It’s Flirting, Not Lying

I don’t seem much wrong with a lot of lying when you first meet a member of the opposite sex and you start flirting (as long as both parties realize there’s a lot of play acting going on).

It’s flirting, not lying.

Once you start working on a relationship, however, the qualities that may have initially attracted the other may need to change drastically. Truth is important for a relationship but for a pick-up? Not so much.

From the NYTimes.com:

 A few months ago, I met my boyfriend on JDate, a dating site for Jewish singles. He assumed I was Jewish, and I didn’t correct him when I had the chance. Now I’m afraid that if I tell him, he’s going to dump me. What do I do? I really like this guy, but it’s getting weird. C.T., Brooklyn

In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a wee difference between letting an awkward moment pass and masquerading for several months as someone you’re not. Where to next, Gay.com?

All denominations are welcome on JDate, but the local custom is for non-Jews to identify themselves as such. And you can’t create a profile without answering questions about your Judaism.

So I don’t believe you simply “failed to correct” your boyfriend. You lied, having calculated that he might not like the truth.

I suggest clearing the air as soon as possible: Sit him down and apologize. You can explain that you were feeling vulnerable when you lied, but be careful not to let that sound like an excuse or, worse, an attempt to shift the blame to him for making you feel that way. Remember, you’ll be one short step away from “freak show” when you finally come clean, and you still must convince him that the lie was an aberration. He may be furious, or decide you’re too manipulative to date, but there’s a chance he’ll be flattered by the lengths you went to win him over. And who knows? He may have a whopper to get off his chest, too.

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The Scariest Time In Courting A Woman…

…is when you move in for the first kiss. If she rejects you then, the odds are good she’ll always reject you and you’ll be stuck in that dreaded friends category (which is almost impossible to escape from, it’s far better putting your efforts into meeting another woman than to try to convince one particular woman you are worthy of more than friendship).

The other night, I was having dinner with friends.

Young Stud: "I always tell a woman, ‘I’m going to kiss you.’"

A young woman at the table screams: "You did that to me. And I turned my face and said you could only kiss my cheek."

Young Stud felt completely humiliated. He sulked for half an hour and then left the party early.

"I didn’t mean anything mean," the woman kept repeating the rest of the night.

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The Role Of Midrash In Orthodox Jewish Education

I heard a talk decrying the use of midrash as a literature co-extensive with the Bible.

Midrash is not so much scriptural interpretation as homiletics (inspiring stories), said the Orthodox rabbi, citing Maimonides.

When we treat midrash as equal to holy writ, we propagate a belief that is not true. It makes Judaism look stupid (because so many midrashic tales are fantastic). When kids go from yeshiva to university, they are likely to view Judaism as stupid if they’ve been taught that midrash is on par with the Bible. Also, selective teaching of midrash as equal to the Bible warps moral sensibilities. Instead of studying the moral struggles of the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, our yeshivas too often select midrashim that show the patriarchs as all saintly and Esau as all evil.

The rabbi’s son gave a dvar Torah at the dinner table one Friday night on how the Israelites had little enthusiasm for stoning to death the man who picked up sticks on Sabbath (according to the midrash, this was a righteous man who sacrificed himself to show that Moses was really serious about not picking up sticks on Sabbath), while the Israelites were filled with enthusiasm to stone the blasphemer.

Why was this picked as the moral lesson of that week’s parsha?

The rabbi remembers looking for a yeshiva for his kids. He went into one classroom and saw the teaching telling the kids to take stuff out of other kids’ desks just as the Israelites used the darkness covering Egypt to plunder the Egyptians. This was enough to convince this Orthodox rabbi not to send his kids to this yeshiva.

Here’s a source cited in the lecture:

From Yasharbooks:

The following is an excerpt from R. Zevi Hirsch Chajes’ The Students’ Guide through the Talmud (buy it now), pp. 195-197. Keep in mind that the Maharatz Chajes was a giant of Torah scholarship whose glosses are printed in the back of the standard Vilna edition of the Talmud. This is from what was intended to be the introduction to the glosses and printed in the Talmud, but it was not finished in time.

Similarly, in Aggadic interpretations the lecturer’s aim was to inspire the people to the service of God and to awaken them to a realization of the emptiness of their vain life, so that they should be compelled in this world of forgetfulness to fit themselves for entering the banqueting hall (of immortality), adorned and graced with a pure heart and good deeds. Thus, the chief object of the lecturer was to awaken the slumbering soul from its foolish sleep and stir it up to do what was right. If at times he noticed that his simpler utterances made no impression upon the audience he sought to find another method for his purpose by telling them stories which sounded strange or terrifying or which went beyond the limits of the natural and so won the attention of his audience for his message.

