His Holiness Maharishi Lukey Ford

Khunrum emails: I agree with Amalek. This Jewish thing wore out its welcome years ago. I for one welcome the next incarnation, NEW AGE LUKE:

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The True Purpose Of Religion

Fred emails:

I had an interesting discussion with my sister re religion. She has become more "spiritual" as time goes on. Here’s the basic analysis.

All religions have the following:

1. Some kind of ritual(s);
2. Some kind of belief(s) in something that cannot be proven; and
3. A process or goal for achieving an emotional state which we might call communing with or contemplating a deity.

She further believes that the actual rituals and beliefs of any given religion are secondary. They are merely the means to the end (the emotional state).

The rituals and beliefs are necessary to pass the religion from generation to generation. One cannot pass a religion on to the next generation without rituals and beliefs. However, they are not important in and of themselves. The beliefs are often probably wrong as a matter of fact unless they are taken as metaphorical. The rituals and beliefs are part of the psychological support used to cause the emotional state.

When someone like Bill Mahr or Richard Dawkins takes aim at religion, they do not account for the fact that the actual beliefs are not the real point of religion. They are more a means for an end.

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We’re Living in the Age of Acquarius

My yoga teacher told me to chant this every day… It will help my CFS. You agree?

Yogi Bhajan has told us that the years between now and 2012, when the Age of Aquarius has set in, will place many people in a state of confusion & emptiness, due to the change of the times. He let us know that many people will hit the stage of “Cold Depression” – becoming frozen and unable to move, do, engage. This ‘epidemic’ will increase as we near the dawning of the Aquarian Age.

This meditation will help you to find the pockets of internal conflict, open them up, and transform this stored energy into ecstasy & intuition.

Position: Sit with a straight spine. Interlace the hands in Venus lock in front of the chest, with the Jupiter fingers (index) pointed straight up.
Eyes: Closed.
Mantra: Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Jeeo. (This mantra is on all sadhana CD’s and the version by Sangeet Kaur was used during class).
Focus: On “Wah” chant from the navel.
On “Hey” chant from the heart
On “Guru / Jeeo” chant from the lips.
Time: 11 minutes.
End: Inhale deeply, hold, and concentrate on the sound at the navel, heart & lips. Exhale. Inhale a 2nd time, and hold, giving your cold depression to “Wahe Guru.” On the 3rd inhale, hold and give your life to God, and let it merge with the Universal Force.

Comments: Take the curse off and place it around God’s neck. Free yourself. Purify yourself and be free.

Chaim Amalek emails: "Whatever carries you further away from the religion invented by the rabbinate/priesthood in Babylon is a good thing so yes, chant away. I am sure you will derive more spiritual benefit out of that than you do from going to shul on Shabbos."

Khunrum emails: "The Swami is onto something. I just opened my 401K statements and I’m in a state of Morbid Depression."

"Would any sane woman consider  Luke a "good catch"?"

Fred emails: "Rum, I think you are vastly undervaluing the spiritual uplift that a fair young maiden would experience if married to our boy.  I can’t imagine how you could overlook this."

Khunrum emails: "Fred, when I was a young lad (admittedly many moons ago) I recall a bit of advice my parents gave me. Pops warned me to always wear a condom when boffing the girls so I wouldn’t get one preggo and be forced into marriage (this being pre abortion days)…and my dear late Mother always lectured me that, "without money, love goes out the window"….Do you think any self respecting female in her right senses would seek to marry a penniless, bearded weirdo who lives in a shoe box? The question is: "What’s in it for her"?"

The Spirit of Amalek writes: How many of your hours are now dedicated to the study of yoga, Alexander Technique, or other goyishe physicalities? And how many of your hours are devoted to the study of torah? I suspect that this has changed a great deal over the last year.

You are headed in the right direction.

Fred emails:

It will clearly help your CFS. I remember reading about all of this in the Boy Scout Handbook when I was younger. My only comment is that you should hold your Jupiter Fingers pointed to the left, and not straight up, or you will be inundated with massive amounts of negative energy and you will never achieve enlightenment. Good Lord, boy! Didn’t they teach you anything in grade school?

