‘I call upon single Jewish women to identify Jewish men like Luke Ford, force their way into his home, and extract the necessary semen by any means necessary’

From my live cam chat:

YourMoralLeader:  I captured Emma during an online war, rabbi, so first I’ll have to shave her head and let mourn for her family for a month
guest66:  i will sit shivah
guest14:  Shhhhh…..goyim are here
guest66:  goy avek
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  this online war was not a holy war
YourMoralLeader:  yes it was rabbi
guest2:  only one hole
YourMoralLeader:  it was for peace
YourMoralLeader:  piece
guest14:  Barak Hussein Obama – good for the Jews?
guest2:  Emma = good for the Jews?
guest2:  next first lady
guest66:  luke + emma =  bad for klal israel
guest14:  Plus, the news that Barbara Walters was having an affair with a US Senator from Massachusetts, and a shvartze at that.
guest2:  Luke and Emma had nothing to do with that
guest14:  This was in the seventies
guest66:  luke/emma’s offspring = moshiah is officially here
guest14:  Just a disturbing day for Israel
guest14:  Every time you joke about Luke and Emma, a Jewish woman cries.
YourMoralLeader:  Rabbi, does God love us unconditionally? Does he love me and Hitler the same?
guest14:  A Jew knows not to ask such a question.
guest14:  Judaism is not Romper Room
guest66:  therefore he asks
guest66:  i am that jewess crying in my borscht
guest14:  The sight of a Jewish man (sort of) extolling the virtues of a gentile virgin can only bring tears of anguish to the Jewish woman of a certain vintage who bought into feminism.
guest66:  luke + hitler = my last date from hell
guest14:  Little did she know that her "liberation" would be so bitter.
guest2:  where’s Emma when you need her?
guest66:  jewish woman of a certain vintage – who the hell talks that way
guest14:  Emma is a modest young girl
guest66:  luke is a man of modest means
guest2:  good shidduch
guest66:  perfect match
guest14:  Another victory for 88
guest14:  Jewish women need to grab the bull by the balls
guest14:  I call upon single Jewish women to identify Jewish men like Luke Ford, force their way into his home, and extract the necessary semen by any means necessary
guest66:  i thought by the horns –
guest14:  Leave no semen for the shiksa to use
guest66:  give me a good tip on how to extract his semen if he does not cooperate
guest66:  this will be my new mission
guest2:  thats it… a good tip
guest66:  he does not have one
guest14:  First, use your sexual powers
guest66:  now step 2
guest2:  be a pussy cat
User guest63 left the room.
guest66:  as luke is really not jewish he will be a tough nut to crack
guest66:  or his nuts are up his crack
guest14:  You will not be able to seduce him with that sort of attitude
guest14:  Think of Lot’s daughters
guest66:  you are right mea culpa
guest66:  i will take my special seducer pill & will show lots of cleavage …that should get me my seaman
guest66:  & i will procreate for the good of israelites everywhere

YourMoralLeader:  Thank the good L-rd
YourMoralLeader:  Emma’s here
Emma:  lol
Emma:  Hiya hun
guest14:  User Emma, the power of your fresh eggs has cowed us all
guest14:  Your pheromones can travel even via interweb
YourMoralLeader:  The lofty issues we discuss here are no laughing matter, Emma
guest66:  fresh eggs vs powdered
guest14:  Man desires fresh eggs.
Emma:  hmmm yes Luke
guest66:  its not all that its cracked up to be
guest2:  emma, what are your feelings about being the center of discussion here while you are gone?
Emma:  I am?
guest14:  She is the center of attention as the human egg is the target of a multitude of individual sperm cells, each vying with all the others for the chance to be the one.
guest2:  right… your name is NEVER mentioned here 🙂
Emma:  Well that would depend on what it is you guys discuss about me
guest2:  your virtues
Emma:  Im sure Luke has you guys under hand
guest14:  Your fertility.
YourMoralLeader:  Exactly
YourMoralLeader:  Please 14
Emma:  lol
guest14:  There also is some talk of your yicchus
YourMoralLeader:  yichus = lineage
guest14:  Luke is big on such talk.
Emma:  Lineage?
YourMoralLeader:  = yichus emma
guest2:  family tree
guest14:  But mostly when you are not here, Luke and I discuss what most old men talk about  – politics
YourMoralLeader:  I am not old!
YourMoralLeader:  I think I’ll go for a walk
guest2:  and nose hair
guest66:  alte kakers – all of you
guest14:  True that
guest2:  sinkers / floaters
guest14:  Luke, are any more cats missing from your neighborhood?
