Leah Kleim Is Live In My Chat Room

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maven:  I have a musical recommendation for you the new Sébastien Tellier album
guest117:  IS IT GOOD
YourMoralLeader:  maven, go to the israel fest yestereday?
maven:  its kind of a mix of 70s singing and warm beats.
YourMoralLeader:  who r u 117?
guest117:  LEAH KLEIM
YourMoralLeader:  no way!
YourMoralLeader:  awesome
guest117:  YEAH WAY
YourMoralLeader:  thank you!
guest117:  HOW R U ?
maven:  vas sagsta?
guest117:  GOURNISHT
maven:  leah, alles in ordinung?
YourMoralLeader:  good, how are you?
guest117:  ALLE IZ GOOT
guest117:  GREAT
maven:  az di bist yetz in boro park?
YourMoralLeader:  I liked our interview, did you?
maven:  yo ishtenem, das is emesdik di leah kleim
guest117:  YEAH IT WAS COOL
YourMoralLeader:  A lot of yidden have told me I’m the male Leah Kleim
YourMoralLeader:  I’m really happy to see you again!
YourMoralLeader:  I want to help you! lol
YourMoralLeader:  How’s the Daily Yid holding up?
YourMoralLeader:  He didn’t want to get help?
maven:  leah, di retz oych ungarish?
guest117:  BESELNI MUDYARU ?
maven:  you ishtenem, meg mondom neked
guest117:  NELEG DA VISBE
maven:  same here. I grew up around Bobov, so I get where you are at.
maven:  udjal nekem voloni eni
maven:  same here. Where was she from?
maven:  Oh, my mother is from Slovakia, but spoke (or yelled) in Magyar
maven:  No leszo?
guest117:  LESZO?
maven:  That’s how Hungarian is spoken. I once dated a hungarian girl in college and she spoke just like that
User guest117 changed their name to Leah.
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, do you know a Rabbi ….?
maven:  Luke, we wouldn’t know these Litvaki rebbes
YourMoralLeader:  ahh
YourMoralLeader:  Did you take those photos of the frum beach party, Leah?
maven:  Enough crazy stuff going on in Boro Park
Leah:  no, why should I ?
Leah:  I think there cute
Leah:  I remember wild days in BP,
YourMoralLeader:  they’re great photos
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, I heard this: Satmar which has 2 rival groups got on his case because DailyYid was of one faction, the Zaloinim and was against the Aronim
Leah:  If ppl think that something is wrong with me posting those pictures, they can go f**k themselvs,
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, is there a criminal investigation of Daily Yid?
Leah:  Daily Yid is to new of a blog to matter or have impact, just recently he started getting 1,000 hits a day, when he first contacted me he was lucky to see 250 in a week, I dont think Satmar or anyone for that matter was on his case about anything.
YourMoralLeader:  Do you know the Daily Yid’s real name?
Leah:  no I dont
maven:  But isn’t der yid the local yiddish paper?
Leah:  I think so
maven:  So he just lifted the name of the Satmar paper?
Leah:  there two different names, "the daily yid" and "der yid"
maven:  but similar enough, I suppose. "iceberg, goldberg, what’s the difference" (old joke)
Leah:  so they have a berg in common, big deal, it dosent make em the same
maven:  that;s the joke about the anti-semite who blames his parents death on the Jews because they died on the titanic
Leah:  theres also auschwitz and horowitz
maven:  In israel I met an Russian immigrant named Chemelnitzky
maven:  and the nazi philosopher was named Rosenberg
maven:  So Leah, you were always Satmar? You lived in W-berg
YourMoralLeader:  She’s Chabad
Leah:  From what I know about the daily yid, he’s pretty much jobless, bored, in the closet, miserable and depressed and started a blog as something to do, he gained 40 lbs since he started, so he must have been  putting alot of time into it, while fressing on
maven:  that’s what happened to Luke!
YourMoralLeader:  he’s bi?
