October 4, 2012 Triumph Of The Will Luke Ford No sacred cows.

Triumph Of The Will

Posted on October 4, 2012 by Luke Ford

In a lot of writing classes, people like to write about their triumphs and the wisdom they’ve gained and how they’ve overcome adversity and gotten in touch with how special they are. I hate this! I only want to hear stories of failure and humiliation and defeat (with a few exceptions for stories that begin with the humiliation and stay there for a good long time). I don’t want to hear about how you’re so special. I want to hear about how you thought you were special and then one day in your late teens or early 20s, you realized you weren’t and how that felt.

A friend says: “When comparing Woody Allen to Albert Brooks, I thought Brooks was better because he was willing to be unlikeable. Woody always wanted our sympathy and made himself out to be likeable even if neurotic and a nebbech (or nebbish.) Brooks on the other hand was quite willing to allow himself to play the asshole without redeeming qualities. This is of course a problem for all actors, but since Brooks and Allen both played Jewish “types” Brooks exhibited greater courage.”

“Regarding Brooks, lost in America, modern romance and real life are all superb. In both modern romance and lost in America, he really comes off as a total unredeemable selfish jerk. You would enjoy modern romance in which he refuses to accept that the object of his affection has no interest in him anymore. In Lost in America he convinces his wife that they should drop out of the high priced west L.A. lifestyle, cash in their savings, buy an RV and take off across America. Real Life is is satire on the PBS series an American Family. In my opinion all are exceptionally funny films, certainly as insightful as anything Allen has made (and I like Woody Allen films)”

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Loma Linda Vegans Have Highest Longevity?

Posted on October 4, 2012 by Luke Ford

A friend emails: “Is this true: “…the vegan Seventh-Day Adventists in Loma Linda, California … are the longest-living Americans”? I don’t believe you ever mentioned it. It’s incredibly significant if true.”

Yes, I believe it is true. Jews are close.

“How can a fat-laden diet of cholent, etc. come close to providing the health benefits of a plant-based diet?”

Because diet is only part of what makes for a long life. It’s probably healthier to eat cholent with friends than vegies by yourself.

Posted in Adventist, Health, Loma Linda | Comments Off

Why Are We In This Mess?

Posted on October 4, 2012 by Luke Ford

George Gilder told Dennis Prager yesterday: “We have capital flight from the United States and human capital flight…moving to more attractive investment environments. This is the wrong time to go over the fiscal cliff in January, rescinding President Bush’s good policies, such as his low taxes on capital gains and dividends.”

Dennis: “Why do we have the recession?”

George: “Because we allowed our government to dictate to the real estate industry to the extent that the entire industry reoriented itself to support subprime mortgages and render those subprime mortgages salable by concocting a whole set of derivatives securities that could be sold all around the world. This was enabled by Fannie and Freddie and dictated by Congress and housing administrations. We compounded the mistake by bailing out all the institutions that perpetuated it. We nationalized Fannie and Freddie. We expanded the FHA. All in the name of creating more housing ownership when Canada, which does not even have deductions for mortgage interest, has higher levels of home ownership, without any of these Fannie and Freddie. It’s a terrible failure of government that can’t be repaired by more government.”

Posted in Dennis Prager, Economics | Comments Off

New Yorkers, San Franciscans Love To Rip LA

Posted on October 2, 2012 by Luke Ford

When New Yorkers move to LA, they love to criticize LA, its drivers, its fake manners, its lack of a center, etc. I suspect that when Los Angelenos move to New York or anywhere, they’re much less likely to complain about their new city’s shortcomings. One thing I love about LA is that its residents don’t have a chip on their shoulder about other cities. They don’t hate San Francisco or New York or Dallas… We don’t have a football team and almost nobody cares because we have so much else going on.

LA is like the prettiest girl in the class. All the other girls cut her down out of jealousy and all the guys hate her because she won’t date them.

Los Angelenos put less energy into criticizing other cities than any group I’ve known.

A ton of people I meet who’ve moved to LA can’t find anything to compliment the city for aside from the weather. What’s up with that? It must be a reflection of an unhappy psyche. Well-adjusted people aren’t like that. They don’t nurse resentments.

I mainly lived in Northern California from 1977 to 1993 and people just had this big chip on their shoulder about LA.

I come from Australia. I asked a friend recently about his impressions of the land down under. He said astutely that Australians are the most insecure people he’s met. They’re obsessed with “100% Australian made” and other such nonsense. I told him it’s a cultural cringe.

Los Angelenos have no such cringe.

By contrast, people in Philadelphia are obsessed with hating New Yorker and other more influential cities. That’s why Philadelphia fans are so nasty. They’re insecure about their city and how it doesn’t stack up with New York and Washington D.C. for power and influence.

