I’m Changing My Life

I’m not happy with where I am with my life.

My economic model, for one thing, is broken.

Therefore, I am changing. I am pushing myself to do things that are not comfortable to me. For one thing, I’m doing yoga every day. I’m doing two meditative yoga practices a day and dragging myself to my yoga center to bliss out and make new friends.

Already, I’m getting stronger and more flexible. I have more good people in my life. I’ve had some hot dates with Jewish women. And I’ve dropped a bad habit.

I have a great therapist. I look forward to seeing her two sessions a week.

I’m not serene. I ricochet from elation to despair. When I do something well, or I get an extra burst of attention, I truly deeply feel better than most people. This makes me feel ashamed. I know it is not rational nor is it helpful to me. But when I triumph with something, even if it is just that I feel happier than those around me, I can’t help but leap inside that I’m better than those around me.

Then I have a social failure and I feel like I am worse than everyone around me.

This is a major flaw I want to change. I want to be serene. I don’t want my sense of self-worth constantly bopping up and down on the basis of social successes and failures. I want to feel good from doing good. I want to change.

Satnam.

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Orthodox Jews Uneasy With Obama

Joe emails: Orthodox jews get an uneasy feeling from Barack Obama, and for obvious reasons. He has broken violently with George W. Bush on everything, and israel will obviously be included in things done differently. You can forget tacit approval of settlement activity in Judea and Samaria (hey, small question to the left wing, why does Israel have to accept 2 million arabs in Israel, but not one jew can live in palestinian lands), and you will see the sort of pressure on Israel it has not seen since the end of the Bush I administration and the end of the Clinton’s second term. In both those cases, the end was near and Israel could survive the pressure. Now, we have four more years. It is in Obama’s genes to attempt radical change because anything done by the other side is wrong. Nothing could be clearer from the absolutely disgusting stimulus bill just passed. And Orthodox Jews do not get Obama – Orthodox Jews were never slaveowners and do not bear the white man’s guilt that a two term Obama will begin to assuage.

Now comes Lookstein to hop on board the Obama train. Now, as someone who thinks Obama is a complete waste of time and who is buying silver and gold bullion as Obama destroys the US, I agree with Lookstein. Jews always suck up to the powerful. There is nothing to be lost by it. Like him or not, Obama has the media on his side in a way I cannot recall. You go with the winner. Jews have always done it and the Jews have prospered (witness the state of Israel that came to be by the Jews siding up to Balfour in the 1920s). Unfortunately, Hitler would have none of it, but the Blitzkrieg, had it been formulated by Jews, would have resulted in a 1000 year Reich.

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The Rabbi Who Went To Church

Ari Goldman writes in The Jewish Week:

What bothers me is how ready the Orthodox rabbinate, apparently frightened of its right-wing constituency, was to criticize one of its own. But there was also a matter of decency here. Couldn’t the rabbis see how much Obama had done over a long campaign to allay their concerns?

While polls show that 78 percent of Jews voted for Obama, the ones least supportive were the Orthodox. It began with persistent rumors that Obama was a Muslim. No matter how the Obama campaign tried to silence this untruth, it persisted in e-mails that bounced back and forth throughout the community. Obama is a Christian, Orthodox Jews were assured again and again.

Once they accepted his Christian bona fides, they questioned his pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright and his “God damn America” philosophy. Obama publicly split with Wright and resigned from his church. Once things quieted down on the home front, many Orthodox Jews began to fret about Israel. And, sure enough, the day after he clinched the Democratic nomination, Obama went to an AIPAC event and affirmed his support for Israel and for an undivided Jerusalem under Israeli control. A month later, Obama journeyed to Israel and stood in solidarity with the people of Sderot, saying that on a very personal level he understood Israel’s need to defend itself.

To my mind, a gesture of recognition, if not gratitude, from Orthodox Jews was in order, even if it meant that a rabbi had to step into a church. How would it have looked if the Reform and Conservative representatives had showed up and the Orthodox had boycotted?

Of course, Jewish law should not change to accommodate political needs. But a reflexive “no” is not always the right answer. There are times when Jewish law can accommodate special situations.

 

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Why Do The Homeless Keep Giving To Me?

I was running across Colorado Ave in Santa Monica yesterday morning, when my Blackberry bounced out of my shirt pocket and smashed to the road, with pieces (back cover, battery and rest) flying in different directions. As I was gathering the parts and putting them back together again — everything would work fine — a homeless man pushing a shopping cart stopped and handed me a plastic pouch to carry my PDA. "Here, you need this," he said, and then rolled on.