Leah:  I was never Satmar, my family was back in hungary, Im a Chabadnik, I grew up full fleded Lubavitch
Leah:  yeah he likes girls, and boys with toys
maven:  A hungarian lubavitcher? I thought that was against the law
Leah:  jumbo shrimp?
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, how long do you plan to stay in Illinois?
Leah:  there are a few hungarian Lubavitchers, a strange breed, vodka on top of all that screaming makes for the need for more vodka
maven:  Vodka with slivovitz chasers sounds good
Leah:  I duno, I should be in NY in a few weeks, why ?
Leah:  vodka and goulash
guest131:  what are you doing in Ill?
maven:  sounds like the usual kiddish at the hungarian shteeble
Leah:  Im sitting on my front porch drinking a glass of wine, sucking on a ciggarett and talking to you
guest130:  where in IL are you living
Leah:  in the middle of no where, population 8oo goyim
YourMoralLeader:  how do you like that?
guest130:  dude that is nasty dont do that on cam
guest130:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  are most of your friends jewish or goyish?
YourMoralLeader:  sorry
Leah:  thanx Luke, Ive watched many ppl do many things on cam, now Ive seen a guy across the country blow his nose too
Leah:  Jewish, all of my friends are Jewish, most of them frum, I have no goyish friends
Leah:  and u think its funny
guest130:  luke blows
Leah:  i saw, and heard
YourMoralLeader:  why no goyisha friends? not enough in common?
YourMoralLeader:  so how do you stay sane surrounded by goyim?
Leah:  you should advertize, "whatch a jewish guy blow live !" youll get tons of hits
guest131:  Luke, you had mentioned that "this is how you make a living" with your blog
YourMoralLeader:  yes
guest131:  how do you make a living form your blog?
guest130:  lol
Leah:  I dont get along with goyim, there goyim, they have no heart
guest130:  you might get even more hits if you let them know that you are blowing yourself
YourMoralLeader:  advertising and the SEO opportunities and stuff it brings me, like a TV reality show
Leah:  my blog is a non profit job 😉
YourMoralLeader:  escorting with readers
Leah:  MTV is calling ! the Luke blows show ! live from Cali !
guest131:  so how do you pau the bills?
Leah:  I dont
guest131:  who does?
guest130:  with that beard you can do the chabad telethon next year too
Leah:  my husband
guest131:  I thought he was gone
YourMoralLeader:  i pay the bills from my savings from writing on porn and credit card debt
Leah:  with that beard he can be santa clause at the mall
Leah:  not gone yet, divorce is a long messy process
maven:  He’s Charlton Heston playing Moses
YourMoralLeader:  I also have a part-time job picking up kids from school
guest130:  I wouldnt let my kid sit on his lap
YourMoralLeader:  why not?
Leah:  I wold kill myself if I had to pick a bunch of kids up from school
YourMoralLeader:  they can be terrors
YourMoralLeader:  but I have a lot of authority as a moral leader
guest130:  you put them on leashes for the walk home
Leah:  tell me about it, I have 3 and when they see me, they dont actually see a person, they see prizes and toys, or a doormat
YourMoralLeader:  The will of man’s heart is evil from his youth
maven:  That’s universal, Leah.
palestine4ever:  Where is Leah?
YourMoralLeader:  Gday palestine, I got your girl Leah in here
palestine4ever:  Leah, hi!
Leah:  and what kind of authority is that ? the right to blow yor nose on cam and have ppl actually watch it?
YourMoralLeader:  P4E is in chicago
YourMoralLeader:  yes Leah
palestine4ever:  Big fan, here, big big fan
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, do you do mixed dancing? If so, could I have this dance?
Leah:  fan of what ? chutzpa ?
YourMoralLeader:  DDs
palestine4ever:  I’m a fan of the Leah Kleim brand in general
guest130:  you asking for a lap dance?
Leah:  thats pretty much what I am, a brand
Leah:  Lubavitch girls give the best lap dances
palestine4ever:  Regretfully I am married, but otherwise we could get married and sing Ebony + Ivory at our wedding
palestine4ever:  A whole medley of star-crossed lover melodies
Leah:  Im never getting married again
palestine4ever:  Do not let the womb grow cold and bitter as aspirin, gentle flower
palestine4ever:  DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LOVE AGAIN!