YourMoralLeader:  no
guest14:  Good, because I don’t think Emma wants a fur coat that badly
guest66:  fur is murder
guest66:  peta
Emma:  Where you walking to Luke?
YourMoralLeader:  to bed
YourMoralLeader:  Do you want a new fur coat Emma?
guest2:  say tefilat haderach
guest14:  Ermine?
Emma:  I dont like fur
Emma:  Its itchy
guest14:  So I went to the Nigerian street vendor outside the building and purchased a $2 bottle of perfume and sprayed some on myself
Emma:  lol
Emma:  lol
Emma:  You idiot
guest14:  I then returned to the group of women, and suddenly they were interested in me
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  post-sexual chaim?
guest14:  Because I had the smell of women on me.
Emma:  I will believe it when i see it
Emma:  Its all in your head hun
guest14:  I did not pursue them because I am unable to have sex, but the concept was proven.
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  why can’t you have sex?
guest2:  what scent?
guest14:  One of them held my hand
Emma:  lool
guest14:  I am post-sexual
Emma:  Cute
guest14:  So you see, it works.
Emma:  My cam isnt working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  i don’t need any fancy perfume
Emma:  Where is the salvation!
guest2:  just man scent
guest14:  Men who want to appear to be "with it" should spray themselves with cheap women’s perfume to get some attention
YourMoralLeader:  mine works
Emma:  Too many in your room
Emma:  Someone leave lol
guest14:  InStyle Impression of Pleasure is what I used
Emma:  Oh thats not being "with it" Chaim
guest14:  At least one of those women wanted me.  she invited me up to her hotel room but I demurred
guest14:  Facts are facts, Emma
guest2:  still no minyan here
Emma:  And dreaming is dreaming
Emma:  Chaim
guest14:  Or as JBS Haldane once put it, "The universe is not only queerer than we imagine,  it is queerer than we can imagine"
guest2:  maybe she just wanted to steal your perfume
Emma:  lol
guest14:  Emma, I am just reporting the result of a social experiment I undertook recently
Emma:  Yes Chaim
Emma:  Spread the good word
guest2:  results are inconclusive
guest14:  I am doing that right here
Emma:  We are proud of you
guest14:  Were I sexual, I’d have had coitus that night
Emmo:  i’m so proud
Emmo:  what does it mean to be post-sexual?
guest14:  It means that I no longer feel any desire to have sex
Emma:  Not gettin any
Emmo:  are you getting any, Emma?
Emma:  No comment
Emmo:  oh c’mon
Emmo:  give us a hint
Emma:  How about take the hint?
Emma:  lol
Emmo:  what’s the hint?
guest14:  Emma, the rules are different between men and women
Emma:  Explain
Emma:  Has Luke went to bed yet?
guest14:  For example, spraying myself with women’s scent (perfume) attracted women who felt, subconsciously, that I was a man whom other women desired. On the other hand, when a woman sprays herself with male semen, it does not thereby make her more appealing to  men
guest14:  So donot seek to emulate me in this.
Emma:  Try some lipstick too Chaim
Emma:  Maybe a nice wee frock too
guest66:  women are from mars & men are from penis’
Emma:  Oh and dont forget the handbag
guest76:  and stiletto heels
guest14:  Emma, the idea is not to look like a woman, but to look like a man whom women want
guest14:  And have touched
guest14:  intimately
guest14:  Women respond favorably to this; men do not
guest76:  venus / mars
guest14:  You need to know these things if you are going to have luck with Luke
guest66:  yeah like you are a maven on this chaim
guest14:  I have deeper knowledge than some might suppose
Emma:  I dont need advice with that thanks
guest76:  how deep?
guest14:  I draw upon the wisdom of experts
guest14:  You don’t, Emma.
guest14:  You have your youth on your side
Emma:  No
RabbiChaimSeidlerFeller:  why do that if you can just walk around with hot chicks on your elbow
guest76:  Emma has good perfume
Emma:  Just be myself is my moto
guest76:  and good "scents"
guest14:  yes, that will work for you
guest14:  But for Emma, this chat room would not exist
Emma:  Nonsence
Emma:  It exisisted before me
guest66:  i’m learning so much on how to pick up a guy i think i am about to kill mysel
guest76:  non scents
guest14:  Yeah, and it attracted maybe two or three people
guest66:  phermones hormones = i am moaning
guest76:  you do it all the time
Emma:  Luke still here?