The homeless are always giving to me. Several homeless men on Pico Blvd near Robertson have offered me money.

Maybe it says something about the way I dress or carry myself. I must scream needy, like a lost puppy.

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Does Sholom Rubashkin Deserve Freedom?

Washington D.C. lawyer for Agriprocessors Nat Lewin writes:

Rarely does the Anti-Defamation League take up the cudgels for a Lubavitcher chassid. But in a recent letter to Attorney General Michael Mukasey, the ADL protested a federal magistrate’s ruling that Sholom Rubashkin, the former CEO of AgriProcessors kosher meatpacking plant, will be confined in prison and not released on bail while awaiting his September trial in Iowa on federal criminal charges alleging immigration-law violations and bank fraud. The magistrate’s reliance on the fact that Rubashkin, an American-born Jew, could claim Israeli citizenship under the Law of Return has generated a storm of outrage from many Jewish groups. They note, correctly, that if Rubashkin may be confined before his trial simply because Israeli law entitles Jews to Israeli citizenship, any Jew accused of a crime in the United States can, for no reason other than his religion, be denied bail.

The legal and constitutional flaws in the magistrate’s decision issued in November 2008 are so flagrant that, when asked to reconsider, the magistrate recently tempered his original reasoning. He said that the defense counsel “attaches too much significance” to the “single reference” in his earlier opinion to Israel’s Law of Return and purported to rely on other grounds for denying bail. But in responding on January 5 to the latest appeal filed by Rubashkin’s counsel, the federal prosecutors continued to defend their reliance on Rubashkin’s possible future claim to Israeli citizenship and on his “cultural heritage.” They cited judicial decisions in which individuals who were already dual citizens of the United States and a foreign country were denied bail because they might flee to the foreign country where they still held citizenship.CONTINUE…

 

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Barack Obama – Hothouse Flower

Joe emails: "It sends the right message to conserve in the white house. Lyndon Johnson used to go around the White House shutting off lights. Call it OCD, but it says, hey, this is not my money, and I am going to be sure it is spent right. The more politically incorrect part of the story is how latinos and blacks tend to overuse heating in their own homes. Go to any house in the ghetto and the heat is turned up way high and the kids are in shorts and tshirts. You can bet Obama does not much like the cold, and has learned from Michelle how awful it can be in chicago, and you just jack up the heat.”

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Imagine Reading A Newspaper Over Your Computer!

Here’s a 1981 report from KRON TV in San Francisco:

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Shane Warne – The Musical

Australia’s Shane Warne took more international wickets than any other bowler in the history of cricket.

Now he is the deserved subject of this new musical:

SHANE WARNE THE MUSICAL is a leg-spun yarn about what it means to fall arse-backwards into the Australian Dream and emerge a champion. In a country that routinely lops its tall poppies, this show sets out to both celebrate and understand the life of cricket’s most adored and maligned hero as he battles fame, failure, fidelity and the ferocious Australian media.

SHANE WARNE THE MUSICAL is a new breed of Aussie music theatre that smokes, drinks, carries a few extra kilos and still brings home the Ashes.

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May A Jew Go To An AA Meeting In A Church?

Charlie Hall writes on hirhurim: Every single Jewish recovering alcoholic I have ever met who has asked a shilah on this reports the following response:

1. Yes, go to AA. There is absolutely nothing there unique to Christianity and in fact it follows the teachings of the classic Jewish mussar sources.

2. Yes, go to AA meetings in churches unless the meeting is in the part of the church building that is the *primary* location for the Christian worship services. Even if the AA meeting is in a part of the church that is regularly used for worship but is not the main sanctuary, attendance is permitted.

RABBI HASKEL LOOKSTEIN WRITES:

Fellow RCA Members,

The RCA recently issued a press release critical of my participation at the National Cathedral on the morning after Barack Obama’s inauguration.  I write to explain why I did participate in this service, even though it was in the National Cathedral, an Episcopalian Church.

First, I am very much in agreement with the RCA’s view, derived from the writings of the Rav zt"l opposing interfaith dialogue and theological compromise.  Indeed, I have been in the rabbinate more than fifty years, and I have never participated in such an event.  I followed these guidelines throughout my tenure as President of the now defunct Synagogue Council of America.

Nevertheless, I felt not only that it was permitted to participate in this event, but proper for someone in the responsible Orthodox rabbinate and, indeed, necessary.

