The Mysteries Of Male Sexuality

In the Spring of 1999, Dennis Prager gave a series of four lectures on male sexuality at the University of Judaism. Here are some highlights:

I talked to other guys and I realized I was in the normal range of perversion…

Jean Calvin was astonished to not find an explicit reference to fornication (sex between the unmarried) among the sexual prohibitions of the Hebrew Bible.
The area of greatest divergence between Christianity and Judaism, aside from theology, is in sex. Fornication is mentioned repeatedly as a sin in the New Testament. It is not mentioned in the Old Testament.

In attitudes towards sex, we live in a Christian country. The dean of the Harvard Divinity School, on his computer was found pornographic images. It was so terrible that it was assumed he would have to resign. I suspect that if he were at Hebrew University, the Harvard of Israel, in a similar capacity, he would not have to resign. People would’ve said, it’s none of our business.

In Israel, which is permeated more by Judaism than the United States, prostitution is largely legal. In the United States, it is not…

There are times when a woman would have to say no. There are things that a woman has a right to say, ‘Honey, I love you but that is not something I can engage in.’ On the other hand, it depends on what it is. A woman has a perfect right to say, ‘I don’t want to be urinated on.’ If that’s his thing. If it’s her thing too, then it’s beshert. They have met their divine partner.

If she says, ‘Fellatio just grosses me out,’ that’s a problem. It should not gross you out to have oral sex…

I have read almost nothing intelligent on this subject [pornography]. It is so emotionally charged.

…Playboy is pornography. I subscribe. My father subscribed… Is it softer than Juggs? Yes!

The levels [of pornography] are fascinating to understand the power and meaning of sex. One level was pubic hair. Pubic hair was a major moment when Playboy began to allow pubic hair. Female genitalia is the dividing point between hard and soft porn. And pubic hair is not genitalia…

What is our aim with regard to men? Do we want to produce a man who doesn’t lust except after his wife? That’s the aim of traditional religion. That’s the aim of women… I don’t want to create men who only lust for their wife. That’s a saintly ideal I don’t hold for the real world. In Heaven, that’s the way men are. I’d like to create a man who leads an upright life, an honorable man, who’s responsible, good and faithful to his wife and to his family, and treats women as befits the treatment of fellow human beings made in God’s image…

I should dedicate this course to my father. He did a rare thing. He juggled a religious life, he’s been Orthodox his whole life, and subscribed to Playboy. I learned as a child that the two are not mutually exclusive — being decent, upright, monogamous and being lustful.

When it came to masturbation, my father said to me when I was nearing puberty, ‘Dennis, I don’t know if you’re masturbating. I don’t want to embarrass you. Let me just tell you, in my view it is morally equivalent to urinating.’ That was the end of the discussion. We never discussed the issue again.

I carried on this venerated Prager tradition of taking this attitude when I became a camp counselor at an Orthodox day camp. One summer I was the counselor to 13-year old boys, who were monsters. The first night of camp, I would give them a birds and bees talk. All of these kids went to yeshivas. I told them what I thought of masturbation. The effects were very powerful. I don’t mean the beds all started shaking.

The boys would come over to me, not knowing any other boy had, and told me how fraught with guilt they were because their rabbis had told them that this is a grievous sin. One Jewish text compares it to murder as though one could kill sperm.

One boy had the added burden of being the child of Holocaust survivors. He was unbelievably wracked with guilt and he did it frequently.

He wrote to me constantly. I was a junior that year and I went to England. He wrote to me about his struggles with this issue. He couldn’t stop writing to me about this. There was somebody he could talk to. The bigger sin in my book was what the rabbis told them, not what the boys did. I couldn’t understand who was hurt by the masturbation. Who’s the victim?

…I’m not going to make the case for pornography. We’re not a great world for having all these magazines on the newsstand. We’re also not a terrible world. There’s nobody in any religion who’d rather live in any of the societies that ban pornography than to live in this society. There’s a direct correlation between the banning of pornography and other human freedoms. You can’t pick and choose the freedoms you want to allow.

In one lecture in the series, Dennis read a list of about 40 different fetishes from a porn site. He defined “scat.”

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In The Wake Of The Murders In France, How Can Jews Protect Themselves?

Growing up a Seventh-Day Adventist, I heard far more about what an evil place the outside world is than I have as a convert to Judaism. At the same time, there was no security in my Adventist upbringing. There were no guards at church. People were never frisked for weapons. There were no physical threats to Adventist safety.

So then I convert to Judaism and almost every time I go to shul on the Sabbath, there are guards. When I go to Jewish events, people are often forced to go through metal detectors.

I’ve never experience anti-Semitism. It’s been hard for me to internalize awareness of it. I read about threats to Jews but I’ve never had any to me.

