I Demonstrate And Explain Tefillin To My Cam Audience

From my live cam chat:

Russian: Is he checking his blood pressure?
untpunt:  ohh yeeaaahhh
RussianDragon:  is that bulletproof
KhunDiddy:  either that or strapping on a suicide vest
Emma:  What is that
QuixoticLass:  no, bullets would go through
cuntpunt:  its a tefillin vest so sins dont stick to ya

Emma:  I dont get it
KhunDiddy:  if they don’t stick to you where do they go lady?
QuixoticLass:  tefillin….mmmm so sexy
RussianDragon:  interesting
Emma:  lmfao
RussianDragon:  jewclass 101
cuntpunt:  satan was that you?
KhunDiddy:  hahahaaa
QuixoticLass:  nothing sexier than a religious man wrapped in leather straps
KhunDiddy:  he’s going to blow himself up
Emma:  lol
RussianDragon:  are we supposed to see a mujahidin creep up on you now
cuntpunt:  From Your Wisdom you, O supreme God, may you imbue me; From your understanding give me understanding; with your kindness do greatly with me; with your power cut down my foes and rebels. May you pour goodly oil upon the seven arms of the menorah, to cause
KhunDiddy:  Luke looks like a miner going into a cave
RussianDragon:  wow this takes time to prepare
cuntpunt:  You should be standing when putting on or taking off tefillin. While wearing them you may sit, but while putting them on or taking them off you should be standing.
Emma:  Now what happens
RussianDragon:  you look impressive luke
YourMoralLeader:  I blog
KhunDiddy:  does that thing have a light on it?
cuntpunt:  ROCKSTAR!!!
Emma:  Funky
KhunDiddy:  does it come with batteries?
RussianDragon:  what’s in the box luke
YourMoralLeader:  I have to be holy while wearing these
RussianDragon:  boxes
YourMoralLeader:  verses from torah
RussianDragon:  did you say horny
KhunDiddy:  Emma does Luke’s gut turn you on?
Emma:  Ah
RussianDragon:  aha
Emma:  Does it turn you on?
RussianDragon:  if you get turned on by this
KhunDiddy:  not in the least YOU turn me on
Emma:  lol
RussianDragon:  you should consider donating you brain to science
KhunDiddy:  love that blue eye
KhunDiddy:  I only saw one
cuntpunt:   When putting on   tefillin it is very important to have a clean body. In addition to general cleanliness, one must be especially careful to be clean after going to the bathroom.
cuntpunt:  One should go to the bathroom before putting on the tefillin, or at least be absolutely sure he will not have to go while wearing the tefillin. If while wearing tefillin you feel the need to go, you must remove the tefillin and go.
cuntpunt:  If you feel the need to pass gas while wearing tefillin, you must first remove your tefillin.
Emma:  So you do this everyday Luke?
RussianDragon:  i’m learning here
QuixoticLass:  you can always tell a religious man…he has tefillin head
KhunDiddy:  if you go to the bathroom WITH teffilin then what happens?
YourMoralLeader:  yes except for shabbat
Emma:  Ok I see
QuixoticLass:  like hat head, only more virtuous
KhunDiddy:  Is G-D angry?
cuntpunt:  Never take tefillin or any holy item into a bathroom. While wearing tefillin, one should only think about clean things.. As well as speaking out loud.
KhunDiddy:  why not
KhunDiddy:  when I where tefillin I only think of EMMA
KhunDiddy:  and her sister
Emma:  Lol how holy
RussianDragon:  diddy you should take a cold shower
Emma:  lol yeah
RussianDragon:  i helped a bit for me
RussianDragon:  :p
KhunDiddy:  Luke looks like he’s ready to make a Swords and sandals movie
Emma:  Interesting Luke..thanks for showing
cuntpunt:  think clean things LUKE clean
KhunDiddy:  I’m glad the shirt is back on
cuntpunt:  Thank you, Luke
YourMoralLeader:  I did not think of Emma while I had the tefillin on.
YourMoralLeader:  Nor her sisters.
RussianDragon:  i don’t believe you luke
KhunDiddy:  I can’t think clean thoughts looking at a shirtless Luke
RussianDragon:  sin is all over your beard
Emma:  I hope not my sisters lol
KhunDiddy:  maybe more…you know those Catholics..they knock the kids out like rabbits
QuixoticLass:  I wonder if you have tefillin that are pasul, can you take the parchments out and use the straps for something else, or do you need to put the whole thing in the geniza?
Emma:  3 including moi
cuntpunt:  russian dragon, that you in the pic below?
RussianDragon:  aha ok
RussianDragon:  yes
RussianDragon:  one grown up one small
KhunDiddy:  MOI  that sounds like a Thai name
YourMoralLeader:  I didn’t even think about the cute sisters.
cuntpunt:  sexy, very sexy
RussianDragon:  sounds french to me

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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