Herewith, my explanation for my colleagues:

This event was not an interfaith dialogue or meeting.  It was an invitation from the new President of the United States — a man of incredible importance to the fate of our holy community in the land of Israel and here — to meet him in prayer.  Many clergy were invited, and I felt that the interests of our Orthodox community would be hurt if no one from our community participated.

The Shulchan Aruch notes in YD 178:2 that a person who needs to be close to the government may wear even the Torah- prohibited garments of a gentile in order to represent the Jewish community well.  The prohibition to enter a church is grounded in the appearance of impropriety, rather than an actual impropriety — indeed, wearing garments of gentiles is a Torah prohibition and this is generally thought to be a rabbinic one.

It is well known that many Chief Rabbis of England have gone into Westminster Abby when summoned there by the King or Queen, and many other great rabbis have done the same to represent our community.  The Chief Rabbis of Israel have engaged in similar activities, and, most recently, the Chief Rabbi of Haifa, Rabbi Shear Yashuv Cohen was involved in similar activities.  In fact, he attended the funeral of the late Pope, John Paul II.

Rabbi Michael Broyde told me that he was once asked by the Israeli government to represent the government of Israel ON A VERY SERIOUS MATTER at an event in a church during a time of worship.  He spoke to the Tzitz Eliezer about this issue, and the Tzitz Eliezer told him directly that if it was a matter of significant importance to the Israeli government, then he should go wearing his kipa and looking as rabbinic as he could.

Of course, such events are few and far between, and, in most situations, I and other RCA members would never participate in such events.  But, I feel that Orthodox participation in this important national event, and the opportunity to say a few words directly to the President of the United States and begin to develop a relationship with the most powerful man in the world is a chance that our community can ill afford to miss.  Indeed, when I spoke to President Obama, I thanked him for his support of Israel and I urged him to remember the unforgettable statement he made in Sderot, where he said, "If anybody
would shoot rockets into my house while my daughters were sleeping, I would do anything in my power to make sure they wouldn’t do it again".

The President responded with a clear assent.  Maybe this will save a life or two in the future and maybe it will not; but I felt this was not an assignment I could – or should – turn down.

Rabbi Haskel Lookstein

LAWRENCE KAPLAN WRITES: Rabbi Lookstein very brief remarks did not consitute a prayer. He did not invoke the name of God. He expressed a wish that the leaders of this government, endowed with a sacred trust, lead the people with wisdom and grace. I think Rabbi Loosktein deliberately chose not to mention God’s name and to make his remarks as religiously tepid and parve as possible precisely because of his awareness of the sensitivity of the situation. Would that Rabbi Herring had been so sensitive. Possibly Rabbi Herring was caught off guard, but that is why organizations hire Excutive Vice-Presidents, so that when they are asked sensitive questions unawares, they can come up with properly innocuous and evasive answers! The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that, whether one agrees with Tabbi Lookstein’s decision or not, Rabbi Hering;s remarks were a public relations disaster for the Orthodox community.

Y. AHARON WRITES: While I am certainly not an expert in halacha or addiction, I am also not a "nogeah bedavar" and neither is anyone in my immediate family. What I know of the 12-step program is what I have heard from R.D. Twerski and from general information such as can be found on Wikipedia (see 12-step program). Contrary to mycroft’s implication, there is no assertion in the program of lack of personal responsibility for one’s actions. In fact, accepting such responsibility and taking corrective actions is a basic part of the program. What is admitted at the outset, however, is that the addict has no self-control over his addiction. He requires outside assistance, GOD and fellow sufferers, to keep the addiction at bay. We, who are not victims of obvious addictions, must reserve judgement over the mental and physical states of those who are addicted.

The point is that the program is not Jesus centered and it appears to have had a good degree of success. It uses the idea of a "generic" benevolent and omnipotent GOD to help carry the continuing burden of the alcoholic. We make similar requests of GOD in our Yom Kippur tefilot, and have voiced the same idea in our classical literature – "Batel retzoncha mipenei Retzono".

While the idea of nullification of will is not something that a "normal" person will readily entertain, the addict is not normal and is in a desperate situation. I fail to see the basis for considering the program to be against some principle in Judaism.

