‘We’ve Got To Get You A Wife’

Until a Jewish community tries to get you a wife, you’re not really a part of it. You may attend its functions but you’re not part of the community.

At various stops in my Jewish journey, I’ve become part of a community that wanted to help me to find a wife.

It’s a beautiful part of being Jewish.

Many Jews are fine with being single and they find this matchmaking annoying. I don’t. I am ready to wear the tallit gadol.

What takes me aback is when I am asked if I am seeking a man or a woman.

PS. Another sign of a membership in a community is when people talk about you behind your back. Until they do that, you’re not really a member.

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The Case Against Newsweek

Rabbi Steven Pruzansky writes:

But what is intolerable is Newsweek’s celebration of decadence and its advocacy of the overturning of the social order. Scarcely a week goes by without some crack about religion or an opinion piece denigrating traditional morality and those who live their lives accordingly.

A recent cover presentation touting “A Case Against Marriage” amounted to a tendentious and saddening portrayal of an allegedly “growing movement” among educated women against marriage, an institution they find irrelevant and unnecessary in their lives. The magazine cited “studies” that little accord with real life, and presented women who are unable to project the dire loneliness they will feel in years to come or who deny the obvious harm caused to children who are raised by single mothers by choice.

Well, it is certainly a viewpoint, but in typical Newsweek fashion no attempt was made to present the “other side” – the Case for Marriage, how or why marriage has been the bedrock of civilization and family since ancient times, and how marriage is the foundation of one’s personal happiness according to every study. No balance at all.

Contrast that with two other Newsweek classics – the December 2008 and January 2010 Cases for Gay Marriage. (It obviously did not suffice to share this viewpoint only once, and the latter was even a cover story.) Again, no attempt at balance, no presentation of the case why homosexual marriage is detrimental to civil society.

It is not merely the debauchery, which is still just an opinion, that is killing Newsweek, but even more so the magazine’s pretense that its views reflect the coming attractions of American life. In fact, its celebration of these alternate lifestyles is an effort not to report the news or even modern social trends, but to influence those very trends – as if regularly reading about them will make them appear normal and conventional to its readership. Perhaps it does, and undoubtedly that is why its readership is disappearing faster than Obama’s popularity. But its moral stain and ethical pollution linger, like the oil in the Gulf of Mexico.

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Nasty Piece Of Work

I think I’m a nasty piece of work — angry, vengeful, and spiteful.

I am so ashamed. I hate who I am much of the time.

Thank the good L-rd my psycho-therapists don’t view me this way.

They all look at me as a sad little boy.

All of them have this perspective. I’ll confess in therapy to the shameful things I’ve done. I’ll confess to how I view myself. I’ll berate myself all session about my dirty deeds done dirt cheap. I’m a big sinner! I’ve spurned G-d’s love! And then at the end, they’ll say, “I see you as a lost little boy looking for love. There’s just an aura of sadness and brokenness about you.”

Thank G-d for psychology!

Mike says: “Keep in mind that therapists get paid to tell you things like that, it is kind of like paying for love.”

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The Sisterhood 50

The Charedim received almost no attention the past few years in Newsweek’s annual listing of America’s top 50 rabbis. Sure, some chareidim complain about this, but few care very much.

I get a sense that these feminists care very much that so few women are represented in this top 50 list.

Why do they care so much? I suspect they only care so much because they are so insecure in their identity as women rabbis. People solid in their identities don’t care if their kind isn’t well represented in some Newsweek list.

The blunt fact is that women rabbis are not particularly significant. If there were no women rabbis in the world, the Jewish world would not be greatly diminished. None of the great Torah scholars have been women.

I am not opposed to non-Orthodox forms of Judaism ordaining women as rabbis and I am not opposed to women teaching Torah in Orthodox life and advising on Jewish law in matters in which they have expertise. I just want things done in Orthodox Jewish life according to the dictates of the great rabbis, not according to the whims of an activist in Riverdale.

And when I see people reacting strongly because others do not see them in the light in which they view themselves, I think such people are insecure and needy, and that does not turn me on. Who wants to be around whiners?

I think people should stand on their own two feet and to not depend on others for borrowed functioning. We all have to learn to soothe our own anxieties and to not ask others to make us feel good about ourselves. (Passionate Marriage)

Chaim Amalek emails: “I cannot explain it, but I think that women end up as rabbis for the same reason that other women end up lesbians.”

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I’m OK With G-d, So Why Do I Have To Pay Alimony?

I lose control 2:16 into this video:

Whole series.

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Orthodox Rabbi Murdered In Hollywood

The Jewish Journal reports: Mordechai Bayer, a 50-year-old Los Angeles-based commercial property manager, was shot and killed on Monday, July 19.

At just after noon, Bayer was believed to be attempting to collect rent money from a tenant, Sung Chul Pak, 40, who ran a T-shirt store in the 5400 block of West Sunset Boulevard, when Pak shot Bayer, then turned the gun on himself, committing suicide, according to Lieutenant Bob Binder of the Los Angeles Police Department.

