’t broached. The idea of education wasn’t really broached. He believed that anyone could make a really good living without being educated. He comes from a background of people making millions of dollars without graduating from high school, but he’s 71.”

Luke: “You got kicked out of a lot of different yeshivot as a kid?”

Heshy: “Yeah, I went to four different elementary schools.”

“When my mom died, my father started going to school more to say kaddish and he’d drag us [Heshy has a younger brother]. There’d be more religious induction into our lives. As the family became more religious, my schooling became less religious.

“I started out in Yeshiva Katana in Breoyes [Washington Heights], which is very Haredi. Then I went to Yeshiva Katana in Manhattan. It’s a black hat upper West Side school. The bulk of my elementary school was spent at Manhattan Day School, a co-ed Orthodox Hebrew day school. I started out in Special Ed and made it into mainstream. I was never a good student. I was never participatory. I was an outcast. I hung out with the bad kids. I was doing things to get attention because I stuttered. I couldn’t really communicate so I was doing shenanigans. I was a really dumb kid. I used to curse out the teachers. I used to always be going to therapy. I had speech therapy and behavior therapy. They wanted to put me on ritalin. My dad didn’t believe in ritalin.

“Eventually I got sent away to a regular Hebrew day school in Providence, Rhode Island. Compared to what I had been doing, I did well.

“And then for high school, I got sent away to a yeshiva in Rochester. It was kinda a choice of mine. It was a culture shock moving into a yeshiva dorm, going from an environment where you watched TV on Shabbos and went to a co-ed school to a black-hat environment. What do you mean your parents don’t let you talk to girls? I didn’t know these subtleties of Orthodoxy. I didn’t know there was anything between Modern Orthodox and Hasidic.

“A lot of my writing comes from that experience of being flung into a place where we were hiding our porn in our cereal boxes and freezers.”

Luke: “Where were you in the social pecking order? Were you cool?”

Heshy: “I was a pretty cool kid. I was that guy who got along with everyone. Yet I could spend a lot of time by myself. I enjoyed my own company. I started reading a lot. I started developing who I am. I hated the mistreatment of the weird kids because I was mistreated. I got a long with the kids who were outcasts. There was this kid who was clearly gay in high school. He’s out of the closet now. I was always friendly with him. Everyone called him a fag. One time he was like, what if I am?”

“I made out with a girl when I was 14. And then I didn’t get any from ages 14-19… In yeshiva, talking to a girl was almost like getting some. I almost got some many times but I was such a dumb ass. I didn’t have any game.”

“I went to Monroe Community College. I got my AA. Every time I got restless, I’d hop into my car and go to Montana. I got into road tripping and hiking and tree-hugging activities.

“Then I went to New York State University at Brockport. I majored in political science.”

Luke: “How did you like going to a school with no Jews?”

Heshy: “It was great. I was trying to get away from Jews. I didn’t like Jews very much. I didn’t wear a yarmulke. I wore a hat. My last semester, I started wearing a yarmulke to intrigue girls. It didn’t work.”

“The confrontation with professors was interesting. When they were about to go on this anti-Israel thing, they’d see me and stop. Wow. The power of a yarmulke.”

“I wasn’t friends with that many people in college. I realized that I was not interested in traditional college kids. I should’ve gone to school in Boulder, Colorado or Berkeley… I was interested in going to used book stores and I wanted to see live jazz and I wanted to go hike and I wanted to go to flea markets and I wanted to go look at art deco architecture and my peers were like, dude, we’re going to get drunk and watch the game and like go shop at Abercrombie. It was a complete disconnect. I wanted nothing to do with these people. I went to a jock school. It was known for coaching. And floor hockey. It wasn’t cultural.”

Luke: “Why did you go there?”

Heshy: “I went there because it was convenient. I could live in Rochester [at the yeshiva]. I paid $400 a month. All my friends were there. I liked the skiing. I could go kayaking in Lake Ontario. I didn’t apply to college in high school. I didn’t take the SATs. I took the PSATs and got 890, that’s pretty good.

“Two things worked against me. I had a father who was very disengaged from anything that happened after 1955 and I had a yeshiva that didn’t want you to go to college. They wanted you to learn in yeshiva. Kids went to college and got their BTLs, their Bachelors in Talmud Law. And then they got their Masters in Talmudic Studies. And then they taught in a yeshiva.

“My yeshiva wasn’t discouraging of college. They offered AP courses and they offered SATs. Some yeshivas, you take the SATs and they throw you out. There are girls there! How can you go there? It will take you from holiness to BS.”

Luke: “When was the happiest time of your life?”

Heshy: “Right now. I’m having a great time. It always gets better.”

Luke: “What do you love about your life right now?”

Heshy: “I’m in love with a girl, which is nice. It’s the first time I’m really confident in a relationship. Really, of utmost confidence. I’m living in the West. That’s been a dream for a long time. I’m living in the Bay Area. I’ve had some ego boosts in the last two weeks. I’m writing like one of the most popular Jewish websites. That didn’t hit me on the head until last week. This is an ego boost, being interviewed by Luke Ford. Thank you. I get these ego boosts and I come out and then I come down. In general, I’m looking forward to what’s happen.

“I did a show last night at the Shul on the Beach. It was phenomenal. I didn’t expect it to be good. A bunch of 50 and 60 year olds showed up. My core audience is usually 20 and 30 year olds.

“I got up and realized my crowd is 60 year olds. They grew up really religious, a lot of them, and they strayed but they’re not self-conscious. Twenty-year-olds smile but they don’t laugh. Sixty-year-olds are throwing up their drinks and gut wrenching laughing because they don’t give a crap what anyone thinks. They’re done. They’re married. They’re retired.

“I’m going to Jewlicious this weekend.”

Luke: “Share with me the most important things you’ve learned about women.”

Heshy: “They like little things. If a woman really cares about jewelry and the finer things, I don’t want anything to do with them. You send them a postcard and they’re overjoyed. They’re overjoyed at things that take thinking, like opening up a car door, and remembering little things, like their mother is going into surgery. I hang out with a different breed of women.”

“Women are not as confident as they look. They’re much less confident than men… I used to think they were so tough. I like women who are tough. That tell you when something is bothering them.”

Luke: “Do you have any insights into how a woman decides to go to bed with a man?”

Heshy laughs. “Let me get to the part where I get in trouble for… Not really. I’m not so like, you know, I can’t, I’m going to incriminate myself at this time. I can’t. This is one of the things I’ve never spoken about with my audience.”

Luke: “Why is that?”

Heshy: “There are some things you can go. You can admit you’re not shomer negiya (refrain from touching the opposite sex). The second you start talking about premarital sex, then you lose half your audience. If you talk about it in a mussar way, that’s fine. ‘When I was 19, there was this Bais Yaakov girl. She came on to me. My yetzer hara took control. I wasn’t up on my mesiras Yashriam (?) seder and I didn’t learn mussar that day. I’m sorry. Will you maichel (forgive) me please?'”

Luke: “So you’ve always stayed within Orthodoxy?”

Heshy: “More or less.”

“Within the last year or so, I’m just beginning, I wouldn’t say to leave Orthodoxy, but discovering that there is more to life than Orthodoxy. There are many more opinions. There are a lot of people, just because they don’t do certain things, doesn’t make them lesser Jews. I’ve always believed in that, but never before have I gone out and sought that. I had never been to a Conservative or Reform or egalitarian minyan until this past year. They’re so much better to make fun of from an Orthodox perspective.

“I wanted to write for Jewschool. I had this woman from Jewschool say, you offended women rabbis on your blog. We can’t have you write for us. They’re too progressive. So I write for Jewcy and Jewlicious instead.

“When you’re within the frame of Orthodoxy, you think that Orthodoxy is it. Then you go out and realize that Orthodoxy is very small. If we want to keep our religion alive, we need to bring people in. We can’t just be this little ignorant speck of insular Jews. We need to welcome people to do what they want. If you’re going to be a practicing Jew, you don’t have to be Orthodoxy.”

“With the economic crisis, people in Orthodoxy are pulling their kids out of yeshiva and sending them to public school.”

“I went to this minyan in San Francisco called the ‘Mission Minyan.’ It’s really cool. The people who took me were Modern Orthodox. There are three sections — men, women and the middle is mixed. Like a Miami Boys Choir. To start the minyan, they need ten men and ten women. It’s called a partnership minyan. If Orthodox and egalitarian were possible, this is how it would be.”

Luke: “What do you love and hate about Orthodox Judaism?”

Heshy: “I love the food. I love the fact that a mehitza makes ugly women look hot. You can look over and they’re so forbidden and you can only sorta see them, so half of their weight is gone. I love kiddish. It’s anarchy. You put a table of free food in front of Jews who’ve been sitting around for three hours and we kill each other.”

“There’s lots to hate. I hate the value placed on externals. Most of Orthodoxy nowadays is social Orthodoxy. I have a friend who told me that he would rather his wife wear skirts than keep Shabbos. He says, I am socially Orthodox. I would feel much more comfortable if on her own time, she wasn’t Orthodox, but outwardly, she covered her hair, she wore a wig, she wore skirts.

“You walk into a shul with a different colored yarmulke and you’re singled out. It’s racial profiling.”