Best Regards,
Fred
Sr. Yogi
Sages and Purity ‘R’ Us, Inc., coming soon to a mall near you!

LUKE EMAILS HIS FRIENDS: "Have you cynics ever done yoga? The chicks are incredible, > in spandex, > flexible and vibrating."

Fred responds: We’re cynics? You go to yoga to check out hot chicks, and we’re the cynics? See if you ever achieve enlightenment. (Then again, maybe you already have.)

I believe we are entering the age of Aquarius.  I was born in the constellation of Roscoe the Clarinet Player with Jupiter rising.  Given these auspicious stars, my yogi tells me that now is the time for a colonoscopy.  However, I should also avoid itemizing my tax deductions and juggling chain saws.

In relation to deeper issues such as tapping in to the universal energy that flows through us all, my shakras run off of 240 V at 50 Hz, so I will need an adapter to be at one with the universe.

Luke, I can no longer sense the inner light that floods your consciousness.  Have you paid your PG&E bill?

Peace and love, my brothers. 

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The Lashon Hara Picture Show

From "A Taste of Limmud" Sunday night in Valley Vilage:

Danielle Berrin rose to give her talk. (Listen)

Danielle spoke about her cover profile of director Brett Ratner. She said that she did not publish the worst things he did to her. Damn, I’ve got to know what that was. Men can be such bastards.

Here are excerpts of Danielle’s class:

"I did not study journalism. So it’s only natural that my education would come at the hands of a big Hollywood director. About a year ago, my Editor said to me, ‘Danielle, we’ve never had Hollywood in our paper. It’s really important. There’s this massive Jewish community at our doorstep and we don’t know who they are and we’re not accessing them and there’s all this mythology about Jews running Hollywood and what’s that about?’ I said, ‘Hollywood? No problem.’ Who cares that I am from Miami and that I am probably the least connected person here.

"I met Brett Ratner. He is a high-profile successful Hollywood director. He makes big popular commercial films such as Rush Hour. His films have grossed over a billion dollars at the box office. He’s also from my home town of Miami.

"He gave me his phone number. I said, this is going to be my big Hollywood entre.

"I ran into him again. I had enough of the cat-and-dog chase. I said, ‘I’m not going to take no for an answer.’ He said, ‘OK, come to my home tonight.’

"He has this mythology where he got into Hollywood by not taking no for an answer and talked his way into the upper echelons of Hollywood.

"I showed up to his house with pad and paper and tape recorder. Over the course of four hours, I had an interesting conversation with him. He was forthright and candid with me. As he got more comfortable, he started making some come-hither comments about how I looked or what he wanted to do with me. Then he offered me a tour of his house… He starts in the underground disco basis, which is like a Las Vegas nightclub.

"Over the course of the evening, he became more and more comfortable with me as his companion. He got strangely touchy. I walked out there feeling really deflated. I had to ask myself, did I compromise my integrity to get this interview? It was so important to me. Nothing severe happened, but as a woman, it was a humiliating experience.

"This was my first lesson in journalism.

"As I went to write the story, it was really difficult. It took me two weeks to get it down on paper. I asked myself, do I write it as a straight profile or do I tell the fuller picture of what my experience was when I went to interview him?"

"I wrote the story as it happened. There was a lot of discussion of whether that would be the right thing and the potential consequences to me as a brand new journalist and especially because I am endeavoring to get into the Hollywood scene, to shame a Hollywood director who could potentially help you out, but I realized I couldn’t write it any other way.

"It was written about in the LA Times. The LA Times called Brett Ratner to see if it was true. My journalistic integrity was challenged… Sure enough, I had the facts to back it up. I recorded the entire evening.

"I didn’t even write the worst of what happened."

Whoa! I wonder what that means. Did he pull it out and scream, "Interview this!"?

Danielle: "I was pretty nice. In the end, Brett’s comments to the LA Times reporter were fair, he knew I was being kind to him in more ways than one."

