I emailed my Christian mother Sunday: "I finished my Orthodox conversion today [with the Los Angeles Beit Din]…more than 16yrs after finishing my conversion with a Reform rabbi…"
She responded: "It’s a miracle of grace."
Joe emails: "Welcome to the faith. Did they tell you about the weekly orgies with 72 virgin shiksas we have at the sephardic temple with catering by Pats?"
I’ve now had the pleasure of undergoing two ritual circumsicions. In 1993, I was the Reform rabbi’s first. This time I was about number 400. I say you can never get pricked too many times down there.
Jim says: "It is called Hatafat Dam Brit and is the equivalent of circumcision for someone who is already circumcised."
Jeff emails: "Generally I don’t think there’s a lot of theology questions, we didn’t get them either, mostly Shabbat, I remember a muktza question, and some stuff about davening, and about the centrality of buying a seat for the High Holidays at premium costs (just kidding, though Jane likes to joke about the mandatory “pay to pray” commandment).
"So is your new the conversion in some way linked to the apple shirt you are wearing? Not an “I just went to the mikva and all I got to take off was this stupid T shirt” t shirt?"
Matt posts: "You’re also banned from the men’s room at the movie theater at Century City mall. Not all of them. Just the one on the lower floor to the right. Sorry to deliver the bad news. But I thought you should know."
HymenRoth: New Jew!
HymenRoth: Yoo hoo you new jew.
HymenRoth: Are the shiducs rolling in?
HymenRoth: Does your name go up on a list?
HymenRoth: Do they welcome you to the temple with new zeal?
HymenRoth: Now that you are Jewish, if you go to med school you can get yourself an asian honey like most Jews these days
HymenRoth: Luke needs a shidduch
HymenRoth: As an authentic Jew, he needs an authentic Jew-ess
guest11: let him be, he seems too be a nice guy…
HymenRoth: Did they get their pound of flesh?
zappa: HUSBANDS. Cheer yourself up by watching your wedding video in reverse. You’ll love the bit where you give her back the ring, walk back up the aisle, get into a car and f**k off.
HymenRoth: Jewish women must be wondering "how much did they leave behind?"
palestine4ever: wtf luke
palestine4ever: damn you
palestine4ever: i could have helped you out when the Day of the Rope comes but not anymore
palestine4ever: that’s okay, you’ll someday learn that persian women wear lace under their hijabs and this world of infinite unibrow pleasure is now denied to you