Leah:  and I bet after all that mushy mucky stuff we would live happily ever after, with kids who were well behaved and never got dirty
Leah:  Im not affraid of love, Im just not dumb enough to fall for that crock of crap again
palestine4ever:  Well, they’d be the only kids that sang Havah Nagila on the way to bombing a stripmall, at least
Leah:  In a perfect world they would sing chabad nigunim
palestine4ever:  Leah, why do the Chabaders only appear in the Gold Coast?
Leah:  Luke are you playing with yourself there?
YourMoralLeader:  I’m a Torah Jew!
palestine4ever:  I always think of Luke when they ask me if I’m Jewish.
YourMoralLeader:  no fooling
Leah:  your hand seems to be creeping lower and lower and your nipple is looking perky
palestine4ever:  It’s just the southern california breeze
YourMoralLeader:  you needed me
Leah:  now your helping me !
palestine4ever:  Anyway, he licks his finger before doing that
Leah:  help me help me big daddy luke
palestine4ever:  Kendra taught him the Force powers of the pornlette.
guest130:  he can blow all night long
Leah:  I bet he can
guest130:  looks his bag of tricks
Leah:  now Im hittin the Vodka, its people liek you and places like this that make life more fun the Lubavitch way, through vodka
guest130:  vodka goes a long way
iwantamoralleader:  done with sleaping?
Leah:  what do you think is in his bag of trix?
guest131:  Wine tastes so much better
palestine4ever:  User:iwantamoralleader, identify yourself.
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, I want to be your moral leader
guest130:  tweezers
Leah:  I dont really like wine
palestine4ever:  Luke is only taking female apprentices.
guest130:  magnifying glass
Leah:  You can be my moral leader
YourMoralLeader:  Thank you!
YourMoralLeader:  I am honored!
Leah:  vasaline?
guest130:  shaving cream
iwantamoralleader:  >->
guest130:  no he is a masocist
Leah:  shaving cream ? whip cream is way better dude
iwantamoralleader:  chocolate cream?
Leah:  na, that resembles s**t
guest131:  Leah, you have photos or vidoe’s on your blog drinking winde but never vodka
guest130:  lol ok ok was thinking of the aweful beard
iwantamoralleader:  but doesnt taste like so
palestine4ever:  Is "drinking wind" what they call it now?
iwantamoralleader:  lol
palestine4ever:  I can’t keep up with the youth
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, do you like a beard or a clean-shaven look?
Leah:  I had a video on you tube with a few bottles of vodka , it got kicked off
guest130:  use more lube next time you use a vodka bottle
Leah:  a little scruff
guest131:  so you tube is anti-lubavitch?
Leah:  chas vi shilim
guest130:  you dont like the planet of the apes look
Leah:  anti drunk driving i guess
Leah:  nope
Leah:  add some vodka to that
guest131:  what’s the end with daily yid
guest131:  he  in jail yet?
Leah:  hes showing us his stuff
Leah:  no hes probably watching some young boy and jacking off
guest131:  hate to see the case go cold
Leah:  his time will come
Leah:  patience is a virtue in this twisted world
guest131:  but the time is now
Leah:  so get him
guest131:  duno how
Leah:  but the time is now ! find out
Leah:  C’mon soldiar, get on the front line !
guest131:  wish I knew how to do that
Leah:  thats why I say patience is a virtue, its not about giving the "frum" world some more Loshon horah to spread around the shabbos table, its about actually stopping him, weather it goes noticed or not
Leah:  now luke is thinking ! see the look on his face
Leah:  this is serious !
guest131:  the dalyyidden blog has listed his name – duno if it’s true but if yes why can’t he be picked up
Leah:  or maybe he’s watching the pamela and tommy video again
Leah:  that blog is only open to invite
guest131:  but before they closed they had listed his name
Leah:  I think he’s a Ron Jeremy fan
guest131:  and address
Leah:  send it to me
Leah:  I’d gladly knock on his door and see if its him
guest131:  you could recognise him if you had seen him again?