Danielle’s AJU rabbinic student says: "Proust says about Rembrant that when Rembrandt came into the world, you couldn’t help but look through the world but with the eyes of a Rembrandt. Once something great comes around, it changes the way people see things… Jewish journalism is [seeing the world] through Jewish eyes."

I know I have not been the same since I read Danielle’s journalism. It evokes Rembrandt and Proust, but Rembrandt and Proust at their best. Their highest selves, not the swill they’d churn out for the masses.

Speaking of Proust, Joey Kurtzman said: "I did that for two-and-a-half years [at Jewcy.com]. Jewish journalism. Jewish content. Content looked at through the lens of a Jewish sensibility. But what is the Jewish sensibility? I can report that I am no closer to the answer after two-and-a-half-years."

My friend Danny, who majored in journalism, tells Danielle: "I’ve noticed that the Jewish Journal tends to focus [its reporting on] scandals among the Orthodox."

Danielle disagrees.

Danny: "The non-observant Jews put the Orthodox under a magnifying glass just like the non-Jews put Jews and Israel under a magnifying glass."

Danielle: "We could go on all night about who we cover more…"

She gives an example of a story the Jewish Journal found out about and she asks us it the paper should report it: "A young woman (around 18yo) comes to a rabbi for counseling (he’s married with kids) and ends up having an affair with him. What do we do?"

Bloke: "Who’s catering?"

Danielle: "The claim was that a prominent rabbi took advantage of his position with vulnerable young woman who came to him with some real issues."

"We had another example where a rabbi was just having an affair with another married woman. We determined not to report it because it was an affair between two consenting adults."

Woman: "You have an advantage. You don’t have to sell on sensationalism whereas most other publications do. People don’t read the Journal for scandal."

Danielle: "But you know when there is scandal? You know how many more hits we get on the website? As opposed to when I interview another Hollywood executive making another Holocaust film, no one cares, they want to hear about the Brett Ratners taking advantage of the little amateur journalist."

"It is important to be provocative and interesting without crossing the line to ‘Alien Jews From Milky Way Land Set Up Shul On Pico And Take Over.’"

Patrick Goldstein writes for his LA Times blog:

Ratner has been on the receiving end of a lot of snarky press over the years, but what made this startling was that it ran in the Jewish Journal. I couldn’t help but wonder what Brett’s reaction was to being painted as a Lothario in L.A.’s leading Jewish newspaper. What did he think?

I called Ratner on Sunday, just to make sure Berrin didn’t make this all up–or was wildly exaggerating. He’d read the story, but was surprisingly unperturbed. "Some of the stuff she did was unfair, like the part about the books," he told me. "I didn’t brag about how expensive the books were. She was the one who asked me how much they cost. I was just answering her question. But she’s pretty smart, because she didn’t have a pen and she wasn’t recording anything, so I don’t know how she remembered everything so well."

And what about him hitting on her? "I didn’t hit on her," he says. "I was flirting, but it wasn’t as bad as she made it out. I don’t remember being quite that aggressive. I mean, flirting is just flirting. I think she exaggerated a lot of it, maybe because she was trying to get her boyfriend jealous. We talked about a lot of serious things in the story, but I guess that’s not what anyone’s going to write about when they write about me."

UPDATE: Berrin just emailed me, wanting to clarify the issue of how she reported the story. She says: "I had my tape recorder in plain view when I interviewed Brett, which would confirm everything he said. I also took handwritten notes."

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Black Jewish Relations

Here’s a report on a former Los Angeles rabbi (at the Conservative shul near LAX) and a very sweet man:

"I am over the moon. I’ve never been happier."

That’s Rabbi Michael Beals, of Congregation Beth Shalom, on Barack Obama and the promise he holds for strengthening Jewish-black relations.

But long before Obama inspired Beals, the rabbi was touched by the appreciation that the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. had for the Jewish faith.

Respect flowed the other way too. Jewish Freedom Riders were an important part of King’s civil rights movement. In fact, Rabbi Abraham Heschel, a leader in the conservative tradition that Beals shares, marched arm in arm with King during the 1968 Selma, Ala., protest.