The Rashba,[1] making reference to this in his commentary on Berachoth (chap. ix), in the Aggadic section, where he speaks of the stone which Og, King of Bashan, attempted to cast down upon Israel,[2] says of this matter: ‘Maimonides, in his introduction to the Mishnah, has referred to the two ideas which the Aggadic teachers had in mind (when relating these outlandish Aggadoth).[3] But, in my view, there was besides these another motive behind some of the Midrashim of the Aggadists, namely that since there were occasions when, as the Aggadists were delivering their discourses publicly and elaborating matters useful to the audience, the listeners fell asleep, the lecturer, in order to awaken them, had to make use of queer and astounding tales to rouse them from their sleep.’

The reason is clearly shown in the Midrash Hazitha,[4] par. ??? ??? where we read that Rabbi was delivering a discourse and the audience had dozed off, so in his desire to arouse them he told them of one Israelitish woman who in Egypt gave birth herself to 600,000 children.[5] Similarly, the story told of Og, how he uprooted a mountain three parsangs in extent, was meant to convey that Og’s object was to deprive the children of Israel of their rights based on their three ancestors. The Aggadists, however, put the idea in the form of this astounding tale in order to arouse the public to follow the lecture with greater interest.

Such are the Rashba‘s observations… Following this explanation, we can understand the following exposition of R. Akiba[6] (Sot. 11b): ‘The Israelites were delivered as a reward for the righteous women of that time. It happened by a miracle that they (the babies which they bore) were swallowed by the ground, and the Egyptians brought oxen and ploughed over them, etc. Yet they broke through the earth, sprouting (like herbs from the soil), and came in flocks to their homes.'[7] Although in the Gemara version this is reported in the name of R. Awira, in Cant. Rab.[8] it is quoted in the name of R. Akiba.[9] One who knows R. Akiba’s true genius and intellectual capacity… may find it difficult to reconcile such an odd Aggada with him; but from what we now know of his method, as shown in the two aggadic expositions which we have dealt with above, viz. that when he noticed his audience uninterested or drowsy he would relate to them sensational legends to arrest their attention, we may, I think, unhesitatingly accept this aggadic homily as another of those which had as their object the impressing of the masses and the impelling of their hearts towards the things which are right.

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Rabbi Weil Is Like Captain Spock With A Rolodex

He runs the starship Beth Jacob and will soon pilot the Orthodox Union.

He has a powerful roladex and can get things done with a call or two.

A body needs to shipped to Israel for a quick burial? Rabbi Weil will make a few calls and it’s arranged.

He walks into the home of mourners and scans their bookshelf. He finds a book on Jabotinsky. He finds out the deceased was related to Jabotinsky. Voila, he produces a drasha on Jabotinsky.

His main achievements while here include:
* Healing the community after the catastrophic Rabbi Weiss departure
* Redoing the administration and hiring Allan Ishakis as Executive Director (things now run very smoothly)
* Bringing in several new important donors
* Redoing the entire downstairs
* The acquisition of the lot next door (cnr Doheny and Olympic) which has now been transformed into "Jacob’s Garden" – a beautiful park

He is a sincere and generous man on a one-to-one basis – and will liberally share even his most expensive cigars and rarest single malts.

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The RCC & Corruption

Jane calls. "I just curse the day I took my case to the RCC. They are so corrupt and biased. The RCC rabbis sit on these different boards, they have so many entanglements, and I feel like the big donors get an extra break. I feel like they do everything to get rid of me. I bet they’ve told attorneys not to take my case. It’s a mess. I guess I’m a nuisance."

"A big rav in town explained to me that the RCC bullies everyone."

"As soon as I go to an attorney and explain it’s before the RCC, they don’t want to get involved."

"I’ve talked to big rabbis in New York. As soon as I say RCC, their eyes roll. They say they’re corrupt and incompetent."

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Cool Your Ardor For Ripping Rabbis

Rabbi Noson Weisz writes for Aish.com:

Moses was the man who gave us the Torah. A blemish on his character automatically detracts from the authenticity and weight of the Torah. Lashon hora always gets out, no matter how private and secret you attempt to keep it. If Miriam’s statement would have been allowed to stand unchallenged, pretty soon the average Jew on the street would know that in the opinion of his own siblings, Moses was a ruthless rabbi who was happy to sacrifice the happiness of his wife in order to satisfy his own spiritual ambitions. Instead of the caring leader they had considered him until now, the ego-less person who never considered himself and lived totally for them, it turns out that he is a self-centered spiritual social climber whose interest in them is to use them to attain greater spiritual heights.

