More than two months ago, I gave up masturbation. (About 16 years ago, I gave up promiscuity and about two years ago, I gave up porn and any kind of visual aid to masturbation.)
In 1990-1991, I gave it up for more than a year.
I notice with my new sobriety that I have more time. I save 20 minutes a day. I notice that I have more focus because I don’t have so many options. Whenever I had time on my hands in the past or when I felt anxious or wanted to escape or to get high, I thought about masturbating. Now I don’t.
I think I have more passion and direction. I don’t have as many options, so I just flow into my diminished choices and give more commitment to them — to work, to writing, to Torah, to friends.
I don’t store up erotic thoughts during the day to use at night. There’s this hot woman in my building and I could get drunk thinking about getting with her. When I walk down the street, I’ll often see a female with a particularly fine butt and my whole being becomes convinced that if I can just caress that part of her, my life will be awesome and my problems will disappear. Now that I can’t use these fantasies, can’t stoke them, I might spend less time in fantasy land and more time in reality.
I used to set myself limits with my masturbating. I determined that I wouldn’t masturbate to any fantasies that were cruel and exploitive. I had mixed success with this. I found that every time I masturbated, I was just ingraining my eroticized rage that much deeper.
It’s wonderful to have more sanity and dignity in my life.
I feel like I have more confidence because I conquer my beastly nature every day.