"I felt my legs were praying," Heschel said.

CHAIM AMALEK EMAILS: "Luke, as one of the few people on this site who has met me, you know that I too, marched with Dr. King (we Jews don’t like limiting him to the Christian honorific "Reverend") in Selma. But since then there has been a falling out between the Jews and the Blacks, to the indifference of the latter but not, mysteriously, the former. Indeed, Jews seem to be the only ethnic group whose religious leaders fret about the state of their relations with Negroes. One never hears Polish Americans so concerned, or the Irish, or the Mexicans, Koreans, etc. Just Jewish Democrats. Why this should be, I simply do not know, even though I was there with them in Selma, fighting for the rights of Mankind as a liberal Jew."

ONE OF MY FAVORITE JEWISH AUTHORS IS DEAD. JTA REPORTS.

Rabbi Alan Lew, the Rabbi for fourteen years at San Francisco’s Congregation Beth Sholom and a leader with Religious Witness With Homeless People, died suddenly on January 12. Lew, a pioneer in the field of Jewish Meditation, collapsed while on a Meditation Retreat. The funeral service will be Thursday at 12:00 pm at Congregation Beth Sholom, 301 14th Avenue. Rabbi Lew told me at a September event honoring Sister Bernie Galvin that he was feeling better than he had felt in some time, though he was not someone to complain about his health. I had the honor of working closely with Rabbi Lew on a number of local and national housing campaigns. He was a giant of our time, a profoundly visionary spiritual leader, a tireless advocate for the homeless, disenfranchised and dispossessed, and a true mensch. His death comes as a terrible shock, and he will be deeply missed.

YEHUDA BERNSTEIN WRITES FOR THE YU COMMENTATOR:

He’s a prominent Jewish studies professor at Harvard University and Bar-Ilan University, who has authored award-winning scholarship on the Bible, and draws hundreds of students to his classes. And a recent lecture at Stern College which drew roughly 140 YU students proved he was pretty popular at Yeshiva University as well. Kugel’s visit raises an interesting set of questions: should someone with his beliefs on Biblical authorship be allowed to speak at Yeshiva University? Should YU be featuring guest speakers who have publicly identified with principles that may be antithetical to Orthodox or Orthoprax Judaism?

On Thursday, December 11, 2008, gathered at Yagoda Commons at Stern College to hear Dr. James Kugel. He spoke about the development of early Biblical interpretation as seen through several Midrashim in Genesis, as a large crowd of YU undergraduates hungry for knowledge and Shabbas food (the refreshments included three varieties of kugel) listened-on. The event, coordinated and sponsored by the student group TEIQU, spanned over an hour. As the lecture came to an end, Dr. Kugel took students’ questions on topics ranging from discrepancies in particular Midrashim to whether he was a follower of Julius Wellhausen.

The latter question refers to a 19th century German scholar who pioneered modern Biblical criticism, and points to Dr. Kugel’s most recent book, How to Read The Bible, a voluminous digest of the major modern critical interpretations of the twenty-four books of the Hebrew Bible. Among many other issues, the book presents the documentary hypothesis, a source-critical theory which maintains that the Five Books of Moses is a composite texts authored by several individuals over the course of the late First to early Second Temple periods. Unlike most works of modern Judaic scholarship, this book has had a more pronounced impact on the Orthodox community, partly because Kugel seems to have written it for a larger lay audience and it was reviewed by the New York Times. What is perhaps most controversial about the work is not its heretical subject matter, but rather the epilogue, in which Dr. Kugel briefly presents how he reconciles the various theories of Biblical criticism with Jewish faith and practice.