Luke: “How do you deal with people who don’t like you?”

Heshy: “I was never a violent kid, but I had outbursts. In shul, I’d scream expletives. I’d be yelling. I remember getting into a fight with a woman who yelled at me for taking too much of the crunch at a hotel at Pesach. It’s a hot commodity in Pesach hotels at the tea room. They had this tofi crunch stuff that was really good and I took too much and the woman yelled at me and I said, ‘What are you? A f—ing Nazi?’ We got into a whole fight about it. I started cursing at her.

“I didn’t really need to do that. Now I’m much more subtle because people recognize me.

“I was in shul in Far Rockaway, visiting my father. I wasn’t wearing a suit. This guy turns to my father and say, ‘Would your son go dressed as he is to the president?’

“I was livid. This was after I had become a little more well known. I was going to go crazy but I controlled myself. If it had happened five or six years ago, before I was recognized, I would’ve definitely gone out.”

Luke: “You would’ve done what?”

Heshy: “I would’ve started yelling at him. I would’ve given him the big F— you. My father would’ve secretly sided with me but started yelling that I’m an embarrassment.”

“The Orange County Taskforce on Racism and Anti-Semitism called me a racist and an anti-semite. I’d never written about Sephardim before. One girl bugged me. I wrote about an ignorant Ashkenazi makes fun of Sephardim. I say they control the pizza industry and the Jewish plumbing industry. There are always these short guys in shul who correct the lening but you can never understand what they’re saying.”

“I don’t put up things just to offend but some people view it as that. Leib Tropper gave me my best week ever. He gave a lot of bloggers their best week ever. I was number two for Leib Tropper searches. I had 1,500 in a day the first day. It was great. I felt so honored to beat out Failed Messiah. I thought he was going to have that cornered. I SEO’d that s—. He’s not so good with the SEO. People hate on him but he does a service.”

“Nobody said a thing about Leib Tropper in the Haredi media. Of course, because it involved sex. They won’t talk about it unless it involves money because that affects them. ‘So what if he molests a little boy? How does that affect us? So long as he donates, it’s fine.’

“That’s the stuff that interests me. Sex is sex and frum sex is beyond all. If you listen to the tapes, it’s even better. If you’re yeshivish, it’s even better because he’s so yeshivish.

“A guy called me up and said, ‘This is Leib Tropper’. I said, are you serious? He said, no, but I went to his yeshiva and I’ve got his accent down pat. Hilarious.”

“Everything offends someone. If you want to get offended, you get offended. In the frum community, it’s even worse. I did a show where I talked about my dating life and I heard, ‘You shouldn’t talk about that. It’s private.’

“Our survival depends on our ability to make fun of ourselves.”

“Not that I would ever watch porn. Of course not. In yeshiva, we learned Gemara all day long, but we hid the porns in the Gemaras. The rosh yeshiva had a shiur room with an old antique Shas (Talmud) set that nobody used and we put them in between.”

Luke: “What were your favorite magazines in yeshiva?”

Heshy: “I liked Barely Legal and Finally Legal and all those 18-year old… It escapes me because my dad threw out all my porns when we finally renovated the house. He didn’t care.”

Luke: “He didn’t care about your filth?”

Heshy: “He didn’t care. That was when I was engaged, so I guess it was good. I haven’t bought a porn in years. I have the internet. Why would anyone pay for porn?”

“Someone sent me a porn last week and there were mezuzahs on the doors. They are those white really cheap mezuzahs. I was looking for the Rebbe picture. That’s what I wanted to see. Reb Moshe, not the Rebbe. Reb Moshe in the background and you see a whole Shulchan Aruch set in the background while they’re doing a threesome. There’s a shtender and they throw them over the shtender. There’s a whole frum porn aspect in my mind. ‘Honey, do you want to do galilah (rolling and tying the Torah?”

“I taught myself SEO and search engine tactics and getting links and back-links and whoring myself out for interviews. I’ve gotten jobs [from my blog]. I worked as an internet marketer for a year for a business in Monsey [New York]. I learned PPC and AdWords and things like that and getting into video blogging. All sorts of things came out of blogging, really good stuff. It’s been life-changing.”

Heshy talks about his evolution as a blogger. “It started out, who the hell is reading this? That is one of the pluses of being anonymous. Being anonymous allows you to write whatever the hell you want. Being nonymous allows you to make money and to do shows and to take it to a different level. I used to write more about people and events and dates. I remember the first time I got caught writing about someone. I wrote about this girl I went out with. Her mom invited me in. Her mom was smoking hot. And then the girl came down. It was not possible they were from the same family.

“Her friend found it. Her friend knew it was me. Her friend put the two and two together. The shadchan (matchmaker) was going nuts. How can you write that?

“And the whole point of the post was that I wanted to go out with her again even though she was so nasty because she was so cool.”

Luke: “Did you take the post down?”

Heshy: “I think I did. I’ve taken down a lot of posts. When I became more popular, I realized that you can’t write things. I did a post on the similarities between blacks and charedim. I took that down.”

Luke: “Why?”

Heshy: “Yitzchak (Y-Love) Jordan found that and he tuned me into some things. He’s a black Hasidic rapper. A convert. Very religious and very liberal. We were becoming friendly at the time. We’d done some open mics. He said, ‘What the f— is this?’ He also found this video I’d done called ‘Charedi Wigger’. I dressed up a wigger and talked yeshivish charedi wiggerness. ‘Wassup Devorah, I wanna touch your behind.’ It was just stupid stuff but it was stuff that would definitely get me in trouble with the uhh. There are certain lines you can’t cross.”

Luke: “In trouble with what?”

Heshy: “Racism. I don’t want to go there. Although I feel like I should, but I don’t. I can’t risk that. I’m trying to get people in. I can offend my own as much as I want but once you start going out, that’s a problem.”

Luke: “What are some of the other limits?”

Heshy: “I can’t write as openly. I can write openly when no one in the place knows who I am. When they’re not expecting me. I get permission a lot. I tell people I’m not going to write about them. Things change as you realize how many people are reading. Last month, I had 58,000 uniques.”

“I learned a long time ago to not really pay attention, to really be me. If you try to please everyone, you’ll ruin it. I learned that and I keep relearning that. Sometimes I think, ‘Maybe I should change? Maybe I should be more this or that.’ When it comes down to it, I can’t. I can only do what my mind provides me to write.

“I have ten regular contributors. I have an editor. She’ll tell me if something’s too much. She’s a lawyer. She edited out the word ‘butch dyke’ last week. I was talking about the Castro in San Francisco and that’s a term. That’s a term. Just like fags vs. queers vs. fems vs. butch.

“I don’t think my readers are on that level. I think my readers are about 70% right-wing and 30% left-wing, and the commenters are very right-wing. I know when someone is going to read my stuff. I have a meter in my head of what I can pull off.”

“The other day, I told a guy to f— off who commented on my site. A lot of people write on every post I write, this blog has been going downhill for sometime. It’s not frum.

“Now I’m like, F— off. I do this for free. You don’t pay me anything. You say you’re going to show up to shows and you don’t show up for shows. I don’t have to do this. You’re reading this. I’m providing a service. The least you could do is to add some insight, not critique me for spelling and stupid s—.”

Luke: “What does your girlfriend think about your blog and does she affect it in any way?”

Heshy: “She almost affects it because I am so flattered that I have finally… I have gone out with a few girls who were blog readers and every single one of them, after we have gone out for sometime, has said, ‘Your blog is really offensive. I hate the things you do. You’re making fun of people.’

“I’ve been dating this girl since July. She loves my blog. She still reads it. Everyone else, once they start going out with me, don’t read it anymore. She’s been an active reader for a year before she met me. She emailed me and asked if we could hang out because she was an outdoors person and I’m an outdoors person.

“I don’t think it was sexual at the time or any attraction. There might have been on her end, but not for me.

“She’s very supportive. She doesn’t think that I should work for a desk job. She thinks I should do this for a living. I like that encouragement. She’s into a lot of philosophy, that people should do what they want to do.”

“Blogging has opened up my mind to all sorts of people and I’ve got a girlfriend out of it and probably a future wife.” Luke: “How does your dad like your blog?” Heshy: “He’s never been on the internet in his life but he’s come to a few of my shows and he likes them. Half of the things I rant about are from him.”

“Last year, there was a chareidi kollel kid in Baltimore who committed suicide. It was reported on Yeshiva World News and Vosizneias that he died in a car accident. It was a blatant lie. I felt that as news sites they were responsible to tell the truth. The only good news service is JTA, even though they are obviously left-wing.

“I said this is BS. The guy committed suicide. To write a blatant falsehood on a news site is unethical. The editor from Yeshiva World News called me up. He said, we know it is a suicide, but we felt that to honor the family… He was Hatzalah. He said they knew it was a suicide before the family knew it was a suicide. He felt that the family shouldn’t learn from blogs.”

“I took my post down. The brother [of the suicide] called me up to thank me. He said no other blog would take down what I wrote… When you get a call from a family member and you see the pain and the sorrow, I don’t think it is right to put people through that. I’m not gaining that much out of it. It’s just my opinion.

“People don’t notice all the posts I take down.”

