On his radio show today, Dennis Prager said: “Is it right to charge a seven-year old with sexual harassment because he said the teacher is cute to another kid?
“When I think of my elementary school life vis-a-vis girls, I would be arrested today. Maybe this is telling too much… I remember in kindergarten we had a big flight of stairs from the lunch room to the classroom. I would walk behind the girls because they wore skirts. I was five years old. Today I would be arrested for leering.
“And it was so innocent. It was the innocence of what’s there?”
A few months ago, I heard a great interview with Constance by Robert Rickover on “Sex, Sexuality and the Alexander Technique,” which, incidentally, are three of my favorite topics.
With a first career in training dressage horses and riders and a second career in performing and teaching modern dance, she is well acquainted with the needs of athletes and performers. She recovered from chronic back pain and injuries with the help of the Alexander Technique. During her career in Dressage, she competed at FEI-levels, (Federation Equestrian International) in the United States and Europe. As a dancer, she performed professionally and taught with Anne Bluethenthal & Dancers and Purple Moon Dance Project.
Constance completed a three-year Alexander training program in San Francisco with Frank Ottiwell, (1800 hours of study) and has since helped hundreds of students bring less effort and more ease into their activities.
Constance has a private practice in Oakland and San Francisco, teaches classes for actors at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco and gives specialized workshops for equestrians, actors, musicians and for employees in the workplace.
Clare-Newman took her first Alexander lesson around 1991.
Upon graduating in 2001 from her Alexander training and quitting her job with Good Vibrations, Constance studied and practiced the book Get Clients Now by CJ Hayden. Within three months, she had a thriving practice.
Luke: “Not many teachers talk publicly about [sex and Alexander Technique]?”
Constance: “I don’t know that they’ve been asked, but probably not. Alexander teachers traditionally have been conservative, but now we’re in a different generation. I’m able to speak about it because of my work in sex education.”
Luke: “Do you have any thoughts on the sociology of Alexander teachers?”
Constance: “It is probably pretty similar to many groups. I hear that in a martial art like akido there are similar issues of lineage and who does and who doesn’t do it right. The new generation of Alexander teachers is much more open. Once you get out of school, you’re no longer beholden to the school’s philosophy and you can really explore. I’ve done that. I’m a member of ATI as well as AMSAT.”
“AMSAT goes by the Roberts Rules of Order. Everything is orderly and specific in how motions get passed and things happen. In the past, it has taken a long time to get things done because of that structure.
“ATI is the opposite. They have big dialogues facilitated by a non-violent communication specialist. They’re interested in speaking to each other with regard and respect. They’re interested in consensus. They’re generally warmer and friendlier and fuzzier. They’re smaller, so they can try out those different principles. They are like the step-child of AMSAT.”
Luke: Do most of your peers have enough students?
Constance: “A lot of it depends on one’s personality and business savvy. Somebody like Amira Alvarez has business savvy from her past and a perky personality so you have a great combination of perky business going on. There’s a lot of energy, which comes across in her marketing. She’s very open to exploring different avenues. Even though she went to a school that was rigid about how [Alexander] should be taught, afterward she said, ‘Wait a second, I’m going to try this. And I’m going to try that.'”
“I don’t think of myself as a gregarious (or perky) person at all, so my website and style are going to be different than Amira’s. I find that it is important for me to not just sit in my studio and write things, which is easy and enjoyable for me. I do need to get out and meet people in the community, network, and inform them about the benefits of Alexander.”
“I hired a coach after three years. I found I was always feeling bad every time somebody said, what do you do? And I said I teach Alexander Technique. And they said, what’s that? And I said, well, it’s a body-awareness education system blah blah. And their eyes would glaze over.
“I was so done with that little introduction I gave and how it would never work. And how I never knew how to get to the next step. I always made their eyes glaze over.”
“My coach was great. I had phone conversations with her and she gave me practices geared to changing how I speak about what I do. I learned how to speak to people about the work, and to meet them where they are.”
“With experience, and when you’ve had a lot of success with students comes a comfort in talking about what you do. I see that over time with other teachers too.”
“In my first year of teaching, I found out it is not about me and how good I am as a teacher. It’s really about teaching the principles. If you just stick with the principles, it’s amazing how people change and grow. And they’re just thrilled.”
“It’s important to have a professional studio. The more the Alexander community becomes professional, the better. Some of the old guard teachers say it is OK to have students in your home. They will say that teaching is an art that you develop over years. And you shouldn’t market. Students should just come to you, because of who you are. So it is less of a business, and more of a calling.
“Then there’s the opposite end of the spectrum. You should have everything be very professional. You are supposed to market and should be able to make a living. You should be able to move in the world of the yoga teachers and the chiropractors and the doctors. I’m much more to that end. I wish we learned in our training how to converse with our colleagues [outside of Alexander Technique], who are working with our students in their own specialties. These are people who we are going to be teamed with, as far as helping our students achieve better health, get out of pain, or improve their sport or performance.”