Donny Pauling And LA fits into this picture as the jealous ugly girl. LA is hideous. Ugh.
15 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Luke Ford Who is LA jealous of?
13 minutes ago · Like

Luke Ford Los Angelenos put less energy into criticizing other cities than any group I’ve known.
12 minutes ago · Like

Donny Pauling Take a cruise up to Northern California, especially out coastline, and that question will be answered for you. LA is dirty and old and ugly. I would never in a million years be envious of anyone living there. Yuck.
11 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Luke Ford I lived in Northern California from 1977 to 1993. I can appreciate its good qualities without any need to put down other places. It shows a crack in the soul to have so much hatred for LA.
9 minutes ago · Like

Donny Pauling My comments are in response to your ridiculous status update. It’s like the queen of ugly bragging about her beauty. Nobody is jealous of her, nor even bother talking about her, except to laugh when she deceives herself into a public proclamation of her beauty.
9 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Luke Ford Who are you really hating Donny? It’s not me and it’s not LA. Where’s your hatred coming from?
7 minutes ago · Like

Donny Pauling Hatred? How silly. There is no hatred. LA wasn’t even on my mind, and rarely crosses it. I’m just commenting on an incredibly silly statement, my friend. LA is not beautiful. It’s an armpit. And it doesn’t wear deodorant. That’s not hatred, just truth.
5 minutes ago via mobile · Like

Luke Ford Do you speak that way about real women that some men might be in love with you? Do you inform them that the object of their desire is a hag?
3 minutes ago · Like

Donny Pauling Of course not. But LA is a city.
about a minute ago via mobile · Like

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Stop Living Through Your Favorite Sports Teams, Politicians

Posted on October 2, 2012 by Luke Ford

I love sports, but if you get upset about how your favorite team performs, it’s a signal that something is badly lacking in your life. You probably walk around with a ton of resentments and fears and a lack of human connection. 12-step work and therapy might help you. Don’t live thru the Dodgers and other phony super-heroes.

Remember how people said that it was great for New Orleans when the Saints won the Super Bowl. How exactly did it change anyone’s life in that city? Nada. (Point from Dennis Prager)

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Do Husbands Appreciate Their Wives More Than Wives Appreciate Their Husbands?

Posted on October 2, 2012 by Luke Ford

I heard a sermon over Succot about the need for us to appreciate the hard work that goes into preparing and hosting meals on Jewish holidays.

I only remember once on a Shabbat or Jewish holiday, the man of the house publicly putting down his wife’s home-keeping skills. I wanted to flee when I heard that. I felt horrible. The poor woman was just worn down by Pesach. I was a guest for the seder. And the man of the house was just on her case. This happened in Fairfax/La Brea.

I’d say I’ve been to more than a hundred Ashkenazi baalei teshuva (newcomer) homes and in at least a third of them, the wife is running down the husband before the guests. She’ll get on him about the way he says hamotzi and kiddush. She’ll tell him to hurry up or to slow down. She’ll cut him down for bringing out the wrong napkins or wrong benchers (mini prayer books). On many a night, there’s nothing he can do right.

I notice the children imitate her contempt for dad.

If dad tries to defend himself, the situation gets really ugly, so 95% of the time, the men just stay silent and grit their teeth as the wife reams him publicly.

It’s horrible to be a guest in such a situation.

I never want this in my marriage.

I only notice this in baalei teshuva Ashkenazi Orthodox homes. I don’t see it in Sephardic homes, where male-female roles are more defined and traditional. I don’t see it in FFB (frum from birth aka Orthodox from birth) homes.

I have asked around my experience is not unusual. So why is this? I think it’s feminism. It’s become cool in the wider culture to belittle men.

Then I thought about something author John Gray said to Dennis Prager on the radio, “Husbands appreciate their wives much more than wives appreciate their husbands.”

That rings true with the small slice of life that I’ve seen. Men are often displaying tremendous gratitude for their wives, but it is rare to see the reverse.

So I asked a married friend in the Succah this week, “It seems in my limited experience that men appreciate their wives much more than wives appreciate their husbands. Is this true?” He shushed me and said to ask him privately.

Posted in Marriage, Orthodoxy, Personal | Comments Off

I Lost A Facebook Friend

Posted on October 2, 2012 by Luke Ford

I was relieved to discover over Succot that when a friend drops me as a Facebook friend, it doesn’t mean he necessarily cuts me off in real life. He did say in the succah something about the over the top nature of my FB posts. At age 46, aren’t I supposed to be less sensitive to this sort of rejection? But it feels the same as second grade when Gavin Brown did not invite me to his birthday party.

I blast provocative messages all day long but still feel hurt when I lose friends over it.

So we were talking at a party a few weeks ago and he asked about my Shabbaton and he said this girl had told him I was a bad guy that he should avoid and I’m thinking, which girl?

Posted in Facebook, Personal | Comments Off

The Mother Theresa Of Nookie

Posted on October 2, 2012 by Luke Ford

A friend broke out of a long slump and finally had a naughty. He tells me that the girl was nice.

“Nice?” I say, getting indignant. “Nice? That’s a bit of an understatement, isn’t it? That kind of selflessness? I’d say she’s the Mother Theresa of Nookie.”

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You Can Go Your Own Way

Posted on September 29, 2012 by Luke Ford

“Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! How could you post that? What were you thinking? Were you looking for attention? Well, you won’t get any from me.”

I usually spend lunch at shul sitting with my back to the crowd among the old men who don’t speak English.

Today as I set up in my usual perch, a new friend came over and invited me to join the mix, to sit with the other singles, a group of the under-50s…

So I sat in the middle of the mix gulping water and zoning out until I was invited into a conversation. Then I sat quietly trying to understand what was going on. My hearing’s not so good these days.

It wasn’t supposed to end up like this.

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Do The Orthodox Know?

Posted on September 29, 2012 by Luke Ford

I got this feedback on my writing about my emotional addictions:

“When you’re in your Orthodox Jewish community, do you have to hide an entire side of yourself? What’s that like? I want to get in there and know what’s going on that keeps you there. Is it empowering? Is it horrible? Is there any conflict? How much do these people know about who you are and what you deal with and the type of people you’ve consorted with?”

ANSWER: Everyone knows and reacts in their own way. Few people in the community view me as a threat anymore.

Posted in Addiction, Orthodoxy, Personal | Comments Off