It’s Flirting, Not Lying

I don’t seem much wrong with a lot of lying when you first meet a member of the opposite sex and you start flirting (as long as both parties realize there’s a lot of play acting going on).

It’s flirting, not lying.

Once you start working on a relationship, however, the qualities that may have initially attracted the other may need to change drastically. Truth is important for a relationship but for a pick-up? Not so much.

From the NYTimes.com:

 A few months ago, I met my boyfriend on JDate, a dating site for Jewish singles. He assumed I was Jewish, and I didn’t correct him when I had the chance. Now I’m afraid that if I tell him, he’s going to dump me. What do I do? I really like this guy, but it’s getting weird. C.T., Brooklyn

In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a wee difference between letting an awkward moment pass and masquerading for several months as someone you’re not. Where to next, Gay.com?

All denominations are welcome on JDate, but the local custom is for non-Jews to identify themselves as such. And you can’t create a profile without answering questions about your Judaism.

So I don’t believe you simply “failed to correct” your boyfriend. You lied, having calculated that he might not like the truth.

I suggest clearing the air as soon as possible: Sit him down and apologize. You can explain that you were feeling vulnerable when you lied, but be careful not to let that sound like an excuse or, worse, an attempt to shift the blame to him for making you feel that way. Remember, you’ll be one short step away from “freak show” when you finally come clean, and you still must convince him that the lie was an aberration. He may be furious, or decide you’re too manipulative to date, but there’s a chance he’ll be flattered by the lengths you went to win him over. And who knows? He may have a whopper to get off his chest, too.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
This entry was posted in Dating and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.