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Dennis Prager writes: With Herman Cain’s announcement that he was suspending his presidential campaign because of the charges of sexual harassment and of a 13-year affair, issues are raised that the country would do well to think through. The two most obvious are whether we should care about a politician’s sexual life and how much the press should report about these matters.
But there is a larger issue that needs to be addressed first: What does adultery tell us about a person? For many Americans, the answer is: “Pretty much all we need to know.” This certainly seems to be the case with regard to presidential candidates. The view is expressed this way: “If he can’t keep his vows to his wife, how can we trust him to keep his vows to his country?”
I am a religious conservative, but I know this statement has no basis in fact. It sounds persuasive, but it is a non sequitur. We have no reason to believe that men who have committed adultery are less likely to be great leaders or that men who have always been faithful are more likely to be great leaders. To religious readers, I point to God Himself, who apparently thought that King David deserved to remain king — and even have the Messiah descend from him — despite a particularly ugly form of adultery (sending Bathsheba’s husband into battle where he would assuredly be killed).
And while on the subject of leadership, another question for religious and/or conservative readers who believe that a man who sexually betrays his wife will likely betray his country: Who would you prefer for president? A pro-life conservative who had had an affair, or a pro-choice man of the left who had always been faithful to his wife?
Jimmy Carter, to the best of our knowledge, has been faithful to his wife throughout their long marriage. That is certainly commendable. Did it make him in any way a better president? Has it given moral acuity to the man who wrote a book equating democratic Israel with apartheid South Africa?
And the American who, perhaps singlehandedly, may have prevented inter-racial war in America, Martin Luther King Jr., committed adultery on a number of occasions.
Would John F. Kennedy, a serial adulterer while in the White House, have been any different a president were he faithful?
Just knowing that a man or a woman had extramarital sex may tell us nothing about the person. I have always wanted to know: Why is sexual sin in general and adultery in particular the one sin that many religious people regard as defining a person as well as almost unforgiveable?
Joe* emails: If I say provocative things about work, I can be sued. Frankly, you probably should have waited until you got the degree in hand before writing controversial things, but then, that’s you. You should discuss with… what to do. Perhaps you can offer to remove the problematic passages and promise to not write troubling passages about AT anymore. Its the real world, you can say what you want about religions, etc, since you aren’t employed by them, but when you take on professional programs where people have financial interests at stake, they can opt to shut you out. I think you should have this discussion soon, as it sounds like “the organization” is going to hurt you.
It always looks better to be certified. There’s no honor in not being certified, so if there is a way to be on good terms with your supervisory body, its probably worthwhile professionally. You can’t make a living only treating your friends, there will need to be referrals, etc, and frankly, if someone in LA is thinking of using you, and sees all the stuff you wrote (there was one particularly dangerous thing you wrote once, not that long ago about treating women), they might reconsider. I mean, I’m talking as a health professional. If I have to refer a patient to someone, I don’t want them coming back angry at me for referring them to someone questionable. Having a clean web presence (at least with regard to your practice) is the contemporary equivalent of having a clean office. So it might not be bad for you professionally, and a good exercise for you mentally, to try to fix your relationship with the governing body, and for once not be on the fringe and an outlaw. If you are going to be a challenging figure in your field, let it be for something worthwhile and novel rather than just “funny” comments on the internet. Most of us have learned to separate our personal lives from our professional lives much earlier in the game, and its a good thing. Those who don’t are the Gafnis, etc, of this world who can’t remove their personal issues from the professional sphere. After all, AT is essentially a medical subspecialty, grouped under rehab.
Now what you may be feeling is something I often discuss with residents and fellows, that is, they often know that they know the material, etc, but feel funny “being a doctor”, and that sometimes leads them to make self deprecating or “funny” comments in the patient room, which ends up in turn causing a loss of confidence in the physician, and a cycle of dysfunction. We have all been there (I just saw a fellow do that on one of my recent trips, and I recall doing that early in my career). You don’t want to be there, you are at a point in life where you would normally be a mentor to others, honestly. So you have to doubly transform yourself into a serious practitioner, or realize that you will never build a practice. No one wants to pay for a non-respected practitioner, when there are competitors around, one always wants “the best”, and in LA there’s a lot of choice for the dollar, chiropractors, certified rehab specialists, sports physicians, etc. These are things you need to really consider if this is what you are going to “do” for a living. You can’t hang out a shingle and say but really I want to write plays, etc. People don’t pay for health care as a favor to the practitioner, they have to believe in you. And it is an important part of the treatment, people need to believe that by coming to you they will somehow be better than before they saw you. You don’t really project that right now, and you need to if you wish to actually do this.
So I think the adult thing and professional thing to do is go back to the…, say you want to do the right thing, what can you do to be a welcome member of the profession, and do it. You can still blog about other things, but don’t bite the proverbial hand, particularly if it is your own hand you are biting.
