Category Archives: Personal

Flinging Manure

One of my earliest memories of my father finding me at age five flinging manure at other kids and screaming, “I hate you! I hate you!” I’m rarely out of control, but I can get pretty thin-skinned about teasing. I … Continue reading

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What’s The Orthodox Way Of Eating A Bread Roll?

I was accused on Shabbos of eating my bread roll like a baal teshuva (instead of an FFB, Frum From Birth, aka Orthodox from birth) because I put the humus on my roll instead of tearing my roll up and … Continue reading

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I Wish You Were Here

Dear *********, I wish you were here. I’m more assertive these days, more clear. Perhaps one day I’ll be worthy of you. My friend picked me up. I gave him clear instructions to not be late. If he was going … Continue reading

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A Question To The Cantor

I was at my Reform temple circa 1995. I was sitting with my friends. The cantor opened up for questions. I asked why there’s so much chazzanos at temple when most people would prefer congregational singing? The cantor took offense. … Continue reading

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The Primo Girls

I’ve known a lot of primo girls over the course of my life but I’ve never tried to date anyone over 7.5 on the hotness scale. The primo girls? They seem too fast. There’s too much competition. I won’t measure … Continue reading

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