Leah:  yeah
guest131:  the address was in williamsburg so you would have to be back first
Leah:  Ill be there soon
Leah:  here he goes again !
Leah:   luke blows !
YourMoralLeader:  getting over a cold
Leah:  Luke, how do you have the patience for this ?
YourMoralLeader:  I’m a gentle easy going soul
Leah:  so now my question gets even more serious, how do you have the patience for this?
YourMoralLeader:  I’ve done my productive work for the day
Leah:  and that was?
YourMoralLeader:  I enjoy talking with you Leah and P4E
YourMoralLeader:  some SEO stuff and blogging
palestine4ever:  Luke, are you sure a wife is what you want?
Leah:   here we go with the yidish and giberish
palestine4ever:  I can’t get used to this redecorating thing.
palestine4ever:  And everything in my house smells of flowers.
palestine4ever:  A man should have a place where he can be surrounded by his own stink.
Leah:  ok kool, thanx. LUke why does your house smell like flowers
palestine4ever:  Luke’s house smells like old Jews and fiberous smoothies. Mine smells like daffodils.
Leah:  mine smells like play dough and choclate chip cookies and dirty tennis shoes
Leah:  he told me his father has alot of $, does cheskel who the f**k ever haave $ ?
guest131:  this was posted on the blog – which is now only by invite
Leah:  do you have an email address for the blogger?
guest131:  they say his father is dead
palestine4ever:  Oh lawd is dat some Lashon Hara?
palestine4ever:  I’m ashamed of all of you.
Leah:  he never told me his father was dead. he talks about his mother like she’s a $5 hooker though
guest131:  they had a starnge email which I think is invalid on gmail
guest131:  it had a dot and I think gamail does not allow
Leah:  If you dont like loshon hora, move to a cave in the dessert. but this is not loshon horah
palestine4ever:  first they came for the pederasts, and I was not a pederast so…
palestine4ever:  I’m just concerned that Our Moral Leader is engaging in moral relativism
guest131:  this is the email for the blog owner which they had – Avishai.Exposed@gmail.com
palestine4ever:  This is the slippery slope to buggering animals.
palestine4ever:  But I fear the harmful effects this will have on Luke.
palestine4ever:  He hasn’t finished his Torah training and a sophisticated blogger could easily turn him to the dark side
Leah:  Read up on the chofetz chaim and youll find the true meaning of loshon horah , and aloso when it is permitted, and not considered loshon horahm BTW loshon horah also applies to the one listening to it, you are equally as guilty, so RUN TO CAVE !
palestine4ever:  Telling an Arab to "run to the cave" has a WHOLE different meaning 🙂
Leah:  H’es the son of a preacher, gimmy a break, we all know about those kids 😉
palestine4ever:  We were cool with caves until Tora Bora
Leah:  run to a cave with the karan and be holy
palestine4ever:  Now, you say "run to the cave" and they’re all like OH SO WHAT ARE ALL OF THESE GUNS FOR HUH
Leah:  Tell them, to kill people
Leah:  say yes
Leah:   honesty is the best policy !
palestine4ever:  I just tell them I’m a hillbilly
palestine4ever:  It used to work but doesn’t anymore THANK YOU RACIAL PROFILING
Leah:  bring a CD player, some Jack Daniels and pump some good country music outa your cave, Toby Keith and Willy Nelson
palestine4ever:  Part of al-Qaida training was learning to do the Billy Ray Cyrus Achy Breaky dance
palestine4ever:  Few people know that
YourMoralLeader:  Wherever you go in the world, Leah, no matter how many times you get naked for the camera, you’ll always have a home in this chatroom.
Leah:  not the makeraina ?
palestine4ever:  UGH LUKE GET CUPS PLEASE
Leah:  Thanx I feel so loved now
palestine4ever:  macarena = too ethnic
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, does it offend you when I drink out of a kedem bottle or would you prefer me to use a glass?