“There’s this sect of people who contact me — girls who are converting and becoming religious. This one girl wrote about guys who were coming on to her in shul who were Orthodox and because she was not Jewish, they think that sex with a non-Jew isn’t valid, so it’s fine. She wrote all about this experience. It had like 200 comments. She made me take it down because her Bais Din had seen it.

“I put up a post a couple of weeks ago. This [other] girl was raped. And she’s frum. She’s BT (baal teshuva) and she’s deciding whether or not to disclose it on shidduchim.

“The comments were nasty. They blamed her. ‘You were working in a bar. You were drinking with the guy. What did you expect?’

“She was really offended… She asked me to take it down. I took it down.”

“Every job I’ve gotten has come from a Jewish connection.”

Luke: “When you walked in here, you said that my blog sucked. What do you mean?”

Heshy: “Not the content, the look. When you come to it, you think you’re on a parked page. It doesn’t look like a blog. The first time you linked to me, I got all these hits and then I came to your site and I thought, what is this? There’s no style to it.”

“I spoke to people at the Jewish bloggers convention that were like, who the hell are you? I got that vibe from the guy who runs Treppenwitz and the guy who runs Seraphic Secret. These guys who’ve been blogging for years and a couple of hundred people come a day and they think they’re big s—. And I don’t even care to read your blog.”

“My writing is not formulated correctly because I never took school seriously. It scares people away who are from a smarter realm.”

“Even though I can’t please everyone, I sometimes want to.”

“One of my points of sorrow is that some of my greatest satire go unnoticed and unappreciated. In general, I wish there was more love.”

Luke: “How does it feel to be written about?”

Heshy: “It feels good… I’m an attention whore… At the same time, I’m a loner… I go to movies alone. I eat out alone. I go to concerts alone. People don’t do that.”

Luke: Do you have any theories on why some people choose to become Orthodox?

Heshy: “A lot of it is carefully crafted indoctrination… They don’t show you everything. It’s like going to a peep show.”

“The communal aspect is amazing. The support. To go from a place where everybody is doing their own thing to sitting down in a hundred million dollar house and we’re all equals… You’re a part of a group and a lot of non-Jews don’t feel that. You have communities based on little externals such as you all like World of Warcraft or you like to ski. You don’t have this all-encompassing community.

“Baal Teshuvas come into Aish and everyone is friendly and they give you good food and they’ve got all these hot women. Chabad is all hotties. That’s how they get you. Chabad is brilliant. They have these fancy places. All the women are hot. Everyone’s cool. And there’s booze.”

“A lot of converts read my stuff because they Google things that Aish is not going to talk about, such as wife-swapping in the frum community.”

Luke: “Is it difficult for you that there is not much Torah in the San Francisco Bay Area?”

Heshy: “That’s what I like. I like communities with a lack of Jewish resources because I tend to cleave more to the Lord without Jews throwing things at me. It’s also the basic psychology of being needed. When you go to shul and there’s no minyan and they need you, it feels good.”

“I’ve never been to a strip club, which is weird because all of my yeshiva friends are huge [into strip clubs]. Hasidim and strip clubs, it’s such a famous thing.”

“I’m just starting to tell people that I’m a writer and an entertainer. I don’t yet make a living at it but it is what I do most of the time.”

Here’s Heshy Fried’s wikipedia entry:

Heshy Fried (born December 28, 1981) is an American stand-up comedian and blogger.

Fried was raised at 86th street and West End Avenue on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. His mother died of breast cancer at the age of 40, when Fried was 6 years old. Following his mother’s death, Fried’s father raised him and his brother Charlie. Fried led a troubled youth because of his mother’s death, as well as because of a chronic stuttering problem. He was expelled from a number of Jewish day schools, eventually graduating from the Providence Hebrew Day School, an elementary school located in Providence, Rhode Island in 1995. He matriculated to the Talmudical Institute of Upstate New York (TIUNY) in Rochester, NY, but left prior to graduation. He received a high school equivalency in 2000.

Fried attended the State University of New York at Brockport where he graduated cum laude in 2006, Pi Sigma Alpha with a degree in political science. He worked briefly at several state agencies in Albany, New York, including the New York State Department of Education and the New York State Assembly. He worked for a year as a private investigator in the workers compensation and disability fields while living in Albany, New York.

During college Fried became an avid outdoorsman and cyclist. He raced mountain bikes, skied frequently, and went on extended backpacking trips throughout the northeast,[1] as well as Montana, Alaska, and Utah. In June 2006, while working as an intern during budget season for the New York State Assembly, he began writing down his thoughts about the Orthodox Jewish community and posting them on Craigslist New York’s “Rant and Raves” section. Around this time he attended a wedding in Toronto and was introduced to blogging by a friend, Sarah Zeldman, a life coach and professional blogger.

Fried now splits his time between Far Rockaway, where his father lives, and Albany.

Fried’s blog, FrumSatire, was created on June 25, 2006, but did not enter the spotlight until about six months later when Fried wrote a post outlining different categories of sects in the Orthodox Jewish community. Several more notable bloggers linked to the post, and Fried’s work began to attract more attention. In November 2008, Fried performed on stage for the first time when Israeli comedian David Kilimnick asked Fried to open for him in New York. Rave reviews pushed him to start posting stand-up comedy videos of himself and others on YouTube, where he gained a large following of thousands of viewers.

FrumSatire averages approximately 50,000 visitors a month.[2] Blog posts have received as many as 250 comments, and the website provides a forum for all types of Jews to discuss varying issues in an open, uncensored forum. It has developed into an arena in which Jews as distinct as Ultra-Orthodox Haredim and those who are secular and irreligious debate topics such as racism, child abuse, and dating issues in a completely anonymous manner, something rarely found in Orthodox Jewish circles. It’s not rare for readers to take offense to what he writes, and a few Jewish websites have refused to publish his material.[2]

Fried was named one of the most influential Jewish bloggers in 2008 and was one of the seven elite bloggers invited to Israel to attend the first International Jewish Bloggers Conference hosted by Nefesh B’Nefesh on August 20, 2008.[3] Fried was also invited to attend the Fourth Annual ROI Summit from June 28 through July 2, 2009, held in Tel Aviv, Israel, for influential young Jewish innovators from around the world.[4][5]

Fried has performed in many Jewish communities throughout the Northeast and Midwest of the United States, as well as in Israel.

Although Fried usually generates a positive response to his comedy, he also has experienced a fair share of negative reviews within the Orthodox Jewish community. He aims to be provocative in choosing his topics of discussion, and those who would rather such issues remain untalked about frown on his humor. He has been called an anti-Semite, chillul Hashem and a general disgrace to Jews by many within the Orthodox community. Many Orthodox Jewish news outlets have neglected to feature Fried, instead covering lesser-known and less controversial writers, bloggers, and comedians. However, Fried’s work is spread widely through grassroots marketing via social networks such as Twitter and Facebook.

Fried also writes for Jewcy, a daily news and commentary on culture, politics, religion and lifestyle from a new, Jewish perspective, in the form of a magazine and community; New Voices, a national, American magazine written for and by Jewish college students; and the Jewish Press.

Posted in Dating, Heshy Fried, Orthodoxy, Sex | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Heshy Fried Live In The Hovel!

LimmudLA 2010

I hope Heaven will be one long LimmudLA.

Here’s my story this year:

Jan. 29. I got sick.

Jan. 31. The healing begins.

Feb. 7. I return to yoga for the first time in 11 days.

“Perfect,” I think. “I got sick at just the right time so that I will be strong for LimmudLA.”

Feb. 7. 1 p.m. I panic over my finances and flood with adrenalin for two days.

Feb. 10. 8:30 a.m. “You have therapy today?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m going to talk about how I can get the most out of LimmudLA. In 2008, it was my favorite weekend of the year. In 2009, it was my favorite weekend of the year. I anticipate that this will be my favorite weekend of 2010.”

“Why wouldn’t you talk about having to take financial responsibility for the first time in your life?” she asks.

“Score!” I say.

“I’m serious,” she says. “You’re being forced to grow up. You can’t rely on your family any longer. Five years ago, when I couldn’t pay my rent, my parents told me, ‘You’re on your own.’ I hated it at the time. I had to live out of my car and stay with different people, sleeping on the couch, but it forced me to grow up.”

So when my therapy rolled around, I started out with this conversation and then my therapist took control and we discussed my attitude to money.

How will I ever afford more LimmudLAs if I don’t get my act together?

From Feb. 7-9, I was running on adrenalin, scared of going broke. Then the adrenalin ebbed and the fatigue overwhelmed me.

I stayed home from yoga Wednesday and Thursday night to save myself for HaShem and LimmudLA.

After my Alexander Technique training Friday morning, I get on the 405 and drive south for an hour, thinking about how in less than a second I could get into an accident that would end my life.

I’m always thinking about death. It’s separation from life is narrow, just one small mistake and that’s it.

I can’t believe I’ve made it to 43. What about all the greatest things I was destined for? I’m unmarried. Never had a kid. I’m about to be homeless. I have no way of paying for the rest of my Alexander Technique teacher training. How will I ever keep up with my required credit card payments? If I’m dead, I won’t have to worry about them anymore.

I wonder if my family will come and clean out my hovel. I’m glad I don’t have any porn in it anymore.

