The Case Against Masturbation

More than two months ago, I gave up masturbation. (About 16 years ago, I gave up promiscuity and about two years ago, I gave up porn and any kind of visual aid to masturbation.)

In 1990-1991, I gave it up for more than a year.

I notice with my new sobriety that I have more time. I save 20 minutes a day. I notice that I have more focus because I don’t have so many options. Whenever I had time on my hands in the past or when I felt anxious or wanted to escape or to get high, I thought about masturbating. Now I don’t.

I think I have more passion and direction. I don’t have as many options, so I just flow into my diminished choices and give more commitment to them — to work, to writing, to Torah, to friends.

I don’t store up erotic thoughts during the day to use at night. There’s this hot woman in my building and I could get drunk thinking about getting with her. When I walk down the street, I’ll often see a female with a particularly fine butt and my whole being becomes convinced that if I can just caress that part of her, my life will be awesome and my problems will disappear. Now that I can’t use these fantasies, can’t stoke them, I might spend less time in fantasy land and more time in reality.

I used to set myself limits with my masturbating. I determined that I wouldn’t masturbate to any fantasies that were cruel and exploitive. I had mixed success with this. I found that every time I masturbated, I was just ingraining my eroticized rage that much deeper.

It’s wonderful to have more sanity and dignity in my life.

I feel like I have more confidence because I conquer my beastly nature every day.

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In My Father’s Footsteps

My boss came to my shabbos lunch talk. He said he could see my dad Desmond. He said he could see my father’s example coming out in my strut as i walked back and forth making my points… He said he could see me in front of 25,000 people doing that. He said I must’ve had a pretty good teacher.

My step-mom says: “I remember you at 4, sitting in the pew and watching you dad speak and moving your arms around like him.”

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And Then They Become Goddesses

A friend writes: Is any woman less pleasant than the formerly hot 50 year old who does not get why men don’t want her? Then they all become “goddesses”. Beware the goddess!

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My Sobriety Tour

Fred emails: “Being a roadie on Luke’s Sexual Sobriety tour might be a good idea. One might meet chicks who are falling off the wagon, as it were.”

The 13th step is always the slipperiest.

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Posts Along The Way

I read this book by Rabbi Gil Student over Shabbos.

I don’t know much, but the book to me has a yeshivish feel, a Litvish feel, a right-wing Modern Orthodox sensibility. It feels like it was written by a baal teshuva (penitent).

This section on women’s prayer groups (pg. 141-142) grabbed my attention (it is based on the teachings of Rav Hershel Schachter):

Since, as the past thirty-five years have taught us, the drive towards egalitarianism includes — in practice if not inherently — a push toward promiscuity, significant steps toward egalitarianism are prohibited as a forbidden imitation of Gentile practice…

Yet the reader will certainly ask, what could be promiscuous about an all-woman prayer service? Quite the opposite. There might be less of a “social scene” at a WPG than at some regular synagogues. This, howeve,r is taking a very limited view of the phenomenon. “Women’s Liberation” and the “Sexual Revolution” are inherently tied together. The correspondence need not be direct for it to be entirely real. WPGs, as a facet of “Women’s Liberation”, are fundamentally linked to promiscuity.

Should you be happy during prayer? Not that it happens much in my experience, but I always took it for granted that being happy during prayer was good.

Rabbi Student writes:

While it may surprise many of us in today’s world, most of those writing against the organ pointed out that there is no mitzvah to be happy during prayer. Granted there was music in the Temple in Jerusalem, but the Chasam Sofer (Responsa 6:84) points out that this was not continued in synagogues and there was certainly a good reason for that: after the destruction of the Temple there can be no happiness in a house of worship. It certainly, he argues, is not a mitzvah to be happy during prayer.

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Chabad Vs Aish Ha Torah

I notice that Aish HaTorah people seem to be very sensitive about any criticism of Aish and to personally hold it against you if you criticize the company. On the other hand, Lubavitchers are about the most selfless people around and about as unruffled by criticism as humans can be.