Leah:  Just tie a towel oaround your head and sing the israeli national anthem
palestine4ever:  Luke did you ban RevDesFord yet?
palestine4ever:  That guy is like instant buzzkill
YourMoralLeader:  Yes, but let him back in the next day
Leah:  No it dosent, Im a Lubavitcher, we ll share
Leah:  every Lubavitcher thinks if they drink out of the vodka bottle no one else will dring it and they can have it all, and the vicious cycle of us all drinking each others germs continues. We always look at the bottle and wonder though… Did I really drink all that?
palestine4ever:  a rare show of modesty, Luke
YourMoralLeader:  We have a lady in here.
palestine4ever:  They just don’t want to buy their friends a drink
palestine4ever:  (cough cough cough)
Leah:  Luke you should go to the local Chabad House and invite a bunch of chassidim over and have a vodka filled farbrengen and live stream it
palestine4ever:  Luke’s religious beliefs prohibit him from sharing a cam with anyone.
palestine4ever:  It’s a sole discipline and improves character.
Leah:  what happened to ahavas yisroel ?
Leah:  poor guy is tired, from the hard work of blogging
Leah:  say something funny, Luke
Leah:  the silence is killing me
palestine4ever:  Luke, I have two words that will solve your financial distress
Leah:  I have ADHD I cant focus on nothing
palestine4ever:  "Fan Fiction"
palestine4ever:  Witness Peter Chimaera: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Peter_Chimaera
Leah:  I have two words that will solve your financial disteress
YourMoralLeader:  so what do you do all day leah?
Leah:  Im a Mommie
YourMoralLeader:  ahh
Leah:  aka dormat
palestine4ever:  This is sad.
YourMoralLeader:  It must be invigorating to have some stimulating adult conversation!
palestine4ever:  Of the three of us, Luke has an active career but possibly the worst financial intake.
YourMoralLeader:  lol
palestine4ever:  Give up work, luke, walk the land like the cat in Kung Fu
Leah:  I take, abuse, neglect and sorrow, pain, regret and sadness, all day long and dont get paid a nickle for it, and I got to bed happy. yEAh iM CrAZy
Leah:  LUKE, you poppin pills?
palestine4ever:  spread Torah, conduct good deeds, save kittens from trees, etc.
palestine4ever:  He has a whole battery of pills, Leah
YourMoralLeader:  clonidine
Leah:  I get a monthly goody bag
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, how long into your marriage till you realized it was a mistake?
palestine4ever:  And that’s not going into the fun ones
Leah:  last year
Leah:  every cyber junkie gets pills
YourMoralLeader:  was there one moment?
Leah:  yeah
Leah:  he blows !
palestine4ever:  So much for modesty
palestine4ever:  TOO LATE LUKE WE SAW YOU HONK
Leah:  when he does that, we can talk about him behind his back !
palestine4ever:  Leah, what was that moment?
palestine4ever:  I wouldn’t pry but Luke already did and now it’s hanging there…
Leah:  He was b**chin about somethin’ or other, and I thought to myself screw this
Leah:  It wasnt that complicated
palestine4ever:  Oh.
palestine4ever:  That’s kind of anti-climactic.
palestine4ever:  I was hoping the police were involved, or an ambulence or something.
YourMoralLeader:  is he gay?
palestine4ever:  But it’s GOOD THAT THEY WEREN’T
palestine4ever:  (even if the story would have been better)
Leah:  oh well, I dont have some great story about that special moment when SUDDENLY ! BAM ! it all hit me, and I realized that I was an individual, and I had needs, wants and rights too
YourMoralLeader:  when did you get your DDs?
Leah:  and this was not fair
Leah:   and I could be someone
Leah:  bla bla bla
palestine4ever:  Ariana Huffington already turned one Republican gay, do you want to be next Luke?