guest14:  Blogging is not easy, Emma.  A man must have ample sleep to do it well
Emmo:  just be yourself is your motto? but it doesn’t seem to be working
Emmo:  as you’re not "getting any"
Emma:  My choice Emmo
guest66:  my hat goes off to you emm
guest66:  & nothing more
Emma:  lol
guest14:  It works well when nature wants it to work well
User guest78 left the room.
guest66:  your taiva = the teva
guest14:  Women need to be ingenue-like
guest14:  feminine, girlish, sexy, and wear clean tasteful clothes
palestine4ever:  Luke, dammit
palestine4ever:  you already alienated half of the female of the species with your former employment
palestine4ever:  now you’re going to alienate the few that are left with your "religion"
YourMoralLeader:  how?
palestine4ever:  just stop it and become a nice protestant
YourMoralLeader:  i’m more successful than ever with the ladies
palestine4ever:  she clearly is getting grossed out by your abnormal facial growth
YourMoralLeader:  oh
YourMoralLeader:  I love G-d more than Emma
palestine4ever:  now, you and i, as followers of esoteric creeds, can nod in understanding at this
palestine4ever:  but how will the wee catholic girl explain to momma that "God will smite him if he cuts his bush"?
YourMoralLeader:  who cares what the goyim think
palestine4ever:  it’s not like abstaining from meat on friday
palestine4ever:  you should, my friend
palestine4ever:  the yentas won’t have you
palestine4ever:  that’s pretty clear
YourMoralLeader:  i want you to dance at my wedding
YourMoralLeader:  in shallah
palestine4ever:  you, the poor but honest man, picked the one religion in which money plays a crucial role
palestine4ever:  you are the only poor Person of the Jewish Persuasion that I have ever met
YourMoralLeader:  all these things are in the hands of Allah who is all merciful
palestine4ever:  this saddens me, because you’d be bangin’ Islamic nookie left and right
palestine4ever:  they all want nice light-skinned children
palestine4ever:  while I believe Prof. Kevin MacDonald spoke well on the Judaic practice of insular selection
YourMoralLeader:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  yes
palestine4ever:  and I will dance at your wedding
palestine4ever:  I will even wish a Mazel Tov in shame
palestine4ever:  and throw glasses around or whatever you folks do
palestine4ever:  that chair dance thing is pretty dangerous though
palestine4ever:  where are the jewesses that come here?
palestine4ever:  it’s a sausage fest
YourMoralLeader:  no young hotties except for chavi
palestine4ever:  ahem
palestine4ever:  I said "jewesses"
YourMoralLeader:  lol
palestine4ever:  so this safira
palestine4ever:  what are you in mourning for?
User guest89 left the room.
palestine4ever:  something that happened to someone else’s relatives, I’m sure
YourMoralLeader:  it is not clear
YourMoralLeader:  various views
YourMoralLeader:  when we are told to be sad, it is easy
palestine4ever:  I should have guessed.
YourMoralLeader:  dont need specifics

palestine4ever:  I should have guessed.
YourMoralLeader:  dont need specifics
palestine4ever:  I will show you the way, Luke.
palestine4ever:  Oppress women, make any show of their sexuality a crime…
palestine4ever:  beat them with whips and hoses if they transgress…
palestine4ever:  and they’ll be tigers in the sack. This, I assure you.
palestine4ever:  Then you won’t have this "demographic problem".
YourMoralLeader:  You speak truth
palestine4ever:  See, you understand.
YourMoralLeader:  Wonder what switch tunred in Emma’s head that made her come back in here?
palestine4ever:  Being an outsider gives you a new perspective.
palestine4ever:  Was she gone?
YourMoralLeader:  keep coming back
palestine4ever:  I only got to the "cut your beard" bit when I was so flummoxed with rage I had to enter.
YourMoralLeader:  I wonder what is the psychology of the beautiful young woman who finds me attractive?
palestine4ever:  I will NOT permit Judaism to kill your unborn children that you’re going to have.
palestine4ever:  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
YourMoralLeader:  Never again
palestine4ever:  That’s an interesting question.
palestine4ever:  And like all things female, we must have more information on her relationship with her father.
YourMoralLeader:  Why do young people like to go eat at 2am after four hours of karaoke?