I thought I was destined to do great things for the Lord. I can’t even take care of myself. I can’t even keep a houseplant alive. God, I am so tired, how am I going to do anything great for you? I want to be a hero, not a zero.

I exit on Bristol Avenue and turn left.

Big mistake. I was supposed to go right.

I go around in circles, dipping into the mall parking lot to turn around and make it to the Costa Mesa Hilton ten minutes later at 1:35 p.m.

I know I have the ugliest vehicle here. I hope I don’t frighten the children. I hope nobody sees me get out of this thing.

I carry my stuff in two brown paper bags from Ralphs. Great. I’m taking my trash aesthetic into the Hilton.

When I was 15, we stayed at the Hilton for a few days in Costa Rica. I thought it was the flashest hotel around. I was so impressed that somebody was paying $100 a night for us to stay there.

I stand in line to check-in for my room. I’m right behind marketer Gary Wexler, but I’m weighed down by my trash, my suit, my Bnai David tote bag, my fatigue, anxiety and depression.

I want to say hello to Gary but I don’t know whether to introduce myself as “Levi” or “Luke”, so I just stay silent.

He probably thinks my blog is all over the place. No direction. No mission. No marketing. Just babble.

God, it is time to take this ship into the shore and throw away the oars forever. I want to be loved. I want to be embraced. I want to connect.

God, I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for. If I have to crawl across the floor, if I have to come crashing through your door, baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore.

I want to slide into the hot tub, lose myself in the bubbles, dissolve into the steam, and let the love carry me away.

I get my room assignment — 219. Good, I won’t have to walk up too many stairs on Shabbat.

I find my room and Jesus be praised, it’s a single! I have the room to myself! I have a double-bed and two room keys! I’m ready to party.

I lie on my bed and I call a girl in Arizona with the good news. I’m so happy that I won’t be kept awake all night by a snoring roommate. That about wrecked my whole LimmudLA last year.

Now I’m calm.

I go down to the lobby and pick up my conference registration. Then I head for the Fountain Terrace to check out the eats.

I see a nice spread of coffees and herbal teas. I find three plates of cookies.

“Not too much sugar,” I warn myself and take only four cookies with my cup of coffee, my first coffee since last year’s LimmudLA.

I need to rev up. I’m exhausted. I feel as weak as a kitten but I need to be as strong as a lion. I have four days of conference ahead of me — the highlight of my 2010! How will I keep up? I want to meet people. I want to learn. I want to be my best self and yet I feel like my weakest self.

I wander around. I don’t see anyone who can recharge me. None of the 2:15 p.m. sessions appeal to me. Who cares about challah baking? That’s for chicks. I’m a manly man.

I know I need protein and I know it’s in my car in the form of a big jar of peanut butter.

So I sit in my car and eat it by the spoonful, remembering the last time I did this, I almost choked.

I imagine my tombstone: “Here lies Luke Ford. He’s dead. He choked on his peanut butter before what would have been his biggest weekend of the year. I guess he’s no longer the future of journalism.”

I feel jittery. I wonder if it’s the coffee. I need to be revved up, but not jittery.

I sit on the sofa opposite the entrance and hope my friends come soon. I just can’t make it any other way. I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought I’d see you again.

At least I’m not sick. My throat isn’t sore. I don’t have the sniffles. My HIV is under control. Thank God for the cocktail! AIDS is no longer a death sentence.

Jeff emails: “Were you kidding about HIV?”

Yes.

Jeff replies: “You might want to clarify that because it doesn’t come off that way.”

I have a family who loves me. I have a good therapist. I have more than a year of Alexander Technique teacher training under my belt. I no longer interview porn stars for a living.

I’m respectable now. I have my Orthodox conversion. I have my shuls. Nobody’s trying to ban me.

I imagine that me and Avrohom Union are good.

I bother no one and no one bothers me.

I’m hanging by a song. The strings are already broken but I don’t care. The Costa Mesa rocky mountain high, I’ve seen it raining fire in the sky.

Jesus, Hallelujah, there’s David and Monica! I can hang with them all weekend.

They smile. They’re glad to see me. They say that I got crazy once and tried to touch the sun. I lost a friend but kept a memory.

Fifteen minutes later, after Monica and David have checked in, deposited their belongings, and registered for the conference, they join me on the couch.

I plug into David and Monica. I need their friendship. I need their gossip. I need their encouragement. I’m so weak on my own.

Poor Monica. I wonder how many times this weekend she’ll be asked, “Why do you hang out with that guy?”

3:45 p.m. Still no sessions that appeal to me.

I go upstairs to do semi-supine. Then I nap for 20 minutes, take a cold shower, slip into my Shabbos suit and head downstairs for prayer.

I stick my nose into egalitarian davening with drums (about 20 people) and then head to the Orthodox service (about 120 people). The Biala Rebbe was supposed to lead out but he’s snowed in.

I see a friend who was in Jerusalem 24 hours ago working for Israel.

I tell UCLA Hillel’s Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller, who gives the five-minute drasha, that somebody should talk about the triumph of the Orthodox model (his topic for Monday morning).

I go down one level to Pacific Ballroom 1 for Friday night dinner. I hope I don’t have to do this alone. Wouldn’t it suck if I sat down at a table and then nobody joined me? They’d rather crowd in at the other tables then chill with me? Or what if I got stuck with strangers who had no interest in talking to me? Worse yet, what if I got stuck with people who I had no interest in talking to?

Why is this worse? Because it shows what a fuss-budget I am. I only want to talk to people who read books. Almost everyone else bores me.

Monica and David invite me to join them at a table with the head of the Progressive Jewish Alliance, Elissa Barrett. She’s really cute and spunky and adorable. Very friendly and smiley and gay.

Well, nobody has done more than Luke Ford to fight homophobia in America!

I’m always on the front line for civil rights — unless my CFS is acting up or I just need to take time-out to get in touch with my feelings. They’re so exquisite!

We shift tables so David can be with his kids.

An Ikar contingent ups the energy level by belting out Shabbos hymns.

I watch them with envy, dying to join in.

A year ago, I was jumping around the room at this time, trying to look happy and cool and Godly. Where did that energy come from? I’m drained and LimmudLA has just begun.

“There was a time when I was watching you,” remembered a woman I’d met that first day of last year’s LimmudLA, “and I just felt sorry for you. You just seemed so lost. Nobody wanted to talk to you.”

Now I’ve got good posture. Good use. I’m calm, cool and collected because I do Alexander Technique.

7 p.m. So many great sessions. I guess I should be in Rabbi Jonathan Aaron‘s “Gossip is Called ‘Evil Tongue’ For A Reason” but instead choose Catalina Ballroom 2 for Rabbi Michael Melchior‘s lecture on conversion to Judaism in the 21st Century.

I sit in the second row. The room fills up. Maybe this Michael Melchior bloke is the superstar of LimmudLA 2010?

When he walks in, he’s a worry. He’s heavily stooped. His face is ashen. He says he’s been traveling for 29 hours straight to get here from Israel. He doesn’t look like he has the strength to climb to the platform let alone give a speech.

But once he gets rolling, he gets rolling. I’m mesmerized. He’s hilarious and wise and fair. I’d follow this guy anywhere. He’s my new hero.

Oy, but that stoop. Look at how tips his head back and compresses his neck. So much unnecessary tension there. His shoulders curve inward. His spine must be all mashed together. I could really help him with some Alexander Technique. Poor man. He’ll have doctors and healers fussing over him all weekend. He’s not going to listen to me. But I can help him more than anybody! And he can help me, he can be my new father figure. I’ll confess to him my sins and he’ll absolve me. He seems like an understanding bloke.

Question time. Conservative rabbi Daniel Greyber asks Rabbi Melchior if he’d accept a conversion done according to Jewish law by three Conservative rabbis.

“That’s not so much a matter of who is a Jew,” says Rabbi Melchior, “but who is a rabbi.

“But if it is a conversion done by three observant Jews [with mikveh and circumcision if necessary, etc], then it’s valid. The Talmud doesn’t know Reform, Conservative or Orthodox rabbis. It knows halacah (Jewish law).”

Rabbi Melchior says he doesn’t blame the ultra-Orthodox aka the Chareidim for the conversion crisis. He says Likud and the other mainstream political parties lack the will to tell the chareidim that while they will subsidize their educational system, they will not give them control of conversions.

I’m grateful to be at LimmudLA. I’m grateful to not be sick, only weak. I’m grateful to have my own room. I’m grateful for David and Monica.

I’m in my room before 11 p.m. I do semi-supine for 15 minutes, clear my head, and go to bed. I love my pillows. There are about six of them. I push four to the floor. I just need one under my head. I’m a simple Jew with simple needs. I don’t want to crawl under the sheets. I lie on top of my bed and pull the cover around me and toss and turn.

About 2 a.m., I crawl under my sheets. Then I rip them loose from the sides so I’m not entrapped. An 85-year old friend recently fell off the side of his bed next to the wall and got stuck in his sheets for three days until a neighbor found him barely alive. (My friend is OK now and walking miles a day.)

8:30 a.m. Shabbos. Skipping the 12 Steps meeting, I head downstairs for breakfast. I don’t have the strength for Stephanie Avedon‘s “Spirituality, Breath and Body.” No yoga for me.

