The Other Woman

"Woman, why do you keep putting garlic in everything?" I bellow. "You don’t want me to be attractive to other women."

"Why do you want to be attractive to other women?" she says.

"I need the affirmation."

"I want you to go back on your lithium. I’d rather you be chubby and jolly."

"Woman, stop trying to make me fat and smelly.

"Here, let me put on a little bit of nice music."

"Stop with the sexy music! Spit out your sexy gum! I just want to cuddle. No funny business. I’m not used to being the other woman. I don’t like it. You’re being ridiculous. Everybody’s laughing at you."

"Don’t bother me woman!"

Sheesh, what’s with monotheism and monogamy? G-d doesn’t want us to have other gods, not even for a bit of fun on the weekends. We’re not supposed to go whoring, not even when we need a little pick-me-up. We’re not to have graven images and even wholesome hardcore American pornography is right out.

One God means one wife and one universal moral code.

I learned in my secular studies that poets have their own moral code. Our souls are so sensitive, our insights so keen, that we can’t be constrained by the conventional morality.

So do poets and bloggers get their own Torah? A more streamlined version to leave us with more time for our important work?

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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