My Hebrew name is “Levi Ben Avraham.” My goyisha name is Luke Carey Ford.
When Orthodox Jews, particularly Orthodox rabbis, call me “Luke” or “Mr. Ford”, I always feel like I am in trouble.
Why? Because I can’t reconcile the things “Luke Ford” says and writes on his blog with Orthodox Judaism.
So I split myself off. I create this dual persona Levi Ben Avraham who is a pious Orthodox Jew who would not engage in vulgar talk and would not trade in lashon hara (gossip).
I had an Orthodox rabbi who only called me “Luke” when I was in trouble with him, which was often. He was saying, I’m not playing games anymore and pretending that you are a pious Orthodox Jew. You’re a vulgar goy and you’re in big trouble with me.
When a frum yid says to me, “Mr. Ford, I’ve been reading your blog,” I immediately hold my breath, contract, and collapse in on myself. Other than that, I’m cool.
So I was at dinner last night at Haifa restaurant. I ran into my friend Candy*. She was having dinner with her friend Sandy*.
Both are yidden.
I had never met Sandy* before.
So when Sandy* gets up and walks to the bathroom and I check her out in a spiritual, not a vulgar way, Candy saw the light in my eyes and said to me, “Would you like to tap that?”
I said, “I’m Levi. I’m a frum yid. I don’t know from tapping. What’s this tapping? Only goyim tap. Frum yidden unite the broken vessels.”