The holy rabbi — he’s not a compromising Modern Orthodox, he’s the real thing, a fair dinkum rabbi — is in my chat room right now dispensing brachas:
RabbiGadol: A nice woman, his age, from a good family. Very much interested in making and keeping a Jewish home.
YourMoralLeader: Welcome Rabbi
Cindi: She has to be dark haired and italian/jewish looking
RamBam: Uhoh he’s back!
RabbiGadol: But I don’t know if I should introduce them, based on what I see here.
YourMoralLeader: not for long, must nude sunbathe
YourMoralLeader: before the kids get home
RabbiGadol: After all, "it all begins with a chat."
Cindi: very intelligent and edgy
RabbiGadol: I’m afrain Luke is no longer thinking about finding a nice Jewish woman.
RabbiGadol: Someone suitable to him.
Cindi: chaste in the community, opposite in private
RabbiGadol: I fear for his neshama
RabbiGadol: I can see him abandoning years of work in a moment of passion.
RabbiGadol: But what is passion, but an attempt to wage war on nature?
Cindi: he’s already done that many times, lol, but he always returns to the proper ways of the shul
RabbiGadol: I admit that I have no 18 year old with blue eyes to introduce to him
RamBam: I do think he’s ready for a shidduch
RabbiGadol: None of the Jewish women I know of who might consider such a match are young enough to be his daughter.
RabbiGadol: And even the somewhat older ones are holding out for a more successful man
RabbiGadol: So there is a mismatch in inventory here
Cindi: You can be successful without being wealthy
RabbiGadol: And there lies the peril that Luke’s neshama faces.
RabbiGadol: He will let it all go away for a moment or two of pleasure.
RamBam: I know no women who wants an ex-porn blogger.
RabbiGadol: There are some, but they are not Jewish.
RamBam: But she MUST be Jewish
Cindi: I know many women that would want him, but not vice versa
RabbiGadol: And they want a man with more material success, alas.
Cindi: HE is the picky one
RabbiGadol: I fear that Luke is prepared to look away from his People.
RabbiGadol: This saddens me greatly.
RamBam: I think he has his heart set on the Emerald Isle.
RabbiGadol: I fear that you are right.
RabbiGadol: I urged him to attend singles events for the 40+ set, but he would not listen to me.
RamBam: He may have converted but he has need of young shiksas.
Cindi: Luke needs a beautiful, intelligent motherly type, under 35
RamBam: JEWISH don’t forget Jewish
RabbiGadol: I urged him to remember Sarah, who bore a child very late in life, but Luke does not listen.
YourMoralLeader: I want an Irish lass.
Cindi: Isn’t she the one who turned into a pillar of salt and created the dead sea? lol
YourMoralLeader: Is that so wrong?
YourMoralLeader: So she have the love of Christ in her bosom?
RabbiGadol: All of this can be undone. I am more certain of Luke’s committment to this strange "vegetarian" lifestyle of his than to the Jewish people.
Cindi: IF the right girl came along, I think LUke would become a Mormon meateater
RabbiGadol: There is nothing wrong with this choice, Luke, provided you are not Jewish.
RabbiGadol: Well, maybe there is a lot still wrong with this scenario, but that is a different matter
RabbiGadol: Shiksa fever.
YourMoralLeader: please pray for me
RabbiGadol: It has destroyed countless Jewish souls.
RamBam: He thinks Sarah and about Hagar on the side
RabbiGadol: This is not good.
RabbiGadol: This internet is not good
RamBam: He thinks about marrying sisters like Rachel & Leah
Cindi: Emma? Emma? Did we lose you? We need you in this conversion, I mean conversation
RabbiGadol: I just don’t think it will work out. The other rabbis are convinced it is all a sham.
Emma: Im here
RamBam: And doing naughty things to them.
Cindi: Are you and your sister single like Rachel and Lea?
RabbiGadol: Emma, is there no nice strapping Irish lad in your village you can turn to for the love you crave?
Emma: Single.. nothing like rachel and lea though
RabbiGadol: We are afraid of losing Luke.
RamBam: The problem is that they are both pretty. Leah was not.
Emma: Dont worrie about that rabbi
RabbiGadol: Somewhere a Jewish woman’s heart is breaking yet again.