A friend broke out of a long slump and finally had a naughty. He tells me that the girl was nice.
“Nice?” I say, getting indignant. “Nice? That’s a bit of an understatement, isn’t it? That kind of selflessness? I’d say she’s the Mother Theresa of Nookie.”
“Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! How could you post that? What were you thinking? Were you looking for attention? Well, you won’t get any from me.”
I usually spend lunch at shul sitting with my back to the crowd among the old men who don’t speak English.
Today as I set up in my usual perch, a new friend came over and invited me to join the mix, to sit with the other singles, a group of the under-50s…
So I sat in the middle of the mix gulping water and zoning out until I was invited into a conversation. Then I sat quietly trying to understand what was going on. My hearing’s not so good these days.
It wasn’t supposed to end up like this.
I got this feedback on my writing about my emotional addictions:
“When you’re in your Orthodox Jewish community, do you have to hide an entire side of yourself? What’s that like? I want to get in there and know what’s going on that keeps you there. Is it empowering? Is it horrible? Is there any conflict? How much do these people know about who you are and what you deal with and the type of people you’ve consorted with?”
ANSWER: Everyone knows and reacts in their own way. Few people in the community view me as a threat anymore.
David: Personally I read out to them my step 4 and step 8. If they still want to be with me after that then they are mine forever.
Rabbi Hershel Rabbs Remer I’m curious how any woman could go out with you for even 1 date and not already know that you’re in 12 steps, as you broadcast about your addictions every day on your blog, youtube, and facebook. She would need to have no Internet access to not know, or she didn’t do her due diligence.
Mark: You need a timeline for all these things. 12 steps- date 3, porn-date 4, chronic fatigue- date 5, etc. Or just wear a sandwich board with your whole life story for the first date (or just assume she actually looked you up on the internet and knows all of these things and has seen you and Rabbs)
A friend tells me: Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) did come Erev Yom Kippur.
For Neilah, his wife came too (cute). He was invited to join the men choir and he gladly complied. He danced around the Bima with them at the end of services. He is good looking, nice and friendly.
An Orthodox Persian friend says he knows of no gay Persian Jew. Is it true that homosexuality is unknown among the Persians? Ahmadinijad says so.
I am trying to figure out if my friend is gay. He’s Persian Orthodox, nearly 30, and never kissed a woman. He dresses flamboyantly. He’s always pinching my facial cheeks and calling me “cutie pie.” He’s always noticing whether or not other guys are in shape and how they dress and their various physical imperfections, stuff I never notice. He keeps pointing out my bulging stomach and the stains on my teeth and my ill-fitting ratty clothes. When he’s touching me, he says that it is normal in Persian culture for guys to hug and kiss and to be very physically affectionate, so I don’t want to be intolerant of his culture and push him away. How can I best be a compassionate understanding friend?
Every major Orthodox rabbi but one has ruled that you can’t use a stroller on Yom Kippur because the eruv is down due to the 405 construction.
Here’s the normative approach:
Young Israel of Century City
Guidelines For When the Eruv is Down
Prepared by Rabbi Elazar Muskin & Rabbi Zev Goldberg
The Los Angeles community is blessed with an exceptional Eruv that is used by the entire community throughout the year. However, because of ongoing construction on the 405, the Eruv Committee has informed us that the Eruv will not be operational on Yom Kippur. Please be advised of the following guidelines:
– You are not allowed to carry your High Holiday pass on Yom Kippur. Guards will have complete lists for all locations. If your name is on the list you will be allowed to enter the designated Minyan location.
– If you live in a home with a fully enclosed yard (even if there is a door), you may carry in the yard.
– You may not carry a key on Shabbat/Yom Kippur without an Eruv. It is permissible to fashion a belt that uses the key as part of the buckle. However, the key must serve a function as part of the belt. Attaching the key to the belt as an ornament is not acceptable. It is not permissible to simply attach a key to a necklace.
– If you need eyeglasses/contact lenses to help with your vision, you are permitted to wear the eyeglasses/contact lenses when walking in a public domain on Shabbat.
– You are not permitted to push a stroller on Shabbat/ Yom Kippur if there is no Eruv. This applies even if the child is capable of walking on his/her own. If you require the use of a wheelchair, walker or cane, please call Rabbi Muskin to discuss the issue privately.
– If you realize that you are carrying while walking in a public domain, if the item can be discarded, it is best to dispose of the item in a backhanded fashion. If the item cannot be discarded, you should ideally walk back to the point of origin stopping every 4 to 6 feet.
– If on Shabbat/Yom Kippur you encounter someone carrying in a public domain because they are unaware that the Eruv is down, it is better not to inform the person until they have returned to a private domain so that their carrying remains an “inadvertent sin”.
Here’s the exception. Rav Yosef Kanefsky emails his congregants and then catches a ton of grief from other Orthodox Jews:
Dear friends,
I’ve been thinking a lot about identifying a halachik mechanism by which everyone can come to shul on Yom Kippur, including those of us with children who need strollers. If we work together as a community, we should be able to get it done. Whether you have small children or not, please read on:
(1) What we’d like to do is to match people who have non-Jewish housekeepers, or neighbors or friends, with people who need to have strollers pushed.
(2) We would pre-arrange for the non-Jewish friend to appear at your home at about 9:30 on Yom Kippur morning, and to stroll the stroller as you walk to shul. And then to reverse course at 3 PM (the end of mussaf).
(3) Some of the halachik fine points of this arrangement are:
a. That this is all arranged before Yom Kippur
b. That before or after Yom Kippur, the non-Jewish person will be compensated for his or her efforts (unless they refuse compensation)
c. That the person will not be asked to do anything else except the “mitzva need” of enabling you to come to shul
(4) So if you know someone who could be one of our strollers, or if you are in need of a “stroller”, please contact Orit at the shul office no later than Monday at noon.
(5) For any further questions, please contact me!
A friend at work tells her 41 yo son about me: “There’s this kid a few years older than you with a cherubic Anglican face who’s an Orthodox Jew.”
“Did he convert?”
“Yes. He wears his beanie every day and his underwear hanging out with his tassles showing and he swings them like some burlesque babe and says his ancestors went through Auschwitz so that he could wear his tassles out. And I tell him he’s full of s***.”
This woman then told my boss he always hires weirdos.
She emails me: You are a dog – and I have always told you the same. You are suspect re your people of thousands of years, blah blah blah.
However, I hope you are enjoying “your” holiday and I’m sure you’ll be busy all day atoning for your many sins. See ya’ tomorrow, you dog.
On his radio show today, Dennis Prager said about last night’s 60 Minutes interview with Barack Obama and Mitt Romney: “What struck me more than anything was how much Barack Obama has aged in four years. Not only the grey hair but the lines on the face. It really does show that aggravation, tension, have a physical effect. I guess I haven’t had my share of aggravation in life. I think he has more lines than I do and I’m older than him. It was really dramatic because of the clarity of the picture on my HD screen. He almost seemed a bit weary.”