RABBI AVRAHAM WEISS AND MARC D. ANGEL BLOG:

Rabbi Haskel Lookstein, a distinguished Orthodox rabbi with fifty years of service to our community, participated in the national interfaith prayer service convened under the auspices of President Barack Obama. We were saddened to read that Rabbi Lookstein was rebuked by the Rabbinical Council of America, of which he is a longtime member and leader. We believe that the RCA’s public criticism of Rabbi Lookstein is an embarrassment for the Orthodox rabbinate and the Orthodox community.

The International Rabbinic Fellowship, a worldwide association of Modern Orthodox rabbis, believes that Rabbi Lookstein deserves the trust and respect of his rabbinic colleagues. Indeed, the IRF stands for the autonomy of rabbis to make responsible decisions without being subjected to ridicule and de-legitimization by an increasingly authoritarian Orthodox rabbinic establishment.

The IRF has confidence that Rabbi Lookstein carefully evaluated the halakhic, ethical and communal issues involved, and that he reached his decision after concluding that his participation was appropriate. The IRF, which offers a model of Orthodox rabbinic leadership that fosters an intellectually vibrant, compassionate, inclusive and open Orthodoxy, respects Rabbi Lookstein’s right to have made this decision.

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The OU Marriage Satisfaction Survey

Zev writes on hirhurim: Very poorly done survey, obviously prepared by women and from a woman’s point of view. For example, a question asks how much of the following affects your marriage: drugs, internet time, inapprpropraite internet sites, gambling, illegal activities. Clearly these are MOSTLY problems associated with men (yes, libs, there are exceptions.)

Why not ask questions from the guys point of view? Why not ask if the following affects your marriage: wife eating too much, not enough variety in sex life, unrealistic demands on husbands time, unrealsitic expectations based upon classes taught in seminary?

Unless the survey rectifies this major flaw, it is little better than worthless. And yes, as some people said above, the survey presupposes unhappy marriages. It also seems very agressive about promoting "counselling", asking you to explain yourself if you did not or would not go to strangers to seek marriage counselling. Other questions it does not ask for follow up, but if you answer you dont approve of counselling, it right away challenges you, "why not". It’s written innocuously, but the obvious undertone is that someone who doesnt feel the need for counselors should be on the defensive about explaining himself.

The premise is absurd. An internet-based survey is going to produce insights for orthodox Jews, for many of whom the whole internet is assur to begin with? Why not have a telephone survey on shabbos? You’ll get the same results.

And why would frum Jews, who rightly value the concept of tzenius, be so open to strangers about their marriage and sex lives? Just because it’s anonynmous? Even the Kinsey survey was anonymous, and no one takes it seriously.

I had a hunch, and sure enough, Aleinu is another of those groups obsessed with "abuse". In fact, it is far more interested in "abuse" than it is in promoting happy marriage. It refers to it’s abuse program as its "hottest asset". ( Yes, that is their actual words.) Much like its sister agunah focus groups, "abuse" focus groups dont know the meaning of "it takes two to tango". For such people, the man is always the evil one. The style of the questions gave it away, but the website confirms it.

And this is what the OU spends money on?

Chazal already spoke about the need for women to look their best when their husbands come home, so their eyes will not be tempted to wander. Well, with women working and dresses more revealing, the temptations are harder than ever, and the ability for eyes to wander – internet, if not worse – is easier than ever. Yet how many women do you see making an effort to dress up and look good when their husbands come home?

I know the women will say its hard to dress up after a hard day with the kids. Sure it’s hard. But you know what? It’s also hard for men to refrain from "inappropriate" web sites. The day I see Aleinu urging women to dress up and look good when their husbands come home, is the day I start taking their "happy marriage" proposals seriously.

SETH WRITES: Women are largely clueless as to the tests men face. If they knew, they would not play so hard to get in the bedroom, based on whether or not they are "in the mood."

Another point for wives to consider: if your husband is interested in you (sexually) on a regular basis, that means he is probably not addicted to pornography. Be very grateful, and help him out.

Rav Leibel Katz, in a tape on Shalom Bayis (circa 1995), tells about a couple who were having serious marital problems. It had been many months since the wife had gone to Mikvah. Finally, the man, seeing no end in sight, lost control of himself and "went to 42nd street." When the man told the story to Rav Katz, he said with trepidation that he’s terrified of the punishment that the Ribbono Shel Olam has in store for him.

DANIEL WRITES: There is no Issur of contraception (as opposed to abortion) for B’nei Noach. The issue is more that it may encourage immoral behavior, which is debatable.

Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, family planning is not PER SE against Halacha, at least once the couple has fulfilled P’ru u’Revu. Of course, a permissible method must be used.

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