I’m not happy with where I am with my life.
My economic model, for one thing, is broken.
Therefore, I am changing. I am pushing myself to do things that are not comfortable to me. For one thing, I’m doing yoga every day. I’m doing two meditative yoga practices a day and dragging myself to my yoga center to bliss out and make new friends.
Already, I’m getting stronger and more flexible. I have more good people in my life. I’ve had some hot dates with Jewish women. And I’ve dropped a bad habit.
I have a great therapist. I look forward to seeing her two sessions a week.
I’m not serene. I ricochet from elation to despair. When I do something well, or I get an extra burst of attention, I truly deeply feel better than most people. This makes me feel ashamed. I know it is not rational nor is it helpful to me. But when I triumph with something, even if it is just that I feel happier than those around me, I can’t help but leap inside that I’m better than those around me.
Then I have a social failure and I feel like I am worse than everyone around me.
This is a major flaw I want to change. I want to be serene. I don’t want my sense of self-worth constantly bopping up and down on the basis of social successes and failures. I want to feel good from doing good. I want to change.