Can You Make Shiksas Jewish Through Injection Of Kosher Salalami?

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Doomsday Scenarios

Dennis Prager writes:

It appears that The Rapture leading to the end of the world predicted by a Christian radio broadcaster for this past Saturday, May 21, did not take place. And the failure was covered worldwide. A Google search on Saturday evening yielded over 32,000 articles — in English alone — in the world media.

The secular, especially the anti-religious, Left enjoys these spectacles of religious foolishness. They seem to confirm not only how absurd these end-of-days predictions are, but how absurd religion is in general.

But the Left should not laugh too loudly. The religious world has far fewer doomsday predictions than the Left does. At least every few years, the secular Left frightens itself — and tries to frighten everyone else — about another doomsday scenario.

The most obvious current example is, of course, global warming. For years now we have been told by the world’s left-wing media that scientists are united in predicting that there will be worldwide catastrophe as a result of global warming caused by manmade carbon-dioxide emissions. Oceans will rise so high that they will drown many of the world’s great coastal cities; entire island-countries will disappear; vast areas of the world will dry up; and countries will fight one another for the little remaining fresh water.
Compared with the global-warming scenario, I’ll face the Rapture — and I’m not even Christian.

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TJC’s Week In Review: May 20, 2011

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Parashat Bemidbar (Numbers 1:1-4:20)

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube.

This week’s Torah portion is Parashat Bemidbar (Numbers 1:1-4:20).

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A Brief History Of My Beard

Noon. Thursday. Jan. 31. 2008.

I’m at the Robertson branch of the Los Angeles Public Library leafing through the February issue of Commentary magazine.

It’s been a few days since I’ve shaved.

I stop at an article on the role of the beard in Judaism by Rabbi Meir Soloveichik. I read it all the way through. I decide to not shave again.

The clean-shaven Rabbi Soloveichik says the beard plays an important role in Judaism. It’s been the way of the Jewish people for thousands of years. Growing a beard is a rejection of Egypt, where men would obsessively shave to look young. Judaism wants you to look your age. Judaism wants you to accept who you are. Judaism wants men to look like men and women to look like women. A beard distinguishes a man from a boy.

For the past 14 years, I’ve been using Grecian Formula to try to hide the growing amounts of grey in my hair. Now I decide to stop fighting my age and to embrace it.

I walk down Robertson Blvd to the Milk N’ Honey restaurant for lunch at 12:30 with conservative comic Evan Sayet.

We get into a conversation with a man (actor-singer Rick Moses) sitting next to us who sports a long white beard. I dig the beard. I want one like that for myself.

Two weeks later, I show up to LimmudLA and land on the cover of the Jewish Journal.

At LimmudLA, several people ask me if I’m planning to grow a beard. I say yes.

I like the idea of making a dramatic demarcation between the time I wrote regularly on the porn industry (1995-2007) and the new era, the era of redemption, where I mainly write about Judaism.

I figure a beard is a dramatic way to say I’ve changed. I’m more Torah observant.

That I am not more Torah observant does not bother me. Aside from no longer making it my profession to interview porn stars all day, my religious observance is about the same, even slipping somewhat because I no longer have the visceral need for religion that I felt while swimming in the cesspool. Also, I don’t have as much spare time as I once did. My Torah study is no longer subsidized by the lucrative business of writing about sluts.

As my beard grows, I notice traditional Orthodox Jews treating me with more respect while the clean-shaven Modern Orthodox tend to actively resent my beard. They feel that I am putting on airs. They feel compelled to tell me that the Torah does not mandate beards for men.

I know the Torah does not mandate beards for men but a beard is clearly the Torah’s preference for men. There are two laws against beard removal in the written Torah (Pentateuch). It’s clearly been the way of our people for thousands of years.

A few months into my beard, a friend tells me that the cleaning women at shul want to know why the rabbi — they think that’s me! — never goes up front to talk.

I notice homeless people calling me rabbi.

I like this.

I like dramatic statements. I’m an adrenalin junkie.

And I like to be noticed.

I like change. I like to say — I’m a new man!

Every girl who’s given me an opinion on the beard has said she doesn’t like it, but I had 42 years without a beard and they were not always awash in beautiful women, so, frankly, I’m not sure it hurts me that much (I’m as popular with the opposite sex today as I have ever been), and now that the beard is really long, I think it makes me more interesting. Also, it gives me more respect in the Orthodox world. It gives me street cred. Nobody questions my commitment to Judaism, to Torah, to observance, anymore. My beard intimidates people. It makes me seem fierce.

I dig that!

May 22, 2008:

Feb. 9, 2010:

From the summer of 1995, B-roll for my tentative documentary on what women want:

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The Difference Between Netanyahu And Obama

When they were in their early 20s:

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The Dark Night Of The Soul

The hours between midnight and four a.m. are usually restless ones for me.

I can usually nod off to sleep by about 11 p.m. but then I typically wake up around midnight. If I check my email, it’s likely I’ll encounter somebody I care about not responding to me exactly as I wish, and this increases my anxiety. If, say, I have to wait an extra week for an anticipated date or business meeting or payment, my fear of abandonment and of financial catastrophe becomes crippling and I don’t sleep until daylight.