Are my perceptions accurate? And if they are, why is this so?

My theory is that Aish HaTorah must feel a part of Ashkenazi Haredi Judaism and threats to that status are unsettling and anxiety-producing. The analogy I think of is the class anxiety of those who straddle two classes and don’t want to drop. So a bloke between lower and middle class and a bloke hovering between middle and upper class will demonstrate many signs of class anxiety, such as explaining that a garden gnome is ironic. This bloke was not upper class but had those aspirations and wanted to make clear that he was not middle class, while somebody at home in being upper class would feel no need to point out that the garden gnome was ironic and would instead say, “I love that gnome. He’s part of the family.” (Watching the English by Kate Frost)

Chabad is cool with doing its own thing because they had/have a charismatic leader in the rebbe. They don’t particularly care what outsiders think.

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Kind, Sweet Energy At Chick-fil-A

A woman calls in to Dennis Prager’s show August 2. “We went to Chick-fil-A. Everyone was nice, kind, calm, talking, laughing. There were no comments about what was said. The workers were smiling, laughing. The energy was kind and calm and showed that everyone there was committed to their family.”

Dennis: “Mitt Romney should appear at Chick-fil-A and have as his dessert Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream. The left believes in destruction. They want to destroy those they differ with. I don’t want to destroy Ben & Jerry’s [who promote left-wing causes].”

“Every poll shows conservatives are happier than liberals. The further left you go, the angrier, the more dark. When they get together, it’s occupy. Look at the anger. How filthy they leave their areas. And how clean Tea Party people leave their areas.”

“In the United States, you are allowed to have opinions and not be destroyed.”

“Activism is intrinsic to leftism. It’s not to conservatism. We just want to be left alone. I have no great love for politics.”

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After 20 Years Of Well-Earned Ostracism, I’m Being Embraced By My Religious Community

And to think that 12.5 years ago, I was named “A**hole of the Month” by Larry Flynt’s flagship publication. It was an honor just to be nominated.

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Prager On Bacon, Shrimp

On his radio show Friday, Dennis Prager said his favorite non-kosher foods were bacon and shrimp (which he has not eaten since his 20s) and his least favorite kosher food was gefilte fish.

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Friends Antony Gordon, Avi Shafran Debate Obama

Antony Gordon, an Orthodox Jew from South Africa and a prominent member of the Fairfax-La Brea community, went to Harvard with Barack Obama. He writes this long essay against Obama. Rabbi Avi Shafran rejoins:

It is painful to publicly criticize something written by a dear friend. But improper public words require a public response.

I have known Chanan Gordon for years and deeply admire his passion to bring all Jews closer to their religious heritage. But Ami’s interview of him in a recent issue left me saddened and puzzled.

He pronounces President Obama an “intellectual lightweight,” “arrogant,” possessive of “a grandiose sense of self-importance” and “a sense of entitlement”; and asserts that his reelection would be a “tragedy.” Reb Chanan’s credentials for reaching those conclusions are that he attended Harvard at the same time as Mr. Obama, and “was close to people who were close to him.” They may even have been in one class together.

Reb Chanan considers it somehow iniquitous that, when at Harvard, Mr. Obama was president of the Harvard Law Review but wrote no articles for it. What’s more, he “heard that Obama took pains to recalibrate its ideological disposition.” Also, the man who would become president, Reb Chanan asserts, was “not popular” with others at Harvard.

“Reliable sources” are cited, one contending that Mr. Obama cut off communication with two former financial backers—a sign, in Reb Chanan’s diagnosis, “of extreme narcissism and being exploitive.”

Other “reliable sources” called Mr. Obama’s writings at Columbia University “radical at best.”

Reb Chanan kindly concedes that he “has nothing on record where [Mr. Obama] says that he’s a Muslim.” But he asserts, without any specific attribution, that “a common theme in Obama’s administration is that he is not a G-d-fearing person.”

Read more

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