I know first-hand about the superiority of Jewish life to the alternatives. Jews are smarter, better educated, more affluent, more charitable with one another than the people around them. It’s always been this way. When we’re not getting persecuted for being Jewish, it is a great way to live.

Haaretz has a smart article:

Jewish communities have developed exceptionally sophisticated systems of protecting themselves – in many places they have had little choice. Sometimes this is with aid and advice from Israel; most often they work very closely with the state security services themselves – another example of successful (while regrettable ) Jewish integration into mainstream society.

In Britain, for instance, the Community Security Trust enjoys an immensely cooperative relationship with the police and intelligence services, and because of basic trust in the security system, anti-Semitic attacks are likely much more often reported than attacks against other ethnic minorities who have less faith in the state’s interests in protecting them.

But Jews also like to do it for themselves, having experienced not infrequent examples throughout history where supposedly friendly societies have failed to look out for their interests.

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Sam Harris Has His Head Screwed On Straight

Sam Harris is one of the famous atheists endlessly crusading about how stupid theistic belief is.

I met him at a lecture on Islam a few years ago. We talked for a few minutes and I was impressed by him. Obviously I am not an atheist, but I could see that his thinking was clear. He believed in right and wrong and he didn’t call evil good or good evil.

He says about Israel:

Consider the position of Israel, which is so regularly vilified by the Left. As a secularist and a nonbeliever–and as a Jew–I find the idea of a Jewish state obnoxious. But if ever a state organized around a religion was justified, it is the Jewish state of Israel, given the world’s propensity for genocidal anti-Semitism. And if ever criticism of a religious state was unjustified, it is the criticism of Israel that ceaselessly flows from every corner of the Muslim world, given the genocidal aspirations so many Muslims freely confess regarding the Jews. Those who see moral parity between the two sides of Israeli-Palestinian conflict are ignoring rather obvious differences in intent.

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Negotiating Your Way Through Jewish Dates

I found this video brutal. For a little while, it was funny. Then it became depressing. But it’s an accurate look at love in the secular world.

I like Ilana Angel’s new photo. The old one kept me from reading her posts. This new one is super-cute. The old one was cheesy.

Ilana Angel writes: I was recently sent this video and thought it was funny, but when I got to the last line, it suddenly became perfection. If you have spent any time on JDate you quickly see that it is sex driven. I imagine Ashley Madison may be the only other dating site that has more sex drive than JDate.

Are Jews super sexual? If you look at 10 random profiles on JDate you will be surprised by how many reference sex. They openly discuss that they want it, are looking for it, and in some cases demand it. I once went out with a man who said he needs sex on a first date to continue.

This video is a funny, graphic, honest and brilliant look at online dating. It’s comedy to be sure, but it comes from a place of truth and that is always the source of great comedy. This type of thing happens in real life! The negotiations for sex when dating are a well choreographed dance.

I’ve never gone into negotiations quite like this, but I get it, appreciate it, marvel at it, and laugh out loud at it. Again, if you are easily offended by sexually explicit content, or are sensitive to graphic language, then please don’t watch it. If you can handle the truth, then take a look.


Upstairs by shawnwines

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Craig Van Rooyen Was Always Out Of My Reach

I spent my last three years of high school at Placer. It was my first time at a public school. Before then, I’d always gone to Christian schools.

I loved the opportunities and freedom of public school but it was an awkward social transition. A Seventh-Day Adventist, I didn’t drink or smoke or swear and I never went to one party (until the night of my graduation, when I got drunk).

I was lucky to have some friends who shared my Adventist heritage, such as Doug Badzik and Craig Van Rooyen. But they didn’t go to Placer with me. They went to Christian high schools.

On the Sabbath, we’d often meet up. On that day of restriction, we’d often go for long walks or just hang out and talk.

I guess I was pretty obnoxious. I had a smart mouth and I was always cutting people down. I was looking to break the rules. I was very concerned about getting ahead and aggrandizing myself.

On Sundays, we’d sometimes play touch football. I remember one day in particular. I had a blonde girl on my team. She was only the second girl to French-kiss me but the first one who showed me how to enjoy it. All my skill at kissing, such as it is, comes from her.

On defense, I’d try to guard Craig, who played receiver. On this particular day, he caught everything thrown at him. He go long or he’d go short and he always got the ball. I resorted to tackling him but still couldn’t stop him. I remember one play where the ball was under-thrown. We both came back to it and we both leaped in the air for it and I smashed into him as hard as possible and he still caught the ball.

In February of 1988, I got sick and spent most of the next six years in bed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I largely lost touch with my friends.

Occasionally, we reconnected. Doug told me in the summer of 1992 that his memories of me at Forest Lake Christian School “are not fond. Luke Ford was an arrogant little turd who was always right regardless of whether he was right…. Whatever his arguments lacked in substance, he made up for in verve and raw rhetorical abilities…. Luke frequently seemed illogical.”