Since the publication of How to Read the Bible, objections to Dr. Kugel have surfaced in the American Orthodox community. Dr. Kugel joked with the crowd on Thursday night that he would never pray in Teaneck again. Behind the humorous comment lies a real issue in the community, highlighted by a statement from YU alumnus and prominent blogger Rabbi Gil Student: "I believe that Jewish Studies in Yeshiva University should be taught [or lectured] by people full of not only knowledge but also Yiras Shamayim… Studying Jewish Studies is in many ways a fulfillment of the mitzvah to learn Torah and should be treated as the religious experience that we expect it to be." When asked about the importance of diversity of discourse, Rabbi Student said, "Our religious outlook certainly includes the existence of multiple, valid views under the rubric of Eilu Va-Eilu. However, they must still be within the framework of Orthodox beliefs and not attempt to undermine Divrei Elokim Chayim."

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When Is Love Sick?

Fred responds:

I read a book called "Love Sick" some time ago. The main thesis of the book is that love has much in common with certain psychiatric conditions, e.g. obsessive compulsive disorder, etc. It was actually a pretty interesting book.

I suppose a shrink would say that a condition is unhealthy when it gets in the way of your life, and prevents you from functioning.

Two billion years of evolution have programmed and commanded you to procreate, and that programming does not really care about your well-being, happiness or comfort. For example, evolutionary programming does not care that child-birth itself is an incredibly painful process.

Some species of spiders kill and eat their mates after screwing. A praying mantis will rip its mate off his head and eat it after sex. A sea louse gives birth through a process reminiscent of the movie Alien. (Not very pleasant for the mother.) Salmon have to shlep all the way up some god-forsaken frozen river past hungry bears to spawn.

The evolutionary programming really does not care about your personal interests when it’s trying to get you to procreate any more than it cares about spiders, praying mantises, sea louses or salmon. It doesn’t care whether you become a wreck. It just wants one thing out of you. After it is done, it doesn’t care if you fall out of love, the illusion of attraction disappears, your mate gets fat and ugly, you dump her after 7 years, and the child support and alimony payments are killing you. It does not care whether the drug has worn off. Evolutionary programming will have done it’s job.

The only thing healthy about this process is that it is "normal", it is what you have been programmed to do, and the human specie will continue. Thus, it is "healthy" in the same sense that dying of old age is healthy.

Now aren’t you glad that you didn’t ask this question of a cynical person?

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Bernard Madoff’s Hasidic Court

Benjamin Atlas blogs at Horizontal Plane:

Was Bernard L. Madoff Securities a business or a Chasidic court? Is Bernie Madoff a galitzianer? Does he come from Polish or Austrian Galitzia? Galitzia is the origin of many famous or infamous Jewish merchants. The area was the industrial revolution conduit between Western and Eastern Europe. Galitzia was free from Communism till WWII when the merchant business flourished. The culture of Galitzia was dominated by Rebbes and Chasidic courts. There is something in the way Bernie Madoff operated that has clear cultural markings of a Chasidic court.

  1. Family business: Bernie run his operation from the off-limits inner sanctum of the 17th floor in the Lipstick Building with his brother Peter. His sons were in charge of the brokerage business on the 16th floor. Considering the monetary value of the operation it is astonishing that family not meritocracy was the chief qualifiers in the tradition of Chassidic Courts.
  2. Miracles: Just like with the Rebbes the business was creating an impression of a recluse miracle worker, restricting access and deliberately nurturing exclusivity with the specific purpose of targeting rich Jews in order to separate them from their money.
  3. Just like with Chasidic Rebbes Bernie cultivated feeder funds lead by individuals who’s only qualification in life was their conduit proximity to the reclusive miracle worker.
  4. OCD: Part and parcel of any Rebbe is unintentional or deliberate extreme OCD (that is often confused with Jewish religion) AKA “holiness”. There is evidence of Bernie’s (and his brother Peter’s) OCD in regards to colors and geometry (to be address in separate post).

P.S. If not for Bernie the scandal of the moment would have been that of Marc Dreier. Here is another example of a reclusive operator. Is Marc Dreier also a galitzianer?

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The Dynamics Of Excitement

Joey Kurtzman and I discuss on the way home from LimmudLA.

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Danielle Berrin Talks About Hard-Hitting Jewish Journalism V

On the ride home (complete video):

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Driving Home From ‘A Taste Of Limmud’

Joey and I discuss our Limmud experience and the beauty of Danielle Berrin:

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