When I’m smart, I don’t check my email late at night. I just put on Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits or perhaps some Air Supply or Mozart or Haydn or Debbie Friedman. I know I don’t want to lie alone in the quiet and just wrestle with my thoughts. I must be distracted. If I have to face who I am and where I am, I’ll get uncomfortable and restless and I won’t sleep. Instead, please God, let me lose myself in some romantic dream and then drift off.

If I were in a relationship, my need for romantic music would not be as acute. Meanwhile, Barry Manilow is my substitute for love.

I wonder if my musical choices are a cause of or just a symptom of love addiction?

When I am in a relationship, my anxiety does not disappear. It just changes. I worry excessively about us.

The more successful, the more passionate, my life, the less I worry. Conversely, my failures pile upon each other and weigh me down. I’m not exactly OK with myself. I have to constantly prove stuff, such as that I am worthy of a decent night’s sleep.

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Wanna Be Friends?

A couple of years ago in a fit of reckless need, I friend requested half a dozen rabbis I knew. Some of these rabbis, I’ve known for more than a decade.

I was dying to know if they were willing to publicly be friends with me. Did they consider themselves friends of mine but didn’t want to go public with it because who needs the tsures?

I’d criticized on my blog several of these rabbis and a thousand times over, I’d published things all of them were sure to find offensive.

I don’t exactly abide fully by all the laws and customs of Orthodox Judaism. I’m still a work in progress. That’s how I like to phrase things, meaning I want to do religion on my own terms and maybe I’ll become more devout with time.

None of the rabbis accepted my friend requested. My therapist said I was being manipulative and I could tell she wasn’t proud of me when I relayed this story.

I felt like a right wally at the time and I feel shame as I type this blog entry.

I have a split personality. I do what I want, no matter how much it violates my community’s norms and my friends’ sensibilities. I will not be restrained. I have to be me! I’m a writer!

Then I feel hurt and isolated by the results and I desperately and pathetically reach out to people I’ve offended and — surprisingly — most of them don’t want to be friends.

Not on Facebook. Not in real life.

Much of the time, I am not OK with who I am and where I am in life. I feel great anxiety and am compelled to take action to change my state.

When I act out of this need, such as friend requesting on Facebook folks I’ve offended, the results are rarely good.

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Wow!

I just looked at myself in the mirror and smiled and released the habitual compression I usually hold around my eyes. Wow! My face just jumped out at me — alert and inviting! Who wouldn’t want to get close to a face like that? Just imagine if I walked around with that face and met people with that face! It would skyrocket my popularity. Who wouldn’t feel happy? Who wouldn’t want to get close to me?

I can’t believe the face beaming back at me. It makes me smile even more. This could change my life — just releasing the unnecessary tension on my forehead, up and down my jaw, along my lips, and letting loose with a genuine smile that starts in my eyes and travels down like a bridge over troubled water.

Sail on golden boy. Your time has come to shine.

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This Week’s Torah Portion – Parashat Bemidbar (Numbers 1:1-4:20)

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube.

Watch the videos.

This week’s Torah portion is Parashat Bemidbar (Numbers 1:1-4:20).

* Tonight’s show comes from the House of Rabbs.

* Life is not mainly dramatic revelations from God. Life is mainly wandering in the wilderness, like this book.

* The tabernacle, and later the temple and the synagogue, serve as substitutes for and reminders of the divine revelation at Mount Sinai.

* What do you do with something precious in Judaism such as a Torah scroll? You wrap it up and put it away. Same with women. The glory of a king’s daughter is in her modesty. All precious things deserve protection and safeguards.

* Dennis Prager often says, I never eat dishes. The Torah, however, is obsessed with the sanctity of dishes and utensils.

* The Torah doesn’t tell us about the descendants of Moses. Why? Because they did not carry on his teachings. In Judges and Kings I, Moshe’s descendants celebrate around another golden calf.

* You can be a great man and a miserable father. In fact, great men are usually lousy fathers. In Billy Graham’s autobiography, he says he has one major regret that weighs on him — that he ignored his kids while he was saving the world. Such fathers get old and find their kids ignore them. Men tend to want to save the world and a lot of women want to save a man.

* We also have reason to believe that Moses was not a great husband. A life just devoted to God is not a Torah life. It’s a sin for a man not to marry if he can.

* Torah does not blame Moses for being a bad husband and father. He may have been great on both counts until God called him to lead the Jewish people.

* None of us can embody everything good in life. So it is good to take up a task.

* The purpose of the Jews is to carry God in the world, just like the ancient Jews carried the tabernacle through the desert. Boredom comes from a lack of purpose, not from a lack of things to do. Secularism and affluence leads to boredom. (Dennis Prager)

* Why do secular Jews disproportionately preoccupy themselves with social action? Because they’re bored.

* Holy objects like the ark reminds us that there is a realm beyond the physical. Like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I walk around Pico-Robertson on those days and the spiritual seems more real than the physical.

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