We are extremely familiar with the phenomenon of discrediting rabbis. If you can get yourself and others to believe that rabbis are merely power-hungry manipulators, or exploiters of women, or any of the other disparaging remarks made about rabbis with which we are all familiar, then you do not have to confront the truths of Judaism. Instinctively every Jewish heart knows that when it seriously confronts Torah it will melt in the heat of its holy flame. The solution is to cool one’s ardor by bashing rabbis.

Not that Miriam meant to do this. The trouble is that one never means to do anything terrible when one utters a few seemingly harmless words of lashon hora. The world is no less destroyed when the person who blows it up doesn’t mean it.

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Cathy Seipp’s Daughter Maia In Montenegro

 CecileMLDubois guess where i am
Luzdedos1:  hi
Luzdedos1:  israel?
CecileMLDubois:  no
CecileMLDubois:  montenegro
CecileMLDubois:  next week im living w gypsies and then going to kosovo
Luzdedos1:  yay
CecileMLDubois:  its 11pm here
CecileMLDubois:  why are you still at home at 2pm
Luzdedos1:  i blog
CecileMLDubois:  ah
CecileMLDubois:  my bunk mate is sleeping
CecileMLDubois:  podgorica is so weird its kinda….commie meets capitalism
Luzdedos1:  how you been?
CecileMLDubois:  good
CecileMLDubois:  i want to stay extra time to see sarajevo bosnia
CecileMLDubois:  but you know my grandpa..hes stubborn
CecileMLDubois:  he thinks ill run off w some muslim
CecileMLDubois:  even if i do…i at least want some more freedom
CecileMLDubois:  my friends are going on their own after the program to meet their albanian fathers or hungarian boyfriends
CecileMLDubois:  i just want to meet sarajevo
CecileMLDubois:  and look at uber liberal ngos
CecileMLDubois:  have you heard of imanuel bauerstein
Luzdedos1:  no
CecileMLDubois:  its so pc here
CecileMLDubois:  oh you’d love him

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Monsey Jew Accused Of Conducting Fake Gyno Exams

From the New York Daily News:

The former operator of the Empire State Building‘s Skyride was charged Thursday with pretending to be a doctor so he could give unsuspecting women "gynecological exams," police and prosecutors said.

Wealthy businessman Zalman Silber, 40, was arrested at his Monsey, N.Y., home Thursday morning and accused of molesting two women, ages 18 and 20, in his twisted charade, sources said.

He hired as his defense lawyer disgraced former Rockland County prosecutor Kenneth Gribetz, who stepped down after his proclivities for wearing women’s clothing and a dog collar were exposed by the Daily News more than a decade ago.

"It doesn’t often get stranger than this," a police source said.

Silber, a Hasidic Jew and father of five, was charged with third-degree sexual abuse and unauthorized practice and professions for impersonating a doctor, law enforcement sources said.

Silber’s pregnant wife, Gila, declined to comment at their home Thursday night. Silber moved to the Rockland County community from Borough Park, Brooklyn, a year ago, neighbors said.

Silber fooled his victims by saying the exams were part of a medical survey, prosecutors said.

Legitimate doctors who had offices in the same Manhattan building where Silber allegedly molested the women were stunned to find the polite man was accused as an imposter, sources said.

Investigators in the NYPD‘s Manhattan special victims unit believe Silber’s "exams" may have started in 2003 and were checking into the possibility that there are more victims, law enforcement sources said.

"He asserts his innocence. We feel this is a total mistake," Gribetz said.

In the 1990s, Silber was considered something of a business whiz. He was hailed by Inc. magazine in 1998 for creating a $9 million business offering tourists a simulated helicopter tour of the Big Apple through the New York Skyride at the Empire State Building.

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Maimonides Academy Shift To Right Under Rabbi Gross Leading To MO Parents Taking Their Kids Out

Under Rabbi Karmi Gross, the school has become more strictly Orthodox. Many Modern Orthodox parents are looking for an alternative for their children. They’re looking principally at relocating them to Shalhevet.

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What Happened To Young Israel Of North Beverly Hills?

They’ve halted construction of their new building.

They’re fighting amongst themselves.

There’s talking of selling their new plot of land and partially constructed building to a Sephardic shul.

The place has fallen apart since Rabbi Sholom Tendler left.

YINBH are a bunch of rich people (40 member families) who are all used to getting their own way and they find it hard to compromise with each other.

They can’t find a new rabbi. They’re not sure what they want. Do they want a quiet teacher type such as Nahum Braverman or do they want a commanding pulpit rabbi with the remote personality and big ego that usually comes along with the rhetoric?

My Los Angeles synagogue guide.

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