The Mystery Method For Snagging Passover Invites

For the past few weeks, I’ve been going to the mikveh every morning and putting on tefillin and praying that HaShem send me an invite to the first seder.

It has not worked.

I no longer believe in the power of prayer and I despair about G-d intervening in our daily lives.

I’ve decided to take desperate measures.

I checked out from the Los Angeles Public Library "The Mystery Method: How To Get Beautiful Women Into Bed" by Mystery.

I’m going to apply his technique to snagging a seder invite.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

It seems some Jews have all the luck. They’re Shabbos and holiday invites overflow. They get all they want. Yet Your Moral Leader starves.

It makes one question the existence of an all-powerful all-beneficent deity.

Here are the basic premises of the Mystery Method according to Wikipedia:

 

The Mystery Method uses the term ‘value’ to describe the benefit of aligning oneself with a person or group with the potential to improve one’s reproductive chances (Replication value) or quality of life (Survival value). The male with the highest Survival and Replication value, in this case the alpha male poses a large possible threat to other males, whereas a very attractive woman possesses high R value. According to Mystery, women evaluate potential mates primarily in terms of the Survival (S) value they offer, while men evaluate potential mates in terms of their Replication (R) value.

The Mystery Method teaches that people have strong emotional reactions to others with significantly higher value. Men will have an emotional reaction in response to a very attractive women, while women will have an emotional reaction in response to men who display the qualities of the ‘Tribe Leader’. This emotional reaction leads to an adrenaline rush, and to demonstrate abnormal behavior around the other person. An exceptionally attractive woman causes this reaction in the majority of men, so the method teaches that she will subconsciously believe that any male who appears emotionally nonreactive to her is of higher value than she, and she will become attracted to him.

Many of the techniques taught as part of the method are ways for the user to demonstrate high ‘value’. Examples include story-telling with embedded (but well-concealed) bragging, appearing emotionally nonreactive to ‘targets’, and showing that the user is ‘preselected’ by other women. These techniques, along with many others, are taught as part of the ‘M3 Model’.

The rhetoric and vocabulary underpinning Mystery Method borrows heavily from Evolutionary Psychology – for instance ‘love‘ as an objective of human sexual relationships is replaced with pair bonding, which he defines as a strong bond between two individuals which is based on the subconscious desire to raise their Survival and Replication values.

Using Mystery’s tips, I’m going to start paying attention to the homelier Passover hosts, so the hot ones will get jealous and try to win my attention.

 

When I see a Passover host target, I’ll approach within three seconds so he notices no hesitation.

I won’t be picky. I’ll approach as many people as possible. As I move around the shul, the positive perception of me will grow.

Smile. Guys who don’t smile don’t get invites.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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