Women Marking Their Territory

My hovel is filled with happy birthday balloons.

I’m trying to understand why.

A secret source posts:

I don’t think that person wants balloons on her birthday.

She was probably just trying to mark her territory.

Like leaving a big hickey on a lovers neck.

Women are like that.

At least women don’t mark their territory like dogs. Instead they leave stuff behind. They leave their toothbrush on the sink. They leave hair on the carpet. They leave bras and undies around (so I’ve heard). They leave earrings and other jewelry.

They spike my food with garlic and try to make me fat so I won’t be attractive to other women.

I have to vigorously resist all their offerings of cake and icecream!

No more than two servings at any one meal!

It’s endearing as long as they don’t boil my bunny rabbit.

I hate it when that happens.

From my cam chat:

guest108:  i am concerned about your mental status
guest108:  as your hair & beard go awry so it seems you as well
YourMoralLeader:  i just made an impassioned video on why I hate myself
YourMoralLeader:  you’ll feel better once you’ve seen it
guest108:  remember you have to buy her those freekin balloons for her birthday  she is expecting them & more
guest108:  i’ve noticed the women in your life are way too possessive of you
YourMoralLeader:  is that wrong?
guest108:  it would make me very nervous
YourMoralLeader:  they’re bunny boilers
guest108:  i guess you don’t mind it
guest108:  what are bunny boilers?
YourMoralLeader:  Fatal Attraction movie, glenn close boiled michael douglas’s bunny
guest108:  oh yes i think they actually are very much like glen close
guest108:  don’t discount it  its kinda scary
guest108:  you should be on your guard with leah, she seems to be a little too vindictive for my taste
guest108:  i don’t want to read about you in la times obit  luke found laying in a pool of blood  leah’s fingerprints found on the butcher knife left at the crime scene  fleishig of course
guest108:  jealous over your love of emma
guest108:  cannot share you with the irish lass of youth
YourMoralLeader:  so what should i do if she wants to seduce me?
guest109:  lay the pipe
guest108:  just be careful
guest108:  she wants you  but so do all ladies in shul
guest108:  you can’t bang the whole world    save yourself for the select few
YourMoralLeader:  what if she threatens to off herself unless i make love to her 3x in a day?
guest108:  look for a replacement that does not have that vicious streak

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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