Instead, I pop into the Liberal Shabbos morning service with Jonathan Aaron, Rachel Timoner, Jewish rocker chick Naomi Less and drummer Avram Mandel.

It’s 9:15 a.m. I didn’t expect to be here but the music is beautiful. I can’t leave. I pick up the prayer book and join in. I feel like I am back at Stephen S. Wise or Ohr HaTorah, two temples with rocking musical instrumentation on Shabbos.

9:30 a.m. Chavruta learning with Karen Radkowsky. For some reason, I think the blonde bloke next to me, my chavruta, is a professor at the American Jewish University. I keep calling him professor and he keeps telling me it’s not true and finally I get it. He’s not a professor. He hosts a public radio show.

“I daven every Shabbos morning,” we say. “This morning I want to learn.”

We discuss the sh’ma. Were the Israelites of the book of Deuteronomy monotheists? Or did they believe that their god was just one god among many gods?

11 a.m. The Vagina Monologues Meet the Talmud. It’s taught by Aviva Richman of American Jewish University.

According to the program, this talk is “teen approved.”

No teens show up.

I never knew that “The Vagina Monologues” could meet the Talmud. I never knew a feminist could be this funny.

“The Vagina Monologues” are a sensitive spot for me. A few years ago, I was dating this woman with great breasts. I told her that I hated “The Vagina Monologues” (I had never seen them performed, I had never read them, I had just read some right-wing critique and believed it) and she interpreted this to mean that I hated vaginas, including hers.

She’s married now.

I notice that Orthodox and non-Orthodox Jews tend to study sacred text differently. The Orthodox tend to let the text judge them. The non-Orthodox tend to judge the text by how it accords with their contemporary sensibilities.

I’ve found that in many Reform and Conservative synagogues on Shabbos mornings, the crowd sits around and shares their views on the parsha. In most Orthodox shuls, by contrast, the rabbi elucidates the text and doesn’t take questions.

Sometimes when I study with the non-Orthodox, I feel that the barbarians are at the gates. We read through the text and then everyone — whether or not they can read Hebrew — shares their thoughts.

Study becomes becomes an ordeal of listening to ignorant opinions. I hate that. I don’t care about your opinion unless you’re learned or I’m dating you.

Jewish superstar rabbi Yitz Greenberg teaches at this time on “tikkun olam.” I’ve heard him before on this topic. I figure he’s given this lecture a thousand times.

The room overflows for all of his talks at LimmudLA.

I’m introduced to a smart, attractive and accomplished young woman who I’ll call Torah Girl. I make a good impression. The conversation flows easily until I hear the name of her roommate and then get this guilty look on my face and confess, “Umm, I once wrote something mean about her.”

“Oh,” says Torah Girl, and steps back, physically repelled, “I know who you are.”

How many times have I heard this? How many times, O Lord, have promising Torah talks been compromised by this revelation? How long, O Lord, must Your Servant suffer so?

I promise Torah Girl not to write about her nor her Torah, and I slink away with my didgeridoo between my legs.

The women here are amazing. They have different outfits for every day. Sometimes they wear pants. Sometimes they wear dresses. At all times, they inspire me to be more than just the most controversial Jewish blogger in LA.

I try not to be creepy on Shabbat.

I pile lunch on my plate and head to Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller‘s lecture on how to renew the Zionist idea.

In contrast to his wife’s poise, the rabbi is all slumped over. Too many hours studying the sacred texts. He badly needs Alexander Technique.

The rabbi’s stuck in startle pattern. His head is hunched forward, just like mine was until 18 months ago, from so many hours reading.

When most people are startled, they jut their head forward, tightening and compressing their neck. As people age, they tend to get stuck here. As people come under stress, they tend to go more and more into startle pattern and stay here.

When you get stuck in startle pattern, you have less freedom and flexibility with your body, your mind and your emotions.

You probably notice that when you know people well, you can tell by their posture how they are going to act next. When we get stuck in unhelpful habitual alignments of the body, we tend to get stuck in unhelpful patterns of thinking and feeling and reacting. That’s why we have to re-educate our responses to stimuli so we can maintain our freedom and poise.

The way to do this is through Alexander Technique, through freeing the neck, thinking up and sending the head forward and up, and the whole organism up. I’m two inches taller since I started studying the Technique. At age 42, I gained two inches by letting go of useless ways I was contorting my body and holding myself down in a slumped defeated posture.

Psychologist Doreen Seidler-Feller stands tall, straight and poised.

I leave the Zionism lecture halfway through and wander the hallways, looking to connect.

2 p.m. Emerald Bay 1. Rabbi Michael Melchior again. “Michael Melchior, former Minister for the Diaspora, has throughout his political career struggled with the most important global Jewish question: how to define the Jewishness of the State of Israel, and what its relationship should be to the rest of the Jewish People? For over a century, we have been preoccupied with survival and security; and quite rightly so. Michael now asks: What is the purpose of the Jewish nation?”

After the lecture, I sneak into the hot tub. Surely this is a sin on Shabbos, but I need to decompress. I sit in the bubbles with a bunch of Conservative Jews from Ikar. Then it’s nap time. I want to be strong for Havdalah, a highlight of the conference when we all come together to sing, dance, hold candles, smell the spices and renew our souls.

7:30 p.m. I learn the deep secrets of the soul from Conservative rabbi Scott Perlo.

8:45 p.m. Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller and his wife Doreen shape a new sexual ethic. “Classical Jewish teachings regarding sexuality (homosexuality, pre-marital sex…) generate increasing individual conflicts and social consequences that demand our attention. As long as these tensions are not addressed, community members are confronted with a choice between all of the restrictions of the tradition on the one hand and the permissive orientation of contemporary culture on the other. This seminar intends to step into that breach by proposing a contemporary sexual ethic that maintains fidelity to the values of the tradition while promoting a more modern and discerning practice.”

They say that masturbation is OK so long as it is not obsessive and it is porn-free.

Why is porn so bad? Doreen says that virtually all of the people who perform in it are victims. We’re exploiting them when we use porn. Also, it is unholy to introduce strangers into our sex lives.

This generates objections from men who apparently don’t believe that porn is so terrible.

10:15 p.m. Punch drunk from so much learning and socializing, I enjoy the comedy festival:

Gerry Katzman is a successful actor and comedian who has appeared on shows like “JAG” on CBS, “Angel” on The WB, “Lucky” on FX, “A.U.S.A” on NBC, “In Justice” on ABC, “Ned’s” on Nickelodeon, “The Rerun Show” on NBC, and many other film, theater, and television roles.

Avi Liberman is a comic who has appeared on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He recently shot a special for Showtime and appeared in Iraq and Afghanistan to perform for the troops. Twice a year, he brings a group of comics to Israel to perform, with proceeds from sales going to the Koby Mandell Foundation.

Avram Mandell is the Director of Education at Leo Baeck Temple — as it turns out, he’s also a really funny guy.

Avram says there’s a zagat’s guide out their for shuls in LA.

Yep, that’s mine!

Avram says Eilat Market on Pico Blvd is like a dirtier version of its neighbor Glatt Mart.

I’m in bed before midnight.

Sunday. Feb. 14. 10 a.m. “Religion is very much on the frontline of every conflict of the 21st century. Is it possible to also bring religion to the frontline of the pursuit of peace? How can this best be achieved? For years, Michael Melchior has conducted open and secret talks with leading Muslims in Israel, the Palestinian territories and all over the Arab world. Come and find out if you share his conviction that inter-religious peace is the key to any regional political solution.”

Rabbi Michael Melchior says it is easier to train a lamb and a wolf to lie down together (particularly when you replace the lamb each day) than to get humans to make peace. “We can not beat the other side.”

He says that the major rabbis (among them Rabbi Yosof Sholom Elyashiv, Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, Chief Rabbi for the Sephardim Shlomo Amar, “a scholar and a real Chief Rabbi” according to Rabbi Melchior) support his peace-making overtures with the Muslim imams.

11:30 a.m. “”A Decade at Bernie’s”: The Ethical Crisis in Contemporary Jewish Life: From Agriprocessors to Madoff to Tropper, ethical misconduct appears to be rampant in contemporary Jewish life. Is there an ethical crisis? What are its causes? Join panelists Blu and Yitz Greenberg and Doreen and Chaim Seidler-Feller for a discussion about what can be done to reassert the centrality of ethics in our lives.”

In reaction to the moderator’s first question, Blu Greenberg shocks the audience by saying: “You definitely shot your whole wad here.”

Who says that rebbitzens have to be prudes?

Here’s what bugged me about some people at LimmudLA — they frequently showed little consideration for others.

The major offenses:

* Men planting their feet on the legs of occupied chairs, imparting unwanted pressure and sway.

* People talking to each other inside sessions while somebody is trying to teach. People talking during a concert.

* The noisy consumption of beverages during sessions. I’m talking about water bottles that snap and pop. Cups filled with ice repeatedly and noisily raised to the mouth and down.

* People not bussing their own mess.

* People writing on Shabbos during sessions. Cell phones ringing on Shabbos.

During the Bernie session, Rabbi Seidler-Feller — a master fundraiser — says that three people implicated in financial scandals have their names on the UCLA Hillel new building.