Today I find myself Googling them.

Doug is now a doctor for the U.S. Army. He’s stationed in Wiesbaden, Germany.

Craig became a journalist and then a lawyer at a big San Francisco law firm. We exchanged email and a phone call around 1998.

He wrote poetry on the side and was published in such places as The Christian Century.

Converting to Judaism alienated me from many of the friends I had growing up. Whenever I got in touch with most of them, they had their guard up. I’d try to stay in touch but it takes two to play that game.

Or maybe it is just my own personal failings. Perhaps I can’t blame it on Judaism.

When I get sick, like today, I want to reconnect with my old friends. When I’m well, I’m more focused on getting ahead.

On May 9, 2011, Craig Van Rooyen was profiled in the San Louis Obispo Tribune. As I read the article, it reminds me of what a righteous guy he was and how much I miss him:

Man who’s worked for county in Dan De Vaul and Carson Starkey cases left prestigious San Francisco firm to reconnect with human aspect of law

Like 32 other county prosecutors in similar shoes, Craig Van Rooyen’s work requires a complicated juggling act: keeping the community safe and holding those who have committed crimes accountable while avoiding wrongful accusations.

Though his job is not extraordinary as prosecution work goes — despite handling some unusual and controversial cases — Van Rooyen’s experience provides insight into the thinking that goes into being a courtroom enforcer of the law. Among other things, the job entails making tough decisions that determine whether people spend time in jail.

No matter the nature of the cases, which can be heinous and gruesome, or the great amount of influence that prosecutors have, the goal should never be “to win at all costs,” Van Rooyen said.
Well-prepared, serious, persuasive and humble, Van Rooyen displays traits of an effective prosecutor, according to colleagues.
“You want the evidence to be speaking to the jury, and Craig knows how to do that very well,” said Chief Deputy District Attorney Jerret Gran. “A court trial should not be a personality contest between attorneys.”
It was just five years ago that Van Rooyen had an office with a view in a high-rise building in San Francisco as a partner in a prestigious civil litigation firm. But he left the job to do his current work.
“With some legal work, you feel like you’re just pushing along files,” said Van Rooyen, who also had a four-year stint as a prosecutor in Riverside County. “I wanted to reconnect with the human aspect of law. Speaking up for victims who have been bullied is satisfying.”
Van Rooyen said he takes particular satisfaction in helping victims who might otherwise be ignored.
“Whether it’s the homeless guy who has been assaulted, the low-income family victimized by gang violence or a domestic violence victim who doesn’t know how to stick up for herself, everybody deserves the same protection under the law,” he said. “Ironically, I’m sure a public defender would say his or her greatest satisfaction is speaking up for marginalized people accused of crimes. And I don’t dispute that as a noble calling also.”

Since starting as a local prosecutor in 2007, Van Rooyen has handled a wide variety of cases.
Every prosecutor has a different style, but Van Rooyen’s polite, affable and seemingly effortless approach helps a jury to “understand the evidence, look at it carefully and go back and discuss it logically,” Gran said.
The tall, thin man who dresses in neatly pressed suits often wears an expression in court of concern and thoughtfulness — and listens with careful attention to detail.
His work has included the prosecution of a group of college students whose hazing resulted in the death of Cal Poly freshman Carson Starkey; Dan De Vaul, a high-profile San Luis Obispo rancher charged with property code violations; and a 16-year-old charged as an adult with rape.
Van Rooyen has developed a reputation for being conscientious and fair.
“Prosecutors have a lot of responsibility to the people of California, crime victims, law enforcement, as well as to reach out across the table to defense attorneys professionally,” said defense attorney Paul Phillips, who recently opposed Van Rooyen in a three-strikes burglary case. “Craig is very, very fair. He’s a good servant of the people. He doesn’t have a hidden agenda.”

…Van Rooyen helps the homeless as a volunteer with his wife, Mimi, a local orthopedic surgeon. With members of their Seventh-day Adventist Church, they serve hot breakfasts at the Prado Day Center.

Craig’s little brother Andre is a psychologist in Los Angeles. Their dad, Smuts, is one of the church’s great speakers and counselors.

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When 10 Orthodox Rabbis Knock On Your Door After Midnight Shabbat

A home on the 1200 block of La Peer in Pico-Robertson on the Sabbath was sheltering a woman (38yo, was married to a 45yo businessman for about 20 years, five kids, sephardic, he’s ready to trade her in for a younger model) going through a traumatic divorce. After midnight, in the early hours of Saturday morning, there was a loud knock on the door. The man of the home gets out of bed and goes to the door and ten rabbis (led by Rabbi Dovid Revah of Adas Torah) are outside. The ten rabbis represented the Rabbinical Council of California (RCC). They knew he was sheltering this woman going through a tough divorce.

