Repentance

I can’t remember the last time I made a meaningful apology to someone.

I must be a great tzaddik who never does anyone harm.

I hate empty ritual. I hate it when someone says, "If I have done anything bad to you over the past year, please forgive me."

I loathe that! It’s so empty. If you have done something bad to me, then name it and make amends. Otherwise, spare me these empty offerings.

The last time I tried to mend something, I asked a rabbi to talk to him. He had given this talk on the importance of seeking out those we have a problem with and try to talk the matter out. This rabbi was always complaining about me. Another rabbi pushed me to apologize to him for a critical thing I had written. So I sought the bloke out and he flat out lied. He said he had no problem with me.

And that was that.

PS. I often encounter in Orthodox Jewish life the notion that our learning of Torah will help someone’s recovery from illness. Rabbis will often say something like, "We’re going to learn this Mishna so that Miriam Bat Sheva will have a refush shlemeh."

How come we never do that on behalf of paraplegics? How come God never heals paraplegics? He must really hate them.

Oy, how I hate empty pious words. I hate all the signs up for fighting "hunger" in Los Angeles. There is no hunger in Los Angeles. People may not always be able to eat what they want, they may have to eat cereal three times a day, but there’s no malnutrition in Los Angeles.

Imagine if these do-gooders had to be accurate in their wording? It would go something like this: "Please join our campaign so that poor people can have a greater variety of canned goods. Many of them sick of our offerings of beans and rice."

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The Jewish Press Interviews Rabbi Gil Student

From Hirhurim:

The Jewish Press has an interview with me this week (link). Here’s an excerpt and you can read the whole thing at the source:

In the world of Orthodox blogs, few are as popular as Hirhurim.blogspot.com, run by Rabbi Gil Student. Visited over four million times since its founding five years ago, Hirhurim – which the Jerusalem Post ranked as the "Best Jewish Religion Blog" in 2005 – features informative, intriguing, and sometimes controversial discussions on halacha, Jewish philosophy, biblical stories, and more.

Rabbi Student, the managing editor of OU Press and founder of Yashar Books, recently compiled some of his blog posts in book form. Released last month, Posts Along the Way, Vol. 1: Shuls includes 50 short essays on such topics as women rabbis, Carlebach minyanim, and the permissibility of holding one’s child duringdavening.

The Jewish Press recently spoke with Rabbi Student.

The Jewish Press: What inspired you to start your blog in March 2004?

Click here for moreRabbi Student: At the time, there was a Jewish blog discussing homosexuality from a halachic perspective and I didn’t feel the sources were being represented accurately.

In 2006 the Conservative movement officially issued a permissive ruling on homosexuality. But back in 2004 they were in the discussion stage and a lot of discussion was happening online and via e-mail lists, and it had slowly moved to blogs.

I decided to create my own blog to correct what I thought was an incorrect and misleading halachic position on this sensitive topic.

Many people views blogs as forums for gossip and criticism of the Orthodox community establishment. What is your take?

If you have a hammer, you can use it to build a house or bang someone on the head. It’s a tool. It can be used for good or bad. Just as a newspaper can be used for gossip and horrible character assassination – a blog can also. And just like a newspaper can be used to enlighten the community and give it important information – a blog can also…

Full interview here: link.

FKM POSTS: "Is there any serious way of identifying someone’s views as heretical without being personally hurtful in the process?
I don’t see how it’s possible.
And if not, I don’t see why it deserves criticism."

S POSTS: You seem to relish the job which you feel is your duty. Why don’t you seem to regret it? How about a post or two about how you cry at night thinking of the personal pain you’ve perhaps caused Slifkin, about how you’re not 1000% sure, because after all you’re human, and Yom Kippur is difficult for you? I mean, I’m sure you’re personally reflective like that and doing a dirty job which you have no choice but to do.

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The Journal Of Halacha And Contemporary Society

Rabbi Gil Student blogs: The Succot 5770/Fall 2009 issue of The Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society has been published:

  • Correcting the Ba’al Koreh: Punctilious Performance vs. Public Embarrassment by R. Moshe Rosenberg – A fantastic discussion of the multiple views over whether you have to correct a mistaken Torah reader, concluding that we must follow the view of the Rema and correct grammatical mistakes that change the meaning. Exceptions include when the reader does not normally differentiate in that grammatical sense. Plenty of examples of mistakes that can be made. And then practical advice on how to avoid these problems. My only comments are that he doesn’t quote Tosafos (Avodah Zarah 22b) among the lenient authorities even though it seems to me that Tosafos is lenient; R. Tzvi Hirsch Grodzenski (Mikra’ei Kodesh ch.7 n. 35) seems to lean towards being lenient on this but leaves it "tzarikh iyun"; and, finally, R. Rosenberg seems to get way too much joy from this whole subject, there’s enthusiasm bouncing out of every page of this article.

