The Tiger and the Pussycat

I love pussycats but sometimes I like to run with the tigers.

The problem with tigers is that they sometimes claw you and often turn out to be quite deranged. That’s kinda cool in small contained doses — hey, live your dreams — but they can turn your life chaotic and that’s not the Torah’s way.

A frum life is about order.

Write that down, kids.

Some women who act like tigers turn out to be pussycats and vice versa.

My normal preference is for demure women who turn out to be tigers, but only tigers in the zoo, not running wild on the streets, if you get my drift.

That’s why frum chicks are the coolest. The mehitza creates desire.

As our sages remind us, the longer the skirt, the quicker it comes off.

Many years ago, before I moved to L.A., I met this woman through a Jews for Jesus singles service. Don’t ask. I was trying everything at the time to meet chix (I had no belief in Jesus but I had a strong belief in the transformative effect of a good woman, and even that of a bad woman can be cool).

This woman’s mom placed the ad. They were both shiksas.

I took the daughter (nine years older than me) out to dinner. On Shabbat, I took her to shul. Motzi Shabbos, she took me home.

It’s the way things should be.

She was living with her mom after her third divorce. 

In the morning the mom says to me, "She’s a tiger, isn’t she?"

I about died.

I’m very demure.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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