The official police report refers to the crime as a “murder-suicide.”

Bayer lived in Valley Village in the San Fernando Valley. He was married and had six children as well as grandchildren. He was ordained as a rabbi, committed to studying Torah and he frequently held services out of his home, according to Ed Kinsbursky, who knew Bayer personally. Kinsbursky described Bayer as “friendly and outgoing.”

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Jackie Sherrod

Claire Spark writes on FB: “This was a very skillfull highly propagandistic speech that adroitly played the race card while pretending to be about reconciliation. It is a typical black nationalist demand for reparations. As propaganda: brilliant. She creates a narrative where her murdered father and the Klan attack meld into… See More Republican resistance to health care. I.e, whites are still killing blacks. But that will change with Obama and perhaps a second black president. It helps to be an experienced decoder to see this.”

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He Called Me Levi!

My Hebrew name is “Levi Ben Avraham.” My goyisha name is Luke Carey Ford.

When Orthodox Jews, particularly Orthodox rabbis, call me “Luke” or “Mr. Ford”, I always feel like I am in trouble.

Why? Because I can’t reconcile the things “Luke Ford” says and writes on his blog with Orthodox Judaism.

So I split myself off. I create this dual persona Levi Ben Avraham who is a pious Orthodox Jew who would not engage in vulgar talk and would not trade in lashon hara (gossip).

I had an Orthodox rabbi who only called me “Luke” when I was in trouble with him, which was often. He was saying, I’m not playing games anymore and pretending that you are a pious Orthodox Jew. You’re a vulgar goy and you’re in big trouble with me.

When a frum yid says to me, “Mr. Ford, I’ve been reading your blog,” I immediately hold my breath, contract, and collapse in on myself. Other than that, I’m cool.

So I was at dinner last night at Haifa restaurant. I ran into my friend Candy*. She was having dinner with her friend Sandy*.

Both are yidden.

I had never met Sandy* before.

So when Sandy* gets up and walks to the bathroom and I check her out in a spiritual, not a vulgar way, Candy saw the light in my eyes and said to me, “Would you like to tap that?”

I said, “I’m Levi. I’m a frum yid. I don’t know from tapping. What’s this tapping? Only goyim tap. Frum yidden unite the broken vessels.”

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Are You Ready For Some Torah?

Greg emails: Hi Luke,

I think Rabbs as Howard Cosell is very evocative. He’s good at it, too. Rabbs, I think you would also qualify for the Mohammed Ali role.

However, I must say I have a different vision.

How about Luke tapes Rabbi Rabbs surfing? Then with the Beach Boys playing in the background, Rabbs comes up to the beach where previously nostalgic Tiki sculptures have been placed. Rabbs starts waxing his board and giving Torah talks with titles like “Hanging Ten with Rabbi Rabbs” or “In the Pipeline with Rabbi Rabbs”. The whole thing would be titled something like “what does the great Kahuna Have to Say to Us?” It would be a smash.

And, Luke, it was generous of you to respond to my trivia. I understand that the Jewish focus is not on the world to come. However, Jews have an ontological concern. The Torah ostensibly comes from G-d. As such, the Torah is filled with divine pronouncements, divine preferences, and other expressions from G-d that suggest a personality of sorts. And as a consequence we are mindful that G-d has a Nature, and this divine Nature has particulars and peculiarities that are written about in the Torah. Therefore a concern about the Nature of divinity and consideration about this divine Nature are not outside the purview of Jewish scrutiny even though it might not always be strictly concerned with earthly and temporal matters. At least this is my point of view.

Incidentally, all of us who have great respect for Dennis Prager understand that he is contemplating a run for president. It is possible that this may have something to do with his association at a Reform temple. I remember when Lieberman was running, there were a lot of concerns about what happens if work must be done on Saturday. (You’ll recall Rabbs would not go to a Navy recruiting presentation for rabbis because they held it on Saturday. As a VietNam vet, I know that wars don’t take a break for Saturday.) There was also concern about Lieberman finding it necessary to walk to shul. Furthermore with Hadassah Lieberman, a very nice and attractive woman, things got to be very ‘oy vey’ (a citation from Lucianne Goldberg).

I am thrilled that Dennis might try to run for president. Imagine him showing up on liberal forums with his moral clarity arguing against liberals. Imagine him being on the major networks. What a tremendous possibility.

So my point of view suggests this is the time to start minimizing the difference between Jews and Christians and the secular world. We don’t want these differences punctuated with quotations marks around them while Dennis is out there demonstrating that we are all one people, and we are in this together, and we are defined by our mutual respect.

Now is the time to start asserting our mutuality.

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The White Obama Joey Kurtzman Testifies To What God Has Done In His Life

Today Joey will share with us the seven spiritual laws for lasting marriage and his five year plan for our economy.

This year’s Torah portion is Va’etchanan.

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