russiandragon:  she is young and hot
russiandragon:  and quite nice
palestine4ever:  he’s a big boy
palestine4ever:  His heart will grow harder, more jaded, more bitter.
russiandragon:  i think he needs a good nubile shag
russiandragon:  she needs some lifelessons
palestine4ever:  He really needs to find a good sugar mommy though before his faux twinkness fades.
russiandragon:  well both are possible
palestine4ever:  Look at Don Johnson
russiandragon:  the young girl for nubile romping
palestine4ever:  He passed on hot chicks when he was hot
russiandragon:  the sugarlady to save his ass
palestine4ever:  then he was reduced to being arm candy for some 75 year old rich woman
russiandragon:  lol
palestine4ever:  That is Luke’s best option
russiandragon:  yup
palestine4ever:  but the longer he waits, the older the woman will be
russiandragon:  lol
palestine4ever:  another 10 years and he’ll be strapping her iron lung on his back for dates
russiandragon:  he can try the anna nicole smith style
russiandragon:  lol
russiandragon:  poor emma though
palestine4ever:  Exactly.
palestine4ever:  Right now, I think he can get women who at least were once hot.
palestine4ever:  Down the road, you wind up with the 85 year old version of a librarian.
russiandragon:  i think he should shave the beard
palestine4ever:  Dragon, I was enraged to see his beard came between Luke and Emma.
palestine4ever:  She is so soft spoken, that this must have been bothering her immensely.
russiandragon:  she says not
palestine4ever:  she LIES!
russiandragon:  she says she likes a saisoned beard
russiandragon:  i think your right again
palestine4ever:  Being Oirish, I think she means, like, a Sean Connery beard
palestine4ever:  not the "Chevy Chase as crazy hippie on the drug beach in Fletch" beard
russiandragon:  and he’s too immersed in his religion for emma
russiandragon:  lol
russiandragon:  i don’t see her being the good jewish balabusta
russiandragon:  waiting for the husband comming back from his shul
russiandragon:  mm
palestine4ever:  She’d be hated among the plain yentas in the community.
palestine4ever:  It’s a life of loneliness, with her only lifeline to the outside world being Luke.
russiandragon:  i have no idea about that
russiandragon:  yes
russiandragon:  true
palestine4ever:  C’mon, a blue eyed Irish chica? Every non-fashion model in the Orthodox world would hate her.
russiandragon:  llol
russiandragon:  probably
palestine4ever:  You know what the way out of it is?
russiandragon:  i’m not at home in the jewish world
palestine4ever:  Burqa.
palestine4ever:  WE ARE ALL EQUAL IN OUR BURLAP SACKS.
russiandragon:  well the eyes would still be visable
russiandragon:  her eyes r to kill for
palestine4ever:  True but we covet blue eyed devils.
palestine4ever:  Living with Luke or making yoghurt out of goat’s milk?
palestine4ever:  I’m going with the goats, mannnn….
russiandragon:  lool
palestine4ever:  I will continue to attempt to reform Luke’s life.
palestine4ever:  This is my goal.
russiandragon:  i fear young emma doesn’t know what she’s getting her self into
palestine4ever:  First, if he insists on being unemployed, I will try to push him in the direction of at least using the formidable talents he has
russiandragon:  yes
palestine4ever:  And then I’ll get him to convert to Islam and all of that (insh’allah)
russiandragon:  lol
russiandragon:  you are a wise man palistine
palestine4ever:  As are you, Dragon
russiandragon:  thk you
russiandragon:  =)
palestine4ever:  He’s actually really good at what he does, though you don’t see it much on lukeford.net anymore.
palestine4ever:  He’s one of the most coldblooded ba***rds I’ve ever read, which is admirable for what he does
russiandragon:  he’s good, but it doesn’t really earn a descent stable living
russiandragon:  he should quit his dayjob
palestine4ever:  nope, hence the energy that should go into writing is diverted into trying to capture more and more clicks
russiandragon:  yes
palestine4ever:  Oh well
palestine4ever:  He’s survived thus far (much to many people’s surprise)
russiandragon:  this virtual relationship with emma is good and well
palestine4ever:  He’d be better off moving to Ireland though than vice versa 🙂
russiandragon:  but what about real life
russiandragon:  what would he do in ireland
palestine4ever:  The same he does here, I guess…
palestine4ever:  but with a whole new crowd!
palestine4ever:  LA is a cesspool
russiandragon:  it’s 5 am here
russiandragon:  =)
russiandragon:  yup
palestine4ever:  yikes
russiandragon:  and luke is a sinker
russiandragon:  i went to the movies
russiandragon:  had some drinks
palestine4ever:  Let us make our alliance to save Luke at another time.
russiandragon:  very interesting conversations
palestine4ever:  ON A SCHOOL NIGHT?
palestine4ever:  for shame!
russiandragon:  lol
russiandragon:  ok palistine my friend
russiandragon:  sleep well
palestine4ever:  alrighty, though, see you

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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