He says that surveys reveal that Jews are the most affluent and least spiritual religious group in America. He says these qualities tend to go together.

While his wife speaks out against agunot, she blushes as bright as her red top.

Monica and David head off to a session on Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel.

“Heschel is for Jews who want to be Christian,” I say.

They don’t like that.

I’m accused of being Lithuanian in my approach to Judaism.

I pile my plate with lunch and head to “Do Married Men Live Longer or Does it Just Seem Longer? This session uses the commandment of a bridegroom not being allowed to do military service to unearth the answer to one of our most basic questions: How do I create a meaningful relationship and, once I’ve done that, how do I maintain it?”

Rabbi David Levin-Kruss breaks us into pairs for chavruta study.

Man, I just want to sit back and have all my thinking done for me. I’m tired. I wasn’t bargaining on this work.

The “Women in Orthodox Judaism” panel intrigues me but I head for the swimming pool instead. I do a few laps, hit the hot tub, feel dizzy, return to the pool and then to my room for a nap.

The Biala Rebbe shows up Sunday afternoon and meets with people for about 30 hours straight, giving private brachas (blessings). One Milken High School boy says he was told to avoid masturbation, to do “netilat yadayim” and to not date until he’s 19 (and then just for marriage, not for fun).

4 p.m.

Judaism and Homosexuality: An Orthodox Conversation

Many assume that Orthodox leaders are uniformly unwelcoming of gays and lesbians, but Orthodox communities are far from monolithic. Join a conversation between an Orthodox rabbi and the director of a gay Jewish organization on the range of Orthodox approaches to gay Jews. What are the opportunities for inclusion and the necessary limits? How does one strike a balance between upholding halacha and empathetically engaging with human diversity?

Gregg Drinkwater directs Jewish Mosaic: The National Center for Sexual and Gender Diversity, an organization that helps Jewish institutions become more welcoming of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Jews. He is the co-editor of Torah Queeries: Weekly Commentaries on the Hebrew Bible (NYU Press, 2009) and president of Limmud Colorado. Prior to joining Jewish Mosaic, Drinkwater worked in nonprofit communications, at a daily newspaper in Moscow, and as the news editor for San Francisco-based PlanetOut Inc., publishers of Gay.com and PlanetOut.com, the world’s most popular LGBT Web sites.

I feel guilty blogging this session given that the rabbi says he’d prefer to keep these type of discussions private, but I tell myself that Susan Freudenheim from the Jewish Journal is there taking notes, so a harmless drudge such as myself can do no damage.

Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky of Bnai David-Judea: “My peers call me the most liberal Orthodox rabbi they know…”

Gregg: “Do they mean that as a compliment?”

Rabbi Kanefsky: “It means they embrace me as an Orthodox rabbi. We do things programatically together. They acknowledge my Orthodoxy but put an adjective in front of it. Everything I say, you have to see it through the lens of who I am… While I will do my best to represent normative Orthodoxy, don’t go saying that because Kanefsky says this, Orthodoxy says the same thing.”

“Our congregation (Bnai David) was the only congregation on the West Coast to have a screening of Trembling Before God. We had a number of people whose stories were told in that film in the audience.”

“As a congregation, this was the kind of conversation we wanted to have about the issue of homosexuality in the Orthodox community.”

The discussion turns to the December 22, 2009 event at Yeshiva University hosted by the YU Tolerance Club and the Wurzweiler School of Social Work — “Being Gay in the Orthodox World: A Conversation with Members of the YU Community.”

Rabbi Kanefsky: “Rabbi Yosef Blau is a wonderful, wise and thoughtful rabbi. He’s the rabbi who stuck out his neck to the facilitator of that forum. There’s no end to the courage and bravery he demonstrated.”

The rabbi reads from this unofficial transcript of Rabbi Blau’s remarks: “The halakha as expressed explicitly in the Torah and in the Chachamim is clear to everyone here. And this is not what we’re here to discuss and I’m making the point in the sense that if someone does try to discuss halakha, I will ask them to stop.”

Gregg says he is not Orthodox. He says he is married to another man.

Gregg: “What would you tell young rabbis about how to deal with gay and lesbian people in their community?”

Rabbi Kanefsky: “The most important thing is to not panic… It’s difficult when you leave the academy and meet real people with real issues… If a young rabbi were to react to the word ‘homosexual’, this young rabbi will utterly fail to interact meaningfully… He has to take a step back and say, I am interacting with a holy Jew.”

Gregg: What about dealing with this issue publicly?

Rabbi Kanefsky: “We were talking about our screening of Trembling Before God. I limited that evening to members of our congregation because the members of the congregation function as an extended family. We were discussing the issue of homosexuality in the Orthodox community within a group that’s mutually trusting and mutually respectful. We were all stakeholders in the outcome. I’m almost risking my own rules right now.

I did this once at the UJ before it became AJU. I’m not sure that I look back on it as something I enjoyed doing. I didn’t know who was out there and when you don’t know who’s out there, then you don’t know whether the things you are saying are on the mark or potentially offensive or potentially misunderstood or misconstrued. I wouldn’t advise a young rabbi to write an article in the newspaper. When you don’t know who your audience is, it is so easy to misstep.

“A colleague of mine sends me an op/ed that he’s hoping to publish. I notice in one paragraph an explicit comparison in the eyes of the halacha between someone who is a practicing homosexual and someone who is a felon. You don’t mean that. You’re just trying to say that everyone is welcome in the synagogue. That’s a completely unnecessary comparison… That’s the sort of thing when people go out in public, it’s easy to say things that are misconstruable, offensive. But a mutually trusting stakeholder conversation is more effective.”

Gregg: “I want to ask you about giving advice to someone who comes to you who thinks he’s gay. Imagine an 18-year old man who comes to you and says, ‘Rabbi, I am gay.’ Or, ‘I think I’m gay.'”

Rabbi Kanefsky: “Now we’re getting to the heart of the matter.

“I just had a notice that I am invited to the 25th reunion of my college class at Yeshiva College. I am positive that twenty five years ago, it would’ve seemed obvious to me and to every other graduate of Yeshiva College who wound up going to rabbinical school that the reaction to that 18-year old would be to say, ‘Let me get you help. We can fix that.’

“In 25 years, the world has changed dramatically in our thinking… I am confident that I speak for a wide swathe of the Modern Orthodox rabbinate, based on conversations I’ve had with rabbis, based on things they’ve published, based on comments they’ve made in lectures… The understanding that a person’s sexual orientation…is what it is, a person is who they are, brings the conversation not to ‘Let’s see how we can fix this problem’ but brings it to ‘What do you want to do now? How do you want to act? Do you want to continue to live in the Orthodox community? If that’s what you want to do, let’s try to talk about what that might look like and what that might involve. What limitations on your expression of who you are will be necessary if you want to continue to function in the Orthodox community. If you do not want to live in the Orthodox community anymore, let’s see if we find the very best place for you so that you are comfortable in the sense that your personal commitment to tradition is respected and upheld with your sexual identity not being an issue that would in any way prevent you from expressing yourself completely.’

“That’s the conversation I would have. Because that’s helpful. That’s what a rabbi is intended to do. Not intended to ‘fix’ something that can’t be fixed and not to tell a person that their lives are over.”

“I was the baal koreh in Steve Greenberg‘s shul.”

“One of the points that Steve made early on, and that a lot of people have made since then, that to be gay or lesbian in the Orthodox community is extraordinarily challenging. It’s not the sort of thing a person would choose to do if they had a choice. I would take it for granted that if a person coming to me and saying, ‘I’m in the Orthodox community and I’ve always been in the Orthodox community’, I would take their word for it. It’s not something they would be making up.”

Gregg: “What about the parents?”

Rabbi Kanefsky: “Whenever I need to talk to the parent of one of my congregants, I try to put myself into the place of the parent. What if one of my children was coming to me about their child… The things that I think about are the beauty and the value and the potential and the dignity of my child and the recognition that most of the things we wish for our children don’t happen anyway. They get to a point early on where they are going to do what they want to do.

“The most important gift I can give my child is the gift of Judaism and the gift of desiring to leave the world a better place. I would be very troubled if I could not give one of those gifts. Beyond that, our children are going to make their own decisions.

“The worst thing a parent can do with a child is to back away from the relationship.”

Gregg says that many Orthodox siblings of out homosexuals have a hard time finding a shidduch (spouse).

Rabbi Kanefsky: “There’s a duality. I hope everyone appreciates the severity of this duality. Depending on where you are in the Orthodox community, the system by which people find spouses can be highly regimented, one that does not flow organically…but rather takes place within a regimented system that involves parents, teachers, rebbes, background checks.

“Everyone on the more liberal end of this issue [of homosexuality] needs to respect this reality. If I come out, then my brothers and sisters may have difficulty finding the right shidduch. That’s the sort of thing that falls on the shoulders as well of the sibling who has come out as gay or lesbian. They have to recognize, even as they have the right to expect love and support from their family, they have a responsibility to not damage the futures of their siblings.”

It seems that don’t ask, don’t tell is the quid pro quo for getting along as gay (or as one who deviates from any of Orthodox Judaism’s fundamental laws, not marrying and having sex with the same sex is a really big deviation from the Orthodox path as compared to quietly watching TV on Shabbos in the privacy of your own room) in most of the Orthodox community.