Leah:  I dont speak cyber lingo what is DDs
palestine4ever:  So it was kind of a Gloria Gaynor moment
Leah:  not really
YourMoralLeader:  your breasts
Leah:   I didnt sing a song about it either
Leah:  about 4 years ago
palestine4ever:  How long were you married?
Leah:   I had E’s 5 years ago though, natuarlly
palestine4ever:  We have here the three stages of romance
Leah:  9 or 10 years
palestine4ever:  Luke (before) me (during) Leah (after)
YourMoralLeader:  When did you get the implants? 9 years ago?
Leah:  all we need are some dead ppl now
Leah:  4 years ago
YourMoralLeader:  ok
palestine4ever:  But I prefer to concentrate on the things that unite us, not divide us!
Leah:  well Im sure glad its OK with you
YourMoralLeader:  Leah, does it bother you when men look at you as a sexual object?
palestine4ever:  Like I’m pretty sure we all hate Asians.
YourMoralLeader:  not me
Leah:  no, its been that way since I was 14
YourMoralLeader:  I’ve got yellow fever
palestine4ever:  Well, you kind of are one.
YourMoralLeader:  This cam is a sex free zone, Leah.
Leah:  I see that
palestine4ever:  A few longitude north and you’re dipping everything in soy, Luke.
palestine4ever:  Um, latitude
Leah:  I hate chineese ppl
Leah:  I hate black ppl
Leah:  I hate mexicans
User guest137 left the room.
Leah:  Yes I am a racist
palestine4ever:  LEAH I LOVE YOU
Leah:  your crazy
palestine4ever:  RIGHT ON, SISTER, PREACH IT
palestine4ever:  I freely admit that I have an envy of the startling intellect and access to capital that our Asian and Jewish friends have
palestine4ever:  (present company excluded)
palestine4ever:  (sort of)
Leah:  I gotta go get some more vodka, BRB, if your still here, cool if not oh well, Ill go write something with my tainted sence of humor and bad spelling
YourMoralLeader:  XOXO
palestine4ever:  ROCK ON, LEAH.
YourMoralLeader:  What a chick
palestine4ever:  hmm
YourMoralLeader:  How you been?
palestine4ever:  She’s less crazy without the bright red text
palestine4ever:  or seems that way
palestine4ever:  or maybe… she’s not crazy at all
palestine4ever:  I JUST BLEW MY OWN MIND
YourMoralLeader:  I had a long meeting with a rabbi today, I’m learning about holy speech and not shaming people
palestine4ever:  I thought Rabbis were all about shaming people
palestine4ever:  is he afraid you’re cutting into his business?
palestine4ever:  oh wait
palestine4ever:  was this one of those "Levi, come into my office" kind of meetings?
palestine4ever:  the ones right before they kick you out?
YourMoralLeader:  i’m getting a chance to be a mentch
palestine4ever:  Hmm
palestine4ever:  He’s taking a chance on you
palestine4ever:  So this could mean he believes you’re able to be molded into a More Perfect Jew
Leah:  thats not fair ! aand you should tell them that, and be bold and in there face when you tell it to them !
palestine4ever:  Could I perk your interest in a spell of fire-breathing Wahhabism?
palestine4ever:  I mean, they might chop  your tongue off but definitely wouldn’t do that.
Leah:  I think that you should write about…
palestine4ever:  He’s running out of shuls, Leah.
palestine4ever:  He insists on clinging to this community that clearly does not want him
palestine4ever:  and desires to expel him like a heretic of old
ver:  if they still burned people at the stake, Luke would be their Jan Hus
Leah:  Its Asur to push another Jew away ! espscially a ger ! a ger is considered a yossom, a yossom needs to be treated better than the rest and accepted and loved !
palestine4ever:  Preach it, Leah
PicoPal:  what is a yossom?
palestine4ever:  Even one that listens to "Boys of Summer" over and over and over again?
Leah:  I try, they dont care though because the reality is they dont give a damn about halocha they care about yichus
PicoPal:  is that one of the words i have to look up google myself?
palestine4ever:  In fact, I believe these folks called the NAZIS felt "uncomfortable" around certain people too

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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