  • Shomer-Shabbat Residency by R. Dr. Raymond Sultan and Dr. Sammy Sultan – Oh boy. Basically an article arguing that medical students must forgo specialties that do not allow for Shomer Shabbos residencies. Quickly dismisses what I’ve been told by doctors (and I find hard to believe) that any residency can be made Shomer Shabbos if you know what you are doing.

Jonathan posts: I have also heard that any residency can be made shomer shabbos if you know what you are doing. That means: 1. Don’t rock the boat with the administration- keep it quiet and simply trade your shabbos shifts for their weekday shifts 2. You’ll have to sweeten the pot, as no one is going to take your Saturday shift and give you a Tuesday. You’re going to have to take 3 shifts for every two you give back. It means that to be shomer shabbos, you’ll end up working even harder than residents normally do.

CHARLIE HALL POSTS: I don’t know about "any" residency, but my wife went to a non-shomer Shabat family medicine residency and was able to arrange a schedule that did not involve Shabat or Yom Tov work.

An interesting question that I haven’t asked my rabbi: Suppose you have a person who is frum in every respect except he/she is doing a non-shomer Shabat residency. Can I eat from his/her kitchen?

"Does any physician follow the Aruch Hashulcahn in his/her billings for services?"

My wife gets paid a straight salary as an employed physician. I don’t think she even knows how much her employer bills Medicare and Medicaid for the services she performs. My understanding is that similar arrangements are not uncommon today.

"you’ll end up working even harder than residents normally do"

My wife told me that some of her fellow residents resented her because the Sunday shifts she worked in exchange for Saturday shifts were one hour shorter. Never mind that she NEVER had a Sunday or holiday off.

Finally, I have never understood why residents can’t work on Shabat. If I, with no medical training, see someone ill who needs to go to the hospital, I can drive them to the hospital myself if that is necessary. Kal v’chomer someone who actually might be able to help them! Medical residents have far more training that hatzalah volunteers. And medical residents actually do most of the work at most teaching hospitals — and if someone is not in a situation of at least safek sacanah when they arrive at the hospital, they will be within minutes after being admitted. (I’ve even argued that it is a chiyuv to sign papers to discharge a patient from the hospital on Shabat if the patient is able to be discharged.) Can anyone explain to me why the prohibitions on residents are so stringent? (I will add for the record that I’ve never heard any rabbi publicly agree with me regarding residents.)

MD1 posts: Charlie, very few residencies can be made shomer shabbos, unless it’s designed that way from the start. Exceptions are more likely to be found in the less stressful ones like ophthalmology, derm, psych, rehab, and probably family medicine.

As a med student at a high-powered med school, I tried your wife’s approach, and I became an object of ridicule, and my relationships with attendings and my peers took a nose-dive in several rotations.

I then did a shomer shabbos residency, that involved nearly every Sunday and holiday plus several volunteer call days. I had no problems at all, and was able to excel in my rotations without negative interactions.

During my "non-shomer" fellowship, my patients were all very ill, and there were no clinic days on weekends for me. The few admin things (e.g. rare patient discharges) that I could not get a resident to do, I did with a shinui. Patient notes (e.g for procedures) for sick pts are pikuach nefesh, but I used a shinuy (and a verbal declaration (mishum aivah))for all such mamash melacha.

I highly discourage non-Shomer-shabbos residencies, but in some specialties SSRs just don’t exist. In many specialties/programs, that means seeing many patients who are not in a sakana situation, and doing mamash melacha, with no real heter. It’s not much different than opening your shoe store on shabbos. I don’t believe that the heter (mishum aivah) for doctors applies to patients that can easily wait a few days or weeks. And I doubt it applies to a doctor putting himself voluntarily into such a situation.

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Why Are Some Teams Always Finesse Teams?

The Dallas Cowboys, no matter the coach, have been a finesse football team for about 50 years now. By contrast, the Pittsburgh Steeler have always been a brutal force team.

Why has this never changed? The teams have been successful. They’ve been losers. But they never change this identity.

It makes sense that stadium and weather will be the primary determinants for a football team’s identity. Pittsburgh has lousy weather and an outdoor stadium, so power football makes sense.

Dallas only rarely has snow. It’s more suited to finesse football even though its stadium (until now that it has a choice) was under the stars.

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Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Says Michael Jackson Threw His Life Away

I was sitting with a group of Gentiles last week. They were discussing Shmuley Boteach’s book “Face Your Fear“. They love his TV show "Shalom in the Home."

They were impressed I knew Shmuley.

He was one rabbi they could connect with. It seems for most Gentiles that Judaism is a foreign language. They don’t have the foggiest clue. Only the rare Jew can communicate the tradition to the world.

Haaretz says:

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, the renowned U.S. writer and broadcaster, has said that pop superstar Michael Jackson "threw his life away" by taking doses of medication he knew were lethal.