Rabbi Kanefsky: “Contrary to what you may have heard, Orthodox shuls are not entirely populated by people entirely observant of halacha.”

“Our commitments are clear. Our legal framework to which we are committed is a crisp and clear legal framework.”

Rabbi Kanefsky gives this hypotethetical example: “If I were to drive to shul on Shabbat, I don’t, I shouldn’t take my seat and say to the person next to me, ‘The 405 was terrible this morning.’ Everybody knows that I drive. I live 30 miles away.”

“It’s not fair to assume that your Orthodox community can formally officially recognize your identity because that would undermine the structure we live in, even as we know we’re all imperfect, we’re all struggling, we’re all short of the mark (halachah).”

“If any person wants to join an Orthodox shul, they should be embraced. They should be hosted like every other new member at everyone’s homes in the first two months, the rabbi’s home, the president’s home. That person should be brought into committees the person wants to be a part of. They should be a full member of the shul.

“If a lesbian couple were to adopt a child and their desire was that at the baby naming, they be named together as the parents of the child, that would fall under recognition and that’s an unfair expectation of an Orthodox community that it bestow full recognition on a gay or lesbian couple.”

Rabbi Kanefsky says that most people have close friends at shul who they can talk with about anything with. “One of the reasons we belong to a community of any type is to develop friends with whom we share everything. Rabbis are the only people who don’t have these friends.

“Of course someone will share who they are with their friends.”

The rabbi says that there is an age for children to learn about homosexuality and if you go earlier, it just won’t make any sense for them.

The rabbi talks about a junior at a yeshiva “when the Proposition 8 issue cropped up about a year and a half ago, he heard all kinds of things being said, including awful disgusting things, including from faculty members, and he stood alone.”

Rabbi Kanefsky discusses Rabbi Mayer Twersky‘s talk condemning the unofficial YU forum on homosexuality as “a desecration of God’s name”. Rabbi Kanefsky says Rabbi Twersky probably wants to ban discussion of homosexuality in the yeshiva setting and that he “represents the last effort to hold on to an anachronistic standard.”

A minute later, Rabbi Kanefsky says, “I’ve been hearing my own voice and I’ve been hearing an edge in my voice that I don’t associate with myself. I don’t mean that.”

Gregg keeps talking about “my husband and I.” They have a four-year-old daughter.

Rabbi Kanefsky opposed Proposition 8. “If the state is granting a civil right, we ought not to be rallying to withdraw that civil right.”

Rabbi: “I can’t speak for other shuls, but I say with confidence in our shul [Bnai David] there is no reason that sexual orientation has anything to do with receiving an aliyah or leading the tefillah (prayer).”

“I know that many of you recognize the sensitivity and creativity and frankly the guts that Bnai David has on that.”

The room applauds.

I think the rabbi’s wording is slippery. Orientation does not get much consideration in Torah. What about action that defies Torah? Isn’t that what counts in Judaism, not orientation? I am oriented towards all sorts of things that I do not allow myself to do. What about one who is out about living in a homosexual relationship? Why is this different than an Orthodox Jew being open about living in adultery or incest? Adultery, incest and man-on-man sex are all equally forbidden by the Torah (written and oral). Is homosexual sex sin different from other sexual sins? Is there a good reason why we need to be more sensitive about it?

Would Bnai David react identically to one living in a homosexual relationship to one living in another type of sexual relationship that is forbidden by the Torah?

In the three Modern Orthodox shuls in Pico-Robertson (Bnai David-Judea, YICC, Beth Jacob), sexual orientation seems to play no role in determining ritual honors.

Anat Hoffman says the Haredim in Jerusalem have stopped demonstrating against homosexual parades in Jerusalem because they didn’t want to explain to their children what they were protesting against.

Rabbi Kanefsky: “How can you be a religious leader without being engaged in the world? I credit my parents. When everybody on the block wanted to get together to buy that house so that a black family wouldn’t move in, my parents refused to participate.”

John emails: “I think its time there was an outpouring of sympathy on the part of Orthodox congregations for men with the alternative orientation of being into Asian women. How come there were no limmud sessions for that? Think how big that would be.”

My thoughts on this topic.

LimmudLA is like a beautiful young woman. I picture her in white pearls giving a talk on peace in Jerusalem. She’s not getting paid. She’s doing this for love.

I watch her long dark hair fall in ringlets below her shoulders.

She’s nervous and her chest is breaking out into hives.

I want to protect her. I want to be kind and gentle. But I feel like a lumbering elephant. No, worse, I feel much worse. I feel like a dinosaur.

Women run the show at LimmudLA. They’re soft and cute and they smell good. They know how to play nicely with others. They dress well and they don’t get food stuck in their beards.

In fact, these LimmudLA women don’t even have beards.

I’m a lone warrior. I’m not good at that cooperation thing. I don’t have their diffuse awareness. I’m into hierarchy and rules and self-assertion.

All the women I date make more money than me. The worse the economy, the more men like me fall to the curb. We’re not built for these times.

The year 2010 calls for cooperation, coordination, and other feminine strengths.

I sit back and watch women who work harder than me, make more money than me, have more friends than me, put on the show at LimmudLA. They organize the conference. They run the conference.
They put up the signs and call for more chairs and bring on the band. They direct us to the fastest lines for lunch.

And what do I do? I just take. And then I go home and blog about my feelings.

I’m not a man and I’m not a woman. I’m a blogger, mate!

Ain’t nothing better! And all the answers to our prayers, nothing ever breaks up the heart, I feel like swirling and dancing, if only you believe like I believe, baby, we’d get by. I love you so. Baby, with sugar on it tonight. That’s how I like it.

How come the moms love me but the daughters do not? The moms adore me. They hug me up. They tell me about their dead husbands. They show me pictures of their beautiful daughters. They tell me that they still haven’t found anyone. That they want grandchildren.

God, why do you tempt me so? LimmudLA is filled with beautiful young women. I’m here to learn Torah. I know that if I pause for one moment to converse, all my Torah learning will be for naught.

Good thing I’ve got a beard. It’s excellent woman repellent!

I run into an old friend on Sunday. He doesn’t recognize me with the beard. “You look like a dirty Hasid,” he says. “Did you use to die your hair?”

“Yeah,” I say.

“I don’t recognize you all grey.”

Monday. 11:30 a.m. Uri Regev is a dynamic speaker. Ariel Picard reads his talk and the room gets sleepy.

“The “Who is a Jew” debate has plagued and challenged Israel-Diaspora relations for decades. It is a complex halachic, philosophical, sociological and political challenge that goes to the heart of Israel’s identity as a Jewish state. While for a long time it was dominated by the battle over conversion among the different denominations in Judaism, in recent years there is a growing realization of the internal Orthodox discord. We will discuss the urgent need for a new paradigm in this arena, demonstrate why “Who is a Jew” is too important a matter to be left to Orthodoxy, and outline and discuss the legal, halachic, and public aspects of this debate and the urgent need to develop new conversion options.”

Monday lunch. I finally get asked about the Alexander Technique. “It provides you with more freedom and poise in the body,” I say, “which leads to greater emotional and mental freedom. Alexander Technique lessons usually lead to increased tranquility.

“When you’re compulsive in the way you use your body, you are more likely to be compulsive in how you react to stimuli. I am much more tranquil.”

“I noticed that,” says an organizer. “I told my husband, there’s a different energy to Luke this year.”

“Yeah, I’m not as compulsive,” I say. “I can be a compulsive talker, a compulsive attention seeker. This year, I didn’t ask one question during the sessions.”

A woman berates me for not sleeping with her at LimmudLA.

“I didn’t say no to you,” I answer. “I said yes to HaShem.”

When I ask around about the highlights of this year’s conference, Saturday night’s comedy show gets the most mentions.

I mix with the vulnerable and the disabled at LimmudLA and it gives me the courage to go home and to be vulnerable and disabled myself on my blog.

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Rabbi Daniel Bouskila Leaves Sephardic Temple Tifereth Israel In Westwood

Rabbi Daniel Bouskila has been at the temple since 1993. Before that, it was run by Rabbi Jacob M. Ott.

The parting of Rabbi Bouskila and Tifereth Israel was sudden. The news came out last week.

I don’t know the reason for this. I want to know more. Please email me if you have more information. [email protected]

I hear it was a case of burnout.

Rabbi Bouskila is working on a book. He’s blogging here.

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Psycho-Therapist Donna Burstyn Interviewed

On Echo in the Sense, hosted by Christine Palma on KXLU 89.9 FM, psycho-therapist Donna Burstyn talked about her craft.

Christine: “What kind of people seek therapy?”

Donna: “Many kinds of people. Some healthy people seek therapy. People who are interested in growth and healing. People who have repeated patterns that get them in the same place they are unhappy with. Some people come to therapy because they are in crisis or they’re suffering from loss, which could be a relationship, a divorce, loss of a child, loss of a parent. It could be feeling lost. They don’t know what’s next for them. They’re trying to open up possibilities. They feel stuck… Some people come for writers block.