Jackie and I wanted to inform you that I have been chosen to be the new Senior Rabbi at the famous Touro Synagogue in Newport, Rhode Island. Touro Synagogue is the oldest Synagogue in the United States and is one of the most architecturally distinguished and historically significant buildings of 18th-century America, and it has been designated as a National Historic Site. We have been blessed to have you as our friends, and Jackie and I look forward to welcoming you to Newport, and to personally giving you a tour of Touro’s magnificent interior, and to sharing with you the remarkable story of its founding.
Our family will remain in LA until the end of June, and during this time, I will continue to serve this congregation with the same enthusiasm and dedication that I have always demonstrated. Even though we will be departing in June, we will always remain close with Beth Jacob, and with each and every one of you.
Thank you for welcoming us into your home and for allowing us to share these magnificent years with this special congregation.
Adjusting the clasp on my Hadaya necklace, I finally take in my whole reflection in the bathroom mirror. My transformation from Occasionally-Cute-Modern-Orthodox-Girl into Sexually-Appealing-Secular-Woman: complete. I had managed to startle myself so much that I rush to cover myself in my peacoat. My hand won’t stop twitching at my side while I sit impatiently on the bed. “How long does it take a person to walk?” I think aloud.
A minute later there’s a key turning the lock in the front door. Breathing deeply in an attempt to regain my composure, I stand up and open the door with a coy grin. He says “hey” as he walks in with a bare head. After all of our secret rendezvouses, I’m still not used to seeing him without his yarmulke on, but this time it’s somewhat of a comfort.
My partner in crime improvises with the room key as a bottle opener and we gorge ourselves on Stella Artois and cable television. In between swigs, I glance over at him; my cheeks are flushed and my head feels lighter with every drop. Making him think I’m farther gone than I actually am helps me shut off my conscience when I kiss him hard on the mouth. That little pest of a conscience is screaming again when he starts taking off my dress, so I shut her up with a last gulp of beer.
"This guy knows all the gossip, the ins and outs, the lashon hara of the Orthodox world. He’s an [expert] in... all the inner workings of the Orthodox world." (Rabbi Aaron Rakeffet-Rothkoff)
The Organization Is Going To Hurt You
Joe* emails: If I say provocative things about work, I can be sued. Frankly, you probably should have waited until you got the degree in hand before writing controversial things, but then, that’s you. You should discuss with… what to do. Perhaps you can offer to remove the problematic passages and promise to not write troubling passages about AT anymore. Its the real world, you can say what you want about religions, etc, since you aren’t employed by them, but when you take on professional programs where people have financial interests at stake, they can opt to shut you out. I think you should have this discussion soon, as it sounds like “the organization” is going to hurt you.
It always looks better to be certified. There’s no honor in not being certified, so if there is a way to be on good terms with your supervisory body, its probably worthwhile professionally. You can’t make a living only treating your friends, there will need to be referrals, etc, and frankly, if someone in LA is thinking of using you, and sees all the stuff you wrote (there was one particularly dangerous thing you wrote once, not that long ago about treating women), they might reconsider. I mean, I’m talking as a health professional. If I have to refer a patient to someone, I don’t want them coming back angry at me for referring them to someone questionable. Having a clean web presence (at least with regard to your practice) is the contemporary equivalent of having a clean office. So it might not be bad for you professionally, and a good exercise for you mentally, to try to fix your relationship with the governing body, and for once not be on the fringe and an outlaw. If you are going to be a challenging figure in your field, let it be for something worthwhile and novel rather than just “funny” comments on the internet. Most of us have learned to separate our personal lives from our professional lives much earlier in the game, and its a good thing. Those who don’t are the Gafnis, etc, of this world who can’t remove their personal issues from the professional sphere. After all, AT is essentially a medical subspecialty, grouped under rehab.
Now what you may be feeling is something I often discuss with residents and fellows, that is, they often know that they know the material, etc, but feel funny “being a doctor”, and that sometimes leads them to make self deprecating or “funny” comments in the patient room, which ends up in turn causing a loss of confidence in the physician, and a cycle of dysfunction. We have all been there (I just saw a fellow do that on one of my recent trips, and I recall doing that early in my career). You don’t want to be there, you are at a point in life where you would normally be a mentor to others, honestly. So you have to doubly transform yourself into a serious practitioner, or realize that you will never build a practice. No one wants to pay for a non-respected practitioner, when there are competitors around, one always wants “the best”, and in LA there’s a lot of choice for the dollar, chiropractors, certified rehab specialists, sports physicians, etc. These are things you need to really consider if this is what you are going to “do” for a living. You can’t hang out a shingle and say but really I want to write plays, etc. People don’t pay for health care as a favor to the practitioner, they have to believe in you. And it is an important part of the treatment, people need to believe that by coming to you they will somehow be better than before they saw you. You don’t really project that right now, and you need to if you wish to actually do this.
So I think the adult thing and professional thing to do is go back to the…, say you want to do the right thing, what can you do to be a welcome member of the profession, and do it. You can still blog about other things, but don’t bite the proverbial hand, particularly if it is your own hand you are biting.