"As far as Michael Jackson is concerned, his death is a terrible tragedy, a terrible loss of life, a terrible waste of human potential," Boteach, a onetime friend of the late superstar, told Haaretz this week. "I’m very sad that he threw away his life, because he did throw away his life."

Boteach, 42, whom Newsweek ranked seventh on its 2009 list of the "Top 50 Rabbis in America," was a friend of Jackson’s for several years at the beginning of the decade.

"Michael knew what he was doing," he said. "He knew that the drugs he was taking – that the amount that he was taking – could kill him at any moment. And many people tried to stop him and discourage him, and it’s very, very sad and tragic that he lived with so much pain that he couldn’t stop."

The rabbi said he never said Jackson taking drugs; but he added that he speculated that the "King of Pop," who died on June 25 after reportedly having been administered drugs such as propofol and lorazepam, had in fact been using narcotics.

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Dennis Prager’s Angry Female Caller

On his happiness hour Friday, Dennis Prager took a call from Connie in Sacramento.

Connie: "People have a fundamental moral obligation to be real. That’s the problem in our culture right now. It’s the opposite of what you’re saying. Everybody who has brought about critical change that we’ve needed regarding social justice, for instance, African-Americans who fought for civil rights, Gandhi… These are people who did not act happy all the time… In our everyday lives, we need to do the same thing. We need to show how we really feel and not be fake."

Dennis: "Are you married?"

Connie: "That has nothing to do with it. Stay on the topic, Dennis."

Dennis: "No. I’m allowed to ask what I want."

Connie: "That’s an isolated question. It doesn’t matter whether I am married or not."

Dennis: "I assume from what you’re saying that you’re either unhappily married or not married."

Connie: "You’re very unprofessional to make such an assumption."

Dennis: "My profession is to offer my reasoned thinking."

Connie: "Don’t make assumptions."

Dennis: "I make assumptions. I would not be married to a woman who felt like you."

Connie: "You promote pretentiousness."

Dennis: "I suspect that if more people acted like you, they would increase the amount of bitterness and anger in our lives. You sound bitter and angry and I don’t."

"It’s inauthentic that my breath smells good. It’s completely inauthentic. I use gargle. I use toothpaste. Perfume and deoderant are inauthentic. Daily showers are inauthentic. Not flatulating is inauthentic. Men not grabbing women in the elevator is inauthentic.

"By the way, Gandhi did not walk around angry and bitter. Ever. Ever."

I can’t wait for someone to say to Prager, "Have you been divorced twice? You sound like someone who’s on his third marriage. I would not want to be married to someone like you. You radiate something that does not make for a stable family life."

Talking about his speech to high school students on the moral obligation to be happy, Dennis said: "I infuriated at least one of the teachers. He said, ‘No. Unhappiness is a great thing in so many people. If Mahler had been happy, we would not have had the Mahler symphonies.’

"He used classical music with the wrong guy. I not only know Mahler’s symphonies, I conduct symphonies. I know the keys of all of Mahler’s symphonies and even fragments of the tenth. I went through all of Mahler’s symphonies. While it is true that the sixth is called the tragic and the ninth he knew he was dying, but the eighth, the beauty of the fourth. I don’t think he expected this speaker to tell him about the keys and the happiness of the different Mahler symphonies."

In his third hour, Prager said: "I won’t change the definition of marriage because I want gays to be happy."

This gay Hollywood producer told him: "You’re on the wrong side of history."

Dennis: "That may well be and it has absolutely no impact on my thinking. I know I am on the wrong side historically on capital punishment… That history is moving in the direction of X does not make X right."

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Dennis Prager Doesn’t Understand Male Sexual Boasting

On Wednesday, Prager discussed male sexual boasting. His show was inspired by the Michael Duvall fall. "There are parts of men’s behavior that even I don’t relate to," says Dennis. "I don’t want to investigate politician’s private lives, but if they start boasting about it, that’s a different issue.

"What is this about boasting to other guys with detail about your sexual conquests?"

"I find this almost incomprehensible. I bounced this off guys in my life and we all rolled our eyes. This is truly low-life behavior. A guy bragging to other guys about his sexual behavior is the low-point of being a child-man."

"What did this assemblyman expect his friend to say? ‘You are one stud!’"

"Is this normal behavior and where does it come from?"

One guy (46yo, divorced) called to say he and his friends often share details of their sexual conquests. Prager suggested that the caller was not marriage material.

"A man having an affair does not baffle me. But bragging about it baffles me."

I fear that I not only understand male sexual boasting, but have done more than my share with my closest male friends.