“Therapy is a place where people can be heard and accepted unconditionally and be with someone who reflects back to them what they’re hearing and helps them interpret what’s going on in their life. People make better choices as they become more conscious. You have a facilitator for your own inner voice. It’s the client who chooses the journey, not the therapist.”

“Many times people believe that they have to be in a crisis to go to therapy. But no. When people are not in crisis, that is a wonderful time to do therapy. In crisis, we do crisis-management. We try to stop the bleeding. It’s rare to do depth work when someone is in crisis. For someone who wants to do therapeutic work to last a lifetime, not being in a crisis is the best time to do this.”

“There are many different types of therapists. There are therapists who are solely listening therapists. There are therapists such as myself who listen and give back feedback, not right and wrong feedback, just things they’re hearing. There are therapists who are more directive. There are therapists who do a lot of dream work or the mind-body connection.

“When you are seeking a therapist, ask for the therapist’s orientation. Some people get frustrated having a therapist who only listens. This is a more analytic therapist, the only psycho-therapy model, Freudian, Jungian. One lays on the couch and the therapist has the answers. The therapist listens. By virtue of speaking, the healing is created.

“In my world of therapy, it’s about the relationship that gets created in the room that creates the healing. I can do cognitive-behavioral therapy with someone. That’s about thoughts and behaviors. You learn to interrupt your thoughts so you don’t do certain behaviors. There’s homework. It’s more management oriented. Insurance companies like it because it is often shorter. Versus depth therapy. Object-relations. Interpersonal. Psycho-dynamic. That’s more dynamic, more reflective. For me, it is more interesting.

“Carl Rogers was the one who created that unconditional positive regard. That’s what I try to practice in my office.

“I have been to therapists who are completely silent. It’s very difficult. That’s more of a psycho-analytic model. Some therapists have you fill out questionaires to find out where it hurts, much like with physical doctors.

“I ask people why they’re here. Why now? What’s going on in your life recently? Tell me about your family of origin. Are you employed? I get general background information. What they feel are some of the issues they would like to get help with. What is on their goal list?

“Towards the end of the session, I’ll say, how are you feeling right now? Sometimes they will say, ‘It is important for you to know…’

“Often as people are leaving the door, they will tell you the most important thing. And then they’re out. ‘And by the way, I was raped. I’ll see you next week.’

“People share as much as they want to share and usually I’ll take my cues from them.”

“More people are coming in because they’ve seen in themselves a long period of depression or anxiety. They recognize that they have an apathy towards life. That they used to see colors more brightly and foods tasted better and they looked forward to getting up and they don’t any more. They’re lethargic. Their appetite patterns, and sleep patterns and relationship patterns have changed and they don’t know why. Sometimes people will come in and say, ‘I think this has to do with…’ And that’s where we start.

“Often when people come in and say these are my symptoms, it is often the tip of the iceberg. I find that these symptoms have been there before. We as humans tend to recreate over and over our reality. We need to be right even though it doesn’t work. We tend to define life and ourselves in a certain way and create new faces around us to play the same parts and we end up in the same place.

“When people get tired of that, or they recognize that life could be better, sometimes they’ll seek therapy and say, I don’t know what I don’t know. And that’s where we’ll start.”

“Therapy isn’t always an adjunct to medication. I am very pro medication. I’ve seen miracles. I’ve seen people rise from the dead with medication. Some people are adamant that they won’t go on medication. For some illnesses, therapy doesn’t work without a mood stabilizer. If I’m speaking to the schizophrenic or the manic depressive, the therapy doesn’t work without medication.

“Usually you feel it. I’ve been doing psycho-therapy for 15 years. Often in the beginning of what people say, one can sense, not just in the words, but in the body language, and the non-spoken, the person’s level of wellness. There’s something that feels very different about a person with an adjustment disorder to a current problem versus someone who’s clinically ill, manic, or suicidal and has been there many times before.”

“Life transitions. That’s what life is. It’s a transition. It’s dynamic. If we want it to flow, we have to open up channels that have stopped the flow before. If you’re willing to come to therapy and to experience some discomfort, you may get the bigger picture, one of greater clarity and health and flexibility.”

Christine: What does therapy offer that run of the mill family and friends don’t offer?

Donna: “Often run of the mill friends want to please you. They want to make you feel good. They want to make it all better for you. And you can end up in the same place a year from now because nothing’s changed.

“With a therapist, I don’t think we’re invested in making one feel a certain way. We’re invested in you finding the clarity to do the things that are best for you. That’s different from having a cheerleading squad.

“There are many times in therapy when someone leaves the room feeling worse than when they came in. And then they’ll come in the following week and say, ‘I had this pivotal ah ha moment.’

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The One That You Love

David Deutsch emails:

So the other day, I’m in the local Rite Aid, and they’re playing “The One That You Love,” by Air Supply, and I think immediately of you. So the question, as a fan, is it flattering to you that I have this Pavlovian response to Air Supply, or does it bother you that I think of you instead of the music (keep in mind that if I think they suck, so it’s not really a loss on that account)?

Second of all, heads up on this little number from the NYTimes today. The yarmulke is apparent in the color photo on the website, but in the paper, I had that “Oh damnit, that isn’t what I think it is, is it?” and then I read, and sure enough…another one for Luke Ford, the nexus of sex and orthodoxy.

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Fly Fishing With Darth Vader: And Other Adventures with Evangelical Wrestlers, Political Hitmen, and Jewish Cowboys

Author Matt Labash emails:

Hey Luke, long time, no talk. Thought you should know my new book’s out, and you’re in it. The porners meet the professors piece, in which you served as my guide. The book is kind of a rogue’s gallery of some of my more vivid character studies. So you’re in good company: Marion Barry, Donald Trump, Mudcat Saunders, Dick Cheney, Kinky Friedman, Al Sharpton, Edwin Edwards, Jim Traficant, Christopher Hitchens, and others. And right smack in the middle of the Rogue’s Mount Rushmore – Luke Ford. If memory serves, you’re the only Australian porn journalist/converted Orthodox Jew of the bunch. In case you want to pass the link on to your legions of teenage fans:

http://www.amazon.com/Fly-Fishing-Darth-Vader-Evangelical/dp/1439159971/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265942023&sr=8-1

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Payola

During two years of high school, I did weekly news reports on my school for the local radio station KAHI AM 950.

After spending a year in Australia after graduation in 1984, I returned to Auburn in June 1985 and went to work at KAHI and its sister station KHYL.

In 1987, the radio stations were sold. The new owners issued us with a manual. It had a special section on payola. It said it was a dirty word and that we should never accepts gifts for doing anything on the air.

I read the hit book “Hit Men” about the payola scandal.

Frankly, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Record companies get something out of it when a radio station plays their music on the air. Why shouldn’t the people making the choice about whether or not to play certain music receive a financial compensation for their choice from those who are affected?

I also don’t have a problem with reporters paying for stories, paying for interviews, and the like, even though this is a big no-no in American journalism (not in British journalism).

I also see nothing wrong with bloggers getting free product. Newspapers get free product all the time to review and they don’t have to publish disclosures (according to the latest FTC guidelines).

I just watched the movie “Lying in America.” It’s about payola and young love.

I loved it.

I don’t think the government should get involved if record companies want to pay off disc jockeys and the like. Perhaps there should be disclosure laws, but who really cares? Let the free market sort it all out.

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David Rubin’s Cozy Orthodox Connections

Former Yeshivat Yavneh board chair David Rubin is on trial for municipal bond kickbacks.

Brian Dror is an Orthodox Jew in Fairfax/La Brea area who works as a CPA. One of his real estate trusts filed for bankruptcy last year.

The LA Eruv dedication page lists David Rubin and Brian Dror among other supporters.

Michael K. Bernstein is in property management. He’s done some interesting work for David Rubin. He has shared an address on Wilshire Boulevard with an Orthodox CPA who specializes in sophisticated tax planning. Brian Dror is the registered agent for Michael K. Bernstein’s property management company.

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The New Dating Game

Charlotte Allen presents a distinctly conservative and feminine approach. She disses Neil Strauss’s book, which most people I know found a compelling read:

Men, eager for replication, are naturally polygamous, while women are naturally monogamous

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An Intellectual History Of The Sports Illustrated Bathing Suit Issue

This yearly edition of Sports Illustrated has played an important role in my life since 1978, when posters of Cheryl Tiegs in a white fishnet became ubiquitous. I didn’t know till then that there were beautiful women out there who were willing to show everything.

A few years later, Sports Illustrated published a memorable photo of Cheryl frolicking under a waterfall.

The magazine portrays a healthy attitude towards women. So many models are skinny. Sports Illustrated tells girls that it is OK to have curves.

A few years ago, I was on a date. We had an hour to kill before the movie started, so we wandered over to Borders and I started leafing through the Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue. My date joined me. She was interested in the bathing suits. I was interested in the girls.

It’s very important as a couple to do things together and to share common interests such as bathing beauties.

Slate.com reports:

Campbell’s 1978 issue proved a watershed moment for cheesecake. In Brazil, Campbell had persuaded model Cheryl Tiegs to pose for a throwaway shot in a white fishnet top, her nipples fully exposed. Somehow the shot made its way into the magazine. According to The Franchise, Michael MacCambridge’s excellent history of the magazine, nasty letters poured into Time-Life headquarters

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