So why were the rabbis there? They wanted to make sure that the woman accepts the divorce settlement presided over by the RCC and that she does not go to the Los Angeles Superior Court.

The woman believes she might get a fairer divorce settlement in secular court.

I spoke to the man of the home who was awoken by the knocking rabbis but he wouldn’t comment to me.

The ten rabbis are timid souls, so if they’d known they would end up on my blog for doing this, I don’t think they would’ve acted this way.

The Israel Fathers Rights Advocacy Counsel emails me:

We have no verification of your story re RCC Rabbis knocking on someone’s door.

The activity you describe, however, would represent explicit criminal interference in California divorce proceedings.

We are aware of other incidents involving RCC Rabbis that crossed this line. There seems to be a reluctance to bring charges in LA against Rabbis interfering in civil divorce proceedings that simply does not exist here in Israel, where Rabbis crossing the legal line are hauled into court and fined regularly.

It is also important to underscore to your readership that the RCC does not possess the high moral ground relative to the civil courts in these matters. The conflicts of interest of RCC Rabbis in divorces can be significant at times, particularly when involving Rabbis who double as divorce litigation attorneys. The public still wants to perceive Rabbis as neutral parties acting in the name of religion, but that is not the case in Big Business Religion with millions at stake in divorce settlements. Above all, the RCC and all Rabbinic authorities in the USA are strictly voluntary forums engaged as justices of the peace to provide religious verification of civil marriage and divorce. They are not authorized to act in any further matter, and are explicitly precluded by law from acting in any further manner absent mutual consent. Which is madness. Let them write ketubot and Gittin after civil authorization of the marriages and divorces, and stop illegally interfering in civil cases because a Rabbinic colleague also serves as divorce counsel for one party or the other.

Once again, the community’s silence is the true shame. Just so long as it doesn’t happen to my family, we keep quiet….

Shameful.

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So What Does Dennis Prager Think Of Me?

So how does Dennis Prager talk about me in private? Although he does not approve of much of what I write and do, I’m told that he invariably speaks of me affectionately. Dennis is not a hater. He doesn’t plot or plan to harm people, not even those who’ve harmed him.

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Tradition Journal’s Ignorant Claim

Tradition is a journal of Modern Orthodox thought.

On its website, it claims: “It is strictly forbidden for both subscribers and article purchasers to share article downloads with others.”

Forbidden by whom? It is not forbidden by secular American law or any secular law to share articles. And it is not forbidden by Torah law to share articles. So where do they come up with this nonsense?

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The Censorship That Stopped Scholar Marc Shapiro From Writing For Tradition Magazine

Rectify posts: “Let me ask you – you and some others are so concerned about the censorship of the bare breasted and otherwise revealing images – so perhaps you should adorn your books with them, such vital parts of the Jewish past after all, and not buried somewhere inside, but right in the beginning, on title pages, as they appeared in the past, to rectify the terrible historical crime perpetrated against them? Maybe you should similarly adorn Milin Chavivin of YCT and/or your articles there. Do you think your feminist and female backers would like it? If you say they wouldn’t mind, I challenge you to do so then. Consider the gauntlet as hereby having been thrown down!”

Marc B. Shapiro responds: It would be a good experiment, to see if they would censor me. But believe me, I have no feminist backers. They actually don’t like me very much (as I can explain in another post). In terms of being provocative, it’s all about keeping it interesting. I could write a detailed post on an obscure bibliographical point, but I think that would put people to sleep. I don’t think I try to be provocative, but the things that interest me are, well, provocative.

The sort of things I put on the blog do not lend themselves to to appearing in Milin Havivin (pictures and all). But I can tell you that so far, they have not tried to censor me in the slightest (and stay tuned for a future post in which I describe the censorship that led me to stop writing for Tradition).

Nachum Lamm: “Don’t I remember you once complaining over dinner that JOFA hadn’t invited you to participate in a panel on R’ Weinberg?”

Marc: “I submitted a proposal to speak (thinking it was an academic conference since I saw the call for papers at the AJS) but they turned me down. I learnt then that what they wanted at their conference was, much like EDAH, a group of people preaching to the converted. My paper was going to argue that the methodology of Orthodox feminism was a complete break with what had been the practice until then, and that therefore it is questionable if the word “Orthodox” can even be applied to it. My book on Weinberg had just come out and it was one of the few books JOFA was selling at the conference (since Weinberg is so important to Orthodox feminism due to some of his teshuvot). At the dinner (which I don’t recall) I probably said that it was ironic that the book on Weinberg was being touted at the conference but the author of the book was not welcome.”

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Why The Jewish School Shooting in France Could Be Just the Beginning for Al Qaeda in Europe & the West

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