So why did I boast about my sexual exploits? Because it was the most exciting and visceral thing that happened to me recently. It was the thing that made me feel most alive. When a woman accepts me completely and lets me do what I want to her, then I feel like the manliest man in the world. I feel happy. I want to yell my happiness from the rooftops. It’s visceral for me to share this with my closest friends, just as I would share the details of some business or professional or personal coup. This was a coup. This was a triumph. I like sharing good news with my friends as well as my sufferings.

I wouldn’t share this stuff with friends who ever met the woman. I share it with my email Advisory Committee, four guys who live far away and are unlikely to meet the woman I’ve been ravishing.

When sex is sport rather than relationship it better lends itself to boasting. Who’s going to boast about sex with the wife or even the girlfriend? Boasting sex is usually sport sex.

Khunrum emails: You vulgar so and so, you’re always yapping… But let’s more on. Today we must determine if your new “Orthodox Yiddish Diploma” is generating invites to dine on holy grub (grub is American slang for food Michel) at High Holy Jewish functions (It’s Rosha Shona no?). In short. Are you still the “outcast wandering Jew” of past holidays or has the Yid community taken you to their bosoms and dinner tables.

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Jeffrey S. Gurock’s Social History Of Orthodox Jews In America

I’ve met Dr. Gurock. He was wonderful. I loved talking to him. He seemed like a real mentch.

He’s an engaging speaker and writer, but I am disappointed by sections of his latest book "Orthodox Jews in America."

It purports to be a social history but it is a whitewashing of Jews.

During Vietnam, the Korean War, and WWII in particular, massive numbers of Orthodox Jews avoided the draft by enrolling in sham yeshivas (they littered Pico Blvd during the Vietnam war) which were specially set up for the primary task of enabling Jews to avoid national service.

Dr. Gurock, a professor of history at Yeshiva University, writes on page 153:

As far as the Sabbath was concerned, those committed to the halacha in such difficult environs were at least sure to avoid "voluntary desecration…for private, non-military purposes." Here too the fortunate ones were those who might find a gentile comrade in arms who was willing to swap "Sunday duty" to allow a Jewish friend "to be off on Saturday." But those who proposed trading places did so in such a way as not to gain any advantage from the arrangement. Nobody wanted to be "accused of using religion as a means of ‘gold-bricking’. Similarly, daily prayers were said both rapidly and partially to avoid holding up the unit from its daily regimens.

Well, if large numbers of Orthodox Jews were gaming the system to avoid national service, it is hard for me to believe that those who did serve in the U.S. Armed Forces entirely avoided using their religion to get out of labor.

I’m thinking in particular of Philip Roth’s wonderful short story "Defender of the Faith" in his book "Goodbye Columbus." It’s about a Jew using his Jewishness to try to gain unfair advantage with his Jewish sergeant. I doubt this story has no replicas in real life. It certainly does not ring true with many of the Jews I know, who are as likely as the next goy to get out of anything onerous with any excuse.

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How Does She Feel When Men Look At Her With Lust?

I’ve just finished writing up my long interview with former model turned life coach Dr. Gabrielle Pelicci.

I live my life on a very spiritual plane, so many of the afflictions that common men suffer are not problems for me. Still, I am only flesh and blood. Despite my immense Torah learning, I am able to relate to the average Joe and to ask the questions of beautiful women that he will find interesting.

Luke: "How do you feel when you sense men looking at you with lust?"

Gabrielle: "If a man only looks at me with lust and only interacts with me in a lustful way, it’s disappointing because there is so much more to me than a physical body. If lust is one of many emotions, if the man also respects me, and also treats me like an equal, than I can’t really hold it against him for feeling lust. I don’t typically engage with people in that way.

"As a massage therapist, I would get a lot of requests to do sensual massages or to do different things. I don’t engage with people in that way. I’m very conservative when it comes to romance. I believe in monogamous relationships. You share that kind of intimacy with your partner. You won’t get a big response out of me if you are very lustful towards me and that is the only sort of attention that you’re giving me. I don’t really respond to it."

Luke: "To what extent do you want to be swept away?"

Gabrielle: "I would love it! As an independent woman in my mid-30s with all of these career aspirations, that’s a struggle for me. As much as I want to be swept away, I want to maintain what I’ve developed and to maintain my career and my independence and autonomy. Part of being swept away is being able to let go and let someone sweep you away. That’s hard for me."

Gabrielle’s Facebook. YouTube. Her Enerje website. Her blog.


Gabrielle talks about her interview with me.

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I’m BAAAAACK!

JUDEN OF LOS ANGELES – I HAVE RETURNED!  A panel of indisputably authentic torah gadols has certified that I am one of you, which means that I am now perfectly free to move in your circles, pray in your temples, and share meals with you and yours.  I look forward to seeing you all in my sojourns about the community and wish all of you a happy and healthy new year in which you get whatever God decrees you’ve got coming to you. 

Also, I forgive all of you the terrible sins you committed in shunning me all these years.

Shana Tovah!

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