We’re Living in the Age of Acquarius

My yoga teacher told me to chant this every day… It will help my CFS. You agree?

Yogi Bhajan has told us that the years between now and 2012, when the Age of Aquarius has set in, will place many people in a state of confusion & emptiness, due to the change of the times. He let us know that many people will hit the stage of “Cold Depression” – becoming frozen and unable to move, do, engage. This ‘epidemic’ will increase as we near the dawning of the Aquarian Age.

This meditation will help you to find the pockets of internal conflict, open them up, and transform this stored energy into ecstasy & intuition.

Position: Sit with a straight spine. Interlace the hands in Venus lock in front of the chest, with the Jupiter fingers (index) pointed straight up.
Eyes: Closed.
Mantra: Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Jeeo. (This mantra is on all sadhana CD’s and the version by Sangeet Kaur was used during class).
Focus: On “Wah” chant from the navel.
On “Hey” chant from the heart
On “Guru / Jeeo” chant from the lips.
Time: 11 minutes.
End: Inhale deeply, hold, and concentrate on the sound at the navel, heart & lips. Exhale. Inhale a 2nd time, and hold, giving your cold depression to “Wahe Guru.” On the 3rd inhale, hold and give your life to God, and let it merge with the Universal Force.

Comments: Take the curse off and place it around God’s neck. Free yourself. Purify yourself and be free.

Chaim Amalek emails: "Whatever carries you further away from the religion invented by the rabbinate/priesthood in Babylon is a good thing so yes, chant away. I am sure you will derive more spiritual benefit out of that than you do from going to shul on Shabbos."

Khunrum emails: "The Swami is onto something. I just opened my 401K statements and I’m in a state of Morbid Depression."

"Would any sane woman consider  Luke a "good catch"?"

Fred emails: "Rum, I think you are vastly undervaluing the spiritual uplift that a fair young maiden would experience if married to our boy.  I can’t imagine how you could overlook this."

Khunrum emails: "Fred, when I was a young lad (admittedly many moons ago) I recall a bit of advice my parents gave me. Pops warned me to always wear a condom when boffing the girls so I wouldn’t get one preggo and be forced into marriage (this being pre abortion days)…and my dear late Mother always lectured me that, "without money, love goes out the window"….Do you think any self respecting female in her right senses would seek to marry a penniless, bearded weirdo who lives in a shoe box? The question is: "What’s in it for her"?"

The Spirit of Amalek writes: How many of your hours are now dedicated to the study of yoga, Alexander Technique, or other goyishe physicalities? And how many of your hours are devoted to the study of torah? I suspect that this has changed a great deal over the last year.

You are headed in the right direction.

Fred emails:

It will clearly help your CFS. I remember reading about all of this in the Boy Scout Handbook when I was younger. My only comment is that you should hold your Jupiter Fingers pointed to the left, and not straight up, or you will be inundated with massive amounts of negative energy and you will never achieve enlightenment. Good Lord, boy! Didn’t they teach you anything in grade school?

Best Regards,
Sr. Yogi
Sages and Purity ‘R’ Us, Inc., coming soon to a mall near you!

LUKE EMAILS HIS FRIENDS: "Have you cynics ever done yoga? The chicks are incredible, > in spandex, > flexible and vibrating."

Fred responds: We’re cynics? You go to yoga to check out hot chicks, and we’re the cynics? See if you ever achieve enlightenment. (Then again, maybe you already have.)

I believe we are entering the age of Aquarius.  I was born in the constellation of Roscoe the Clarinet Player with Jupiter rising.  Given these auspicious stars, my yogi tells me that now is the time for a colonoscopy.  However, I should also avoid itemizing my tax deductions and juggling chain saws.

In relation to deeper issues such as tapping in to the universal energy that flows through us all, my shakras run off of 240 V at 50 Hz, so I will need an adapter to be at one with the universe.

Luke, I can no longer sense the inner light that floods your consciousness.  Have you paid your PG&E bill?

Peace and love, my brothers. 

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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