Seven Minutes In The Hovel

"I want it to be different," he says. "I don’t want you to remind me of anything porny. Sex with you is different."

"I am?" she says. "Thanks babe. You like what’s between my ears too? That’s love."

"How’s your piercing?" he asks.

"It’s sore," she says.

"Where is it?" he asks.

"You’ll have to find out," she says. "It’ll be like a scavenger hunt."

"It will be seven minutes in Heaven," he says.

"I don’t know if I’m that kind of girl now," she says. "You’ll probably kiss me kinda hard and surprise me because you don’t know either how to do this.

"Where will we do it?"

"In my closet," he says.

"But you don’t have a walk-in closet," she says.

"In yours then," he says.

"We could do seven minutes in the hovel," she says. "But it is supposed to be a closet where you are sitting on shoes and it is totally awkward and there coats sitting on your head and it is totally dark and everyone’s waiting for you to come out. And your hair is messed up and you’ve got lipstick around your mouth."

"You slut!" he says. "You know how to play this game."

"I’m sure the rest of your class was playing this," she says. "I’m sorry baby. They just didn’t include you. You can’t blame me for that."

"I asked people at Alex," he says, "and they hadn’t heard of it either."

"Every elementary school child knows the game Seven Minutes in Heaven," she says.

"Every slutty elementary school child," he says.

"That’s not true," she says. "I didn’t go to Ethical Culture and all these other schools where people were giving blowjobs at nine and losing their virginity at eleven."

"Oy vey!" he says.

"Yeah," she says. "My friend was at Ethical Culture. She was telling me what they do when they play Doctor. They lick each other at the top of the school on the roof. I was 16 and she was 9. She asked me if I was a virgin. I said yes. She rolled her eyes and said, ‘I’d kill myself if that happened to me.’

"You and I started late," she said. "That’s why we’re making up for lost time."

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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